I crossed the street, passing a line of parked cars and reaching a metal fence that bordered the campus. It was quieter there, and Ben was gone. My hands guided me down to sit before I felt them pull at my hair.My mind was still spinning, battling with itself while I tried to set it straight.

He wouldn't...

Common sense was not on my side. He could, and I'd suspected him of doing so more than once...

I leaned back against the fence, trying to focus on the breeze on my skin, on the voices in the distance. I'd been having a good night.

My phone buzzed and I tuned it out, resting my hands on my jeans instead. My fingers were picking at them, my body still filled with adrenaline.

It's not a big deal...

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to think of anything else. The game, my friends... Lucy was coming tomorrow. She'll know somethings up with me right away... something else.

There was a rustling behind the fence, but I kept my eyes closed. It's a raccoon. I clenched my jaw, listening, but my mind wanted to take me somewhere else. The wind, the trees, the sky.

The sky... The one that made me feel like I was being swallowed whole, into the darkness.

"Evan?" I jumped as a hand lightly touched my shoulder, my eyes flying open. Rowan was in front of me, his expression gentle but worried.

I frowned. This wasn't the same person Ben had described. The person in front of me was kind, gentle... caring.

You've seen him angry. You've seen him fight.

"Are you okay?" Rowan paused, before turning to someone and muttering, "could you get him some water?" I noticed Shea behind him, immediately turning on her heel.

"No, no, I'm fine," I said quickly, my hands moving to push me up, but Shea was already gone. "Just needed some fresh air, sorry." I forced a laugh that even I could tell didn't sound like me.

"You should sit for a minute," Rowan said, his hands lightly guiding me back down. I felt my heart pound a bit faster as I glanced at him.

"That was a really good game," I said, my eyes flashing back towards the gym. "You make it look easy."

Rowan sat on the ground next to me, taking my hand in his.

"Thanks for coming," he said, pausing for a second before leaning forward to look at me. "What happened to your hands?"

"What?" I looked down at my palm he'd turned over, which was lightly scraped from the concrete from earlier. "Oh, I'm not sure."

Rowan frowned,

"You don't know?"

"No, I know, it's really nothing." I quickly muttered, "I just don't..." I don't know where to start.

There was a heavy pause before Rowan rubbed my forearm lightly,

"You don't have to tell me right now."

I nodded slowly, staring ahead and focusing on the feeling of his fingers on my skin.

"I swear, I'm okay," I said after another silent pause, and Rowan nodded too, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. "You know, just so many sweaty fans in there heating up the building needed some air after that."

Rowan laughed, and I saw a figure out of the corner of my eye running toward us. Shea was there in a matter of seconds, handing me a large bottle of water.

"You didn't have to run," I said, embarrassed. Shea laughed.

"I love running."

I frowned and took a small sip of the water,

"Who loves running?" I glanced between them before shaking my head, "never mind. Forgot who I was talking to."

Rowan smiled at that and I took another sip of water before pushing myself back up to stand.

"I'm fine guys, what'd you wanna do?" I said as Rowan followed me up, standing close.

"We could head back to the dorms," Shea said, motioning in their direction.

I thought of the three of us at Rowans. Shea would go at some point, leaving me alone with Rowan and just my thoughts...

I shook my head,

"You guys both won tonight, right? Let's go celebrate."

Shea smiled and looked at Rowan,

"There's a party a few blocks down we could head to. Some of the gals are already there."

"Let's do that," I said, hoping my enthusiasm sounded natural. Rowan turned to me, concern still faintly etched in his expression.

"You sure?"

I nodded, my eyes averting instinctively.

"Yeah, if you want to."

There was a pause and I fiddled with the cap of the water bottle before Rowan answered.

"Sure, let's go."

***

"Okay, what about her?" Shea leaned closer to me, "with the curly black hair by the hallway."

My eyes scanned the dimly lit room before I spotted the girl leaning against the wall. She was talking to a taller guy with a tattered jean jacket.

"Yeah, she's pretty." I took another sip of the drink she'd made me earlier. "She's talking to a guy though."

