Endless Bonds Copyright © 2016-2018 xXMopelXx All Rights Reserved.

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here's a thickness in the air of Oliver's Mercedes, laced with a hint of his cologne and weed.

Oliver lights up another joint and takes a drag. His golden eyes skirt my way. "You sure, bro?"

I shake my head, indicating for the fifth time that I don't want a hit. "I have practice tomorrow. Coach Harvey can make us do a drug testing whenever the fvck he wants. I ain't taking the chance."

"Suit yourself," he says from the driver's seat, leaning his back against his window.

Jared's sprawled in Oliver's backseat, high as a kite. He's laying down with his head propped against the backdoor window and his legs painfully crammed. He's rolling a small joint. When he realizes he has nothing to light it up with, he glances at us.

"Oliver, pass me the lighter."

Oliver's hood covers most of his face and he's got his eyes closed as he exhales. He's not about to give Jared anything.

"Abhay," Jared addresses him with his Indian middle name, knocking the back of his headrest to gain his attention. "Pass me the lighter."

Oliver ignores him and continues to smoke. I dig the lighter out from the middle console and shoot it at Jared. "Catch."

We're parked in the cemetery where Quentin's resting. Once a month we try to visit his grave. Some months we walk inside. Other months we sit in comfortable silence in the parking lot, just so we can feel close to him.

This time around we're staying in. The inside of Oli's car is filled with the pitter-patter of the downpour outside. It's so heavy, we can't even see out the windshield.

"Last night," Jared exhales a cloud of smoke, his eyes fixed on the car ceiling. "I ate one of those crappy frozen meals when I was at Heidi's. I mean, she cooked fresh food, but I wanted those crappy mac and cheeses we used to have for lunch in elementary school."

"You hate those," I remark after a few seconds of silence.

He brings the joint to his mouth for another inhale. "Yeah, well Quentin loved those – I don't even know why. Just...reminded me of him, you know?"

Oliver's mouth quirks up into those I'm-fvcking-high-and-I'm-not-coming-back-down-from-it kind of smiles. "Inga and I ate samosas last night, because it reminded me of mom."

Jared and I go quiet at the mention of Oliver's mom. We don't talk about Aayana and Bryan Ashford. We haven't really, since he was fifteen. After his parents died in a plane crash, Oliver's grand parents became his legal guardians. Our families were close, and it tore my parents to pieces. For the sake of Oliver, none of us talk about them. It brings him in a dark place and he claims he just wants to move on from that time.

I clear my throat and steer the conversation to a safer topic. "So, what's the status with Inga?"

I'm asking because I know there's something Oliver's been wanting to say for awhile now.

With a crazy grin, Oli says, "I was, you know, on that website that sells engagement rings."

Jared and I's eyebrows hike up. "No..."

"Bro." Oli takes another hit and releases it fast. "It's the thing with the blue box. Tara's always going gaga over it. I don't know? Teresa & Co."

"Tiffany & Co," Jared corrects with a click on his tongue. "What were you doing there?"

"Shit. Are you really going to buy her a ring?" I ask, surprised. I mean, Oliver loves Inga and we've known for a while that things are serious between them. But is he truly ready?

Deciding that you're ready to spend the rest of your life with someone at the young age of twenty-one seems a little fvcking surreal to me. But who am I to say shit?

For what it's worth, Oliver and Inga look sickeningly perfect together to me. So maybe the age doesn't matter and it's all about the time?

I never thought of putting a ring on Rose's finger, not once in my adult life.

That realization lights up something inside of me. I feel heavy and lighter at the same time. I'd loved Rose for awhile, but when it came to marriage...it was all a blank. Shouldn't that make me sad because she was my girlfriend for years? Why didn't I want that with her? But I'm relieved because I know now for certain that it wasn't meant to be.

"I'm thinking of proposing to her at the end of the coming summer. I'm going to save up every penny from my construction gig. I'm going to find her the perfect ring."

"How much is this going to be?" Jared demands with an air of casualness.

He and I both know it's going to be pricey.

