I see the arguments between Josie and the bird more often than not, and even the big one that results in Finch almost leaving.

Coward.

What a fucking coward.

Josie deserves someone that will stay, not someone who is scared to love her because of what could happen in the future.

Of course I know about the Merge, I am Pen's best friend but news flash no one knows what could happen in the future.

Life is not a guarantee, people that you love could die tomorrow. Which is why when you find those people that deserve your love, you love them until you cant anymore.

THEN, let me tell you it threw me for a loop when they got back together, I thought Josie was getting somewhere and just when she takes the big leap, she somehow reverts back to old habits.

Then the tribrid is born.

Then we find out Landon is dead.

Then Dr. Saltzman and Hope go missing.

It's when I see the police car pull up to the school while I'm doing my morning training, that everything clicks.

Dr. Saltzman is hurt and I can almost bet it was Hope who did it.

I can't say that I blame her for it when her emotions were heightened from the transition and Dr. Saltzman uses every opportunity he can to remind Hope that her father is evil.

This makes me immediately panic for Josie and Lizzie.

I can't imagine Lizzie having to navigate something this extreme without her father there. Then there's Josie, I already know her need to help everyone will get exhausted in this situation especially when Finch doesn't know how to comfort her and is making it worse.

So when they leave for the hospital I sneak into their room.

I know it sounds bad but they grabbed their things and left so quickly, they didn't care what state they left the room in.

I pick up some of the things that are obviously not supposed to be on the floor and put them back to where I think they should go. Then I pick up their clothes and toss them in the clothing hamper.

I take a break and go down to the kitchen, and I grab them some things before heading back.

When I get back to their room and start to make Lizzies bed first making it as nice as I can, then leave some snacks for her on top of her bed.

Then I move to Josie's bed and do the same.

Then I pulled out the eucalyptus candle that was waiting to be used in my room and set it on the night stand between the two beds.

I don't light it but I open the top so it smells calming in here. I take a deep breath, hoping it will help the girls in any way.

On my way back to my room I ran into Jed.

"Want to go to the hospital with me for the twins?"

"Yes please, that would be great."

When we get there I notice that most of the school is there, including Finch, I see her getting out of the school van. I turn to Jed.

"Was she not here the whole time?"

"I don't think so I am pretty sure we both just watched her climb out of that van."

"So you're telling me that Josie has been here all day without a stable support system to lean on when there's the possibility everyone has been leaning on her."

"I guess I didn't think that far into it."

Fuck man, am I surrounded by a bunch of half-whit's?

I mean really, the only person I would consider the closest to stable is MG, and Dr. Saltzman took him in when his mother didn't want him.

Everyone in this situation is way too close to him to lean on each other for support when they are all grieving deeply.

Maybe if this was a normal situation that would be fine but this is not normal, all of them are facing losing a parental figure because of someone they trusted the most to protect everyone.

That's when Josie and Lizzie walk out with obvious tear tracks going down their faces.

My heart breaks for them.

I don't have to be close to them to know that losing a parent is one of my biggest fears, especially at the hands of someone I trusted.

I see Josie hug and kiss Finch out of my peripheral vision. I try not to let my anger get the best of me, especially in such a fragile setting as this but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

I just can't get over the fact that here she is in front of the rest of the crowd like she had anything to do with this.

I know Ethan did all the work, because I saw him scavenging for candles while Finch was lifting weights in the gym.

I know I should just care about the fact that Josie is now getting comfort but something inside is not letting me, I haven't had this problem before, I spent so much time on self control but right now it feels like it's crumbling.

So I take a step back and close my eyes, focusing on the twins voices sounding thankful for everyone showing up.

Just as I am about to reopen my eyes. I feel a hand on my shoulder causing my eyes to open at light speed.

My green orbs meet brown ones in the yellow soft glow of the candle light.

"Thank you for coming." She says in an honest voice but I can't stop staring at how the lights are making certain parts of her eyes flicker.

Why does this feel like a core memory?