What happens when four princesses, a prince, a knight, ten royal guards in scarlet tunics, and one maybe witch take to the skies on a fleet of unicorns on a rescue mission to the top of an insurmountable mountain?

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You're going to have to read the rest of the chapter to find out.

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What? Did you think I was going to tell you in the first paragraph?

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A full day passed before the rescue squad could assemble its supplies, plan the operation, and give orders to keep the castle running in Ashley's absence.

Three drafts of the expedition's announcement were painstakingly penned and set aflame before the wording was deemed adequate. A messenger on horseback delivered the final draft to the village crier, who then donned his frilly crier blouse and too-tight velvet coat and read the proclamation in his loudest, most authoritative voice. The villagers cheered at the news of the rescue mission, and the crier spent the rest of the day slipping shots of hot whiskey down his sore throat.

You may take a moment to be grateful for email.

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Ashley and her band of mostly merry rescuers arrived at Mount Dolorem after only one major setback, which occurred somewhere over the Fireforest of Flint. Princess Layyin and her daredevil steed, Charmaine, conspired to have a go at loop-de-loops over the forest's infamous randomly-erupting firespouts. Apparently, straight-ahead flying had become so "utterly boring" right before the Fireforest flyover that Layyin couldn't help herself.

Charmaine's mother, Louisa, grumbled about the "total lack of judgment from her offspring" and promised there would be "consequences of supreme pain" once they returned to the Ever After stables.

After determining Layyin had suffered no more than a few first-degree burns, the group proceeded to the mountain. By the time our heroes arrived, cold, tired, hungry, windblown faces dreadfully unmoisterized, the sun had already sunk beneath the horizon, and the only light came from a smattering of weak distant stars. The moon evidently didn't have the heart to watch Mount Dolorem's latest victims, so it hid behind a mocha-whip souffle of clouds.

Although the bulk of the mountain lay shrouded in darkness, Ashley felt its massive presence looming beside her, taunting her, biding its time. A landmass could afford to be patient, having a longer shelf life than a human. But Ashley would not allow herself to be daunted. They would rescue the children.

Nothing could stop them!

Ashley leaped dramatically from Louisa's back into a snowbank and sunk neck-high.

Make that 'nearly nothing could stop them.'

"My Princess, may I help you?" Terrowin said after lifting the bandaged Layyin from her saddle to the ground, as gracefully as a dancer.

"I got this," Gerald proclaimed, all knightlike, striding toward Ashley.

"I'm good," she lied, pawing at the snow like a drowning pup. Each attempt at freedom caused more snow to slide into her hole.

"Perhaps this might be the time to summon your inner witch," Gerald suggested.

"Hasn't she been doing that for a long time?" Derek said, dismounting his beast and fondly scratching her neck. "Oh, you meant literally."

Ashley, heart-pounding, muscles aching, skin utterly frozen, took a break in her futile digging. "Derek, whose side are you on?"

Derek looked pointedly at Gerald's behind and said nothing.

Men!

Derek reached for her arm. "Aw, come on. You know I love your backside too, girl. Let me give you a hand."

"I said, I got this, I said," she grumbled.

"Well, if you don't need assistance, there's work to be done before we have a half-dozen royal popsicles to defrost," Gerald said.

"I'll give you my hand then," Derek waved goodbye to Ashley, who watched as her two supposed loyal pals trampled across the snow to gather sticks for a fire.

It took fifteen minutes to dig herself out of her icy grave. Ashley emerged, soaked, shivering, and unable to feel her fingers or lips.

"You made it," Gerald said, wrapping his cloak around her before leading her to the blazing fire he and Derek had created whilst waiting patiently, with double smirks, for Ashley to finish her battle with the snow.

Ashley wanted to throw off the cloak and scoff at the fire and would have, except for the children, because what good would it do for the leader of the expedition to be sidelined by pneumonia? So, for entirely selfless reasons, Ashley accepted the cloak, a spot near the fire, and the warm cup of cocoa from Sadira, who wrapped Ashley's frozen fingers one by one around the mug.

Sweet, chocolaty steam warmed her face, and her fingers started to come back to life. "Th ... th .... thank you," Ashley said through chattering teeth.

Ashley felt stupid and lazy for making such a big deal about not accepting help. Here she was, defrosting instead of helping the guards and royals alike, who were setting up tents, cooking, and tending to the unicorns.

