To be desired is perhaps the closest anybody in this life can reach to feeling immortal.

When I woke up, I was still curled up on Jasper's lap, face pressed against his neck as one of his hands ran over my back -his other gripping my thigh.

His and his dad's voices mixed together in a way that was almost confusing to my tired brain, occasionally his mom would pitch in too and I knew they were talking about something to do with when Atlas and Axel were over.

Hopeful he mentioned the tiny fact I beat their best friend's son up.

Thankfully, however, his mom talking let me remember what I had baked and what is sitting right about our head in storage.

Orange cookies, ones that taste like actual oranges.

They're a fresh recipe I put a little twist on just for the Red's, because I know exactly what they- -Jasper- -like. I made like, three hundred of them and after getting burned a few good times Papa helped too and we finished them way faster together.

"Jitterbug," I mumble, tiredly pushing on his chest. My entire mind feels a little hazy, so fuck that medication. "Orange-"

A yawn cuts me off, and I stretch after it, but Jasper is still blinking down to me with a smile. Apparently, even the mention of oranges makes the dork happy.

"Can I get up?"

He lets me and I have to stand on the edge of the first seat in the row to reach it- -the plane is a comfortable height for people Jasper's size, but for anyone shorter it's not the best- -but eventually I get the duffel bag down and plop the relatively heavy thing on the chair.

There's three big bags, with about thirty cookies each, for Jasper, his mom and Nyx -who was the one who sent me the recipe out of nowhere.

Before that, I didn't even know she had my number.

Other bags just have around ten, but I don't doubt every Red will grab more than one.

The recipe I was sent was shitty and didn't taste like oranges and it was oddly tangy, so I took a few days adjusting it- -and burning a few- -before I finally got it right.

I'm actually really happy with how they turned out, as they smell like sugar cookies and look like pumpkin spice cookies but taste exactly like actual clementine's.

It only took five hours, forty nine oranges and a shit ton of parchment paper.

As an actual orange and the person who gave her entire family the obsession, I think it's only fair that his mom should be the one to taste test them -so I keep the two big bags on my lap after handing the other to her and sitting next to Jasper.

She raises an eyebrow, "Am I supposed t-to eat one?"

"Please, they're uh, you'll like them."

With a single glance at Jasper, Clementine opens the bag, nose wrinkling.

"Sugar cookies?"

"Nope." I pause, then add, "It's not pumpkin spice either."

She was clearly confused at this but apparently trusted that I wouldn't poison her, because she eats one with not even a small bite, but a full one.

And I get to watch as her entire face lights up and she turns to shake her husband's arm after shoving the rest of the cookie in her mouth.

"Oly!" Clementine shouts, holding a cookie up to him -which he takes, albeit with an amused scoff. Then she turns back to me, minty eyes wide as she bounces in her seat with excitement. "Thank you!"

As if their mom's excitement was a homing beacon, Dela slides into the seat next to Jasper, Eris's head and arms pop over Bar's chair to see what's going on and Nyx stands in the aisle between me and her mom.

What the fuck?

Silently, without saying anything, the oldest sister holds out her hand and, with the same silence, hand one of the big bags to her.

Nodding, pleased, she walks off with a small wink to her confused siblings.

"There." I point to the duffel next to Bar, handing off the last big bag to Jasper. I definitely have my priorities straight here. "Have them."

Jasper's sisters each grab a bag and try them, their expressions making it all too clear how alike they are to their mother, while Nyx clearly took after their dad.

I hadn't noticed that my boyfriend had one, since I was busy watching as they grabbed the duffel and disappeared with it -distributing it to those they deemed 'worthy' around the plane.

But I definitely do notice when he grabs my leg and turns me to him.

Buzzing with excitement, I'm about to ask if he likes it, when he presses a fast, happy kiss to my lips. It's answer enough.

The musician continues to eat the cookie he already has, smaller bites than his mom which is strangely adorable.

When he's done all he says is "Oranges!" in a happy chirp before eating another cookie, this time in a single bite.

