WARNING: Mentions of, , and . If these things trigger you then I wouldn't read this chapter. At the bottom I will give a brief overview of what happened without the details so the next few chapters make sense.

Y/N's POV

I had gone for a walk at lunchtime so that I could have some time on my own. There was so much going on and whilst living with the avengers was great, it meant that you rarely got time on your own. Which is why I would stay up late and wake up early.

I looked up at the sky, it was turning a dark blue and the trees looked black against it. I looked at my watch, 19:48. Shit. I had been out for 6 hours. I only meant to go on a quick walk, I looked around and saw that I was near a small café about an hours drive from the compound. The others would be getting worried, especially Nat. I grabbed my phone and called Wanda.

"Hey." I said weakly.

"Thank god, are you okay?" She asked full of concern.

"Yeah, yeah I am fine, I just lost track of time. I am kind of quite far I wondered if Tony could send a driver to pick me up?" I asked.

"No, that's okay I'll come. Where are you?" She inquired. I gave her my location and decided to go and wait inside the café, seeing as it didn't close until l10pm. I ordered a small mocha and a piece of coffee cake whilst I waited. I sat there and mentally prepared myself for the drive home.

***

Wanda walked into the shop looking around for me. She had put on a small yellow beanie and a scarf. It suited her, she looked good. "Hey y/n, ready to go?" She asked as she spotted me in my corner booth.

"Uh yeah just a sec." I placed a small amount of money on the table as thanks to the owner and joined Wanda outside as we walked to the car.

We got in and drive in uncomfortable silence for about 15 minutes until Wanda finally spoke.

"What is going on with you?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I tried to play it off.

"You know exactly what I mean." She snapped back. "Something is not right with you and you are acting strange because of it. We are all worried about you, Nat especially." She said looking over at me in the passengers seat.

"It's nothing." I insisted.

"If you don't tell me then I will go through your mind." She warned.

"Don't do that." I told her seriously.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on with you then?" She said.

"I...I can't. Sorry Wands." I sighed , and looked out of the window even though it was pitch black.

"If you don't talk to me at least talk to Natasha." She tried to compromise.

"Wanda you don't get it. I cant talk to anybody." I said.

"Why not?" She questioned.

"Look, nobody really cares. They just act like they do. They act like they love you, they act like they care, like they'll be there forever and then one day they just leave. They pack up their stuff and take all their 'love' with them. Leaving you broken and hurt." I said with mild anger.

"Y/N, we aren't going to leave you, you are our family and have been since you joined the team, 4 years ago." Wanda tried to comfort me.

"Yeah, I've heard that before." I muttered under my breath. I think she heard it though.

"Here we are." She said as we pulled up to the compound.

"I don't feel like facing anybody right now, I am going to my room." I said as I got out the car. "Thank you for getting me." I told her.

"No problem but you need to talk to Nat by tomorrow." She warned. I nodded and took the side door into the building, avoiding the main room. I walked upstairs onto my floor with Wanda and Peter. I sighed loudly and opened my for expecting to just flop down onto my bed and lie there. Instead I saw Nat sat their, cross legged and staring blankly at the wall, wearing one of my jumpers.

"Hey..." I waved awkwardly.

"Where the hell have you been?!" She yelled, throwing a pillow at me.

"Out. I lost track of time and when I realise I called Wanda, who picked me up." I said dodging the pillow.

"You called Wanda and not me?" She looked hurt. "I knew there was something going on between you two." She snapped at me.

"No, no, no. It's not like that. She is my best friend, that is all. I called Wanda because I didn't want to talk to anybody right now, including you. I love you, Nat, but I just need some time right now." I said sadly.

"You what?" She looked at me quickly.

"I need some time?" I repeated.

"No the other bit." She said staring straight at me.

"Wanda is my best friend and I don't want to talk to anybody right now?" I said unsure of where this was going.

"After that." She shook her head.

I tried to remember what I had said, then it hit me. "I love you Nat." I said louder.

She looked at me, her gaze flicking across my face, trying to find tell of a lie. She didn't find one. "I love you too y/n." She smiled at me. Nat got off of the bed and walked over to me, cupping my face with her hands. "I'm still mad at you." She said after kissing me.

"Doesn't seem like it." I joked.

"You can sleep in your own room tonight, which is why you came here isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah.." I said quietly.

"That's fine, but tomorrow we talk." She left my room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I sighed a sigh of relief and stripped off, grabbing a towel on my way into the bathroom. I stood under the shower for half an hour, just letting the hot water run over my cold skin. My cuts were still red and angry but they hurt a little less than yesterday. Perhaps I had just gotten used to the pain though.I got out of the shower and dried myself off, before putting on my pj's. A long sleeved white t-shirt and a pair of green and blue tartan trousers. I brushed through my hair, grabbed my headphones and my sketchbook before sitting on my bed.

I played some music, quite loudly and sat there, sketching random doodles. Time passed quickly when I drew and it was now 10pm. I was too mentally exhausted to do much else and so I put my things away and fell asleep in my own bed.

***

I woke up at 1am and knew I wasn't going to sleep anymore tonight. 3 hours wasn't so bad though. I got up and changed into some training gear and a hoodie before heading straight to the gym.

I walked in and went over to the boxing bag. I wrapped my hands before putting my gloves on, adjusted my stance and began to punch the bag like I did the day before. The sound of my fist hitting the leather echoed loudly across the room but the sound of my trainers squeaking was drowned out by my breathing. I had been punching for around 15 minutes when I decided to go and run instead. It was too early to go outside so I headed over to one of the treadmills and put my earphones in as I stepped up the pace. I liked running, it was rhythmical and I could run for quite a while, even longer with my music. I focused on the sound of my feet hitting the track and the beat of the music, forgetting reality. I stayed like, pausing every once in a while for a break until the main gym lights beamed down on me. I slowed down and shielded my eyes.

Looking around I saw that it was now 4am and Steve had joined me. "How long have you been here?" He asked.

"Uh about 3 hours." I said sheepishly.

"Oh, wow. You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah I was just finishing up anyway." I lied. I grabbed my earphones and shut my music off.

"Okay, get some rest." He called after me.

I ran up to my room and got changed, after a quick shower. I walked into the kitchen, fixed myself a smoothie and took it upstairs. As I went upstairs I passed Wanda and Pietro.

"Pietro? Bruce let you out of Medbay?" I asked surprised.

"Not exactly." He grinned. "I was getting bored so I kind of slipped out and Wanda caught me. She said that we could get breakfast and then I would have to go back, before Bruce notices am gone." He smiled.

"Ah okay. How are you feeling?" I asked, slurping my smoothie.

"Yeah, like I had 6 bullets go through me." He said weakly.

"Oh yeah, sorry." I cringed at my stupid question.

"Don't worry about it, and have good day." He said hobbling down the corridor, leaning on his twin for support.

"Hey y/n." Wanda called after me. I turned round. "Make sure you talk to Nat." She reminded me.

"Yeah sure." I smiled convincingly and walked back to my room with no intention of talking to her.