"You look like absolute shit."

"Why thanks." Jeongguk scooted aside his plastic chair, making room for a smiling Park Jimin to sit right next to him. Great. Just the perfect company for this fine Tuesday afternoon.

But Jimin was right: he didn't look too great.

His skin was paler, and his cheekbones were more defined and hollowed out. He experienced chills often, leaving him no choice but to stack layers upon layers of clothing so he wouldn't violently shiver throughout the day. The layers weren't so bad because without them, people would see how skinny he's gotten. Barely anything fit, and most of his clothes basically devoured his tiny frame.

Other than that, Jeongguk sported a mask from time to time. Sae told him to be mindful of inhaling too much pollution, or being in crowded public areas with Taehyung to make sure nothing would overwhelm his weakening immune system. Too much and he'd be stuck in a terrifying coughing fit, hacking up blood and most likely vomitting the contents in his stomach all over again.

But he was managing! Even when he couldn't cross the parking lot without leaning against Taehyung in between to catch his breath or keep food down, he was doing his best.

And that was all that mattered. Or at least, that was what he kept telling himself.

"Can I ask why you tracked me down at the hospital cafeteria of all places?" He asked, watching as Jimin slid his tray onto the table, filled with food that Jeongguk eyed enviously. He hasn't been able to eat anything other than pudding lately and he was managing just fine, but god, rice bowls sounded great right now.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Jimin shrugged. "I haven't spoke to you in a while anyway, so why not we eat lunch together."

Jeongguk snorted and gestured at the empty space in front of him, save for the pudding cup he barely finished. "More like you eat and I watch you."

"Oh now you're making me feel bad," The corners of Jimin's lip curled upward. There was nothing mocking about it, which Jeongguk appreciated. At times, Jimin reminded him vaguely of Taehyung. The pair shared some odd similarities.

"Please," Jeongguk shook his head, biting back a smile when Jimin made a skeptical face at him. "It's really okay. I can't eat it even if I want to."

"That's just depressing," Jimin muttered, shyly forking some rice into his mouth. "I'm sorry in advance." He added after swallowing.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Jeongguk mustered a forced smile, his fingers tugging the fabric of his beanie further over his ears.

"So," He said, refusing to let the conversation down just like his acclaimed 'soulmate', "You're dying."

"Pretty much," He nodded.

"And I saw you at the dialysis center the other day. Does Taehyung know about that?"

Jeongguk's stomach dropped. He blinked at Jimin, "Um, what? You saw me where?"

"Too touchy of a subject?" Jimin shrank in his seat.

"No," He licked his chapped lips, his fingers drumming anxiously over the table. "Not at all. But you saw me? At the dialysis center? Why were you there?"

Jimin nodded, sitting up straight again when he decided that Jeongguk wasn't going to smite him. "I was just passing by that part, and I happened to see you. Since when were your kidneys failing?"

"Since when were you so nosy?" He grumbled. At that, Jimin nearly launched forward with a soft chuckle that made his eyes scrunch together.

"I told you— I'm just like Taehyung," Jimin said. "But seriously, have you told him? I know you guys have been hanging out more, and I'm glad to see that you guys are happy and all, especially in your current situations." He gestured at him, but he knew why the pained expression was on his face.

"Taehyung doesn't know," Jeongguk said curtly, almost adding— it's better that way— but to keep Jimin from butting into his business (he was still a stranger), he remained silent.

Being with Taehyung was an actual dream. Maybe he should be honest with him some time in their limited future, but he knew Taehyung wasn't that stupid. They both knew there was going to be an end between them; it was quickly approaching.

But even so, what was the point of rushing toward the inevitable?

Taehyung didn't need to know how fast he was dying. To be honest, part of Jeongguk was afraid, horribly afraid he'd treat him differently if he knew what was happening to him. It wasn't easy to tell someone your kidneys were failing and your organs were going to meet a similar fate, or that your immune system was going to basically fuck itself up in a few weeks.

Things would be different if Taehyung knew. And Jeongguk, call him a selfish fucking coward, didn't want anything to change. If he could help it. In this case? He could. To an extent.

If he could control at least something in his life, it would be his time with Taehyung. There was no way he wanted to give that up— him up— just yet.

"I'm dealing with it though," Jeongguk said hastily when Jimin's brows furrowed, the disapproval evident on his features.

"My kidneys aren't failing yet."

"Yet," Jimin repeated bitterly. "That's so assuring." His words dripped with sarcasm.

"Okay, hey," Jeongguk scowled, lightly kicking his foot under the table. "I wasn't there for treatment. Sae just took me there to give me a rundown of what was going to happen in the case they do fail."

"Jeongguk, I'm all for surprises but," Jimin shook his head, "surprising Taehyung with total organ failure isn't... that nice."

"It's not total organ failure!"

"But it could be, so what's your point."

He groaned, "My point is that I'm not dying. Yet."

"Stop with that word," Jimin rolled his eyes. "It's not doing you any good."

"But it's true!" He crossed his arms over his chest. "Plus, I don't think it's the right time." His voice softened.

"Taehyung's been stressing over his break-up with Haewon."

