part 3 of 3! final one of this big chap!

Taehyung brought him to Namsan tower as the sun began to rise. The morning was transitioning into a hazy mess of polluted grays and saturated yellows and blues. The tower light was already fading by the time they reached the deserted love lock bridge. It wasn't exactly perfect, in fact, it was imperfect.

It was awfully cold too. The sweat he was drenched with in the tattoo parlor already dried, and Jeongguk was back in Taehyung's coat, knowing if he didn't wear it, he'd most likely freeze. Cars were beginning to trickle back onto the roads in steady, overflowing streams. Honking, birds twittering, and the air stark with pollution: that was Seoul.

And out of all the years he was alive, Jeongguk never really stopped and took a second to stand still and simply revel in it.

Even though there wasn't much greenery to eye, or vast scenery to admire, it was still his home town; the place he was going to leave behind. Jeongguk inhaled sharply, dense air filling his weak lungs. A breeze whipped past his hair, making his cheeks sting and his fringe disheveled over his forehead.

It was imperfectly perfect. Jeongguk, in the midst of his sleep-deprived, adrenaline-thriving state, labeled it as so. Imperfect because Seoul was very far from being a utopia, and also perfect because he was born here, and it was his home.

Something else reminded him of this. A certain person— Kim Taehyung. The definition of a person who was imperfectly perfect. Perfect face, smile, and laughter. Imperfect tastes in music, education, and fashion.

He pulled it all together, like Seoul did. All things Jeongguk hated and liked all in one thing. And the more he thought about it, letting it wrap around his mind in full, the more the gap in his chest widened, making him miss it more.

God, he needed to go home, but he couldn't. He couldn't just leave this imperfectly perfect place yet.

"You satisfied now?" Taehyung asked as they stopped one of the railings that weren't overflowing with love locks. His baritone voice snapped him out of his trance.

"Namsan tower? This is where you wanted to bring me?" Jeongguk snorted softly, leaning his arms over the rail while ignoring the weariness in his limbs. "Did you bring a lock?" He teased.

"No," Taehyung shook his head, giving him a crooked smile as he reached over to ruffle his now dry hair. "Why, was that what you were gonna ask me?"

"Not at all," Jeongguk grinned, grabbing his hand, which fortunately happened to be the one with the tattoo. "I was going to ask you about this."

"What's the meaning of our tattoos?"

"Well," Taehyung scratched the side of his neck with his free hand. "Match it up with yours first."

"Done," He murmured, shivering a little as a cool breeze blew over them. He huddled closer to him, lining their hands together. Jeongguk's eyes splayed open slightly, noticing how the black ink, half-moons made one complete circle.

"It's supposed to mean something and nothing," He explained sheepishly. Jeongguk glanced between their hands back up to his face, only to see that Taehyung was staring down at the ground.

"Whether we're something or nothing, it means that I'd still like you the same," Taehyung admitted.

"You like me?" Jeongguk lifted an eyebrow at him, unsure how to feel when his heart came to stutter in his chest. That was a first.

Well, a lot of people had told him that in their life time, but for some reason, when Taehyung said it, it felt genuine. Imperfectly perfect.

"Well yeah, you're a cool friend. I like hanging out with you," Taehyung shrugged. Jeongguk hummed to himself, unable to keep his smile from stretching wider across his lips. "Plus I thought the meaning would be cool. You'd have something to remind you of me in the after life."

"The after life?" Jeongguk whispered, watching as their hands dropped back to their sides.

"Yeah. Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"Well, I've never thought about my death in detail, or religion. I thoroughly dislike religion," He joked. Taehyung frowned. "What?" He asked.

"I don't want to offend you or anything," Taehyung said, turning his attention back to the tower. He draped his folded arms over the railing, his teeth barring as another breeze rustled through his hair, staining his golden cheeks a faint red.

"You're not. Tell me," Jeongguk joined him, though he laced his own fingers together, feeling the last of his adrenaline jitter through them.

"Well, when you die, I'll be there with you in some way. I might mean nothing when you're dead, but I'll at least be something, a reminder on your finger," He shrugged, mumbling out his words. At that, his chest squeezed with this lightness he couldn't quite describe.

Jeongguk let out a gentle laugh behind his fingers, catching the sound before the feeling could travel escape, "Please. You're so cheesy. You're lying about being a romantic. I bet you say all these things to your girlfriend."

Girlfriend. Taehyung visibly flinched, smile instantly disappearing. Fuck. Of course, he should have watched his words.

"Hey— I'm sorry," Jeongguk said, nudging his shoulder with his own, trying to salvage the mood but his curiosity. Curiosity and exhaustion never mixed.

"Y'know, that was what I was actually going to ask. I wanted to know about your girlfriend."

"Why?" Taehyung muttered wryly. Jeongguk merely scoffed, though there wasn't any malice in his tone.

"You can't just say shit about being my friend, and then act like I'm not. All of your friends know, so why don't I get to? It's not like I'll live long enough to hold it against you," He said bluntly. A little too blunt seeing that Taehyung was the one to grimace. At that, Jeongguk deflated a little, the bite in his tone dulling.

