Kaz Brekker didn't fully understand what was happening until he was standing right in the middle of the scene. Smoke was filling his lungs and clouding his vision. It wasn't cigarette smoke; no, this had a distinctly different scent and taste. It was the building. It was the Slat.

Jesper Fahey was on his knees, blood dripping down his forehead as he cradled Wylan Van Eck's lifeless corpse in his arms. Never had Kaz seen Jesper in such a scattered state of being. The boy was screaming, but it was silent. Kaz heard nothing. Wylan had three bloodied bullet wounds in his chest, each of which was fatal. There was also a slit cutting clean across the young merchling's throat, blood caked into his once sunshine golden curls. Jesper pulled up one of his revolvers, the other forgotten on the other side of the room. The gunfire was also silent as Jesper quickly shot the individual who had killed Wylan, tears trekking down his cheeks as he did so. Most of the blood covering Jesper belonged to Wylan Van Eck's corpse.

Next was Nina Zenik, who was in pure and utter agony, gripping at her chest while tears ran down her cheeks. Matthias Helvar was holding onto her, attempting to comfort her, but knowing she was beyond his help. The Fjerdan looked absolutely miserable, knowing that he had been defeated. Knowing that she was gone. Her lips had the bright orange powder around them, pupils dilated and fingers twitching. She'd gotten more parem and didn't even hesitate to take it, every cell in her body craving the drug. She belonged to the drug now, her brain completely empty of everything except getting her hands on more.

Finally, inevitably, Kaz found himself looking to the far side of the room, watching Inej Ghafa glance around with large and panicked eyes. Kaz understood what was happening a second too late, watching as the individual who was threatening her lodged a blade directly into her abdomen. Her whole body went still before slowly crumpling in on itself. She collapsed to her knees before hitting the floor.

"No!" Kaz cried, but couldn't even hear his own voice. He dropped his cane and was running as quickly as he could with his limp to reach her, sliding to his knees and grabbing onto her body. Her eyes were slowly closing, but she noticed he was there.

"Kaz..." Inej muttered, Kaz reading her lips and understanding that she was saying his name. His entire body went into shock, uncertain as to how to deal with this. Uncertain how to handle anything that was currently happening.

"Not so strong and mighty anymore, are you, Brekker?" A voice carried through the chaos; this was the first thing that Kaz had been able to hear. He had a leather-clad hand pressed to Inej's abdomen, desperately attempting to stop the bleeding. But it was futile. When Kaz looked back and spotted the individual who had been speaking, he felt as if his world had shattered around him. Pekka Rollins.

"What are you without them? What are you without her?" Pekka's words were sharp as daggers and hurt twice as much. Kaz felt physical pain hammer at his heart as he stared down at Inej, whose breathing was slowly becoming more and more shallow.

What was Kaz Brekker without her? Well, he was still the Bastard of the Barrel, that much was for sure. Without her, Kaz was ruthless. Without her, he had no weakness. Without her, he was unstoppable. Without her, he was hardly human. Without her, he believed life to be meaningless. Without her, he was alone. Without her, he felt like nothing. Without her, he had nothing. Without her, there was no Kaz Brekker. Could the world still turn without Inej Ghafa in it?

Kaz refused to answer, not wanting to give Pekka Rollins the satisfaction of an answer. Instead, Kaz looked back to the girl who was dying in his arms. Kaz was numb to death and pain, but this felt like something different; this was something much more horrible than just another dead body. No, she wasn't dead. But she was rapidly dying. And Kaz felt as if he could hear her heart slowing. But she couldn't die. He couldn't allow that to happen.

"Inej...?" He muttered, not knowing what he was going to say to her, but knowing that he needed to tell her something. He had to say something. But translating his thoughts into words was never something he was good at.

She slowly blinked a couple times, attempting to keep herself conscious for just a little while longer. And, in the end, words had failed Kaz Brekker once again. He couldn't speak, all the words caught in this throat as if they were physically incapable of escaping. He had millions of things to say to her, thousands of confessions and honest truths, but he couldn't. Instead, he placed the middle finger of his right hand between his teeth, biting onto the end of the leather glove and carefully pulling the protective layer off. With his bare and trembling hand, he caressed Inej's cheek, trying so hard to chase off the feeling of his deceased brother's flesh. She smiled softly, almost as if she could sense all the things he wasn't saying.

"It's been an honor, Kaz Brekker..." Inej whispered with her final breath, her chest failing to rise and fall after speaking those words. Her last words were for him. Something hot burned right behind his sternum, so many good and bad feelings colliding at once. Then the darkness consumed his soul.

The Wraith was gone. Inej Ghafa was gone. Kaz Brekker was gone. The only person left was Dirtyhands, and he had no intentions of being kind. His kindness had died the moment Inej had.

