" James, James, wake up, help is here,...... please, please, I'm begging you, please, open your eyes, please " I started to cry.

I wished he would open his eyes and say " got ya " but it was a ridiculous wish.

" Look at me James, hay, hay, look at me " I held his head between my hands, wishing that he would open his eyes, but no good.

" Ya Allah, please, please, make him okay " I said crying.

One of the paramedics ran towards me,

" Hay are you okay ?" He asked.

I didn't realise that I was covered in blood until then, and the worst part, it was James's blood.

" I'm okay but he is not responding " I said pointing at James.

" Don't worry we will take good care of him, we will do our best " he said trying to reassure me.

They carried James, put him on a stretcher, and I followed them in a hurry.

When we arrived at where the ambulance was, they carried him inside, and I waited outside watching them carefully.

They cut his shirt with sicissors to expose the upper part of his body, stick some pads to his chest to check his heart rate, and put an oxygen mask over his face to help him breath.

" Is he gonna be okay ?!!" I asked in terror.

" I think so, his pulse is regular and strong and his oxygen saturation is within normal limits " the paramedic explained.

" Alhamdulilah, Alhamdulilah " I inhaled deeply as if I haven't breathed in ages, I was about to cry with happiness.

But suddenly the cardiac monitor to which James was connected started to peep faster and make strange noises.

" What's wrong ?!!" I asked the paramedics but they ignored me.

I heard one of them say to the other one,

" He is going into v-tach!!!!!!! "

" Start CPR, he needs intubation " the other paramedic said.

They started to compress his chest, and they put a long tube inside his mouth to deliver oxygen into his lung.

I couldn't believe my eyes, I was fixed in my place watching them trying to save James, my James.

" Ya Allah save him please, he saved my life " I was making dua' all the time.

Suddenly I heard the cardiac monitor giving a continuous uninterrupted sound, announcing out loud that James heart had stopped.

" He needs defibrillation, Charge to 300 " I heard one of the paramedics say.

" Charged....clear " the other one said.

They started to shock him, I couldn't watch anymore, so I looked away.

They shocked him a couple of times then they stopped.

" You stopped because he is okay, right ?!! " I asked in denial.

" I'm so sorry, he lost a lot of blood, he couldn't make it " the paramedic explained.

" But you said he is gonna be okay " I said crying.

" I'm sorry, it's not in our hands " the paramedic explained.

" No, no, no, just give him some blood, adrenaline, shock him, continue doing whatever you were doing and he is gonna be okay I'm sure " I shouted in denial.

" Jannah, he is gone " I heard a voice coming from behind, I looked and it was Richard, he was crying, next to him was his sister Sophia, who was crying too.

" Shut the f*** up, you are the reason why I met him in the first place, if it wasn't for that stupid bet, I wouldn't have laid eyes on him, and if I haven't had laid eyes on him, I wouldn't have fallen for him " I shouted at him pushing him away.

He didn't react, he just looked at me, tears covering his face. He had lost his friend too.

" Jannah, we are sorry, he loved you, and we couldn't understand, I'm sorry " Sophia said hugging me.

I surrendered to her hug, I needed it.

" He is dead... I'm alone... It's cold" I whispered to Sophia, crying.

" I'm so sorry " she said, pretending to be strong.

I left her heading towards the ambulance, I still had so much to say to James. In fact, all I had said to him, doesn't account for a drop of the ocean of feelings I had for him in my heart.

It was a mistake to take him for granted, I waited because I thought we had all the time in the world, but I lost everything, he was my everything.

I entered the ambulance, James was lying flat on the stretcher, eyes completely closed, I haven't seen his face looking that peaceful before.

I looked at him, I couldn't control my tears, here he was, the person who renewed my faith in love, dead in front of my eyes.

" How dare you do this to me, how dare you ?!!! " I shouted at his lifeless body.

I was angry, I couldn't understand why?! May be at him, because he promised to stick around for me, but I was more angry at myself for letting him go without telling him how much I cared. I wanted to tell him that he revived my ice cold heart, that he renewed my confidence, that he restored my faith in love, that he.......that he......, It is too late now.

I had my hijab in my hand, so I started to clean his face from the blood, he looked like a sleeping angel.

" I wished we had more time, James " I whispered to his lifeless body.

" We need to take his body to the forensics " one of the paramedics said.

I surrendered to their request, and I stepped outside the ambulance.

Suddenly my brain couldn't take the stress anymore, then everything went black.

I've woken up in a hospital bed, my mum was sitting across the room.

" My baby " she came running towards me as soon as she saw me open my eyes.

" He is gone mum " that was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

" I know " she said crying.

She sat on the bed with her back to me.

