He must be seeing things.

He's got to be hallucinating, because there is no way that his phone is ringing and the number on the screen as it vibrates is Kaizo's. Not in a million years.

Ramen tries not to sound giddy when he answers because really this must be some very bizarre alternate reality in which Kaizo is calling his number, but no, sure enough, the voice on the other end of the line is unmistakable.

"...Greetings."

"I was going to ask if you seriously just said 'greetings' out loud like in real life but I'm pretty sure I'm in some fever dream right now anyway so what brings you to my phone line, may I ask?"

There's a pause, and Ramen wouldn't blame Kaizo for being overwhelmed by his verbosity.

"Uh-"

"Oh, no, by all means, go ahead and explain why for the first time in literally ever you called me instead of the other way round. If I didn't know better I'd consider the possibility that you didn't even know how to call someone on the phone, but I've seen you talking to your brother, so-"

"Jeez, you never shut up, do you," Kaizo sounds tired but not quite annoyed.

"Interrupt me, then," Ramen dares, "but please, do tell."

There's a sigh, and the next words are muffled.

"Sorry, didn't catch that," Ramen says.

There's a longer, more exasperated sigh, and Kaizo speaks up.

"I need your help for something..."

Ramen lowers the phone for a moment to pinch his arm. It leaves a red welt and he winces, massaging the spot, and shaking his head before bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Just had to make sure I wasn't in a coma. Repeat that?"

"Jesus christ, you know what I think I'm better off trying-"

"No, I'm listening," Ramen stops him. "Go on."

"Ineedyoutopretendwerengagedcausetherespartynmyexisgonbethere," Kaizo says quickly.

Ramen struggles to process for a moment. "What?"

Kaizo groans audibly. "Goddammit, why is this-"

"Something, something, engaged?" Ramen frowns, straining.

"Yes," Kaizo mumbles weakly. "I have to come to this party next weekend and PB is gonna be there so pretend you're my fiance?"

"PB?"

"My ex," and Ramen can hear him roll his eyes. "Don't make me say his name now."

"Okay, okay, I won't," the blond relents. "Fiance is a bit much, hm? What if we were just, y'know, friends-with-benefits?"

The pause on the other end is a bit too long to not be suspicious.

"What?"

"N-nothing," Kaizo says. "I mean, friends-with-benefits is still gonna raise some suspicion, just cause of history and stuff..." His voice fades and Ramen shrugs.

"Okay, so do you want me to propose at the party, or-"

"NO," Kaizo blurts, then backs down. "I mean, no, just like, I don't know, uh, rings?"

His voice sounds doubtful, as if he's starting to realize how silly this whole scheme sounds. Not that Ramen's ever shied away from nonsensical shenanigans, but one of Kaizo's own suggestion? Now that's a first.

"So, uh, what's our story?" Ramen tries to help.

"...uh."

"Hey, we have time to brainstorm." The blond leans back and relaxes, kicking his legs up. "Just give me the basic rundown so we're both on the same page unless you want me making stuff up on the spot later on."

-

Kaizo swallows, thinking to himself for the nth time that this was a grand mistake. First with the story:

"How'd we meet, anyway?"

"I dunno, ran into you at the supermarket or something-"

"No, not how we actually met. It has to be something more romantic, something that'll make him really feel the difference between your experiences- ooh, how about I was comforting you after the breakup-"

"That won't work because I'm the one who dumped him," Kaizo said flatly. "It doesn't have to be romantic-"

"But why not," Ramen insisted. "If it's all made-up anyway, why not take advantage. Manifest our best life."

Kaizo tried not to flush at "our" and shook his head in exasperation.

"Why don't you do the bullshitting, and I'll just go along with it," Kaizo offered.

Instead of noting the obvious "to avoid future confusion" excuse, Ramen's eyes lit up.

"That's genius- I took the initiative and you just ended up following my lead and falling hopelessly in love in the process!"

Kaizo spluttered and only just barely kept "is this fiction or is this reality?" from slipping off his tongue. His cheeks darkened by about three shades of pink.

"It goes along with your personality too," Ramen went on unconcernedly. "After all, who could resist a face like this?"

He turned and winked and Kaizo facepalmed to hide his flushed cheeks. Also to avoid looking at Ramen directly because god, was that look fatal.

