1.7k

Romantic

Angst/Fluff

Grief is a unique thing. People say there are five stages to go through until you have "moved on". Not that anyone truly moves on, whatever or whoever is being grieved stays with a person for the rest of their lives, the pain lessens, but that is not to say that they are still not missed. People still grieve things they lost years ago, love perseveres through thick and thin and can never be taken away.

Love washes over a person like a tide, when you think you couldn't love them more they go ahead and prove you wrong. Grief then comes in like a tsunami, overpowering the calm manner of the tide and leaving destruction in its wake. Destruction and drowning are all that is known, pulling a person down as though they have an anchor attached to their leg.

There is no telling how long the tsunami will last, or how long it will take for the damages to be repaired, all that is known is that one day the calming tide will come back, and the love for lost things is ever prominent. The damage cast from the tsunami will always be remembered, but the tide is back, and calm can be found.

People can mourn over many things. Family, friends, pets, lost time, and even something or someone whom they never knew. The latter can be confusing for many, not understanding why they are mourning for someone they have never met or something that they have never experienced.

Natasha Romanoff was no stranger to this confusion. It had been eating her alive for as long as she could remember, and she couldn't figure out why. She wasn't a person who liked to show any weakness, so she never told anyone about how she felt on the daily, thinking that she was making a big deal out of nothing. She never knew her birth mother, so why was this feeling of mourning and longing for her? Why did she feel as though she had suffered a huge loss? Why did she feel a pain in her chest every night when her brain tormented her before going to sleep?

She didn't have a logical explanation for it and so she didn't tell anyone. But in 2013, when you were paired on a mission with her for SHIELD, she found that she liked your company, and so sought after it more often. This shocked you and everyone else who knew Natasha as she was notorious for not speaking to most of her mission partners after the job was done, and yet she was actively seeking you out. Not that you complained, you liked her company too.

A friendship was soon formed, and soon after a relationship. A year later it turned into a beautiful marriage. She trusted you enough to marry you, and so trusted you enough with her heart. It took a while but she did eventually explain to you her grief and experiences through life and being the first person that she told, you were the first person to reassure her.

To reassure her that it was okay to mourn someone you had never met. Regardless of the fact that Natasha had never seen her birth mother, she still played a big part in her life. She brought her into the world and passed on some of her looks, some of her personality. She had always been with Nat throughout life, the meeting part was redundant.

Your explanation allowed her to accept that part of herself, and in turn, allowed her to start loving herself. That night she cried in your arms for the first time, and you made a promise to never let her go. Nat needed you, and you needed her too.

When the Sokovia accords tore the Avengers apart, the two of you ended up hiding out in Norway. Not that it lasted long. Not even four hours into your stay and the fuel had run out, resulting in Natasha driving you to go and collect some more, though the car was blown up on the way, launching you into an adventure over to Budapest and then Russia to see Nat's family and end the Red Room.

They were an exhausting couple of days, but you were glad that Natasha was able to reconnect with her adoptive family, it was something that she needed, especially her younger sister Yelena. But Nat didn't come out of the adventure feeling peaceful that she had ended the organisation that had ripped her life away, a storm was brewing within her, and she didn't know how to stop it.

She was informed that her mother hadn't abandoned her like she had been told, but that there was a pay-off. One that her birth mother didn't want to go through with, and so persistently tried to track her down, ending with the death of a grieving mother who just wanted her baby back.

Her mother had loved her. She had loved her so much that she spent her last moments fighting hand, tooth, and nail to get her back.

The new information was overwhelming. For over thirty years Natasha had been coming to terms with something that had haunted her, and then she had to learn that everything she thought about her birth mother was not the case. So, you suggested trying to get some closure. One that would be able to stop the tsunami, and bring back the tide.

The next few months were spent gruelling away trying to track the grave of Nat's mother down, which was not an easy feat considering there was no name on the tombstone, and without knowing Natasha's mother's name in the first place. Whilst being in hiding, it was risky as well, they were constantly on edge about creating a digital footprint, but your years of training paid off, and you found the location of the grave without getting attention from the authorities.

So soon enough, the two of you were in Russia, parked down the road from a small field with a cherry tree, and a visible tombstone. You looked over to Natasha in the passenger seat and saw that she had paled as she started chewing on her lip looking terrified. "Hey", you spoke softly and got her attention, though even with the caution she still turned to you looking like a deer in headlights, "It's okay. It's gonna be okay", you cooed, "We can easily come back another time if you aren't quite ready".

She shook her head harshly and opened her car door, "I can do this". You tried to give a smile as you watched her clamber out of the car, but it turned into more of a grimace at her uncharacteristic uncoordinated movements. You opened your door a second later and walked towards your wife who was standing a few paces away. She looked at you with uncertainty, but her confidence picked up slightly when you took her hand. "Let's go", you gestured to the tree with your head, and she breathed out a heavy sigh whilst nodding.

The walk was incredibly slow as Natasha seemed to be doing everything in her power to delay the inevitable, which you didn't mind of course. This whole experience was for her, and so you would go at her pace. Your thumb lightly ran over her knuckles in reassurance as you neared the tree, and your heart broke when you saw the blank tombstone, so you couldn't even begin to comprehend how Nat was feeling as she stood next to you.

Her bottom lip ever so slightly protruded as she took in the sight of her mother's resting place, and silence overcame the two of you, both of you not daring to breathe loudly. Natasha's entire body was tense, and out of the corner of your eye, you spotted her pawing away at a stray tear she had clearly not been able to keep back.

"She's real", she whispered with a broken tone, and you turned to see Nat staring at you as tears filled her waterline. "Yeah baby, she's real", you affirmed and watched Natasha turned back to look ahead as she brought her bottom lip in with her teeth. The entire situation was just... sad. You didn't know what to say to try and comfort her, knowing that no words in this moment would. She just needed to process it all, and that could take months. You would just have to settle for being there for her, being her anchor.

Just as you thought that Natasha was finding some calm in where she stood, her body tensed up further as she let go of your hand and began walking backwards with large strides. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'll meet you at the car", she rushed out before turning around and speed walking back. You opened your mouth to protest but she was gone before you could even think of words to say. Sighing and pursing your lips, you turned back to the tombstone and offered it a fond smile and took a few steps forward.

You crouched down and plucked a few weeds away from the bottom of the stone and dusted the top off, trying to make it look more presentable. Your mother-in-law deserved a good resting place. Once you had deemed the area presentable and left a little metal bear figure you had brought a while back so that she had some form of decoration, you placed a hand back on the stone and looked at the car, before looking back.

"I'll look after her for you, always. I promise".

You gave another small smile as you stood and brushed yourself off, saying a small goodbye before walking away. The situation had broken your heart, so you ended up looking at the floor with your hands in your pockets, knowing that if you looked up and saw Natasha looking upset right now you would probably start crying yourself.

But because you weren't looking or paying attention to your surroundings, you missed the fast-paced padding sound of footsteps bounding towards you, and let out a squeaking noise when Nat barrelled into you, holding your entire body weight up as you were sent flying off balance with your hands tucked away. "Thank you", she mumbled into the crook of your neck whilst you worked on getting your hands out of your pockets and gripping Natasha back in a tight hold, rocking her side to side in a gentle motion.

Again there were no words to be said, you just nodded and squeezed her tighter trying to push the tsunami away with all of your might.