"Yeah, so what? That doesn't mean anythi- oh fuck, never mind."

I glanced back at the girl who now had her arms wrapped around the guy, looking joyfully up at him.

"Goddammit." Shea leaned back against the couch, her head dropped back. "This is impossible," she said to the ceiling.

"Don't worry," Rowan sat next to me, a new drink in his hand. "You still got time."

"That's promising," Shea said, before sitting back up and grabbing the cup from his hand, putting her empty one on the windowsill behind her. "You guys aren't being helpful, and I'm bored."

"Bored."

"Fine, I'm horny Rowan. I guess you two wouldn't understand."

My face reddened and I took another sip from my drink. Rowan leaned in towards her,

"Shea-"

"Ugh, I'm sorry guys. I wish I was straight. Then I could steal your man Rowan. Wouldn't we be cute together?" Shea threw her arm around my shoulders, and I laughed, my face reddening further.

Rowan's eyebrows quirked and he adjusted to face us,

"You know..."

"Wait, shut up, look at the girl who just walked in."

I glanced towards the entrance, spotting a girl with long, dark blue hair and tall black boots. Her eyes landed on Rowan and stayed there, even after he'd turned back to Shea.

"Go talk to her."

"Yeah I gotta get in there before more of these fuckin guys get in the way," She said, hopping off the couch and fixing her long braids.

"Do I look okay?"

We assured her that she looked great and she turned, beer spilling on her hand as she adjusted her shirt. "Ugh, take this back," she said to Rowan, handing him the drink before walking towards the girl.

"Think she's got this?" Rowan asked, moving closer to me.

I finished my drink, placing my empty cup on the windowsill next to Sheas. She was motioning towards the girl's black dress, who in return put her hand over her heart and beamed.

"Yeah, she looks like a natural," I said, feeling a smile cross my face as Shea playfully touched the girl's arm.

"Rowan!" Jamie, one of Rowan's teammates, sat down next to him along with two girls I hadn't met. I moved further down the couch to make room for them, Rowan following my lead. "It's Evan, right? We met at the dorms."

"Yeah, you're Jamie - good game," I answered.

"Thanks, it was all him though." He nudged Rowan on the shoulder, who shook his head. "Don't know what they're gonna do when this fucker graduates."

Jamie introduced me to the two girls he was with before turning to talk to Rowan about the opposing team's coach.

I fidgeted with my hands, the music was loud and it was packed. I looked through the crowd, The blue-haired girl had gotten a lot closer to Shea and was whispering something in her ear. My eyes wandered back to Rowan, who was nodding along to whatever Jamie was saying, still holding his drink.

My heart thumped as I sat there, feeling all-too aware of myself. I reached back around to the windowsill and took my empty cup.

"I'm gonna get another drink, want one?" I asked once there was a pause in the conversation, and their heads turned.

"I can come with," Rowan said and moved to stand before I quickly shook my head.

"I'll be right back, two seconds."

"Could you grab me a beer?" Jamie asked, and I nodded. Rowan seemed slightly irritated by him as he continued the conversation, his hand running through his hair before rubbing against his upper arm. I headed off to the kitchen, feeling guilty.

I dragged him here and he's not having fun.

I bit the inside of my lip, knowing I wouldn't be able to bring up what Ben had told me. Things were finally going well, and now my thoughts were consumed with questions, more questions. One's he wouldn't want to answer.

There were some playful shrieks near the front door as more people piled inside, hurrying away from what sounded like a sudden heavy rainfall.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka, pouring some in my cup before drinking it down, my face scrunching up in disgust. I wanted to wash away my thoughts and act normal for once like everyone else.

"You gonna drink that all by yourself?" A pretty redheaded girl with a golden lip ring was standing next to me, and I took a step back, wondering when she'd shown up.

I quickly shook my head and offered her the bottle. "Thanks," she said and poured herself some before adding more to my cup. "Cheers."

I drank the vodka before grabbing two cans of beer and cracking one open to wash down the bitter taste.

"You're friends Rowan Williams?" She asked.

