y decision to learn to fight as a means of protection almost becomes consuming. It's like training in the gym has offered me something, a glimpse of a girl who has power in her fingers, who controls her fate.

It's a far cry from the girl I am outside of the gym, but for now, it's enough. Between the pressure from my family, the rumors at school, Max's lingering feud with Kino, and Justin lurking around every corner, it's the only thing keeping me sane. And maybe I'll never really be good enough to protect myself, maybe in the end, I'll give it my all, and I still won't measure up. But as I pound on the heavy bag, matching the sound of my punches to Maddie's, I can't help but wonder: what if I do?

Eventually, when I feel like I'm on the verge of collapsing, we take a break. Maddie throws over my water bottle for me, which I gulp down eagerly. As gruesome as our training sessions can be sometimes, I always feel a sense of pride afterwards like I've achieved something many don't get the chance to do.

"So, I heard about this family dinner you're taking Max to tonight," she says, but I'm too busy inhaling my water to reply right away. "He sounds nervous about it. He must really like you if he's willing to put on a suit."

When I've twisted on the lid, I say, "Yeah, he's coming along for moral support. I think it's the only way I'm going to get through the night." I pause, and then, "If you want, you and Hayden are welcome to come. It might make him feel a little more comfortable." She looks like she's about to decline, so I throw in a desperate, "Please come."

She laughs and says, "Okay, but only because you asked nicely for once."

"I'm always nice."

"Sure you are. You ready for another round?"

"I can't," I say glancing at my watch. It's nearing ten a.m, which means I have just about enough time to go home and get changed before Max takes me on a surprise date before our dinner. In his words, something normal before I drag him into the lion's den tonight. The only instructions I've been given is to wear something sensible, including my shoes. And I mean my version of sensible, he'd added. Not yours.

Maddie wiggles her eyebrows and says, "Have fun."

I smile at the same time my heart jumps. As cheesy as it feels to admit it, the thought of seeing Max always makes my body tingle with excitement. It's like, for the first time, I get to be myself around somebody – flaws and all.

The rest of the morning is spent raiding my closet for something to wear that's comfortable but fitted. Despite the many messages I've sent him, he still won't clue me in on what we're doing, so I'm going in blind. I settle on a light sweater, some jeans, and my trainers – a safe bet for any impromptu occasion. I'm hoping. Then I head downstairs to where my mother is in the kitchen, noisily blending up a vegetable smoothie. I pause and contemplate turning around before she can spot me, because these days avoiding her is easier than talking with her, but I'm tired of dancing around the subject.

"Morning, honey," she says, but she doesn't look up. "You ready for the dinner party tonight? Got your dress?"

"Yes," I say, "I'm ready."

"Good." She looks up now, and her eyes soften. "I know things didn't work out with you and Justin, but at least Roger Fallon's son will–"

"Actually," I say, "I'm taking a date tonight." It is a brave thing to say to someone like my mother, but right now the thought of seeing Max later offers me some semblance of confidence.

She falters, then, "A date?'

"Yes."

"With who?"

"You won't know him," I say at the same time my phone buzzes. Max is outside, so I'm about to say goodbye and turn on my heel when my mother stands up to stop me.

"Now is not the time to be bringing a date," she says. "Your father is hanging on by a thread, Alyssa. Do you want to embarrass him in front of his friends?"

"Me bringing a date to the dinner is not going to embarrass him," I say. "You're always so dramatic." I don't know where this boldness is coming from, but I embrace it to the fullest.

"We haven't even vetted this boy," she says. "We know nothing about him. Your father is going to have a coronary when he finds out."

"Well, then, we'll leave it until tonight to tell him," I say. "It can be a surprise."

What's left of her sparse eyebrows furrow. She grabs my hand, pulling me closer as her eyes search mine with an air of disconnect like maybe she no longer recognizes me. Truth be told, I don't recognize her either. "What has gotten into you?" she asks. "When did you stop caring about this family?"