The second those words left Jeongguk's mouth, Jimin choked on his food. He nearly shot forward in his seat, waterbottle in hand as Jimin wheezed and coughed violently into his elbow. Jeongguk, unsure what to do, watched with wide eyes as Jimin patted his chest with his tiny fist.

"H-He w-what?" Jimin wheezed, smacking his chest again. Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him, watching as Jimin chugged the water he handed him.

"Did Taehyung not tell you?" Jeongguk's gaze narrowed. Jimin shook his head again, cheeks a bright red.

"No," Jimin said, voice raspy. "He didn't mention that at all to me. What a bitch of a soulmate." At that, Jeongguk's chest squeezed. What was that supposed to mean?

"Well, surprise?" Jeongguk swallowed.

"That is a surprise. More surprising than your organ failure mumbojumbo," He sighed, carding his pudgy fingers through his fading pink hair.

"He's really doing it? He's going to dump her?" He said in awe.

"Why do you sound so unsure?" Jeongguk asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Because it's Haewon!" Jimin shot back. "They've been together for so long, I didn't think they'd end it. Hell, I didn't think Taehyung would ever consider breaking up with her because he's so, so... so into her." Jeongguk tried to ignore how Jimin's words dug sharply into his chest.

"But," He glanced up from his lap to see Jimin flashing him a weary smile, "That's good for him."

"I'm glad he finally realized how shitty she was. Whatever pushed him to that point, I want to thank it. Or them."

Jeongguk merely smiled back at him, letting the conversation die down as Jimin continued coughing into his fist. It probably wasn't a good idea to mention what was between them, seeing Jimin didn't have any idea what was going on. Somehow.

However, Jeongguk couldn't shake off his words from his conscious the longer the two sat there amid the sunlight pouring in from the cafeteria windows and the gentle chatter of doctors, patients, and families coming to get an energy fix in between their busy days. For some reason, his thoughts were louder, roaring over the waves of people, over the thrashing of his heart.

Even when Jimin chatted his ear off with pointless small talk, nothing could distract him from the fact that Jimin, of all people, didn't believe Jeongguk.

And up until now, Jeongguk didn't give it much thought that Taehyung still didn't break it off with girlfriend. Now, it was all that he could think of. It consumed him, wrapped his lungs around his ribs, and filled him with this endless sinking feeling he couldn't attempt to escape without being dragged further down.

Taehyung didn't break up with her because he couldn't. That was what Jimin said, but how could that be true? He didn't know what Taehyung told him. He felt something that night, right? He cared about him so that meant something. It had to have meant more to him because he told him— he told him he would break up with her.

So why, why hasn't he?

He leaned back in his seat, ignoring Jimin completely. To think, that it wasn't his illness that snapped him out of his dream.

It was Taehyung's girlfriend.

When Jeongguk exited out of the elevator and before he could round the corner to head toward Namjoon's meeting room, he heard multiple voices. It was easy to recognize Taehyung. He couldn't miss his voice even if he tried to block it out; it was that soothing, that familiar. Before any form of butterflies could flutter about his stomach, he heard a second voice: a feminine one.

And just like that, the potential butterflies became little push-pins inside of his stomach, digging into his gut.

It wasn't Sae, or the other girl in the program. In fact, it was a completely different voice. One that was smoother and rich. It was like every word that left her mouth had to be alluring and demanded the attention of anyone who was listening to her.

Jeongguk pressed up against the wall, listening in to their hushed conversation. He peered curiously aroumd the corner, only able to see Taehyung's stoic expression and the petite girl standing in front of him. His hands were tucked away in his pants pockets and he was leaning against the door, gaze fixed down at her.

"Why are you here?" Taehyung sounded tired. More so than usual.

"I already told you," The girl said. "I wanted to see you."

"Well you're seeing me," Taehyung replied wryly. From where Jeongguk stood, he could see his Adam's Apple bobbing. "Can you leave now?"

"Why? I just got here. I wanted to see where you wasted your time. You always wonder why you're such a fuck-up but the answer's right in front of you," She retorted.

It was there did Jeongguk finally recognized the venom laced behind her words. It was anything but dreamy or alluring. It was a subtle, low jab. And yet, he could feel the force of it where he stood.

Judging by how Taehyung winced, he felt it too.

This was her, wasn't it? Han Haewon. Taehyung's girlfriend.

"I'm not wasting my time. If you're here to pick a fight, leave," He chided, glaring down at her with this weary agitation that Jeongguk never saw before.

"Why are you ignoring my calls? Did you find a new bitch or something?" Haewon asked nonchalantly. "Did she throw herself at you again? Did you lead her on and made her feel special 'cuz an attention whore like you can't say no?"

"Fuck off," Taehyung shook his head, silver fringe falling over his eyes, the scowl he wore prominent. "I didn't do anything. Why do you always have to blame me?" He whispered, and god, Jeongguk hated how hurt he sounded.

"Because look at you! I can't trust you. People throw themselves at you, and you're such a fucking push-over!" Haewon crossed her arms.

"You can't trust me?" He glared down at her, lips pulled into a firm line. Taehyung's jaw clenched. "You can't trust me?" Taehyung leaned his head forward, shoulders trembling as he let out a dry laugh.