"How did you do this?" Bar Red asks me, probably at the direction of his wife as she's looking at me as well, just too busy eating to ask. "She's been looking for perfect orange cookies for a long time."

I flush slightly, knowing that me spending so long on them is a bit weird, especially just because of a small suggestion by one of their daughters.

"Nyx sent me a recipe and it wasn't that good, so I tweaked it? That's the final product."

"Blaine!" Bar's voice raises above all the chatter on the plane and, from across the jet where she and Damien are I can hear her reply.

"Fucking what?"

"Thanks."

Jasper tugs on my arm, "How long did it take?"

"They only take like, fifteen minutes to actually bake, and-" I growl. "-like twenty in prep time. I'll give you guys the recipe. It's only twenty per batch though, since you have absolutely no control when it comes to sweet things."

"I have some control," My boyfriend says, smiling sheepishly. "But how long did it take you to do, the 'tweaking' I mean?"

Frowning slightly, I rub the back of my neck when I say, "A few days?"

A few days I barely slept either, so I had a lot of time on my hands.

"Castor," Jasper scolds me, but the gentle thumb running over my cheek feels like anything but. "You shouldn't have put off sleep for something like that, it's unhealthy and not worth it."

Realizing he could tell how I'm feeling even without me doing it on purpose, I groan and sink into my seat, forehead smacking into my boyfriend's bicep. An action I regret, because it wasn't comfortable at all and smacking into the window might have hurt less.

"It's not fair how easily you read me, Jitterbug." I grumble, huffing at him as I rub my forehead.

"Says you, Star, you can tell what I'm feeling -most of the time without knowing why I'm feeling that way." He retorts. "Even without my intrusive reading people's song thing."

Since it's not intrusive or wrong, just another way to read body language, I narrow my eyes at him. "Having a connection with people, even if they don't always know the extent of it is not intrusive. I've never seen you be busy or act entitled-" I growl. "-to know something or push for more information just because you can tell how people feel most times. You're respectful and kind and always stay within people's boundaries; you're the opposite of intrusive."

The musician tilts his head adorably at me, a slight pout on his lips. "But...you were just a baby bit upset because of it?"

No, I was mad at myself for worrying him.

There's a clear difference.

Dropping my hand to his jaw, I squish his cheeks together lightly. "You're a dork, but you're my dork, okay?"

I love being able to say that.

"I wasn't upset. I'm just still not completely used to someone being able to do that but in a way I-" Growling, my fingers tap on his cheek for a moment, making his minty eyes cross as he tries to look at them -which is more amusingly cute than anything else. "I like it too. I never have to explain myself with you, you just already know."

"Awh," Jasper coos at me, pecking my lips before nuzzling into my neck, hand sliding over my thigh only to grip onto my waist. "I feel special."

He is special.

"You pretty much hate everyone but you like me," Understatement. I love him. "And I can understand you. A god."

"Not a god, Jasper."

"Sure sure. Totally believe you."

I scoff, kissing the edge of his jaw. "Liar."

"You know, it's rude you don't have faith that I, as a loyal follower to this God right here-" As if proving 'this God' was me, he nips my neck, making me tense all over. "-don't know divinity when I see it."

That was-

That was hot.

He's hot and adorable and kind. Fuck, containing myself around him is a lot harder than it seems.

So, sounding the most normal I can, I ask, "Did you just bite me."

Without pausing, Jasper says, "I'll do it again."

And I can't tell if it was an offer or a warning but either way -yes please.

The landing of the plane ends any further interaction so I stick with saying "Let's um, get- -bit hot innit- -off the plane." and try to organize my things and not think about the giant next to me.

Catching Jasper's smug, cocky look only makes things worse.

Because yes, it was annoying that someone is so god damn confident in making me flustered but it was also fucking attractive as hell that he can make me so god damn confident.

Jasper doesn't say anything more, just watches me.

It gives me the proper time to cool off and make sure the light blush I got didn't go any further.

