"I'm... I'm sorry." I said as I buried my face in my hands. "It doesn't—she doesn't matter to me..." I corrected myself as I tried to find the best way to explain my feelings to Jordy who was standing in front of me while I sat on the bed of our guestroom. We ended up heading down to our room for a moment alone to discuss all of this, which seemed like the most logical decision.

Jordy let out a sigh as she turned away from me. Her hands were in the pockets of her sweatpants as she stood tensely before me. She shook her head slightly as she took a few inhales and exhales before turning back to face me.

"This is a lot," she said.

I nodded. "I know."

She pursed her lips as if she were searching for her words. Searching for a way to put whatever she wanted to say in the most respectful and polite way. "I don't know how I feel about this Brielle."

"I'm sorry—"

"No-no don't apologize. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about her." Jordy said. I could tell she purposefully didn't use her name. "I mean showing up at your house? Demanding to talk to you? I just... I don't know."

"So you're not mad at me?" I asked with a tilted head which caused Jordy to sit down on the bed next to me. "I-well I thought you were mad at me."

"Of course, I'm not mad at you. You have valid feelings baby. I just don't like how she felt that she had the right to still talk to you, I mean it's insane. I could tell she hurt you very badly, so for her to do all of this on her time without asking or confirming first is just... it's irritating."

I nod silently, not exactly knowing what to say.

"I love you, Brielle. You know this," Jordy said as she gently pulled me into a warm hug. I rested my cheek against her chest as I moved closer into her gentle hold. "I love you so much that I feel what you feel but with more intensity."

We stayed silent for a moment, basking in each other's presence. Jordy's fingers lightly caressed my arms as she nuzzled in closer to me. We held each other tightly, calming down from the previous situation that just unfolded. Being present with her and allowing her to hold me in such a comforting embrace helped calm me down in ways I didn't realize were possible.

"I won't let her hurt you," Jordy said. "You know that right?"

I nod as I look up to meet her calming brown eyes, "I do."

Jordy smiles softly, "Everything is okay, and you honestly don't have to talk to her—you don't have to address any of this if you're not ready to. She shouldn't be forcing a conversation like this on you out of nowhere. It's unfair."

I couldn't help but reciprocate a smile, I don't know what I'd do without her. "I love you, Jordyn... seriously you mean so much to me."

Jordy pecks my lips briefly, "You mean so much to me too."

I sighed contently. "I'm not ready to talk to her. I've moved on and I don't think I need closure with her... I already got it with myself."

Jordy nodded. "Okay baby."

"So what now?" I sighed as I thought about Rowan still waiting for me back in New Jersey.

Jordy pursed her lips in thought, "Well, you can come stay at my house until we get everything sorted out and you feel comfortable staying at yours."

I smiled softly before nodding at her suggestion.

Jordy pecked my temple briefly, "So you're all good... like mentally?" she clarified.

"Yeah... besides everyone's up there decorating cookies and I really want to join."

Jordy let out an airy laugh before rising from the bed and guiding me to my feet along with her.

"Decorating cookies it is," She said as we walked out of our room and up to the top floor of the cabin.

Decorating cookies was fun and what made it better is everyone didn't pester me with questions about Rowan. Why she was here. What she wanted to talk about. How I felt. How Jordyn felt. It was all unsaid, except for the part where they all assured me that they were here for me. It was nice having a tight-knit group of friends, especially ones who didn't thrive off of drama and gossip.

The thought of going home was a little intimidating, but my mom assured me that staying at Jordyn and Journee's house for at least a few days was appropriate for the situation. Not that Rowan was crazy or harmful, just that I didn't want to see her right now and who knows when she'd show up. Eventually, if it came down to it I would have to address the situation and tell her I didn't want to talk or see her, but right now I'm hoping a few days is enough to get her out of town.

Jordy seemed closer to me than usual, like if I were to get up then she's getting up to—or if we're sitting anywhere I'm sitting next to her with our legs touching or on her lap. No matter the situation, her hand was always touching my body, caressing my arms, back, neck—anything she felt was appropriate to help soothe me. I always knew her love language was physical touch, but this just proved it even more. She could see that the situation with Rowan put me on edge, and she was trying her hardest to let me know she was here. She's always available to listen or to hold me when I can't communicate my emotions.

I just hope she's okay, I mean it's completely normal for her to feel some type of way about this. I just hope she didn't dismiss her feelings to attend to mine. So far she seemed to be doing okay, but then again, she's very good at letting you see what she wants you to see, especially if it'll spare a hard conversation or complicate matters further.

Leaving the comfort of the cabin we called home for a week was hard, but it was time to go home. Don't get me wrong, I was excited, it was just the situation with Rowan that stressed me out. My mom hadn't seen her come around since she last dismissed her, but maybe that's what made me even more worried. Staying with Jordy and Journee for a few days should help ease my nerves somewhat, both of them always know what to say or how to act to help me feel much calmer. It's almost like it's a trait embedded in their genes—the caregiving role.

The car ride back to New Jersey was nice and quiet. If I'm being honest, I couldn't wait to lay cuddled up in Jordy's bed with her while we watched Christmas movies and ate festive snacks. I loved her room at home—I loved her home in general. It always reminds me of where we started and the chemistry that built between us. Her home feels like our home, where the base of our relationship blossomed. I just hope coming back doesn't shrivel it all up, especially considering the situation with Rowan. Honestly, maybe that's why I'm on edge. I'm scared this all might be too much for Jordy, handling an ex situation where the ex is trying to still be so present.

I just hope it doesn't make her walk away and decide that this is all too much. Because I know Rowan, and while she's not crazy, she can be a little blunt and head-on. She also never gives up, so I have a feeling if she wants to talk to me, it's probably going to somehow happen. I sort of knew this eventually had to happen—that it all had to come to light, I mean she caused me so much pain and everything ended so terribly, it's only fitting that it all gets addressed. I'm just not ready yet.