"Well, fire," Ashley said to the flames, her knees burning. "It's just the two of us. The fire popped, sending a spray of molten cinders in her direction. "Stop it," she said, brushing the embers aside, "was that necessary? Don't try to scare me. I am a creature of ash."

The campfire continued to shower Ashley with burning sparks. Perhaps she could do something helpful while defrosting, like getting in touch with her 'inner witch' as Gerald called it. She focused on the tiny bead of power existing somewhere deep in her belly. There it was! That gathering of moonlight. She reached toward it with her consciousness. Her blood hummed and fizzed as her heart pumped, spreading the power throughout her body. Gritting her teeth, Ashley willed the magic to subdue the flames.

For a moment, it seemed the fire dampened, but soon it was back to its antics, and now Ashley's energy had flagged entirely. She sighed. Even if she did possess magic in her blood, it would never be enough to keep her friends from danger.

"Ready for some sleep?" Derek said.

"Your tent is all ready," Gerald added.

Gerald and Derek each offered her a hand, and this time, she accepted their help. "Get some rest, Princess," Derek said.

"Tomorrow will be a big day, Highness," Gerald added, placing Ashley on a bed of pillows and kissing her forehead.

"We must all sleep ..." Derek said, looking at Gerald. "... alone. It's our last chance for beauty rest." He handed Ashley a small pot. "Don't forget to moisturize."

For a solid hour, Ashley worried about the mission. Every step would require careful planning. It would do no good to climb the first goat path they came across. The primary goal would be to fly the unicorns as high as possible and identify the best route for passability, steepness, and visibility. The mantle of responsibility lay on her like a thousand wool blankets. Finally, the weight of it all smothered her into a restless sleep.

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The sun crept over the horizon, turning the snow into a sea of diamonds. Ashley and her entourage had already broken camp and saddled their unicorns. She sat at the front, wisps of unicorn and human breath drifting before them like ghosts. Louisa shifted from hoof to hoof, wings held tight at her sides. It felt like a horde of drunk moths had decided to have a party inside Ashley's stomach. This was it. Had she made a mistake? Been reckless? Was she leading her friends into untold dangers?

"Maybe you ought to say a few words," Louisa urged.

Ashley lay her hand on her belly, willing the moths to settle. "Like what?"

"You know, to inspire the team. Something like 'no guts, no glory' or 'it is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves' or 'first one to the top gets a cheeseburger.'"

Ashley wrinkled her brow. Even though she spoke fluent unicorn, the creatures seemed to have a secret vocabulary. "Cheeseburger?"

Louisa shook her enormous head and turned to face the entourage. "You're missing the point," she grumbled. Gerald, who stood beside her atop Louis, chuckled. As the only other unicorn-whisperer, he'd understood every word.

Ashley cleared her throat. "Okay, everyone. Today it begins in earnest. There will be challenges. Problems. Discomfort ..."

Layyin raised her hand. "Excuse me?"

Ashley nodded. "Yes, Princess Layyin."

"Will there be danger?" She glanced adoringly at Terrowin. "Asking for a friend."

"Lots," Ashley said. "To reach our goal and rescue the children, we could face any number of powerful adversaries. Not just the mountain itself, but dastardly creatures who crave our blood, magical beings who may turn us to stone with a mere thought, princess-kidnapping dragons, ice monsters, trolls, and lots of things I haven't even thought of."

Layyin vibrated impatiently in her saddle. Terrowin placed a large hand on her knee to calm her.

Ashley shook her head. "Okay, now, where was I?"

"Inspirational speech, I think," Derek said, taking a long draw from a goatskin pouch. She could smell the whiskey from ten feet away.

Dropping the reins, Ashley tugged her hands into her hips. "What do you mean 'you think?'"

"Telling us so much bad stuff."

"I'm merely allowing people to back out before any maiming or painful death occurs. I feel responsible," Ashley said.

"We're all in, right team?" Derek said.

Everyone cheered.

"See?" Derek said.

"We could suffer from extremely dry skin, chafing, and chapped lips, Prince Perfect," Ashley warned, eyes glittering with mischief.

Derek passed around his jar of moisturizer. "I'll take my chances," he said with a devilish smile.

"Nothing can stop us then!" Ashley held her fist in the air as a princess-sized avalanche of snow fell plopped onto her head.