"Around the same time this family stopped caring about me," I say, and then I grab my bag and run outside to where Max's truck is waiting for me. As soon as I open the door and climb inside, I lean over to kiss him. It's a quick peck, a hello more than anything, but as soon as I pull back he draws me in closer.

"That all I get?" he says and kisses me properly.

My stomach is flooded with butterflies like I'm twelve years old again. He's got this way of making me feel like I'm special even if I'm not, and I love it. I love the confidence I feel in his presence, as though I'm free to be anyone I want to be.

Free to be me.

When I finally pull back, it takes everything I have not to flash a goofy grin. This is usually the part where I open my big mouth and do something to ruin it, and I'm not about to do that with him. The more careful I am, the less likely it is that things will go wrong.

I'm sure of it.

"So, did you get the suit?" I ask. When he'd told me he had nothing to wear for the dinner, I'd had a suit sent to his house, but he has yet to mention whether it fits.

"Yeah," he says, hiding a smile, "I got the suit. You're insane, you know that?"

"So I've been told. You try it on?"

"Yeah. How'd you know my size?"

I smile and lean back like I've accomplished something. "I have an eye for these things. Where are we going?"

"I told you," he says, reversing onto the street, "it's a surprise."

"You're not even going to give me a clue?"

"That's the opposite of a surprise."

I sigh and drag my gaze to the window as rows of palm trees pass by. There is something peaceful about riding with Max, even with Tupac blasting through the stereo. It's different from my day trips with Justin, tinged with an air of mystery that my life had been sorely lacking. And even though the suspense is killing me, it's better this way.

Exciting.

He concentrates on driving as I glance at his profile. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips moving quietly as he taps out a rhythm on the steering wheel, but despite the concentration on his face, I've never seen him more relaxed. He'd been so uneasy our first few encounters like I wasn't to be trusted, but now he looks over, flashes that dimpled half-smile, and looks back at the road without a care.

He doesn't know it, but just that smile has the power to lift me up from the darkness. I forget about my parents and the dinner that awaits us and just roll down the window, head back, and let the sunlight in.

"We're close," Max says after a little while. I'd been dozing a little, enjoying the feel of the wind in my hair, and hadn't realized he'd taken my hand in his. I flex my fingers, tightening my palm around his as he drives us through the Santa Susana mountains. I'm starting to get a good idea of what we'll be doing, but it's not until we pull up to a beautiful little ranch that it clicks.

Horse riding.

"You said you hadn't been in a while," he says as he kills the engine. "Figured you could show me how to do it."

The smile that fills my lips is unstoppable. I'd only mentioned how much I loved riding in passing, but somehow, he remembered.

We both climb out, and when he takes my hand to lead me to the ranch, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

The ranch owner is an adorable old couple wearing spandex and cowboy hats. They introduce themselves as Pam and Ham – short for Hamilton – and then proceed to offer us a tour of the ranch. Max doesn't let go of my hand, and it's comforting to know that despite his tough exterior, he's willing to let down his defences for me.

At the opposite end of the ranch is an orange grove, and after letting us pick our own baskets of oranges, we set them aside and head over to the barn.

"This horse is called Warrior," Ham says as he runs his hand through the black beauty's mane, "and that one next to him is Sunshine." He nods at the beautiful honey-colored horse and tilts his head at Max. "Being a newbie to riding, you'll be riding on Sunshine," he says, and to me, "you'll be riding on Warrior."

I can't help but laugh at Max being assigned to Sunshine. He shoots me a look before nervously climbing on top of his horse, which only makes me laugh harder. Max is not the kind of boy you'd expect to see on top of a horse. He looks awkward and stiff, like a giant from another planet pretending to be human but not quite pulling it off. I laugh again as he grabs onto the reins like he's clutching on for dear life.

"Question: do horses eat people?" he asks.

"No," I say, hiding a smile, "horses do not eat people. Just relax, okay? They can sense if you're nervous."

"This is me relaxing," he says back, and it's in this moment, watching him sit on a horse that he's clearly terrified of just to impress me, that I realize: I have completely and undoubtedly fallen.