"Ashley if we don't leave now we're gonna be late." I tell my girlfriend as she continues to apply eyeliner.

"I'm trying to look hot for you baby." She turns from the mirror and kisses me.

"You always look hot. You don't have to try." I counter causing her to smile widely.

"One more second." She tells me turning back to the mirror. "All done." She declares a moment later.

"Finally." I sigh out dramatically and smile. She pulls me into her arms, wrapping them around my waist.

"I love you." She tells me as she kisses me softly.

Oh no! I know exactly what she's doing.

"We promised no goodbyes Ashley." I tell her, pulling back to look in her eyes.

"I wasn't saying goodbye, I was simply telling you that I love you." She pecks my forehead then my nose, then my lips again.

"It feels like goodbye and I told you, I can't do goodbye. I only just got you back a few weeks ago." I tell her leaning my forehead against hers. I knew this day was coming, I've been dreading it. Ashley and the band have to go on another small tour around the country to promote their upcoming mix tape. As much as I've been preparing myself... this day still hurts. A measly eighteen hours is not nearly enough time.

But it's all we have left before she goes away for four whole months.

"I know baby." She sighs and pecks my lips again. "I don't want to upset you, I know this is the longest we're gonna be away from each other since you know..."

"I left California three and a half months ago." I finish for her.

"Right." She nods and forces a smile. "It still hurts to think about those three months. Months of crying, trying so hard to figure out a way to get through to you. You wouldn't answer my calls, emails, texts anything. It was horrible Spence." She tells me. I nod knowing exactly how she feels. "Why'd you do it? What were you thinking when you left?"

"I wasn't really." I answer honestly. "I guess I just figured leaving would be easier on everyone, you know. Leaving felt like something I probably should have done before things went as far as they did. Maybe if I had removed myself from the situation sooner-"

"No." She cuts me off, shaking her head. She grabs my head in her hands. "There was nothing either of us could have done baby. This..." She places a hand over my heart then takes the same hand and places it over hers. "Was meant to be. And whether we admitted it then or five years from now..." She rolls her eyes and smiles. "It would have happened eventually. I'm sure of it." I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. Ashley always seems to know the right thing to say to me.

"Yeah." I agree, kissing her lips. She pulls me back by my shoulders and stares at me. "What?" I question, confusion evident in my tone.

"Those three months," She starts, quirking a brow. "How'd you manage to not go insane like me?"

I shrug and shake my head. "I don't know. Madison's a pretty good distraction."

"Seriously?" She asks.

"I mean her and other things." I nod.

"Other things like?" She steps back and sits down on the bed.

"Ash seriously, we're gonna be so late." I whine, but she just looks at me expectantly. "You're seriously gonna do this? And now?" I question my stubborn girlfriend.

"I wanna hear every detail." She replies, scooting back towards the headboard.

"Ugh!" I groan and take a seat on the bed. "Fine. But everything though?" I question in disbelief cause I mean come on, three months is a long time to play catch up on.

"Everything." She replies simply.

–

"Welcome aboard flight 226 non-stop service to John F. Kennedy airport. We're looking at a 7:52pm arrival time where the weather is sunny with a high of 71 degrees. I'm your captain ladies and gentlemen let's have a wonderful flight shall we." The captain finishes and the only thoughts that are running through my mind consist of Ashley.

I can't do this!

I shouldn't be running away.

I need to go back.

I unbuckle my seat belt. "Um I need to get off this plane!" I stand and yell to the flight attendant.

"Ma'am you need to take your seat we're about to take off." She tells me, as she walks down the aisle to me.

"No." I shake my head. "You don't understand. I have to get off this plane. I have to go back."

"Ma'am I'm sorry but you can't get off the plane. We're about to take off."

"No! I need to get off now." When the flight attendant opens her mouth to tell me to sit down I shout. "This plane is gonna crash." The collective gasp from the crowd startles me. What the hell are you doing Spencer?

–

"You didn't?" Ashley giggles from the top of the bed. I roll my eyes and sigh. Sadly I did.

"Shut up!" I pick up a pillow and throw it at her.

"I'm sorry." She gets out through chuckles. "You totally pulled a final destination." She adds as she grabs her stomach and continues to laugh.

"Okay since you wanna be an ass I'm not gonna finish the story." I pout, folding my arms over my chest.

"No no." She waves her right hand as the left one continues to clutch her stomach. "Okay, okay I'm good." She clears her throat and sits up. "Continue."

"Nope." I shake my head, keeping my pout.

She gets on her knees and crawls over to me. "I'm sorry I laughed." She whispers in a seductive tone. Totally not fair! "I promise not to interrupt you again." She adds, taking my ear between her teeth. Okay no! Just no!

"Fine!" I shoot up from the bed and catch the smirk my girlfriend is sporting. What an asshole. A hot, sexy, seductive asshole. She scoots back to her original position and waits for me to continue.

–

"I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you Spence." My best friend tells me as she pulls me into a hug.

–

"Wait what!" Ashley stops me.

"You said you wouldn't interrupt me again." I tell her with a raised brow.

"Yeah but you totally skipped the best part. I wanted to hear what else happened on the plane."