I glanced back at Rowan, who'd thrown his arm around where I'd been sitting.

"Yeah," I said, feeling no need to explain any further. Her eyebrow raised as she looked back at him.

"Why?" She asked, and I frowned,

"What do you mean, why?"

"You don't hear all the rumors about him?"

I took another sip of the beer and shook my head.

"I don't really listen to rumors."

"Well be careful."

I frowned, feeling defensive.

"He's a good person."

She let out a short laugh and shook her head.

"If you say so. All I know is that most good people don't hit women."

I paused, pulling the drink away from my lips.

"What do you mean, when has he hit a woman?"

She straightened up, leaning closer to me.

"He hits his mom, you didn't know?"

I thought of Rosie, her spirited demeanor, and her warm affection towards her son.

"How do you know?"

"Like two years back, my friend's mom saw her with a huge black eye. Asked her about it and she couldn't remember a thing."

"How does that mean he hit her?"

The girl frowned, pouring more vodka into our cups.

"He lived with her at the time, no husband. Who else could it be?"

"But nobody saw him hit her?"

"Nope, but it's just common sense. You've never seen him be violent?"

"Not with women. Is that what the rumor's based on? A black eye from two years ago?"

She rolled her eyes,

"That's all I've heard, but you can't just dismiss it unless you have another explanation."

I shook my head, grabbing my cup and drinking the vodka before setting it aside and grabbing my beer.

"I'm not dismissing it, but I don't think it's right to go around saying he hits women if the only story is that his mother had a black eye two years ago. Did she say it was him?"

"She doesn't remember, memory loss or some shit. But that's probably what most moms would say to protect their kids."

"You're making a lot of assumptions."

She shrugged and drank her vodka before answering.

"His knuckles are always bruised."

I shook my head, drinking more of my beer and grabbing the other can.

"I've gotta go."

"Hey, Evan!" I held back a groan as Jenna walked over to me, throwing her arm around the girl I'd been talking to. "Were you at the game? I didn't know you two knew each other."

I glanced back at Rowan, whose eyes were scanning the crowd.

"We just met, yeah I was there," I said impatiently, the unopened can chilling my hand.

"This is my poly sci tutor, Evan," Jenna said to her friend, whose face broke out into a big smile.

"Oh, this is the famous Evan?"

Jenna shushed her friend hastily, throwing her hand over her mouth.

"Nice seeing you," I said, and looked back to Rowan, who'd finally spotted me. "I've actually gotta go give this to my friend but I'll see you after break?"

Jenna's face fell, but she nodded and gave me a small smile.

"Yeah, definitely!"

I made my way back to Rowan, my eyes seeming to move slower than usual. I handed Jamie his beer before dropping back down on the couch.

"Sorry, got caught up," I said, taking another sip of beer.

"Seems like it," Rowan answered, the corner of his mouth turning upwards in amusement. "You look a bit drunk now."

I sat up straighter and faced him, spilling a bit of beer on my lap.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, smiling back at him before Rosie's kind face flashed in my mind.

Listen, Evan- you shouldn't believe what you hear... Erik's words rang in my head, mixing up with the rumors, but it'd be better to deal with those when I was sober.

"Well," Rowan's dark eyes looked me over and I felt my face flush as he looked back at me. "Your cheeks are a bit pinker than usual,"

"-That's not because I'm drunk."

Rowan's eyes gleamed.

"Oh? What's it from then?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but after a pause, I just ended up laughing instead.

"I really don't know."

Rowan's eyes flickered down to my lips before he nodded towards the hallway.

"Well, check out the progress they've made in your absence."

I easily spotted Shea as her hands were mixed up in the long blue hair of the girl she'd approached, their lips joined together.

"Oh, shit." I looked back at Rowan, "she did it."

"She's a charmer."

I took another sip of my beer, the room seemed to float around me.

"Well, are you having fun?" I asked, and Rowan playfully nudged me with his thigh.

"Yeah, now that you're back."

I took another sip of beer as Rosie's glazed eyes crossed my mind as she explained her dark painting. I think it came to me in a dream...

***