Me and Jasper, save for Nyx and Damien, are the last one off the plane.

His family, seeming to wait for everyone, is still very much in their little bubbles with the Red's waiting for their oldest right next to us.

This is precisely when Fly comes barreling towards us, almost elbowing Eris in the face as he wildly thrusts Atlas's phone at me.

"He's threatening you!"

I raise an eyebrow, taking the phone. "You answered when he called?"

"Well," Fly shrugs. "Scar answered because the person's name said Wifey and she wanted to know who would have the audacity to marry him. I decided to tell him his name is stupid?"

"Oh, well in that case, it's perfectly reasonable."

The nitwit scowls at me, foot tapping on the ground.

Holding the phone up to my ear, as my brother didn't seem to notice the exchange, just kept ranting about me.

"And you can bet your freaky ass that I'm coming for your left shoes and when I find them I will pour cement into them, beat you with a stick and boil your teeth-"

"That's creative." I snort, raising an eyebrow at Jasper as he pouts at me as I'm not concerned with the weird threats.

"I will make Nemesis tell you boring things about paint and make you watch the paint dry until your eyes and ears bleed while making you listen to every Brittany Spears song sped up three times until your ears bleed again and then make your head pop off!"

Sighing, I roll my eyes at him. "Why don't you go have a beer and calm down before your head explodes."

With that, I hang up.

And immediately, telling me he's really annoyed, Atlas calls me back.

My reaction is to answer and tell him to fuck off, hang up again or just ignore him, but Jasper takes the phone from me and holds up a hand.

"I'll be back in five minutes."

All I can do I stare at my boyfriend, who isn't smiling at all, sounds more...harsh than normal. He's not being mean, not at all.

But it does remind me that he's a very protective person, even at moments where the protectiveness isn't necessary.

Fly nudges me in the ribs, "Let's hope that ends well."

I give him a dirty look. "For your sake maybe."

It's not like the giant can't handle things himself, and if he's willingly talking to a guy he already told me he doesn't like, it's probably for a good reason.

"Jazz is nice," Saying this, Flynn grins at me. "And he who shall not be named is nice too. It's the most infuriating thing in the fucking world."

"That he's nice?"

"Yes!" The idiot exclaims. "That he's nice, and you're a asshole! And I like you, and don't like him. Nobody understands when I say that if they know you both."

Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms. "You can't be mad that people don't like me."

"It's all rumors and blasphemy." Fly huffs, arms crossing. "I can't believe this. Even Scar punched you!"

Scarlette, dunking under his arm and elbowing her boyfriend in the gut, turns to face me with a raised eyebrow. "At the time, I fully thought you deserved it."

All too aware of the eyes of Jasper's parents on me, I just shrug.

Eyes narrowing at me in question, Scar seems to piece something together. "Wait hold on," Here we go. "I punched you because Fly told me you're the one that punched him, since you both looked beat up. And now I know who was really hitting him at home, so who was hitting you?"

At this I glare at Flynn, I knew, I knew that that would come to kick me in the ass one day. I'm pretty sure I even fucking told him that.

"He um...he fights a lot, you know?" The squirming football player looks all too sheepish at this as he shrugs, giving me an apologetic look.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Bar Red cross his arms, but he doesn't say anything.

It's Scarlette that scoffs, verbally disagreeing with me. "That amount of times you were hurt, hell, you were hospitalized twice in the time I knew you. And you broke an arm -the broken ribs! There's no way that was all from fights. What kind of idiot keeps fighting in those conditions?"

How the fuck am I even supposed to respond to that?

Like am I supposed to say 'No, I didn't fight all that much. I just had terrible bullies, a shitty older brother, an abusive uncle who's a deadbeat cop and Tourette's that made life hard all at the same time as well as a friend that needed to use me as an excuse because he got hit too.' without acting like those things are a big deal?

Because they definitely are, in some ways.

None of those things I like talking about either.

So I cross my arms, close my mouth and refuse to answer -which makes Scar fume.