"It's just stupid," He eventually grumbled like a small child, unwilling to admit he was in the wrong. Pout and crossed arms and all. "You don't want to know."

"I want to know," Jeongguk murmured firmly. "It's bothering you."

"Well you know what else is bothering me?" He glanced over at Taehyung. He raised a brow at him.

"You."

"Hey," He snapped, shoving him lightly. Taehyung tossed his head back, lips curled upward and that same, gruff laughter rumbling in his throat. "That's not funny."

"Yeah it is," Taehyung chuckled, nudging him back. "I'm ten times more sexier and funnier than you, Jeon."

"But ten times zero is still zero so," Jeongguk shot back.

"Jokes on you, I can't do math," Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Shut up," Jeongguk shoved him again, but even as he did try to put some force into it, Taehyung still wouldn't budge. "Can't you be serious for like, what, a five minute conversation with me when I'm actually willing to sit down and talk?"

"My record's four with you but I'm willing to compromise. And technically we're standing and talking," He winked at him, only to be met with a scowl from Jeongguk.

"Shut up. I asked you a question," Jeongguk said. "I'm not a baby, dude. I can handle whatever teenage angst you have."

"Teenage angst? Please, I'm twenty," Taehyung snorted. Jeongguk glared at him.

Eventually, Taehyung exhaled through his nose and propped his arm up on its elbow. He balanced his chin on his palm, long fingers drumming over his chin as Jeongguk drowned out the rest of the world, focusing on the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat in a desperate attempt to stay awake.

Taehyung noticed this and scooted closer. He reached over with his free hand, guiding Jeongguk's head to his shoulder. It was a small gesture, but it was enough to make Jeongguk's heart jump in his chest, its steady beats becoming an erratic mess. But even so, he ignored it with a dry swallow.

"I met Han Haewon in my senior year of high school when I was seventeen at a birthday party," He started off, words lacking that usual smooth edge to them. Instead, they were jagged, rough. "She was a year or so older."

"A birthday party?" Jeongguk asked. If he focused hard enough, he could feel the steady rise and fall of Taehyung's breath.

"Yeah," Taehyung said. "Some friend of her's that we shared mutually. We barely talked, but I'd stare at her from across the room and think about how pretty she was. She wore cashmere sweaters and these tight mini skirts, and this ridiculous black headband but I thought it was beautiful anyway."

At that memory, Taehyung chuckled softly, and for a second, Jeongguk's breath stopping as he swore he could hear the fondness in his every word. "I liked her eyes. They're big and full of knowledge. She knew what she wanted. I never did, honestly. At the end of the party, I went the whole night without talking to her but she came up to me at the end and spoke to me."

"I'm surprised you didn't charm your way to her," Jeongguk laughed tiredly. He glanced up at him to see that Taehyung was smiling sheepishly below him. Though it wasn't because of Jeongguk— he knew better than that.

"Me too," He whispered. "But she charmed me, or well, she intimidated me and told me to ask her out if I was gonna make those "eyes" at her. So, I did. I asked her out, and we ended up dating."

"You sounded happy together," He murmured.

Taehyung hummed, the sound strained, "For a while." He swallowed thickly. "We were happy, but the one thing I loved about her, hurt me. She's a force, Jeon. A beautiful, beautiful force of nature. Gets whatever she wants. She's honest. Smart. She's just something else. And yet, she hurts me."

"There comes a point where the one quality you love about someone can ruin what you have. She also had an attitude, and I think it was douchey of me to believe I could deal with it. Tame it even," Taehyung whispered ever so softly that Jeongguk had to strain his ears to listen to him speak.

"But I couldn't, Jeon. She hurts me, but the worst part? I can't even tell if she means it."

"What do you mean?"Jeongguk's brows drew together. His stomach twisted at the shift in his tone from the fondness to this nuanced bitterness, so stark he could feel it prickle against his own heart.

"She talks to a lot of guys. She's naturally someone who gets along with dudes better than girls, and I respect that— I do," Taehyung said. "But when she invites guys over night when I'm asleep? Like, I don't know what they do, she insists they just bring her food but it's still shitty."

"And it doesn't stop there," He spat out. "She hangs out with them. At night. Clubs with all these guys I don't trust, but she assures me it's okay. She's a big flirt, too. A big one. And she drinks, a lot. More than I do. It's just frustrating; it's like watching a child 'cuz everytime I try to tell her that isn't right, she throws a fit and we end up arguing. All. The. God. Damn. Time."

It was strange seeing him this vulnerable, this sad, frustrated, and even angry. Taehyung, a guy whose expressions were hard to decipher, were flickering all kinds of emotions all at once in a rush of pain and confusion. He hated this. Not him though. Oh god, he couldn't hate him— not anymore.

He hated her. Han Haewon. Hated how she made him feel like this. Like he was powerless. Like all the effort he could spend on her would be meaningless. It made sense now. Namjoon's words hit Jeongguk right in that moment, and oh, how he hated people. Hated those who took the rare genuine people in this world for granted.

