CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: BLUSH

All joy...emphasizes our pilgrim status; always reminds, beckons, awakens desire. Our best havings are wantings.

-C.S. Lewis

Eventually we actually were able to give the bags to Bar, who sends me one nod before hugging each of his kids, and it's soon time to actually get on the plane.

Just like when we came here, everyone's in massive groups.

Not bothering with it, just flicking through my phone while Jasper keeps me tucked against his side and decide to listen to some music.

I don't realize we're about to get into the plane until two large hands lift me onto the platform.

Because he didn't warn me, at least in a way I didn't notice, it surprises me enough that I grab his wrists, pushing my body back into his for support as we both stop on the top platform.

"Sorry," I say, straightening out and threading my fingers through his as I glance back at him. "I didn't know we were moving."

For a moment, as we walk down the plane aisle, he's silent until we get to our seats and then he asks "How much do you weigh?" as his arm snakes around me, hand pressing into my stomach making my body jolt.

How much do I weigh?

Oh...

Especially during the first years of high school, when I was tall but even skinner, my family was worried about my weight sometimes -as if I was sick.

To them, I was the size of a child with the face and height of an adult. For some reason, that just didn't sit well with them.

Papa tells me he thinks sometimes he made mistakes, that he should have paid more attention to me or helped me more on a physical level because I was nothing compared to Adonis or Atlas when they were my age.

Even Triton is bigger than I am and an inch shorter, and he's only fourteen.

But I have to keep reminding them that even if I share the classic male Rex face, I'm not made like them. I'm shorter and lean just like my mom, like Nemesis.

I'm strong, I know that, but most of the things I can do come from experience, endurace, from my stamina, not from any brute strength I have. I've always been a little underweight for my height, but not in any worrying way.

Apparently Jasper is starting to realize that.

"Like...one twenty-five?" I answer, turning back to him. "It's not bad."

My boyfriend holds me closer, his large hand coming up to my cheek. "Isn't that underweight?"

"It's not bad." Repeating this, I huff at him. "You don't have to look so worried. It's not-" I growl. "-like I shrunk any during the time I've known you."

Letting him think, I turn back to our seats and have to stand on the edge to put something away, but this time Jasper actually tries to help me.

"Jitterbug," I groan, dropping back down to the floor. "I'm not fragile. Don't treat me like I am." He just pouts but drops his hands from my sides. "I can literally pick you up, and I've beaten Axel in a fight. And I play football. And- -not, not, not- -hockey. What are you worried about exactly?"

"Probably that you'll blow away in the wind." Fly snickers, butting into the conversation as he comes down the aisle bumps into my side -making Jasper actually pick me up like I'm going to break from him.

Seriously?

He literally tackles me for sport.

"I am not that small." I tell them, but Jasper just holds me tighter like he's trying to protect me. "Jasper, please, I'm almost average."

"Almost but not," He instantly replies, cuddling into my neck. "You realize that you're barely up to my shoulders and I'm almost a whole 100 pounds more than you? And yeah, I'm tall but you're so tiny. Not fragile but smaller people are easier to hurt and I don't like that."

It just makes me sigh. "I'm literally fine."

Jasper shakes his head, holding me with one arm and moving his other hand along my wrist, pulling my arm up to expose the white bandage under his sweatshirt's giant sleeve. "You're already hurt."

He's making this difficult.

"It's not bad, besides- -bad, bad, bad- -that was days ago. I'm literally fine. I've been this size the entire time we've been dating. Since forever."

My boyfriend presses me fully into him, wrapping my legs around his waist as he gasps. "When you fought Axel!"

"A fight I won." I remind him, pushing my glasses further up my nose, but the reminder doesn't seem to do anything.

Why is he so worried -his giant body just tumbles around the place all the time, running into things and hurting himself.

I should be the one worried, not wrapped around him like if I touch the floor my body will combust.

Fly has the audacity to laugh at me, patting my back as he walks into our aisle too. "While he's too busy worrying, I'll make myself comfortable so by the time Lil' Red gets here, that fucker can't kick me out."

"I'll beat you up." I threaten, making Jasper's hands tighten on my body.

"No," He whines. "You're not allowed to fight anymore!"