The flirtatious expression disappeared but the cheeky grin was still there and Kaizo quite wished they'd done this over the phone instead. Unfortunately, some things required his physical presence and finding outfits was one of them. Speaking of:

Kaizo knew Ramen was hot. He didn't need to see random girls giving him double takes when they passed them in the mall, he had the privilege of being rather familiar with the firm 8-pack underneath (visually, anyway) and he was all-too-aware of Ramen's incredibly eligible bachelor status. And yet the blond had never dated, not seriously anyway. It made for some serious confusion and dilemma on Kaizo's end, but, if nothing else, he was an exceptional actor.

That being said, Ramen in a trimmed suit, even before it was tailored to his figure, was an out-of-body experience. Kaizo metaphorically ascended and physically lost his breath when the sales attendant asked him to give the blond a once-over in that classy maroon jacket. Kaizo hated maroon, but it somehow suited Ramen? Did everything in this universe just magically bow its head and reform itself to the other's convenience?

Kaizo shook his head and gave a curt "it'll do" of approval, which is Kaizo-speak for "god that's so sexy I wanna take a 360 degree picture and buy a virtual reality headset so I can stare at it 24/7".

Ramen got the message, though.

Kaizo spent a while deciding if he wanted to go in a suit or a dress. Ramen joked he should go in his jeans, and Kaizo very honestly considered if only for the value of sheer scandalousness of showing up at a high life event with a plus-one dressed to the nines while he himself was in faded blue jeans deliberately ripped at the thighs and accidentally torn at the knees. A bonus point for his ex's reaction.

It wouldn't earn him great praise from his boss, though, so Kaizo reluctantly abandoned the idea.

-

Kaizo ended up going for a velvety blue V-neck and the most obscenely glittery white pants he could find in the store. The micro-sequins glittered at every angle like snowflakes, and with the sparkling drop earrings that hung down to his shoulders, he would grab every bit as much attention as his date, er, fiance, if only via sheer blinding factor.

"The idea is, if they're gonna look at me, at least they shouldn't be able to see after," Kaizo explained.

Ramen stared. "What about me?"

"What about you?"

"What if I want to look at you?"

Kaizo flushed slightly, but shook his head. "C'mon, it's not that bad. I was joking, I always look amazing anyway." He flashed a dazzling smile to illustrate his point and Ramen grinned appreciatively.

"We'll be the best-looking ones there, hands down," Ramen nodded. "I do pity their eyes though," he notes, glancing at the pants. "You sure?"

"I might lose some circulation but it'll be worth it," Kaizo assured him.

-

They paid for their outfits, Ramen sending in the order for his to be tailored perfectly by the night of the party, and headed out. They roamed the complex for a bit, checking out some stores for accessories. Ramen stopped in front of a jeweller's.

Kaizo paused before he bumped into him. "What?" he asked, peering around him curiously.

"They sell engagement rings..." Ramen thought aloud, and Kaizo smacked him gently.

"We are not paying five grand for a one-night scheme."

Ramen paused, as if almost tempted by the prospect, and Kaizo poked him again.

"Don't get any ideas," he warned.

Ramen sighed in defeat and allowed himself to be dragged off to another part of the mall.

-

"Claire's?"

Ramen stood in front of the giant purple signboard, gaping.

Kaizo shrugged beside him. "We just need cheap rings."

Ramen whipped around. "You're getting our engagement rings from Claire's?!"

"It's not like anyone will tell the difference," Kaizo pointed out.

"But, but, but," Ramen spluttered at a loss for words. "It's Claire's. That's like getting our suits from Justice!"

Kaizo paused as if considering it as a legitimate prospect and Ramen spluttered in outrage. He grabbed the other's hand and held it as if pleading for dear life.

"We can't get our engagement rings from Claire's."

"We also can't get them from People's Jewellers," Kaizo frowned. "Your solution?"

Ramen tried desperately for an alternative, but was forced to surrender.

"I...got nothin," he said sadly.

Kaizo nodded. "So, lets go in?"

-

Claire's didn't have a terrible assortment in accessories...if you were twelve years old and looking for friendship bracelets to exchange with classmates you'd never see again after two years. It wasn't the absolute worst place to look for fake engagement rings either, Ramen was forced to admit silently, after seeing the available stock.

"You haven't said anything," Kaizo noted observantly.

"Uh, did you want me to pick them out?"

Kaizo thought on that. "I mean, sure? You're the mastermind behind the whole operation, really, I just-"

"Follow my lead," Ramen smirked. "And may I say you're doing a fine job at staying in character."

Kaizo had the acting prowess to blush and shy away at that. "Aw..."