" He saved your life and for that I'm eternally grateful " she said trying to console me.

" But he is gone, the only person who saw me as enough, is gone " I said crying on her shoulder, hugging her from behind.

" Who said that ?!! We love you, you mean the world to us darling " my mother said trying to smile.

" No you don't understand mum, you are my family, it's your job to love me, it's Allah instinct for you to love me, but I've always wondered, will anybody chose me to be his enough. Am I enough?! And he was the only person that did " I explained angerily to my mum who turned her face to me, and hugged me even tighter.

Suddenly Hassan came into the room.

" Jannah, are you okay ?!!" He asked.

I didn't say a word, I didn't want to leave my mother's hug. so my mum replied.

" In shaa Allah, she will be okay " my mum said

" Mum, there is a problem, the Waynes!! " he said.

" What about them ?!! " My mum asked.

" They don't want their son to have an Islamic burial ceremony " he said angerily.

I left my mother's hug, I couldn't understand what Hassan meant.

" What?!! What did you just say ?!! I don't understand " I said.

" Mum, you didn't tell her ?!! " Hassan asked.

" Tell me what mum ?!!! What have you been hiding from me all this time?!! " I said angerily.

" James, he reverted to Islam about a week ago " Hassan explained.

" What?!! James, he died......a Muslim " I said joyfully.

" Yes, James died a Muslim " my mum said smiling.

" Oh, ya Allah " I said crying but this time of happiness.

But I still had a question in my mind.

" But why didn't you tell me before ?!! " I asked them.

" It was James's request, he didn't want to use his reversion to manipulate your feelings, he wanted to make sure that you loved him for whom he was, he was afraid that you would suspect that he reverted for your sake, not for the sake of Allah " Hassan explained.

" Were you there when he took his shahada ?!! " I asked Hassan.

" Yes and I recorded it, you will see it later " Hassan explained.

" Will I see him in paradise ?!! " I asked.

" In shaa Allah, Jannah " my mother replied.

" What are we gonna do about his parents ?!! " Hassan asked.

" Leave them to me " I said leaving the bed.

" But you are still recovering " my mum said in concern.

" Don't worry mum, I've fully recovered when I known about James's reversion " I said.

Hassan drove me and my mum to the waynes' mansion.

We went inside, and we waited for them in one of the rooms before they showed up.

" What are you doing here?!! you are the reason why my son is dead now " James's mother said as soon as she saw me.

" I'm here to carry out James's last wish " I said in determination.

" What wish ?!! " She asked.

" You of all people know that James died a Muslim, and he will be buried as one " I said sternly.

" James will be buried as a Wayne " she shouted.

" Your son is being cut open by forensics right now, and all you care about is your social image " I said angerily.

" You brainwashed my son to follow this religion of yours, you told him to do so, if he hadn't met you he wouldn't have died " she shouted at me.

" No, ma'am, your son reverted without telling me, I just found out an hour ago " I explained looking into her eyes.

She was shocked, she didn't say a word for about five minutes.

Finally, James's father spoke.

" That's enough Selina, our son did what he thought was right, we should carry out his will, he died a Muslim and he should have an Islamic burial ceremony like any other Muslim " James's father said.

We got up to leave but I had one final word for his mother.

" James looked for me because he couldn't find love within this house, you are the reason why he is dead " I said looking at her.

I went home that day, laid on my bed, and every single moment I had with James flashed in front of my eyes. Suddenly, Hassan came into my room

" A friend just called me from the Islamic centre, they are preparing James's body for burial tomorrow in shaa Allah " he said.

I didn't know how to react, my mind knows for a fact that James is gone, but my heart refuses to believe.

I spent the whole day preparing myself to see James's face one last time.

" Ya Allah, have mercy on his soul " I kept making dua' for him.

The next day , Hassan drove me and my mum to the Islamic centre, I saw the Waynes' standing in a corner.

" Mr. Wayne, here, come with me " I said leading the way.

" As Muslims, we wash the dead person's body and wrap him in a white sheet (kaffan) before burial, you can say your goodbye to him now " I explained, pretending to be strong.

I led them to the room where his body was lying, and closed the door behind them.

After about ten minutes they came out, both crying. That was the first time I see his mother act like one, but it was too late.

Richard and Sophia came too, and they went in to see him.

When the time came, Hassan looked at me.

" I think you should go in now " he said.

I looked at him, took a deep breath, gathered my strength and went in.

I saw him lying, with the kaffan opened to show his face, I couldn't control my tears.

I knew I wouldn't handle it, but I didn't want to miss having a last moment with him.

" Thank you for making me believe in love again. James, you were my enough". I whispered to his lifeless body.