"We should really go." I tell my girlfriend standing up from the bed. "I mean, people are waiting for us and whatnot. We shouldn't keep them waiting." I try but Ashley's not buying it.

"Spencer if you don't sit your sexy ass down and finish telling me-"

"Ugh fine!"

–

"Ma'am if you don't take a seat, I'm afraid I'll have to have the Air Marshall handcuff you to it." The flight attendant tells me.

"Right." I nod and sit my skinny ass down as the flight attendant calms the worried passengers with a speech on the many safety guidelines and regulations this aircraft follows. Then she gives a statistic on the amount of plane crashes that happen in a year.

I smile briefly thinking of when Ashley told me that on our first plane ride together.

Ugh! It's too late. I'm leaving L.A and probably losing Ashley for good. I guess things happen they way they're meant to.

"You know they could have arrested you for that." A small woman says next to me.

"Yeah it was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking." I shake my head.

"You said you needed to go back, mind if I ask to what?"

I sigh as Ashley's face floods my mind. The look she had when I walked away.

"A girl." I reply honestly. I'm not sure why I feel the need to tell this stranger any of my business.

"Must be one heck of a girl if you're willing to go to jail for her." She chuckles and puts on a pair of glasses, pulling a book from her bag.

"She was...is." I nod and read the label of her book. "The Great Gatsby." I smile.

"One of my favorites." The woman looks at me briefly before turning back to her book.

Mine too...

I close my eyes as I sit back in my chair. I can't get her face out of my mind. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to...

–

"I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you Spence." My best friend tells me as she pulls me into a hug.

"Yeah me too." I tell her honestly as she takes one of my suitcases and starts rolling it out of the airport.

"Well at least you can say that you've loved. Like really loved. You know some people never get to experience that Spence. Maybe that's all Ashley was meant to be in your life: A love unobtainable." I stop walking and look at my friend.

"No." I shake my head. "God wouldn't do that. That's cruel and unusual punishment. It's against the eight commandment."

"First of all that's an amendment and I'm pretty sure God doesn't go by the Constitution, Spence." Madison chuckles as we start to walk again.

"Madison this hurts." I tell my friend as Ashley flashes in my mind once again.

"Are you sure leaving was the right thing to do?" Madison questions, holding a hand up to stop my movement.

"No." I reply honestly, shaking my head. "But it's all I had." I shrug.

"Come on." Madison says wrapping an arm around my shoulder as she leads me to her car.

–

Madison tugs on the bottom of my blanket and I hold on tight on the other end.

"Spencer get your ass out of this bed right now!"

I bury my head into my pillow and groan as I fight my best friend for my cover.

"Just leave me alone Madison let me wallow in peace."

She starts speaking in Spanish and I'm quickly growing scared but I have to stand my ground. As soon as I reached New York it's like I forgot how to speak and my body went on autopilot. Madison has tried everything to get me to speak but all I've done so far is cry and try not to cry but mostly cry.

Everything from takeoff to landing has been me reminiscing her.

I kept calm because thoughts of how she easily slipped her hand into mine made the flight easy. The way conversation flowed as if we've speaking our whole lives and suddenly running away seems like a mistake but things are too screwed up right now.

I love her and right now I feel too guilty to continue. I want to feel her, be near her and the fact that I'm focusing on my pain and not the pain I've caused everyone else makes me consider the fact that this isn't right. It's so selfish. I'm selfish and I don't know how to be, nothing is making any sense.

Nothing except wallowing about how miserable this situation is. How miserable I am.

"I swear Spencer I am going to beat your ass if you don't get out of this bed right now it's been a week when's the last time you even showered!"

I inhale deeply trying to see if I smell bad and I frown a little. I could be worse.

"I'm still fresh and so clean, clean."

I'm glad I can still crack a joke.

"Alright Outkast glad you've returned for a comeback tour now I suggest you get out of bed before I get Aiden to literally throw you into the shower."

Madison pulls extremely hard on the blanket and successfully removes it from my grasp. I groan picking up my pillow and chucking it at my best friend. She catches it and glares at me evilly. I gulp and now I'm a lot more scared than I was before.

"You done throwing a tantrum because this shit is not flying with me. You can't run away and be a baby. You were already doing that in LA so suck it up and do something."

I pout and my lip quickly quivers. She points at me with a stern finger. I whimper and sigh frustrated. "But I don't want to do anything. I just want to cry."

"Well you can't. I know you're sad Spencer I know things aren't now you want them to be but if you believe in your love for Ashley and you believe that it's real. That you two are real, you will overcome this. You two are bigger than this and lying is your bed feeling sorry for yourself does absolutely nothing."

I fall back onto my pillow-less mattress and cover my face.

"I can try."

"Screw it."

"Ah Madison! Quit it." She doesn't listen to me as I try to block my pillow that she's hitting me with. "Alright! Alright I'm up."

I jump off my bed and slowly make my way to the bathroom, I quickly move faster once I hear her footsteps follow me. I take a very long shower and I'm thankful for the water that hits my face. My tears mix in easily with the water and my heart breaks as I let my mind wander to the summer. I clench my teeth and slam my fist against the tiles of the shower.