Score one point - the mountain.

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Once they'd taken to the air, Ashley in the lead, she could focus entirely on the task ahead instead of the people whose lives she'd put at risk, even if they had done so willingly. Her favorite people in all the world. But this is what being a true leader meant; she was pretty sure. It didn't mean sitting around in crowns and ermine-edged capes drinking from jewel-encrusted goblets. It meant when others give their coins or their risk their lives to support a cause; a leader had to give her soul.

They flew as high as the unicorns could tolerate. When Ashley's lungs burned, she couldn't catch her breath, and the snow began to look like a cozy, warm blanket; she dropped fifty feet. "This is high enough," she said over her shoulder. "I'd like to ease into the elevation delirium rather than do it all at once."

"Excellent plan, Highness," Gerald said.

They flew west to keep the sun from shining directly into their eyes and making them squint, which, according to Derek, caused major wrinkling. They'd only brought so much moisturizer, and Botox injections hadn't yet been invented, so this seemed sage advice.

After miles and miles of nothing but a steady climb on a lacquered white landscape, they came upon a jagged line of switchbacks cut into the snow like a gaping wound.

A goat path.

At last.

Ashley guided Louisa down to get a better look, and the others followed. They floated beside the path, which was extended so high up the mountain it disappeared into the cloudbank.

"At last!" Tressa cried, releasing the reins and unwrapping her braids, which had somehow twisted around her neck. "Stupid hair. I swear it'll be the death of me."

"Cut it then," Derek mumbled.

"Never," Tressa replied.

"I see you have good hearing," Derek said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on. Your hair is a hindrance. Everyone sees it. Why can't you?" Derek extracted a pair of scissors from his knapsack.

"You brought scissors?" Sadira said.

"Of course. You never know when there'll be a hair emergency."

"Hey, guys," Kai pointed toward what appeared to be a sign beside the trail. In the midst of nature, the sign stuck out like a billboard in a barn. "What's that?"

Ashley swooped over to get a better look. She read: "' Path number six — death by falling hundreds of feet onto sharp rock. No way did you bring enough rope to ascend safely. No one ever does. Have a nice day.'" Beneath the words, someone had painted in drippy yellow paint, a smiley face, and an arrow pointing up the trail. "Maybe we shouldn't take this one. I mean, if it's number six, we ought to check some others to see if there's a safer route."

"But ..." Layyin began, eyes clouding with tears at the thought of missing out on some tantalizing dangers. Terrowin lay a comforting hand on her arm.

"Don't worry, Layyin. I'm sure you'll manage to get a few scrapes and bruises along the way," Sadira said.

"Thanks," Layyin said, wiping her eyes.

"Let's go. We want to make headway before losing the light," Ashley said.

The group rose and continued its westbound journey.

Each path up the mountain had a different warning sign:

1. Death by drowning in freezing mountain lake. Swim caps required.

2. Death by mountain troll. Note: knowing the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow* or other random trivia will not save you.

3. Death by hypothermia (succumbing to the cold embrace of winter's bane.) Trust that you are dreadfully underdressed for a mountain excursion.

4. Death by avalanche. Don't bother with a pickaxe. Our avalanches are as deep as hell.

5. Death by rabid snowwolves. You should see their teeth. On second thought, you shouldn't.

By noon, they'd circumnavigated the mountain and found themselves once again beside "Death by falling hundreds of feet onto a sharp rock."

"I think we ought to go back to #2: 'Death by drowning in freezing mountain lake,'" Kai said.

"You only say that because you can't drown," Tressa said.

"So?"

"I'd go for the mountain trolls," Derek said. "I need to have a word with them about their poor sense of interior design. What they did to that cloister is a travesty to witch-fortresses everywhere. Add to that, I'm great at trivia and riddles. No troll can outsmart me. But most importantly, I have no idea about the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Thank God."

"I'll take my chances with hypothermia," Tressa said. "I hear it's a pleasant death."

"Only because you have all that hair to keep you warm," Kai said.

"So?"

"I could probably talk the snowwolves out of eating us," Gerald offered.

"Wait," Ashley said.

"What?" Sadira replied.

"What if these signs are lies? Perhaps they are the first line of the mountain's defense. To prevent not-truly-committed travelers from attempting a climb."