"Seven thousand dollars."

Mine and Jared's eyes nearly bulge out of our sockets.

"Maybe more, though. Ten thousand dollars for all those fancy diamonds wrapped around an even bigger diamond, I guess. I love her enough to give her that much."

Jared releases a strangled noise and so do I, before we cough and fall into a round of mutual howling laughter.

We don't even care that Oliver's grumbling in slight annoyance and embarrassment.

Jared, still laughing, extends his left hand towards Oliver. "Yo! Wife me up, why don't you? Better yet, why don't you pay for my tuition this semester with that money? I'll even let you do whatever the fvck you want with me. Call you Daddy too, if that does the job."

Oliver sulks while Jared and I continue to laugh. We're happy for him, but we're still not letting him live this one down.

When our laughter subsides, he whispers seriously, staring out at the blurry windshield, "I think my mother would have liked her."

Jared leans forward to sympathetically squeeze Oliver's shoulder. Oli seems a little choked up as he musses his black strands with his fingers.

"I think Quent too," he adds.

Jared smiles nostalgically. "He probably would have fallen in love with her."

Oliver cracks a smile, happiness swirling in his gaze. But it's there to mask the real sadness he's feeling. "For sure."

Quentin had this flaw – as he called it – where he so easily "fell in crush" with any girl who was cute and sweet to him.

Before this turns into a crying fest, I decide to insert my two-cents. "Though let's be real; your mom wanted a nice Indian girl."

It's true. Oliver's mother Aayana was a gorgeous, lithe woman – three quarters Indian, one quarter Russian – who'd fallen in love with a Canadian Soldier. Growing up, she was proud of her culture and heritage and desperately tried to instill her values into her son.

Jared, without realizing his fvck-up, grins even harder. "But let's be real. Your dad wanted you to marry Teagan."

When Oliver freezes over, I know it's time to stop talking about his dead parents and cut short our visit to our dead friend.

* * *

"I don't think it's going to last with Sara," Jared says remorsefully.

Once the rain had simmered down, I had to drive us over to Marnie's Shack, because Oliver and Jared had flown off to Lalaland. Figured some water and fried food would help them out of their haze.

Oliver's busy stuffing his face with nachos, then he pauses, shocked. Even I stop sipping my chocolate shake. "What do you mean, Roy?"

Jared's been playing with his waffle fries for five minutes now, before he gives up with a loud sigh. "She's a nice girl, but we're so different."

"And that's bad...?"

"Look, she just started university and I'll graduate in a year – two years, tops. She's just turned eighteen and she's beginning to explore new things and all that shit girls want to do at that age. I'm almost twenty-two. It's not the age thing, it's just, you know, mind set? I think."

"You're saying she's not mature enough for you?"

"I'm confused," Oliver chimes, twirling a fry in the air to gesture something. "I thought you really liked this girl. Like, first girl you've really liked since..." he gives me a tentative look, as if wondering if he can finish that sentence.

It's my turn to sigh. "Nat. You can say it."

Jared looks vexed as he scratches his head. He takes a moment to sip on his vanilla shake, before turning his gaze to the window as if the dull and grey scenery in the wake of the rain has all the answers he's looking for. "Yeah, I do like her a lot. Maybe it's me? I just don't want to commit to her. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship right now that's not casual. And she feels like more. I don't know if I want – No. I don't know if I can give her more. I like hanging out with her. She's cool. But it's just, I don't want to seem like I used her when things don't work out. She's a great girl. She's..." he takes a deep breath. "OK, so. She's a virgin. And, honestly? I'm not about to be her first when I know full well this thing we've got going on might not be long-term. I don't want to hurt her. I can't do that to her, and I know in the long-run she'll thank me."

OK. That's a lot to take in, but I understand where he's coming from. It makes sense. I want to reach across to give him a reassuring pat, but hold back. "How long have you guys been seeing each other?"

Jared shrugs his shoulder. "Man, maybe over a month? Six weeks or some shit like that."

"Well I think you're doing the right thing then," Oliver adds. "Break it down to her gently, before you get in too deep."

