It's been a few days since Madison and Aiden left and tonight is the signing party. Which I've decided I'm not going to by the way. I mean, how awkward would that be?

My ex, my best friend who I'm two timing and the girl I'm in love with that also happens to be my best friends girl, in the same room... Yeah we've been there done that and we see how that turned out the first time.

"Spencer are you going to leave the house today?" My mom peeks her head in my room and asks.

"No." I shake my head, lifting up from the bed to look at her. "I thought I would continue to lay in this bed and drown in my sorrows. Thanks though." I say seriously before laying back down.

"As fun as that sounds..." She pauses, chuckling a bit. Apparently, my misery is funny. "You have company."

"What?!" I jump up from the bed.

"It's not Ashley." She whispers, motioning with her hands for me to settle down.

Well boo!

Yes I know! I'm the one ignoring her but still apart from calling and texting she's done nothing to try to win me back.

I'm sad about it.

But at the same time I'm telling myself that it's for best.

See my conflict?

"Who is it?" I ask, getting up from the bed.

"Lexy." She tells me and I sigh. I've been ignoring her too. I can't really take talking to her right now.

"Tell her I'm not here." I groan and fall to the floor dramatically.

Ahh.. It feels nice down here.

"Too late." My mom says and I lift my head to see Lexy standing in my door with a hand on her hip. Uh oh. I'm in trouble.

"I'll leave you two girls to talk." My mom says and shuts the door. I turn my attention back to Lexy. She looks pissed.

"Lexy I-"

"Don't even Spencer!" She snaps, cutting me off. "How dare you completely disappear on me? You haven't been returning my calls or texts for days now and I tried to come by to see you the other day and you paid Glen to tell me you weren't here!"

I furrow my brows. "How'd you know I paid him?"

"He told me, duh." She answers as she sits on my bed. Figures. I stand up from the floor and sit next to her on the bed. She looks at me and I know she can tell somethings not right. We've been friends long enough for her to read me well enough to know that. "What's going on with you Spence? Why are you shutting me out?"

I sigh and fall back on my bed, covering my eyes with my left arm. "It's complicated Lex." I try to explain.

"Don't give me that bullshit Spence. We've always been able to talk each other. Before you left for New York, we never kept secrets and now I feel like I don't know you at all."

I wish she would just drop this. I feel like at any moment I could blurt out that I'm in love with Ashley.

"I can't..." I trail off, shaking my head.

"Spencer just tell me what's going on with you. You're not being very fair. I'm your best friend but this past few weeks I feel like we're hardly associates."

I know that this isn't exactly how we planned on our Summer turning out. Sometimes I wish I just hadn't of gone to that stupid party in New York. If I hadn't of gone I wouldn't have met Ashley and then I wish that I would have missed my flight so I wouldn't have been sitting next to her on the plane.

But then I think, was all this meant to happen?

It couldn't have just been a coincidence.

There's no way.

"Spencer please!" She begs, breaking me from my thoughts. I can't tell her. I can't do this to her. Not today. Not when the bands signing party is tonight. It'd be so selfish of me.

"Lex this isn't-"

"Please." She asks again. I roll my eyes and sigh. She isn't going to drop this.

"Fine." I breathe out, groaning as I sit up. I turn to look at her, putting one leg up on the bed and wrapping it under my left thigh. She looks at me expectantly, waiting on me to answer her question. To spill my guts about what's wrong with me. "I'm in love with..." I pause and swallow the lemon in my throat. I shouldn't do this. As I scan her face I know I can't...I can't break her heart like this. "With someone I shouldn't want." I tell her. She narrows her eyes at me and scrunches her brows confused.

"Spencer who could you possibly be in love with that you shou-" she stops mid sentence, her eyes widening in realization.

Oh my God!

She's figured it out!

She knows that I'm in love with Ashley.

She knows that I'm the other girl in the situation. That this whole time it's been me that Ashley's been creeping around with. That I'm the homewrecker!

I scoot back away from her a bit as her eyes return to normal size and they scan my face. I gulp loudly and close my eyes to prepare for impact.

Impact from what you may ask.

Well, her fist duh!

I'm expecting a right jab or an uppercut possibly.

Cause if I were her, I know I'd want to punch me if I found out what she just did.

"Spencer." She breathes out. But the tone of her voice isn't what I was expecting and it catches me off guard. I open my eyes and she's looking me dead in mine. Why is she looking at me like that? "I'm so sorry." She shakes her head. Wait what? Why is she sorry? "I never knew. You never told me." She moves closer to me. I'm confused as hell right now. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asks and now it's my turn to give her a confused look.

"Tell you what exactly?" I ask in a soft voice.

She gives me a small smile and rubs my arm lovingly. My gaze immediately turns to my arm that she's rubbing.

What the hell is happening right now?

"That you're in love with me."

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

"Huh?"

"It's okay Spencer." She smiles and pulls me into a hug.

What the hell is happening right now?

"Lex I didn't-"

"You didn't know how to tell me?" She pulls back and asks. I go to speak but she cuts me off again. "I understand." She nods and smiles. "I'm so sorry that you've been holding this in Spence. I swear I didn't know you even had feelings for me like that."

Oh my God! This isn't happening right now.

Nope.

This is a bad dream and I'm gonna wake up in a second.