"Look, Hae, we can't do this here."

"You're such a fucking pussy Taehyung," Haewon spat.

"How does "not wanting to argue with you" make me a pussy?" Taehyung shot back.

"You always avoid shit," She countered back with ease. "You never want to be wrong— you never want to take accountability."

"Accountability?" Now Taehyung pushed himself off the wall, his hands now at his sides, fingers balled into fists. "You want to talk about taking fucking accountability with me?"

"See! You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?" Taehyung shouted, chest heaving up and down. Like Jeongguk, even Haewon flinched, but judging by her stance she wasn't going to give up. She was fuming, radiating red hot anger.

"Dear god," Haewon shook her head, spitting every ounce of venom she had within her into each syllable. "No wonder nobody wants you. You're lucky I even deal with your whining ass."

Taehyung scoffed, but Jeongguk couldn't ignore the defeat in his tone when he replied with, "You say that every week."

"You're unbelievable." At that, Taehyung forced out another empty laugh.

"Leave," Taehyung ran a hand down his face, his shoulders hunched. "Get out of here. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I'm not leaving," Haewon began, but before she could open her mouth to fuel the flames to another argument Jeongguk saw Namjoon jogging down the opposite corridor. Part of him wanted to reveal himself too, to comfort Taehyung as best he could, yet something was preventing him from moving as if he was cemented to the ground.

For now, Namjoon was enough, and all Jeongguk could do was watch and feel everything and nothing at all.

"Why are you here?" Namjoon sounded angry but he couldn't tell by his features. Jeongguk never saw him look like that— ever. You would always see him smiling. But in this moment, his expression was hard, unreadable.

"I need to talk to him," Haewon said, frustrated. "I need to see him. I got banned from his dorm."

"If you got banned from his dorm, then that's a sign he doesn't want to see you," Namjoon sneered. "I don't think you should be here, and I don't want to call security."

"He didn't ban me! It was his stupid friend," She argued back, gesturing at Taehyung. "You know how his friends are. They hate me."

"And they have a valid reason to," Namjoon sighed, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "If you need advice, the receptionist on my floor would gladly help you set up an appointment."

"I'm not here for relationship advice, Mr. Kim," She snapped, not taking the time to comprehend his words. "I want to see my boyfriend." Jeongguk dug his fingers into his palms, hating how his stomach plummeted.

"Well he doesn't want to see you," Namjoon replied dryly. "Leave before I call security to escort you out. This is a therapy unit Miss Han. Not a drama set."

Haewon seemed to mull over the situation internally, for a brief moment. Fortunately, with one final, stern and challenging glare from Namjoon, she simply shook her head and left. She blazed past Jeongguk without even noticing him, making a beeline to the elevator and disappearing without another word.

On the otherhand, Jeongguk peered over to where the brothers were standing. The entire time he somehow managed to hold his breath, but even so, he couldn't seem to untangle the tight coil in his throat. Not when he saw Taehyung like that.

Taehyung's head was in his palms, while Namjoon places a hand over his shoulder, concern all over the older brother's face. He was still shaking, face red from where Jeongguk could see him. Namjoon squeezed Taehyung's bicep and it didn't take long for him to drape an arm around his shoulders.

"It's okay," Namjoon whispered, soft enough for Taehyung and Jeongguk to hear. "You're alright."

"H-hyung," Taehyung's voice wavered. "I-I don't understand what I did wrong."

"You did nothing wrong kid," Namjoon replied, stroking the side of his arm with his palm. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

"I-I don't know what to do," He whispered, voice caught in between the heavy, uneven breaths he drew in. Namjoon sighed. Together the two stopped in front of the door while Namjoon held it open with his free hand. But before they went in, Namjoon gentle tapped his brother's shoulder.

"Tae, you're an adult, so I can't force you to make a decision," Namjoon said softly, "but I'll tell you this."

Jeongguk watched as he whispered into Taehyung's ear. Taehyung, whose face was now exposed, didn't react at all. Eventually, the two brothers went inside the meeting room, leaving Jeongguk alone in the hall. When the coast was clear, he inhaled sharply and let his body sink to the ground, his fingers digging into the carpetting as he felt the rush of his heartbeat throb in his ears.

He could clearly remember what Namjoon said, even though he whispered. The words were stark in his memory, unforgettable.

"The longer love is forced, that's not love anymore."

But something else didn't sit right with him. No. It wasn't Namjoon's words. What bothered him even more than Haewon's harsh words was the fact that Taehyung still gazed at her in this particular, gut-wrenching way. A way that left Jeongguk trembling and his head sinking into the palms of his hands.

Even though his face was contorted with pain and anger and the words she weaponized were out of pure hatred and spite, Jeongguk couldn't deny how he looked at her like she took up the most space in his vision. Like she was his everything— the part, the whole, and everything in between.

Even though she ripped out his heart, tore it to shreds, and stomped on it until it was nothing but dust, somehow, he still loved her.

He still loved her with everything he had.

Namjoon was right, but so was Jimin.

there's a lot to consider...

what do you think? does tae

like jk or haewon?