She's the kind of girl that when someone's hurt or has been hurt, even if she doesn't care about them all that much or at all, wants answers so she can correct, get revenge or get them out of the situation.

Scarlette's the one that helped Fly get out of his house.

Fly hasn't always had it easy.

"Stop asking him things like that." A deep voice snaps behind me with anger I haven't heard before, surprising me enough that I freeze when I see his minty eyes. "That's his and Flynn's business, not yours. Either take it up with your boyfriend or leave mine out of it, Scar."

Relief from that alone makes me relax.

"But, Papi-"

"No." Jasper is adamant with this still and crosses his arms as he steps half in front of me. "This isn't a negotiation."

Next, he turns to his father, who's brown eyes are still narrowed at me.

"Papa Bear, I get that you're concerned but I promise you, if there's something you need to know I will tell you. If Castor wants you to know something, he'll tell you, otherwise no personal questions like that. Do all of you understand or do I need to repeat myself?"

They all say he doesn't, Fly giving me a look that tells me if something more needs to be done about this, or anything, he'll help take care of it.

His dad, who I know hearing about family drama might be triggering for, continues. "I trust you, godling, I just..."

"I know." Jasper nods, glancing back at me. "Can you let us talk?"

At first I was confused if he meant me and him or him and his dad but Bar, Scar and Fly leave without much else -the idiot telling me we'd catch up soon.

Turning to me, surprising me yet again with how tall he is- -since he's not shrinking in on himself like normal- -Jasper holds both arms behind his back.

And begins to uselessly apologize.

"I'm sorry I butted in, I should've asked if it was okay to talk t-to the assh- Atlas!" Not gonna lie, that's funny. "I meant Atlas, if it was okay to talk to him before I did so. So I'm sorry, I should've permission and um... right then, with them three, too? I saw that you were overwhelmed and just reacted. I didn't think or ask if you wanted to reply yourself, I just took control of the situation which was unfair. I'm sorry I got that, too."

That didn't bother me at all, it really didn't.

Sure, during...intimate moments, him randomly taking control would be a little weird, it really would feel weird, but at moments like this when he feels like it's necessary I'm perfectly fine with it.

Especially because it helps with his anxiety.

"You're fine Jitterbug." I pause. "Thanks, I guess? Sawyer can be overwhelming a lot."

"Yeah, but it's not just that, it's -it's like, whenever someone talks about Atlas and how he treats you, you get anxious or overwhelmed because you don't want them to think that he's a bad guy even if he is a bad guy, even if it's only to you." He's not a bad guy, he's just an annoying dickhead that's overwhelming. ""He's important to you, even if he isn't the only one Scar brought up just then."

My eyes snap up from the ground to Jasper, surprised. "How did you know that?"

I'm not going to deny it.

"Uh...you go olive with Atlas, but there's this soft jade too, your love for him is. is like the same love you h-have for Noelle and Circe and Fly." Oh god, if Fly knew I'd love him the idiot would never fucking let me forget it. "But when she spoke, there was none of that, just olive, basil, and sea green. It was easy to tell you, that you didn't want to answer."

"I used to get hurt a lot, not by Atlas, I mean," I'm so thankful my medicine hasn't worn off yet. "Talking about that sucks, I don't want to do it. But if -if you have questions, or want to talk about it with me, I will."

I'm not saying this because he told me about Keres or the slight bullying he went through but because I know it helps him to talk about these things.

For the most part, I'm over it.

And I think, maybe, saying it out loud for the first time might change things.

"I... I want to know," My boyfriend is hesitant at first but then he wraps his arms around me and lets out a sigh, like he's relieved in a way. "But I know talking about things like that, it will all be new to you. So, if or when we have that conversation, don't feel bad if you need to stop or it gets too much, okay?"

Nodding, I hold him tighter to me. I'm not sure if I'm willing to let go, and definitely wouldn't complain if we stay like this forever.

Jasper tells me how he feels through song and I say I love you with my eyes.

Neither of us are good at this.

But together-

Together we're pretty amazing.