Pekka Rollins was still standing over the two Crows who were on the ground, watching Kaz expectantly. Kaz tilted his head to look at the Barrel Boss, white-hot fury boiling inside of the boy. His brain was thinking of every single way that he could kill the man standing before him, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. Not yet. He still wanted to savor the moment. He wanted this man to suffer eternally.

Brick by brick...

• • •

The Wraith gritted her teeth as she scooted through the ventilation shaft that ran through the large facility. In truth, it was just an abandoned building that was out in the Warehouse District. But he was here. He had to be. This was where she'd seen a few of the Dime Lions go, knowing that they had him captive.

Kaz Brekker had been abducted exactly a week back, placing the Crows into quite the frenzy. After all, what are you supposed to do when your leader is taken? Inej stepped up, knowing she had to act as the backbone for the group, seeing as she had the most intel on the situation. She knew it had to be Pekka Rollins that took him. No one else would manage to capture Kaz Brekker and then keep everyone hushed up about it. Everyone acted like they knew nothing. But Inej knew better.

Nina and Jesper had gone out and stalked some of the Dime Lions in the Financial and University Districts while Wylan and Matthias covered the Government and Zelver Districts. Inej had tackled the Warehouse District on her own. When they all reconvened, they decided that the Warehouse District was their best bet. Sure enough, they had found the den for the Dime Lions; one of the dens, anyways. And the Crows knew that Kaz had to be there.

Now, they were here. They were in the process of breaking in, but without Kaz and his infinite amount of backup plans. The group of five had worked deep into the nights, none of them getting much sleep. They were all radiating anxiety and that made it difficult for any of them to feel at peace. But they were willing to make themselves completely miserable in order to locate and rescue Kaz.

Currently, Inej was up in the vents that she knew trailed throughout the interior of the building. She would peer down into the different rooms, searching for the symbol that Jesper had left to let her know which corridor she needed to be in. When she caught sight of it, a yellow sticky note with a 'J' and a smiley face on it, she pulled the vent cover up and dropped silently into the hall.

The room in front of her was the one that Nina claimed to believe Kaz was in. Inej hesitated at the reinforced steel door, but then shook off the resistance and fear inside of her to silently push at the door. Unsurprisingly, it was locked. Inej was quick to grab a set of Kaz's lockpicks out of one of the pockets on her pants, fiddling with the lock for a few beats, hearing Kaz's voice in her head as she did so. All the tips and tricks he'd mentioned to her, using this limited knowledge in order to fool the lock. When it clicked in response, she stuffed the thin steel pieces into her pocket, proceeding to quietly push the door open. And the Wraith's heart just about stopped beating.

The interior of the room contained many machines that were of more advanced technology than Inej was accustomed to. When she noticed what all the wires were connected to, she suddenly found it difficult to permit air into her lungs. Black and red cables snaked from the television monitor to the unconscious individual who was sprawled out on an observation table. It was the Bastard of the Barrel himself: Kaz Brekker. Inej thought that Kaz's presences was bad enough, but when she looked to see what was appearing on the monitor, she felt dizzy.

It was Kaz's dream; she could see everything he was being forced to see. Sucking in a rugged breath, Inej watched what was appearing on the screen. Wylan was dead. Jesper was a disaster of grief. Nina was in an inescapable withdrawal. Matthias was trying so hard to keep himself together. Inej was being stabbed. And Kaz? Well, he was trying his hardest to remain sane.

Inej was quick as she began flipping through the papers that were piled on top of the television, eyes scanning over the text. These were logs of what Kaz had seen during his time here. It was the same thing every time.

Inej was going to be sick. They had drugged Kaz so that he was forced to relive his worst nightmare, then they were analyzing the fears in order to assist Pekka Rollins in weakening Kaz. Anger began to pump through Inej's veins, her eyes drifting back up towards Kaz's unconscious body. She located three IVs and the points where they entered his body: one in his left hand, one in the right inner-elbow, and another on his right foot. And she knew that this complicated their plan entirely.

Inej walked around Kaz, yanking out each of the IVs, wanting to stop the administration of the drug. After about two minutes of him not receiving the medicine, the image on the monitor began flickering. His body was attempting to get it through his system. Inej reached into her other pocket, grabbing out a small piece of technology that Wylan had acquired for each member of the team: small ear radios in order to enable communication.

"This is much worse than we thought," Inej immediately commented, waiting for a response from another Crow.

"Oh Saints. What the hell is it now?" Nina asked as a deep sigh escaped Inej's lungs, exhaustions and defeat dawning on her.

"It's Brekker. And it's bad. He's been drugged with something I've never even heard of before. It allows people to witness his fears on a screen. Pekka is going to use this against him," Inej explained to the group as Nina loudly swore.

"Just so we're all on the same page, what exactly is Kaz's biggest fear?" Jesper asked as Inej sighed, not wanting to have this discussion. She wanted a solution. She wanted reassurance that they were going to be able to pull this off. But she knew that was unfair. They couldn't give her any of those things.

