I don't think I understood why I walked away from Jay like that. I mean you can't just kiss someone after you yelled at them for making a move on you in the first fucking place.

But why the fuck did I pull away!? Jays lips were soft and warm. They tasted like peaches. I yearned to kiss those lips all night. I was going to kiss her when she pulled that stunt in the arcade, but I didn't, I knew my boundaries after she made a big deal about me kissing her last time.

I sit in my car and think...tapping my thumb on my terribly torn leather steering wheel. I just can't wrap my head around this. I wanted this, YOU WANTED THIS! So why did you pull away Ky? My brain interrogated me annoyingly.

I wanted Jay, I want Jay, but I can't have her playing tit-for-tat with me. She knows I fucking like her, I asked her on a date for christ sake. Yet she bashes me and finds me "annoying" for some odd reasoning.

My phone vibrates and that's what pulls me out of my thinking. I stare down at it and read the caller ID, Noah? I haven't "talked" to her in a minute. Convenient time for her to call because I am high and dry.

"Noah, long time no speak," I chuckle and she does the same.

"I've been in Miami for awhile but I'm back here in Denver to visit my grandma, wanna meet up?" One thing I always liked about Noah is that she always get straight to the point. No strings attached, no wanting a relationship, no spending time with one another—just sex and that's it.

"Yeah, how about tomorrow evening?" I question. I need a distraction away from this situation. It's like me grasping for something I know I can't have, which is Jay. I hate that feeling and I don't want to sit here and sit on it.

"Great, see you tomorrow." I can visually see Noah throwing me a wink. She always does. We hang up. I become startled when someone starts to make a beat on my car window. My phone falls from my hand as I glance up and see Deck smiling goofily as she notices she's accomplished scaring me, which she's never accomplished. I'm always well aware of her tactics, I've always been. She opens the door cheesing mad hard.

"Oh shit, the infamous Ky actually got scared!" She grins and punches my arm. I shove her and she raises her perfectly arched eyebrow impressed.

"What do you want kid?" I question turning to stare at my steering wheel.

"Why have you been in your car for the pass forty minutes looking like a sad lost puppy?" She chuckles as she glances at me. Her silver eyes staring holes into the side of my face. I turn to stare at the paled skinned-evil faced girl I call my sister in front of me.

"Have you been watching me, a little creepy don't you believe?" I joke. She grunts and mutters something.

"No, Lina told me you've been out here this long." Great, thanks for the torture.

"I'm fine." I simply state.

"Are you?" She questions seriously, something Deck never does. I nod slowly.

"So how's you and the Jay chick?" she questions and I cringe at the mention of her name. It hasn't been said aloud in awhile and it kinda hurts hearing it.

"Why are you nosy?" I state a bit too defensively. Deck shrugs.

"Because I'm actually trying to give a fuck for once, meet me half way dumbass!" She mutters.

"She kissed me..." I quietly state and Deck turns to me impressed.

"Okkkkkkaaay...?" She lets the word lingers as she tries to understand what's so bad about that. I sigh and rub my forehead.

"She's not gay Deck." I mumble. Deck pauses for a minute. She opens her mouth, but closes it...and then opens it again, but closes it yet again.

"FUCK THAT! She likes you dude! What the fuck, are you that blind and dumb that you can't see it?" She questions with full hysteria. Jay doesn't know what she wants or likes. She's confused, and I can't get mad at that, I just hate that she tries to blame me for her actions.

"She's confused."

"Then fucking help her not be. What the fuck Ky? You're Ky Gurey and you can't unravel a girl you've liked since the beginning of time?"

"Deck- shut up!"

"No, I think it needs to be stated out loud right because you're acting like a lil bitch." She grunts.

"Get the fuck out my car Deck," I yell angrily. She ignores me.

"Ky, don't do anything stupid dude. You know how you are when you can't get what you want." I turn to her sort of unpleased with that statement. What the fuck does that mean?

"Get out, now," I yell. She gives me the finger and emerges from my car and slams the door with so much force.

"If my door is broken you're paying for it!" I yell after her out my car window. She turns to me and yells.

"Fuck you Ky, the things a piece of shit anyways!" Fucking arse.

It's been raining cats and dogs all day. I think it describes my mood. I feel very crappy right about now. I didn't want to take my medication because it makes me emotional. Like very emotional. I was happy to see Noah but I couldn't, I'm not in the mood so I canceled it.

I ran to the store to pick up a part I ordered for my car. It got shipped to the wrong area so I had to travel an hour and fucking 35 minutes to pick it up. I almost ran over a cat also. It ran straight out of nowhere and I stepped on the breaks incredibly hard that I could have flew through the window. I shake the droplets of water from my hair.

I glance up and see deck sitting in our waiting area on a stool with her leg folded. There's her usual evil grin. I ignore her until I notice someone else out the corner of my eye. I quickly glance back up, only to lock eyes with Jay.