"Yeah," Jared says, scratching his head again. "I think I'm going to go with the flow. We haven't jumped in the deep end and I'm not stupid enough to sleep with her. I love her company and maybe we'll just keep hanging out for awhile."

"You think she's getting clingy – like attached and all?"

"Not at all. Aiko's not like that. But, just in case, you know..."

"Look, Jared. You know yourself best. Just do what you think feels right but, yeah, don't be a d!ck and go sleeping with her when you know things might not work out."

"Noted."

The waitress – a cute one named Shannon, according to her name tag – stops by our table and places three plates of diner-style burgers and fries. She looks to be our age and is really pretty. Normally I'd flirt with her, but I'm not in the mood today.

Lately, there seems to me only one girl I want to flirt with.

"Anything else I can get you boys?" Shannon asks shyly.

I notice her cheeks redden when she looks at all three of us.

Jared chuckles under his breath. "No, sweetheart. That's plenty for now." He glances at her and lays on the charm thick, with an unnecessary wink. "We'll call you if we need anything else."

She practically runs away, flustered. Oliver rolls his eyes. "Smooth, Jared."

It gets quiet for a minute as we delve into our meals. Jared's making moaning sounds, as if this is the best burger he's ever had his mouth around and Oliver reciprocates with female breathy sounds that rival Jared's. They laugh like a pair of school girls. Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with them.

"So," Oliver intones after taking a sip of his Pepsi. "Cher."

I almost swallow too quickly when I hear the sound of her name. At least I don't choke. "What about her?"

"Who said I was talking to you?" he gives me a shit-eating grin. "Maybe I wanted to ask Jared something."

They're smiling suspiciously, and I grit my teeth, before biting a mouthful of bun and meat so I don't have to talk.

"I was talking to you," Oliver finishes with a quick smile that's gone as fast as it flashes. A frown mars his face now. "But seriously bro. What the fvck is going on between you guys?"

I take another bite to avoid saying a word. Jared kicks me under the table and I lurch forward, almost choking and dying a miserable death. I narrow my eyes at both of them. "Why would you say that?"

"Because. You guys always hid behind your 'friendship' shield when we were younger, all the way until you got with Rose and until Cher left for France. C'mon, man. It was always obvious. Now that she's back you're out grinding, slow dancing, and flirting with her in the open. No – No. Don't give me that look," Oliver chides. "I talk to her, Trent. I know you guys talk. A lot."

Something tight fills my chest and I can't decipher it. "She talks about me?"

Oliver levels me with a serious look. "I mean when Cher and I text, she's always telling me she's going out with you, or that she's studying with you and all that stuff."

It's true. We're spending time together to make up for lost time and there's nothing wrong with it. "So?" So I'm fvcking attracted to her, but Cher's always been a beautiful girl. How can someone not notice her? "What are you trying to get, too?"

Jared coughs. "I think you should be careful. Look you were kids then, so it was different. Now you're grown a$s adults...so just be careful, OK? There's still a lot you need to know about each other before you jump into this."

Jump into what? Fvck, I like spending time with the girl and, yes, I can't fvcking help that she turns me on. But my brain is just as confused as theirs. I don't know what to say.

Then I register what they're really saying. Cher and I used to hide behind friendship?

"Elaborate, Jared." Because something deep in my gut says he's hiding something from me. I know him too well. "What do you mean there's a lot to know? I've known her my whole life. Two years apart makes no difference." It doesn't. She's still the same perfect girl I remember, but there's more sides to her now that I'm slowly learning.

"Nothing, Trent...Just take what I'm saying, all right?"

I narrow my eyes.

Oliver cuts in again. "Ok. Ok. Answer this, Reynolds. She your best friend?"

"Always been," I reply. Except for the time we drifted apart, but she was always my best friend.

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"She's a fvcking knock-out," I spit. She's beautiful, they know it, too.

But suddenly it hits me, and I know where he's going with this.

"You're in your feels, aren't you?" Oliver asks quietly and there's almost a dispirited tone to his voice. "Shit, Trent."