"Jasper I play hockey." I deadpan. "That's a full contact sport."

Scar, side skirting Jasper, raises an eyebrow at me. "What the fuck, Cas?"

Shrugging the best I can, I simply say, "He won't put me down."

"Jazz, I've seen him punch out three guys at once and handle Fly's beefy drunk uncle, and win all his hockey games since I've met him." Scarlette says, prying on one of his arms. "Put him down! He's fine, you're just an anxious little baby Red."

"He's a puppy." I add.

Our cooperation fails, as his grip doesn't lesson, Jasper just huffs. "I'm not a puppy."

"Oh my god." Squirming, I manage to pull far enough away from him that he's not buried into my neck anymore so I can face him. "You have to not be so- -mother ducklings- -protective at me just walking around, Jitterbug. I'm literally fine. I've been this size, this normal size, the entire time."

Does he have to be so cute while holding me captive, it's so unfair.

Fuck, why am I blushing?

What the fuck.

"No, wait." I cover his eyes as soon as they widen, holding my other hand over my mouth.

There's so many things going on in my head. I'm just embarrassed about my weight but then I'm also so flustered at how he's holding me and I like how protective he's being even if it's unreasonable.

I just wasn't paying attention to myself so much because I was focused on him putting me down.

So I went bright red.

My heart started pounding.

I didn't have time to prevent any reactions on my part like I normally would.

Jasper saw that, there's no way he didn't, and the only time he saw me that red was probably when we're fucking. I hate it when I blush, I look so weird.

The only thing worse is when I wear my glasses.

And I am wearing my glasses!

I had to change out my contacts because I ran out of my monthly ones and decided not to bother with putting another pair in just to sleep on the plane.

The musician hasn't said anything, so I just didn't bother to remind myself how I look with glasses on. He didn't care so I forgot.

I should have taken my medicine today.

"Castor?" Jasper questions me, pulling his face away from my hands. "Why did you...wow."

"Sorry, I'm just gonna-" Me trying to take my glasses off doesn't work, as he grabs onto my wrist and hitches me further in the air.

"My star," Showing off his dimples, my boyfriend smiles so wide it gives me a moment's pause. Then makes me redder. "You are positively adorable, did you know that?"

Shaking my head, mind reeling with images of him pressed over me, I point to the seats. "Just, just put me down or- -bit hot innit- -go help Dela, or someone, even Axel, just let me, let me- -bit hot innit- -cool off."

Laughing a bit like me getting flustered is the most hilarious thing in the world, Jasper sets me down way slower than he needs to, looks me over as if checking for something. I think he's going to walk away but then he leans over me, and says, "Don't get hurt when I'm gone."

And he walks away.

If I'm being completely honest, being told that just makes me want to tell Fly to punch me for absolutely no reason, if not to be spiteful but I decide against that when Scarlette comes back over from her sister's seats and sits next to Fly.

My seat is directly across from Fly's and Scarlette's is across from Jaspers, so this time we'll have company on the plane ride back.

Though, if Jasper starts to have problems, I'm more than willing to kick Fly out to go annoy the Riddles while Scarlette stays back.

Fly coughs, making me glance up to him but he just smirks at me. It's basically just him teasing me about how red I am, making me cross my arms and sink into my seat as I narrow my eyes at him to tell him to fuck off.

"Guys please," Scar says, glancing between us. "I can't read your secret language. English. Verbally."

"I can speak Nihongo, if you want to mess with him." I tell her, watching as her jaw drops. I know she can speak Japanese too, from how much she's cursed at Fly in it.

And Fly's gone to me for some translations to, like how to say I love you and shit, since my cousins on the Monikol side taught me.

Nobody around me is really able to speak it other than them and we don't hang out with each other often at all, so I'm pretty sure I surprised Scarlette.

"I'll keep that in mind." She says eventually.

Nodding, I pull my notebook over to me getting my green highlighter out to sketch Jasper, who's sitting with his sisters and their partners, who are taking up one whole section.

This plane is a different one, the sections are cut off from each other. It's because not everyone is leaving the island, most of the adults and the ones with little kids are staying behind, they were all just gathering around to say goodbye.