"That's actually brilliant," Gerald said.

Ashley's eyes flashed. "What do you mean 'actually?'"

He smirked. "I meant nothing by it, Highness."

Why did he have to look so adorable when he smirked? So unfair. "Uh, huh."

"But what if each sign is a hint about what will be needed to conquer the path? Like the first one says, 'no rope is long enough,'" Derek said. "And it's true, we haven't brought a lot of rope, though I question how the sign knew this. But we have something better. Something magically strong. Something that grows stupidly fast." He glanced pointedly at Tressa's braids.

Tressa followed his eye-line. "What? No! Not my hair."

"It'll grow back," Derek said. "Regrettably."

"Why don't we continue our journey and see whether your theory is correct?" Ashley said. "No need to cut anything off if the sign is lying."

Tressa glared at Derek's codpiece. "There are a couple of things I'd like to cut off."

Derek shifted in the saddle. "I don't see how removing those will help our cause."

"It'll help me personally, as I believe it would render you silent. After the initial screaming," Tressa grinned.

Ashley and Gerald exchanged a simultaneous eye roll. How satisfying to share a genuine eye roll with a friend. "Hey, guys," Ashley said, "no one has to cut anything off. Let's fly to the highest point our unicorns can handle and release them to wait below. We can start the climb up from there. Be prepared, though. We must be on the lookout for suddenly-appearing drop-offs, scary canyons, precarious precipices, slippery footholds, and any magical stumbling blocks."

"Fine," Tressa said.

"Got it," Derek agreed, making little snipping sounds with the scissors, which he'd relocated to a nearby pocket.

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As they hiked, the wind picked up. Gusts of blinding snow encircled the travelers, making it impossible for Ashley to feel her feet, let alone detect looming danger. Even as the trail switched back and forth, the wind always rushed at their faces. Ashley battled for each step, pushing ahead as the forces of nature worked to topple her. She tried to forget her frozen body parts, chapped face, throbbing headache, and growling belly.

After what felt like centuries, but was probably an hour, the wind ceased. The driving snow turned to feathery flakes, settling on Ashley's eyelashes and cloak.

"Yikes," Tressa said.

"Is everything okay?" Ashley said, spinning to face the others. She nearly fell, but Gerald grabbed her elbow and steadied her. "Thank you."

Everything was blurry from the snowflakes melting into her eyes and dizziness from lack of oxygen and food. She wiped her eyes with an almost dry handkerchief from within her bodice.

"Um ... well," Kai said.

"Oh, dear," Sadira said, rubbing her hands together as if this might warm them.

"Finally, a challenge!" Layyin said.

Layyin's enthusiasm made the hairs on Ashley's nape stand at attention.

"Princess Layyin, you're in serious need of perspective," Derek said.

"What is it, guys?" Ashley said.

Gerald took her arm and turned her around. Before them loomed a sheer, insurmountable, mountain face, a thousand feet above their heads. At the base, hundreds of pointy rocks lay in wait, like the gaping maw of a giant eel. Ashley gulped.

"Ooooh," Layyin said, touching the tip of a pointy rock. Drops of princess blood plopped onto the white snow.

Sadira winced. "Could you please not do that? Brings back bad memories."

"Oh right," Layyin said. "The spinning wheel incident. Sorry."

"That's okay. I know I should get over it."

"Speaking of getting over it," Derek said, looking up at the mountain. "How do we get over it?"

"I guess the sign didn't lie after all," Kai said. "Oh well. I suppose we ought to head over to Path #1."

"Or #2," Derek suggested.

"Maybe we should take a moment to breathe," Ashley said. "And have some sustenance." Derek handed her his goatskin of whiskey. She nodded gratefully and took a long draw, the liquid fire warming her from the inside out.

"We don't have enough rope to climb that," Derek said. "We've no choice but to seek another path. That is a serious climb, and those rocks beneath it are pointy—and not in a good way."

Tressa shook her head. "No, we will lose too much time. The best thing to do is to climb," Tressa said, unleashing her braids from her cap. "Cut it."

"You don't have to do this," Ashley said.

"I know," Tressa said. "But it's for the children. Plus, it might get Derek to shut up."

"Hey!" Derek said, holding up the scissors.

"Never mind, nothing will shut him up."

He snipped the scissors in the air. "Imagine how boring the world would be without my wry commentary."