I look down at my plate of food, my mind running over the last few weeks. How I feel when I'm around her, and how I always want to talk to her even when she's not there. How lately she's the first person I want to text when I see something weird, something funny, and something fvcking ridiculous.

I think of how she's all jokes and makes me smile – she always has. But, I think of how she's lovely and I know it's more than sexual attraction to a girl I've known my whole life.

Well, fvck.

"Cher's awesome," Jared says, his voice somber. "We don't blame you."

"Maybe you guys are just having a moment? Fvck, I don't know. Maybe it's because she's back after so long and you guys can't help but falling back into your old patterns. The way you guys were so tight and shared literally everything with each other. Now that there's no Rose acting as your shield, it's like nothing can stop you."

"Nothing can stop me?"

"Trent. Look, we all knew you had feelings for Cher in high school. Hell, we also knew you had feelings for Rose. Sometimes, it just happens. I mean, we were all kind of shocked when you and Rose started dating. I always thought you'd get off your a$s and ask Cher."

"Why did you think I'd ask Cher?" God, my throat's tight. I'm on the edge, just waiting for confirmation.

"Because we're pretty sure she was in her feels in high school. We thought you both were."

My head's spinning. Cher might have had feelings...for me? "It's not possible. She didn't crush on me."

"Dude," Oli laughs. "The way you guys acted around each other, it was like an old married couple. There was no way. You were her best friend, but you defended and protected her like she was your actual girl. Remember Nat's birthday party? We practically fvcking begged the guy not to press charges when you went berserk on him and almost killed him for touching her."

Red flashes in my mind. I never want to talk about that night. I never want to remember how helpless, fragile and violated she'd looked and felt. How I wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms and tell her she was safe, that I'd always make sure she was safe, but felt so miserable when she insisted on ignoring me and acting like I suddenly didn't deserve the time of her day. It made me sick to my fucking stomach...but, at least, all these years later I found out it wasn't me. It was Rose.

"I don't want to remember that night," I say through clenched teeth. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Look me in the eyes, Trent, and tell me you're not in your feels right now. That you never had feelings for her."

Jared's words are a deal breaker.

I feel like I can't breathe because I know I can't lie to him any longer. He full well remembers when I was fifteen and admitted to him I had a crush on her. I also told him how crestfallen I was when she wanted me to give her pointers on scoring a date with Brando Redman. But after that I'd promised myself I'd let this silly crush go because she wasn't interested in me. Instead, I focused my energy on the girl I knew was interested in me – Rose Walker.

The thing is...before Rose there was Cher. I'm man enough to admit that. But I realized earlier on that maybe she needed better than me as she so obviously only saw me as her boy best friend. So I did what she wanted me too – or at least, what I thought she wanted me too. Rose had taken up my entire attention and Cher had remained my best friend

"You really think Cher had a crush on me in high school. Did she ever say it to any of you?"

"No, but it was obvious."

"Can you just admit to me you liked her in high school, before this whole shit show with Rose happened. And admit that something's happening now," Oliver snaps playfully.

I think the world of Cher. She's so special to me – so is our friendship.

I also think of the burning rage I felt when I saw her with Gabe, and how I had no business feeling it. I think of how any guy in that position would piss me off. How I don't like that guys – Gabe or anyone of the sorts – have anything similar to what we have between us. I feel like that's mine to share with her.

I think of how I feel like the old me when she's around.

Nothing's changed between us. I'm still protective of her. I'm still defensive.

And I know some of my feelings are teetering in dangerous territories. I have no business crossing these boundaries.

It's like there's a fire inside of me and nothing to tame it.

Fvck me. This feels like a train wreck.

All the signs are there, and I can't ignore them anymore.

I'm crushing hard on Cheryl Anderson; I've got feelings for my best friend.

Jared and Oliver look at my expectantly, with their eyebrows raised.

"Fine. I did have a crush on her then...and I think it's coming back now. Otherwise, there's something fvcking wrong with me because I think of kissing her almost all the time."

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