"Cassie, coach told me there's a possibility we made it to nationals," Fly says excitedly. "Do you believe that?"

"No." I say blankly. "Our blockers don't block, the only reason we won- -won, won, won- -the last game is because of that dumb risk I took. But I did like this season more than the last one, honestly -mother ducklings. Also, we stacked it so we wouldn't go to nations, so no way."

"Shit, you're right."

Flynn goes on to tell his girlfriend about the moves we've been practicing, because we need to keep adapting to our team not helping us get through plays but how since we're freshmens and college scouts rarely pay attention, we want more off-book practice time before we ever really try to win nationals with a team like the one we have.

Stupid homophobes.

Then again, I'm kind of used to it and it really doesn't bother me all that much.

I'm just excited for the next season, because we'll both be ready.

After a few minutes of drawing I notice Dela is walking over to me, waving. I raise an eyebrow and nod at her. Instead of saying anything, she nods to herself and just walks away again.

Um, okay?

It's not long before Vivianna bounces over to me, expecting it, I just bow my head and let her pat my head how she does before sitting next to me.

Tucking my leg under me, I separate our bodies even more but she doesn't question it.

For being six inches shorter than me, her energy is massive and she always takes over the entire space when she enters it. It makes me feel like she's hugging me even when she's five feet away.

I really like her, I think she considers me a friend, but it's kinda suffocating too.

But she's funny and makes Fly laugh, so I don't ask her to move.

By the time Dela's back and sitting next to Scarlette, I know somethings up so I don't even glance up to her, even if I'm aware of her presence.

I really hope they don't plan to stay here.

Dela was the first one to come up, so I'd bet she has a lot to do with this and we all know who her twin- -who is quite easy to make do random things when bored- -is. Meaning this is something to do with Jasper.

Narrowing my eyes at my paper, I glance up to Dela but Fly catches my attention first when he does the slight moment we use for 'game'.

What's a game? I give him a look back, causing him to jut his chin out at Dela.

Oh, so I was right.

"Dela," Fly says, grinning widely. "I want to do whatever you're doing that's making Cas squirm like that."

Nodding with a smirk, Dela leans over her cousin to whisper something to Fly -which makes him and her simultaneously turn to stare at me.

Rolling my eyes at them, I simply sigh and make myself continue to draw. They're doing this on purpose, I really don't give a fuck if they want to look at me and make their eyesight as bad as mine.

A slight movement catches my eye and I find myself locking eyes with Jasper.

Instantly I smile at him, winking as he flushes a bit -it doesn't make up for the way I went so flustered earlier, but it is cute.

He says something else to his parents before making his way over to me, Dela going back to Lavender so Vivianna moves next to Scarlette so my boyfriend can sit next to me.

Grinning, I push myself up to give him a small kiss.

Without saying anything, just smiling like the dork he is, Jasper grabs onto my thighs and lifts my legs over his lap to pull our bodies closer.

"What did Dela-" I squeak. "-test this time?" I ask, dropping my notebook in my lap to grab onto his other hand.

"Nothing important." Jasper says, threading his fingers through my own as his eyes drop down to my notebook, but I can't believe him because he's smiling like that. "What'd you draw?"

I smirk, "Nothing important."

His hand squeezes my calf and he leans into me with a small chuckle. "I love you."

"I love you too." Waiting for him to lean in more first, we share a small kiss that makes my smirk turn into a grin. Huffing at the smudge on my glasses I quickly clean it with his shirt, since it's his fault after all.

"Oh my god, wait!" Fly startles to stand flying across the space to sit on the other side of me. "You have your glasses on! Oh my god. It's been so long, hold on. Damn. I forgot your eyes were literally the most boring color to exist. You look a little different too-"

"You little pest, leave him alone." Tossing her phone at him, Scarlette scolds her boyfriend but he just laughs.

"Cas doesn't mind," I actually don't, but it is annoying he knows that. "He doesn't even know how he looks."

Scarlette frowns at me, "You don't?" Scowling in my seat, I shake my head. "Like... seriously? How do you, how would you even describe yourself? That's just... you don't know how you look."

