Jesper was waiting.

Kaz had opened and closed his mouth a few times now, like a fish. But no sound had come out of his mouth.

Jesper was getting impatient. He drummed his fingers against his thigh, scratched his neck. Apparently Kaz was either unsure where to begin or wanted to kill them all. Probably both.

"Inej knows most of it," Kaz said finally, his voice rough. "It's not- it's just my past. It's not worth talking about."

"Except keeping it a secret is kind of killing you. Literally." Jesper wasn't even sure if he was joking or not.

Kaz's jaw tightened.

"I came to Ketterdam from a farm near Lij, when my father died." He talked as if the words were being dragged out of him unwillingly. "I was nine. My brother was thirteen. Just two pigeons to fleece in the Barrel, two children who knew nothing. We had enough money to survive until we got jobs. And my brother did. He started working for a man named Jakob Hertzoon- kind, charming Jakob, with a gracious wife and a pretty daughter and an honest income." Kaz's mouth twisted into a sneer.

A brother? Kaz Brekker had been a farm boy with a brother? Looking back, Jesper realized he hadn't ever questioned how Kaz came where he was now. But then again, he was scary.

"He led us along, my half baked brother and I, gave us a fair profit for a few weeks until he had our trust. He let my brother play the markets with loans. Everything was looking up-so we thought.

Until he staged a little play, whispering about great profit and caution in front of my brother, who demanded to have a stake. Oh, he played the part very well. Urged us to be cautious, unwilling to let us stake a large sum of money. But my reckless brother invested all our savings in it." Kaz's face was flushed, as if he was embarrassed by this.

Jesper thought about how he would've done the same thing at thirteen, probably. It was a dispiriting thing to consider.

"A few days after, he went to Hertzoon's house, but they'd disappeared into thin air. We asked around everywhere. No man named Jakob Hertzoon had ever existed. He conned us out of our savings and left us beggars."

Jesper glanced around the room. Nina's face was equal parts horrified and sympathetic. Wylan had sunk far down into the chair, looking as though he'd rather be anywhere else. Inej was polishing a knife, but Jesper noted the tremble in her hands.

So she hadn't known the details.

"When we were trying to find other work the plague hit. The dead piled up in the streets and overflowed the Reaper's Barge. Those who had houses were fine, but who would look after the canal rats? They died the quickest."

"We thought it was fever at first." Kaz had dropped his eyes to the bedspread. "We'd been thrown in water by some Razorgulls, and we thought it was just the cold." He laughed humorlessly. "When the fever from the pox reached its peak I was half insane, not knowing what was dreams and what was reality. When I woke with some sense in my brain Jordie was dead. I hadn't even seen his last moments."

Jordie.

Jesper felt something stir in his chest. He didn't want to open his mouth. He remembered Kaz, nearly mad with anger, brawling with him, spitting out insults, calling Jesper Jordie. At the time Jesper had dismissed it as some person Kaz had brought down and regretted. He didn't imagine this.

Why had he called Jesper by his brother's name? Jesper could think of only one reason, and it was as improbable as improbable went. And yet he couldn't help but feel a little hopeful.

"I tried to scream, but my throat was nearly ravaged. They took us to Reaper's Barge, dumped us in the shallows. Didn't return. I'd had nothing to eat or drink, was too weak. But I knew I had to get to the docks somehow, so I- I-" Kaz seemed to have a block in his throat. He had to take a deep breath. "I used- I climbed on my brother's rotting, bloated body and half-swam my way to the docks."

There was a ringing silence. Jesper, without meaning to, had reached out for the comfort of Wylan's hand. His face felt hot. Saints. This was worse than anything he'd ever imagined.

The others were staring at Kaz silently. Nina had her hands pressed to her face. Wylan's hair looked untidy, as if he'd run his hand through it several times. Inej, though- Jesper could feel the Wraith's anger across the room. Inej wasn't someone who got angry. She didn't hold grudges. She was sweet and forgiving, and the most loyal friend one could have. But now he wanted to back out of her way.

"The only reason I stayed in Ketterdam was vengeance." Kaz looked up at them then, his tea-dark eyes glittering. "I found out by accident that Hertzoon had just been Pekka Rollins, scamming us under a different name. When I found that out I joined the Dregs, turned them into a formidable gang. I swore I would take him down, piece by piece, until he suffered."

"Brick by brick," Inej whispered.

"Yes. Brick by brick. And I did." His face was cool and composed. "I blockaded his business, humiliated him, cheated him out of his money. Brought him to his knees." A slow, dangerous smile spread across Kaz's features. "I got my revenge."

No one knew quite what to say. Kaz's story was bleaker and darker and more ruthless than anyone could've imagined, and yet, it seemed quite in character for a nine year old Kaz to swear revenge and see it carried out for nearly a decade.