" I know I will never come across a phenomenal person like you again. I was so lucky, but I didn't know. I'm so sorry I waited for so long to tell you this. I will never forget you James " I couldn't go on, tears suffocated me, after a minute of trying to gather my strength, I continued

" Sorry, I suck at goodbyes " I said leaving the room as quickly as possible because I couldn't take it anymore.

I saw a lot of Muslims that I don't know come to the funeral.

" Who are they ?!! " I asked Hassan.

" They witnessed James's shahada, they are here for a brother " Hassan explained

I saw cameras and reporters also from different TV channels. They are calling James a hero for preventing another shooting catastrophe, they wanted to speak to me, but I declined. I wanted to go home, and grief.

Later that day I heard the door bell rang, after about five minutes my mother came into my room.

" It's James's mother, she wants to speak to you " mum said.

" What does she want ?!! " I asked.

" I don't know, just come and listen to what she wants to tell you " mum said

" Okay, just give me five minutes " I said.

After five minutes, I went into our living room, James's mother was sitting there

" Assalamualaikum " I said.

" Oh, hi, come and sit next to me, there is something you need to know" she said

" Ok..ay " I said sitting next to her.

" I know we started at bad terms, firstly here I'm apologising, I'm sorry" she said

" It's okay, there is no need for apology, I can understand your anger " I said

" you see this ring ?!! " She said showing me her hand which had a giant Ruby ring on it.

" Yes, ma'am, it's beautiful " I said not understanding where she wanted to go with this.

" This was of my great grandmother, we have been transmitting it amongst family members for years, it's made from the same ruby and diamonds that the British crown was made from " she explained.

" I don't understand, what does this ring have to do with me ?!! " I asked

" About a week ago, James asked me to give him this ring, he wanted to give it to you. Jannah, he wanted to propose " she explained.

I couldn't feel anything but my tears running down my cheeks, she saw my reaction and she hugged me.

" I want you to have it, it was my son's last wish, please take it " she said begging.

" But......" I said drying my tears.

" Please, I'm begging you, this is my wish too " she said crying.

" Okay " I smiled at her.

" There is another thing. He knew you wanted to go to Harvard, he wished we would pay for it, and here is the check " she said.

" I...I...I'm speechless " I said.

She gave me the ring and the check then rushed to leave,

" I knew you were special, that's why James chose you " she said and left.

I looked at my mum who was standing at the door

" That's why you let me go on a date with him?!! he proposed?!!" I asked her.

She nodded smiling.

She left me drowning in my thoughts.

James was preparing for a life with me, and the whole time I was pushing him away, I felt guilty for what I have done

About a week after the shooting, the school held a ceremony to honor James's soul for his role in saving the school from a massacre and sacrificing his own life, and they wanted me to give a speech.

I went wearing James's ring.

Hassan, my mother, and James's parents were there.

" And now we will listen to Miss Mohamed who was a.....close friend of James " one of the teachers said introducing me.

I got on the stage with hesitance. I was nervous, not because I'm facing the whole school for the first time ever after the shooting, but because I knew that whatever I say, It would never be enough to honor what James had done for us, and for me.

I didn't want it to be a eulogy, I knew James hated sadness. If he were here, he would be telling jokes, filling the place with joy and life.

" Bismillah " I said starting my speech, then I continued,

" Death is pretty much the only sure thing about our future, death, is the only common belief between theists and atheists. One day we are gonna face it. But the real question here is that what are we leaving behind?! what is our mark on the world ?!!"

" Thosands of years ago, there was a man named Moses, a man named Jesus, and a man named Mohamed, peace and blessings of Allah be upon all of them. They looked at their societies, and they couldn't stand the corruption, they decided to stand up, and to have a word at it. So their legacies have inspired humanity and will inspire for thosands of years to come."

"So this is our test, And James had passed this test successfully. He had left his own mark on all of our lives. Personally, I will never stop speaking about him. I'll tell my children and my children will tell their children, so that a hundred years from now my great grandsons will be still speaking about the hero who sacrificed his life to save their great grandmother. We actually should be jealous of how a great person he was."

" Before meeting him I've never thought that I would fall in love." I looked down smiling, then continued

" You know the song of the greatest showman movie which says ' will never be enough ' I used to hear the singer say will never fall in love " I said shrugging. And everybody laughed.

I continued " Until he came along, he restored my faith in love, and for that, I'm eternally grateful " I said.

Alhamdulilah, they loved my speech.

I went home that day exhausted, I asked my brother to show me the recording of James's shahada

James looked really happy, as if being born again, I loved his broken Arabic.

That's when the screen became blurry, I thought I was gonna faint again, but I heard a voice saying.

" Jannah, Jannah, wake up, you don't want to be late for your first day in senior year " the voice said.