Jeongguk pulled away to get a better look at his face, only for Taehyung to turn his head the other way. He wanted to console him, but how? How could he fix the gaping hole in Taehyung's heart when his own was empty in itself?

He didn't know if it was possible, but Jeongguk didn't want to see him sad. Not anymore if this was what sadness looked like on Taehyung.

"I h-hate fighting," Taehyung's voice nearly broke, the muscle clenching in his jaw trembling. "I love her, but we fight so much. It's annoying, and I hate it. She can be a stranger sometimes, and I wanna say I hate her, but I can't."

"I can't 'cuz love her so much, I think I'm mistaking that hate with love."

"Taehyung," Jeongguk started, but he was cut off. Taehyung shook his head, scoffing bitterly.

"It's stupid, I know," He ran a hand down his face, letting his hand stop over his lower jaw.

"It's not stupid," Jeongguk said. "I'd be pissed too, dude."

"I can't even have a civil conversation with the girl I loved for the last two years," Taehyung snarled. "It's pathetic, and she makes it seem like it's all my fucking fault. And maybe it is."

"It's not though," He tried to assure him but by the looks of it, Taehyung wasn't listening. "It's really not. You're trying, Tae. She isn't."

"I know," Taehyung said weakly, his shoulders caving in. "I know. I try. I try so hard, but it's never enough for anyone, and— fuck. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump my problems on you."

"You're fine. God, you're fine," Jeongguk reached out, his hand resting against his forearm. "I dumped my entire life's worth of trauma on you the day you decided to befriend me. Trust me, you're fine."

"I don't wanna sound like I'm complaining, and I don't wanna add my problems to your plate either," He argued, though the fight in his voice was feeble.

"You're really not," Jeongguk squeezed his arm, running his thumb over the bone on his wrist. "It's okay."

"I want to be enough Jeon," Taehyung finally met his gaze, the exhaustion reflecting in his heavy set eyes as he gave Jeongguk a wobbly smile.

"You are," He stressed. "Trust me when I say you're more than enough." It was the truth, he wanted to say. You were more than anything I could ever ask for. You gave me things I didn't know I wanted.

But every attempt he made to say it out loud, the words were lost on his tongue. Jeongguk blinked rapidly, gripping onto Taehyung harder, hard enough that he was almost digging his nails into his skin. He wasn't sure if Taehyung was too exhausted to notice, or too overwhelmed to care.

"I want to be enough for her," Taehyung said solemnly. "I love her." Jeongguk inhaled sharply, biting down at the inside of his mouth. He blinked again, hating how the black dots scattering his vision also stabbed at his chest.

He knew this was the truth. He asked for this truth, and yet, why did he feel shitty? Why was his chest heavy, and his throat all tight? Why were his fingers trembling, and why were his lungs wrapping themselves around his ribcage? This was the answer he wanted to hear, and yet, why did he want to rip his own heart out and ask himself why?

Why wasn't he enough?

It was selfish to think this, and again, maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but didn't he make Taehyung happy? Why was he still sad? Didn't they make each other happy? Didn't Taehyung feel the same way he did this entire night? Was this all in his head? Was he getting attached too fast?

"But she doesn't think that. How could you love someone who hurts you?" He asked, the words that left his lips not sounding at all like his own. The more he blinked, he couldn't seem to keep the black from dotting his eyes.

Taehyung's eyes widened for a split moment, the sadness draining from his feature. "Jeon?"

"H-How can you be happy with someone who doesn't give you the same energy?" He asked, voice slurring. "Why? Why are you staying with her if you know she makes you sad? If she hurts you?"

"Jeon," Taehyung's expression paled. "Jeon, hey. Hey! Jeongguk!"

"Why?" Jeongguk suddenly slumped toward him, legs giving out from beneath him. He crashed into Taehyung's chest, head lying limp on his shoulder.

"Jeongguk, stay with me. Hey, hey!" Taehyung's voice grew distant, fading in his ears. Jeongguk's eyes barely fluttered, the weight of them increasing ten fold. Taehyung's arms wrapped around him, their bodies slowly sinking to the ground.

Taehyung kept calling out to him but the sound was like he was submerged beneath water. His lips were moving, and eventually no sound seemed to come out. Jeongguk blinked wearily, chest searing, heart roaring. Or was it? He couldn't tell. It was hot again. Very hot. Boiling hot.

"Someone, please! Help!" Taehyung's voice broke last the bleariness, the static now ringing in his ears.

His eyes dipped shut once more, and all was still. His heart, his lungs, and his body. Darkness and exhaustion enveloped him, the last of his adrenaline running dry as his body struggled to keep up with the crash.

Maybe it wasn't death quite yet, but it was close. Close enough. But even so, he couldn't imagine if it would hurt worse than this.

so. how do we feel? there's

a lot to unpack here i believe haha

for starters. how do we feel abt tae

and jeongguk now? a bit diff perhaps?

let me hear your thoughts! and hopefully

you enjoyed this chap (: much love

and see you guys in the next💛