But Jesper had something else in mind.

"What does that R say, Kaz?" He said, straightening up and tilting his head at Dirtyhands. "Brekker has never been a farm name."

Kaz glanced absently at his arm. "My given name. I abandoned it. It died with a little boy who dragged himself up the Ketterdam docks a new person." He looked up and met Jesper's gaze. "Rietveld."

Kaz Rietveld.

Jesper exhaled and perched on the arm of Wylan's armchair, his fingers threading with the merchling's. He chanced a glance at the girls. Nina looked about to cry. Inej had an odd little smile on her face.

"I spared him. I cut him only once. I should have carved out his heart," she murmured.

They swiveled to stare at her. She laughed. "He didn't leave Ketterdam because he preferred the country life. I told him to. I cut him deep enough that he'll be scarred for life. I only knew he'd killed Kaz's brother then, so I chose mercy. Perhaps I shouldn't have."

Jesper felt laughter bubbling up his throat. "Damn, Wraith. Brekker is rubbing off on you."

Kaz's mouth curled into a reluctant smile. "Unwise, Inej."

"Is that why you don't touch anyone?" Nina ventured. Kaz's smile disappeared. "Yes." He looked down at his bare hands.

Wylan let go of Jesper's hand and went to the bedside table, fetching Kaz's gloves and tossing them at him. "You don't have to pretend you're invincible, Brekker," he said as Kaz pulled them on.

Every day Jesper woke up and thought it was a dream, and every day Wylan woke up and proved him wrong, and every day he got happier. He smiled slowly at the merchling.

Nina rose, sniffling. "I'm going to go fetch the Healer. "

***

"Much better," Kira reported as she traced Kaz's forehead with two fingers. "The knot is not gone, but loosening. It can heal with time, without medikal help."

Kaz had closed his eyes. Jesper wondered how severe it was, if he was trying not to black out, if he was fighting the urge to break her hand.

Still. The fact he was even allowing her to touch him was progress enough in Jesper's eyes.

Kira sat back. "My work is done."

"Much obliged," Kaz murmured. "Come to the Crow Club tomorrow for your payment."

She bowed her head to each of them as she went out, but Jesper suspected this was not the last he'd seen of her. There was something odd in her powers- something different, like Nina's power with the dead.

***

The sky outside had turned gray. They were lounging in Kaz's room, peppering Nina about details of her journey, Inej on her latest voyage, the girls on how the coronation had gone, whether they'd seen Kuwei (at this question Wylan had scowled).

Kaz was leaning back, eyes closed, listening to them in silence. It was a quiet place, a safe place. Somehow, it reminded Jesper of the time they'd spent in the tomb on Black Veil, even if they'd been running on adrenaline, fear and Kaz's mad plans. It felt a bit like a home. He wished Da was here, suddenly- maybe he could show him this and say look, Da, I was lucky enough to gain this.

"And so I agreed to marry him," Nina finished, grinning. "We plan to burn Fjerda from the inside."

Jesper laughed. "What a riveting adventure. Remind me why we don't get to meet this illustrious Hanne?"

"He had to return to Fjerda urgently." Her fingers traced the folds of her dress unconsciously. "It'll be fine. He's getting a contagious illness on the ship. Can't have the queen fret over him until we extract the life story of Rasmus from every dead voice in the palace."

"Devilish," Inej commented with a smile. "Don't go and get a swollen head."

Nina mock saluted. "I promise not to let my head swell as long as you get me my Kerch waffles. Jesper, a long time ago I remember you saying you knew a place with apple syrup...."

Jesper squinted. " I seem to remember I wasn't invited last time."

"Oh, fine, just this one time you can tag along."

"Good enough. You have to get me the best room in the palace for your coronation, though."

"Not a chance, I already took it. I'll set you up in a barn with the roof caving in."

"Hey!"

She smiled and threw a pin at him, and Jesper thought it was worth the bickering just to see smiles bloom on her face after Matthias.

Inej stretched and leapt down from her window perch. "I must go. Notify the harbour authorities I'm back." She squeezed Nina's shoulder. "I'll be back in a while. Jesper can explain to you how he and Wylan and Kaz had an audience with Zoya Nazyalensky and Sturmhond."

She winked at Wylan and Jesper and leapt silently out of the window. As Nina turned to him, a thousand questions in her eyes, Kaz straightened and said stiffly, "I should go too. I'm fine now. The Dregs will be waiting."

"Surely you can stay for dinner!" Wylan protested. "It's already been prepared. Besides, you have to add in why YOU were with them in the first place."

In his three years with the Dregs, running with Kaz everyday, Jesper had rarely seen the thief smile. When he did it was one of accomplishment, of secrecy, of pride. He'd never seen a genuine smile, but it was there now, unfurling slowly.

Kaz Brekker was actually smiling. "Well. If you insist."