"Uh, I guess...plain? I'm not ugly, I guess, but it's- -mother ducklings- -not like I could be a model." Shrugging, I nudge my glasses up, feeling the musician's fingers grip my leg a little tighter. "I don't have to describe myself a lot. It's not like anyone around me is entirely-" I growl. "-invested in how I look."

Flynn raises an eyebrow, pointing at Jasper and says, "It's not like he's in it for your stunning personality."

Honestly the best way I know how to describe Flynn is that his IQ is a bit bipolar.

Because saying that in front of an overprotective, possessive Red isn't normally the best thing in the world.

"Obviously," Knowing he's joking around but also knowing I'm an asshole, I take this in good humor but his girlfriend rolls her eyes. "Together they barely equal out to a- -five, five, five- -five, and he's a ten, so..."

The blond snorts. "Five? Isn't that a little...much."

Still joking, I shake my head. "I can cook."

"Cookies!" Fly gasps, rushing out of his seats. "I left cookies in the cabin!"

"Babe!" Scarlette says, rushing after him but pauses to glance back at us. "We're getting another section, by the way, Fly just wanted some 'quality game husband time' and annoyed Cas by thinking we're staying."

Well, okay then, that's pretty typical. He is always so forgetful, and likes to try to annoy me like that.

Once the curtain's closed Jasper is tugging me onto him, pouting at me. "You don't know what you look like? That's so sad. Your eyes -they've been deprived."

"Love, my eyes have taken enough damage already."

"But you're so...gorgeous."

Taken aback, I freeze for a moment. Gorgeous. The hottest man on earth called me gorgeous, and not to mention he's my boyfriend.

Now is not the time to get flustered, I'm still not over how openly I turned red.

"Your, er..." Wrinkling my nose at him, I poke one of his fingers in the weird finger boop thing he likes doing. "Your standards are too low."

Without me giving any warning, the giant holds my waist flush to his and bites just hard enough into one of the still-prominent marks on my shoulder to make me squirm. "They're not. You are gorgeous. You're so beautiful, in a lot of ways. I don't want to have to prove that."

"Prove it if you have to," I say, raising one hand up to his jaw. "I still won't know how I look."

"Trust me, by the time I'm done, you'll know every inch of your body so well you won't need a mirror." Jasper presses a short kiss to the hollow of my throat. "And you'll think you're just as beautiful then too."

That doesn't sound too bad to me.

Getting to the airport was confusing, because I was still really tired and sharp yelling snapped me out of it.

A lot of Jasper's family stayed on the island and I'm the only one who has to get picked up. Making it my family who's yelling.

Which became more clear when Nemesis came into view, hands thrown in the air as Atlas stands in front of her.

"Cas isn't your problem, Addie!" She yells. "He's our brother!"

I sigh heavily, catching her attention, making her start to grin awkwardly at me as I catch Beck- -the family friend I told Jasper about a few days who's also Atlas's best friend, who's actually Beckett Smith- -laughing to himself by the door, pointing at my face.

"Hey Cassie," Nemesis moves on like nothing happened. "Fancy seeing you here."

Giving her a small wave, I glance back to Jasper as he wraps his arm around my waist to hold me against him.

"Uh hi, you must be Jazz and Jazz's family. Anyway, we really have to get moving because both Beck and Pax have work and Addie wants to get home. The people here already gave us all your bags! Forewarning, Atlas is hung over, Pax and Beck are shit drunk and Ben is just a little tipsy. I'm driving, who do you want to sit by?"

"Window and- -mother ducklings- -Ben," I say. He's the calmest out of them, even when tipsy. "Can I meet you there?"

She gives me a weird look, Atlas shooting me a small glare but even he doesn't say anything as our sister nods. "Be quick."

Already, Jasper's pouting at me, his other hand grabbing onto my hips as his arm tightens around my waist. "I don't want you to go."

"Jitterbug, we've seen each other every single day since August." I grin at him, wrapping my own arms around him best I can. "A week won't kill us. You, more specifically, Mr. Extrovert."

Jasper sighs heavily, leaning down to nuzzle his face into my neck. "I don't want to wait, and it's a little over a week."

He doesn't want to wait.

And my parents have been telling me all this time that I can bring someone over whenever I want...