I control my sobbing and catch my breath. I love Ashley but this needs to be done right. If we're really meant to be the way I think we are I have to let things work out on their own. I can't keep in contact with her. It'll make me this selfish person that I am not. I know I won't get over her but I can't pursue her either.

I finish my shower and I debate putting on sweatpants and lazing about by apparently Madison has picked out my outfit. I shake my head and pull on my jeans, shirt and lace up my sneakers.

I look at my bed and shake my head. I walk out into the lounge area and find my best friend scribbling something into my notebook.

"Did you really have to take the sheets off my bed?"

"I didn't want you to be tempted. Now sit down."

I sighed annoyed but grateful for Madison and her persistence to get me to a somewhat form of normalcy no matte how extreme her tactics. I sit on the arm chair and let my legs dangle off the armrest and cross my ands over my stomach. The notebook lands with a thud on my stomach.

I growl as I lift the collection of papers. I scrunch my face in disgust. "Really? An itinerary? What the shit do I need this for?"

"Do not use that kind of language with me, you need something to do. You've got your gallery opening coming up. Have you chosen what pictures you want to exhibit?"

Shit, the greatest thing to happen to me and I forget about it.

"No." I answer pathetically.

"Mhm...get your shit together Carlin. Ashley wouldn't want you to not do well because you miss her."

Ten bucks say she would!

As if she heard me make the internal bet, my phone goes off. A part of me still wishes that it would be Lexy but I know that'll probably never happen. I stare at her name and ignore the call. If I give in I'll fall back onto my bed sheets or sheets.

I look back at Madison's list of activities for me. "Madison classes don't start for like another two weeks."

"You should still figure out what books you need!"

"Ugh you're worse than my mother." I roll into the back of the chair and bury my face into the cushion.

"Damn straight. I don't mind whooping your ass, now get up!"

I roll off the chair and push myself up using the coffee table to help me stand. Madison stands up as well and she leads me towards the door. This is gonna suck.

XXXX

"Uh Spencer where did you want this one?" I whip my head around and smile softly at the intern that was assigned to help me with my exhibit. It's a bit awkward to tell someone who is older than me what to do but she's been a sport about it.

It's been two weeks and I haven't had a moments peace. As soon as I met with the curator of the gallery, showed him some of my work he wanted my stuff for his next exhibit which was only one week from the day we met. I had a whole room to myself and no new material to put in it.

I spent the whole week shooting and haven't spoken to anyone. Between taking pictures, developing, and printing I haven't had time to breathe. Madison was feeding me while I was in my dark room, cause let's face it, if she hadn't I probably wouldn't have eaten at all.

But in all that, I've barely talked to her and if I'm not talking to someone that lives in the same apartment as me I sure as hell wasn't taking calls. I got lost in what I love and I was zeroed in. I have ninety three unread texts, a full voicemail box, and even more missed calls. I don't read them, it hurts too much to even know I'm ignoring her. I have to stay focused.

"Put that one on that wall over there. Thanks a lot April" She smiles hiding the small blush and carefully carries the small portrait to the white wall.

It's two in the morning and I've been setting up all night. Getting the lighting perfect and the right placement of each photo to display the specific theme is a lot harder than I pictured. Doesn't help that I'm a perfectionist and change the placement every time I put one down. The heavy lifters come with my large portrait and I hear April gasp.

"Wow..."

I smile and sigh contentedly. "Yeah."

I forgot how beautiful she was...is. My heart swells as I take in the old photo. Ashley sitting with her guitar the night we shot pictures of the album cover. I picked my favorites from that night, sent the copies to my mom so she could give them to her producer friend for the band. I didn't want them to think I forgot about them. I wanted to keep my word at least in that retrospect. Photos were my love, my life, my art and I'm serious about it and I couldn't leave the job undone.

This one is my most favorite, an extra close up of Ashley's face. The way her lips curve up as she smiles softly. The lights in the background slightly blurred out. The whole portrait in sepia; giving it an old fashion tint. Her eyes are sparkling and it's just right after I told her that I love the way she kisses me. I couldn't pass up that photo. There's so much love in her eyes when I revealed that truth.

"Who is she?" April asks and I am not entirely sure how to answer that question.

She's not my girlfriend. She's more than a friend, so I just shrug and look over at my assistant and answer truthfully.

"The love of my life."

April smiles widely and squeals a little. Goodness don't do that. I just widen my eyes to share the little bit of excitement that I can muster up. She just laughs and gently brushes my arm. My forced smile falls as I look at the gesture.

She sees my face and quickly steps back waving her hands nervously. "Oh no, no, no...No."

I just nod once. I think she's telling me no.

"You're gorgeous, and funny and a total catch. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested but the way you look at that picture, I know that I have no chance in hell. No one does. I can only imagine how you look at her when she's in the same room."

My heart slows a little in relief and I look back as the delivery guys position the photo on the largest wall. I feel my phone buzz and I don't bother looking at who it is. Only one person would be calling me at two in the morning, mostly because the three-hour time difference.

It stops buzzing and I sigh relenting and looking at the name that's been blinking on my screen for the past month.