"Jesper..." Wylan's voice had a hint of warning in it, expression that Jesper should shut his mouth. So he did, taking his boyfriend's advice. Inej was still watching the monitor, unable to prevent herself from doing so.

Watching herself die was something that seemed so strange to her. Him removing his glove in order to comfort her was even more foreign. She wasn't entirely certain what to make of this scene. It was a huge invasion of Kaz's privacy, that much she was aware of. She knew she shouldn't be watching. Finally, she forced herself to look away, but sound emanated from the monitor, scaring her a bit.

"What are you without them? What are you without her?" It was Pekka Rollins's familiar and unwelcome voice. Inej straightened her spine just at the sound of the Barrel Boss's voice. Kaz shifting on the observation table dragged her out of her thoughts.

"Kaz?" She asked, walking over to stand next to him. Her eyes snagged on the black leather of his gloves on the opposite side of the room. She made her way across the room, picking them up in order to give back to him.

Kaz stirred awake, the screen falling into a black and white static. The boy blinked a couple of times, seeming a bit dazed and rather exhausted. He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling, seeming to contemplate everything he'd just witnessed. And he believed it was all true, according to the doctor's paperwork.

"Kaz?" Inej spoke again, resulting in him jumping into an upright position and staring at her with wide and vulnerable eyes. Never in her life did she expect to see an unmasked Kaz Brekker. She assumed he would die never allowing a single emotion to appear on his face. But here he was, surprising her once again.

"Inej...?" Kaz muttered, his voice gravelly and raspy from having not been used for over a week now. His dark eyes took in everything about her, uncertain as to whether or not she was really standing there. Therefore, she extended the leather gloves towards him. Hesitantly, he took them, pulling them over his pale hands.

"What...? How are you...?" Kaz never was good with words, but he was struggling so much in that moment. Luckily, Inej understood him. She always did. She offered him a sad smile, glancing around the room.

"We need to get out of here. And then I'll tell you everything I know," Inej carefully promised him. He nodded, his mind seeming to understand that they were somewhere that they didn't want to be.

"Let's go," He replied with a short nod, Inej passing his cane over to him. He grabbed onto it, the two of them beginning to make their way out.

Due to Matthias and Nina aiding them, there were no guards the whole way out of the building. Jesper and Wylan were waiting at the front door with a wagon and a couple horses. Inej and Kaz jumped into the back of the carriage, beginning to head back towards the Barrel. Kaz grabbed onto one of Inej's hands when they were alone inside the carriage, Wylan and Jesper both sitting outside in order to drive. His hand was still covered in his leather glove, but she allowed it. She knew he wasn't in a stable frame of mind at the moment.

And she told him everything. She explained what the Crows had been up to after he went missing and how worried all of them had been. Then she began explaining to him what the doctor's paperwork had stated and what had been done to him. Finally, she told him some of the things she witnessed on the monitor, leaving out some of the more invasive parts. He sat silent, listening and internalizing everything she told him. But he seemed to accept it without argument.

"They're all okay?" He asked, looking up at her, unable to hide the anxiety that was shining in his eyes. And Inej was quick to identify that emotion.

"Yes. You saw Jesper and Wylan on the way in here. Nina and Matthias are already back at the Slat. And, well, I'm alright. The real question, Kaz, is if you're okay," She explained, looking back at him with just as much worry. He held her gaze, his eyes displaying the fact that he didn't want to look away from her; almost as if he was afraid she'd die the moment he looked away.

"I'm fine," He replied shortly as she sighed, nodding and accepting that lie. And Inej wasn't an idiot, she knew she was being lied to. But she also knew that Kaz just went through quite a bit, therefore she was reluctant to pry. Instead, she kept a tight hold on his hand and allowed silence to fall over the two of them.

The ride back to the Slat was filled with silence, which was occasionally broken by the loud and unmistakable sound of Jesper's loud and contagious laugh. Kaz stared at Inej the entire time, still processing the fact that she was alive and well. It was as if his brain wasn't internalizing the fact that what he'd been through was fake. But she was there. And she was alive. And she was going to be okay. He was going to make sure that she was okay.

Because Kaz couldn't be without her. Inej Ghafa understood him in ways that other individuals never would. She knew when he needed space or when he wanted her to pry until he caved. It was almost as if she knew him better than he knew himself. Without her, Kaz Brekker was completely hopeless. With her, though, he had everything he ever could've dreamed of. With her, he had a home. With her, he wasn't alone. With her, he was allowed to be himself.

With her, he was allowed to be Kaz Rietveld.

There was no Kaz without Inej. His newfound nightmare may follow him for the remainder of his life, but it did allow him to see things in a new light. It allowed him to see that he needed her by his side. It showed him that some things were worth the sacrifice. Inej Ghafa would always be the most important thing to him. Without her, life halted. Without her, rivers ran backwards.

Without Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker ceased to exist. And Kaz found that he wouldn't have it any other way.