She just stands there, looking stunning as always. Her facial expression changes and her presence makes me upset for some odd reason. I ignore her glare and turn to Deck.

"What is she doing here?" I try to seem angry and heartless, but deep down I'm doing backflips. Her showing up just shows she cares and it makes me want to wrap her in my arms and actually kiss her. I know she won't shove me away this time. I want to do that, but it's my pride that won't let me.

Her eyes fall upon me sort of shocked. I guessed because I'm staring at her as if she's a window.

"I don't know, she just showed up on the door step, well main gate," Deck grins folding her arms.

"What does she want?" I question rather bitterly. I don't make eye contact with her because I know her hazel eyes weakens me. She doesn't know the effect she has on me and it angers me.

"To talk, but if you don't want it I can call the animal shelter?" Deck jokes. I don't laugh or break a smile. Deck is truly an asshole majority of the time and I want to scowl her for her actions. But I don't, I can't.

"Shut up Deck! Ky, I can speak for myself, you know!" She roars. I know she's officially angry now. I need to stop but my pride is eating me alive.

"Honestly Jay, its hard to believe what you know how to do," I finally speak directly towards her.

"And what does that suppose to mean?" She raises an eyebrow and folds her arms. Oh shit, the pose my mother use to give me when I was younger. Why am I testing her fucking patience.

I don't know, you're a fucking asshole.

"That you don't know what you want! It's so difficult with you that the best thing for me to do is stay as far away from you." Why did I fucking say that!? Am I stupid or something?

"What if I do know what I want?" That's takes me by surprise. Then fucking say it Jay!

"Woah, the straight girl isn't so straight anymore," Deck whistles. I turn to stare at her abruptly, I forgot she was here to be honest.

"You don't really know what you want. I will not force you to like me or who I am." I spit angrily.

"What. If. I. Know. What. I. Want!" She repeats with force. Like she's trying to get me to understand that she has made up her mind. Maybe if she states it aloud and stop holding it back, I'll say something.

"Probably can't add a curve in a straighty," Deck mumbles smartly while snickering under her breath. I turn to her rather annoyed. Why is she even still here!?

"Fuck Deck! Like disappear," I snap angrily and ball up my fist. Deck puts her hands up defensively and slowly backs away, but not before throwing Jay a kiss and heading down the hall towards her room.

"Can we talk about this later? I'm expecting someone," I mutter. Why are you lying Ky? I shrug that feeling away and continue on.

"Expecting someone! I came here, IN THE RAIN TO TALK, and you're being childish. I'll tell you! I've been having this very weird feeling in my stomach-butterflies about you and I took it the wrong way. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really like you Ky and I need you to help me figure..."

" I'm sorry Jay, but I can't go through that again. The last person I dated said the same thing. She thought she was ready to be in a serious committed relationship but things didn't turn out as planned." I admit as I move my hands to rest against my eyelids. I'm so stressed right now. I hate relationships. I also hate being a lesbian. You're lying.

Her face saddens and she kinda sulks in a breath. As if I really hurt her. Wait, did I hurt her?

You obviously don't care because you're a heartless bitch!

Seconds past, which turns into minutes, what soon feels like hours. Not a word is spoken, just me glancing at her and her glancing elsewhere. I try to form a sentence, but nothing fucking happens. "Do you need a ride home?" I finally speak. I glance out our our dining area windows and see a flash of lighting. It is In fact thunder storming out, lighting striking down every second, I don't want anything to happen to her, so that's why I ask. She doesn't give me a verbal answer, rather just shakes her head "no". I can't let her just walk home.

"It's raining and you walked here, I'll drive you home." I urge, but she ignores me and reaches for her purple umbrella and leaves. I know we just under went an altercation, but I can't let her walk out that door and walk, miles just to get home.

I quickly throw on my jacket to "chase" after her.

"What are you doing?" I yell harshly at her through the rain. She flinches at my tone.

"Going home!" She continues her fast walking. I stomp angrily towards her and block her from continuing her childish behavior. I pull at her arm, tying not to be so rough with her. I know she is delicate and I can't act in such a way around her.

"What the hell are you doing? It's thunder storming out here. I can't let you fucking catch the bus back home!" I yell loudly. Why is she doing this, just accept the ride Jay.

"Well it's not up to you!" She states still looking down at her shoes, avoiding eye contact with me. She tries to walk away but I don't let go of her arm. What the fuck Jay!

"It actually is because I don't want to be the cause of you getting hit by lighting or hit in the fucking head with hail! So come on, so I can take your ass home!" This is really frustrating me.

"Honestly, I don't want your help nor do I want to sit in your car for that 25 minute ride in silence."

"You're expecting someone, right? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," She assures. I'm not dealing with this. Okay, she doesn't want me to take her home, then I'll just ask Deck. Can't have her just outside in the rain. Even though she pisses me off, I still care.