"I-"

"I love you too Spencer." She nods and speaks slowly. "But..." She pauses, standing up from the bed. "You're my best friend." She starts pacing a small circle in front of me. I'm trying hard not to yell out that I don't love her, I love Ashley! I mean really Lexy? We've been friends forever. I see her more in the platonic fashion you know. "I don' t want to lose that. And plus I'm with Ashley and I love her. You know that if I were single and things were different maybe we could-"

"Lexy!" I stop her, raising my hand. I can't hear anymore of this. "I get it." I nod and give her a weak smile. "I'm not asking for a relationship or anything." I add for no reason.

Ugh! What are you doing Spencer, leading her to believe you're in love with her.

I'm not doing that! I'm just not correcting her.

Same thing.

Oh shut up!

"I'm so sorry." She says again, bending down in front of me. Could this get any worse right now?

"Lex you don't have to apologi-"

"But I do." She nods. "I should have seen it before. You never wanna come home from New York because you feel like it's wrong, right?" I open my mouth to speak again but she cuts me off. "Is that why you stayed away so long?"

"I-"

"And how you stare at me and Ashley all the time." Oh my God, she noticed that. I didn't even know. "Is that why you were so against hanging with Ashley?" She asks. I stare at her and wait for an interruption. When she doesn't pick back up her dialogue, I take it as my cue to talk.

What the hell do I say?

"It's not like that, I just never really thought that-"

"You don't think Ashley's right for me, do you?" Really? Can I talk?

"She's-"

"She's amazing Spencer and I love her. I'm sorry that-"

Ugh! "Lexy!" I shout, cutting her off. I stand up and grab her by her shoulders. She's caught off guard as she stares at me with wide eyes. "It's fine. I don't want to come between you and Ashley. You're happy, I wouldn't want to disrupt that. Just forget about my feelings." I shrug and force a smile.

"But Spencer I-"

"Seriously." I stop her. "It's fine. You're happy and I want you to stay that way." I tell her before pulling her into a hug. "You're a really awesome person Lex, it's hard for anyone not to love you." I roll my eyes at myself. I'm just digging deeper and deeper.

"I love you Spence." She pulls back and kisses me lightly on my lips. Well, that was unexpected and I'm sure my face is saying that. She smiles and hugs me again.

Um...

Okay.

"I love you too, Lex."

"So." She steps back and claps her hands together. "Now that we've cleared that up and you're not avoiding me anymore, how about you get dressed." She smiles, making her way to my closet.

"For what?" I lift a brow.

"Serenity's signing party tonight."

Oh hell no!

"Nope." I shake my head. "I wasn't planning on going to that."

"Yeah, that was when you had this huge secret weighing heavy on your heart." She waves me off. "Now that we're all good, you have no reason not to go."

Boy if she only knew.

"Lex I don't wanna-"

"Spence you're coming!"

What is this, national interrupt the fuck outta Spencer day?

"But I don't really feel well enough to go."

"Chick please." She smacks her teeth and walks into my closet. Ugh! I really don't wanna go. I can't see Ashley. Not right now. Not in this setting. I always seem to fall harder for her when I hear her sing. And I haven't seen Stacy since we broke up. Tonight is not a good night for us to see each other for the first time since then.

Especially not when all my thoughts are Ashley consumed.

"I'll be back Lex." I yell to my friend.

"Okay, I'm just gonna pick you out something to wear." She yells back from inside my closet. I open my door to see my mother trying to scurry away from it. Seriously mom? Again?

"Mom." I call to her before she could get down the stairs. I was actually going to see her anyway.

"Yes dear?" She turns around, pretending to be innocently walking down the stairs.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

"Can I talk to you a second?" I ask. She nods and points to her room. I follow her inside.

"What is it honey?" She asks as she closes the door behind us.

"I know you heard what happened." I tell her, putting a hand on my hip. Feigning ignorance is not necessary in this situation.

She sighs and smiles. "I did. Spencer you shouldn't have allowed her to believe that you were in love with her." She tells me.

Like I don't know this.

"I know." I breathe out. I'm so emotionally exhausted from all this. It's too much.

"When she finds out it's gonna be that much worse."

"I know. I just didn't want to crush her, you didn't see the look on her face mom. I couldn't do it." I shake my head. I hate that I lied to Lexy once again but it was a little white lie. One to spare her feelings.

"I think you should have just told her. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much coming from you. Maybe if you had just explained everything, from the meeting in New York to the two of you..." My mother trails off, giving me this look. She totally knows Ashley and I made love.

Sigh.

I really miss Ashley.

"I haven't talked to Ashley in days, mom. Maybe I can just continue like this and I won't have to tell Lexy anything." I say hopeful.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" She raises a brow at me.

I drop my head and sigh. "No." I tell her shaking my head. "Not talking to her is only making me love her more. I really miss her mom." I can feel the tears building in my eyes. No more crying please eyes!

Thanks.

"I know you do honey." She says, wrapping her arms around me. "I'm afraid that what you're feeling isn't just gonna go away. You can't just push it aside and expect it to."

Why are moms always right in these situations?

Is it safe to assume that it's because they've been through the exact same situation at one point or another in their life?

Ironic how MY mom really has.

"What should I do?" I ask, looking up at my mom.

"I can't tell you what to do Spencer. You just have to do what you feel is right." She kisses me on the forehead and walks out of the room.

I know what I have to do.

I have to come clean.

After the signing party tonight, I have to tell Lexy everything...

–

Chapter Title- Mat Kearney- Where We Gonna Go From Here