"Are you looking for something?" The sales attendant appeared beside them, and Kaizo froze and coughed. "A gift for your...daughter?" She raised an eyebrow.

Kaizo and Ramen exchanged a glance.

"Actually, we..."

"We were..."

"-just wanted to get-"

"-trying to find-"

"-cosplay accessories," Kaizo explained, at the same time Ramen said "engagement rings."

They both froze, and the sales attendant stared expectantly.

"Well?"

"Rings," Ramen said simply, and Kaizo nodded vigorously beside him, facepalming.

"For both of you?" She narrowed her eyes.

Ramen sighed and figured he may as well go all the way.

"Engagement rings, actually, yeah," he said, discreetly elbowing Kaizo in the stomach to keep quiet. The other winced but complied.

The girl looked skeptical. "I dunno about you, but this isn't really the place-"

"Oh, no, but I think it is the place," Ramen countered. "The perfect place. Did you know-" he elbowed Kaizo again to keep him from interrupting, "-that we actually met here at Claire's."

He nodded when her eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah, so this place," he patted a nearby display and it leaned precariously, then collapsed, sending items flying out all over the floor. "Ah, shit. Sorry-"

"Oh, no, it's fine," the attendant was already on the floor, picking up merchandise. "Don't worry about it," when Ramen kneeled down to help out.

He ignored her and picked up sets of earrings, putting them back onto their hooks. Kaizo joined them, crouching and straightening to fill up the higher rows.

"I think this one detached from its package," Ramen held up a single ring that had probably fallen under the display.

"You can keep it," the attendant offered. "It probably doesn't have a label, anyway. Plus you didn't have to help out, so..."

"Really?" Ramen asked, eyes widening.

She nodded gratefully.

"Well, then," Ramen turned to Kaizo, a grin appearing on his face.

Kaizo swallowed. "What?"

Without warning, Ramen took a knee and stared up at Kaizo from the floor. Kaizo clapped a hand over his mouth, though his mind was only vaguely aware of what was unfolding, a thrilling sense of foreboding ran through him.

"Kaizo Purple Carrots, whatever your real name is, I still don't know - though it's definitely not Kassim-"

Kaizo would have burst out laughing if his neurons were not presently short-circuiting.

"- Will you give me the honor of being your fake fiance for like six hours-"

Kaizo really chuckled then, but his eyes were still wide with surprise.

"- though, really, I wish to be yours from this moment on, until that fortuitous night, and after that, forever, will you allow me the privilege of being your best and most loyal, dope, dank and poggers-"

"Oh my god..." Kaizo murmured in disbelief.

"- dudebro for life, homie?"

"No," Kaizo said flatly, then gaped, weakly smacking his outstretched hand presenting the ring. "No, not like that you idiot, oh my god."

The sales attendant wiped a tear. "That was...I don't know what I just experienced, actually..."

"Me neither..." Kaizo said dumbly, and Ramen pouted, but brightened as Kaizo let him slide the ring onto his finger.

Kaizo's blush deepened about six shades, but his face may as well have been red from sheer incredulousness.

Ramen grinned as if proud of his own accomplishment, and stood up smoothly, taking Kaizo's hand into his own and kissing the back of it from dramatic emphasis. Kaizo snatched it back and used it to hide his flushed face, shaking his head with exasperation, fondness, shock, and denial.

"Are you...okay?" Ramen asked hesitantly, reaching forward.

Kaizo dropped his hands and burst out laughing. He laughed and cackled and wheezed till he was reduced to a shaking mess of strained sounds and gasping on the floor. Ramen grabbed his arm and helped him up, carrying him bridal style until he jumped out of his arms and gripped his own knees for balance till he regained his breath.

"I'll see you on Thursday evening," he managed, straightening. "I'll talk to you on the phone till then."

He shook his head one more mind as if to clear it, and then he was gone.

Ramen stared after him, almost disappointed, but brightened, checking his phone.

Thursday may be a week away, but Kaizo's finger had a ring on it today.

--

The afternoon of the 25th rolls around all too quickly. Between phone calls and shopping, one minute he's dozing off in a cozy new sweater, and the next thing he knows, it's time to get ready for the Big Night.

So Kaizo slips out of his comfy pajamas and takes a nice warm shower, with the most fragrant shampoo and body wash he has.

He steps out, glowing, and fixes his hair while he dries off. He slips into his tight pants with some difficulty, though the silky velvet top drops over his head and slides on like flowing water. He shivers slightly at the sensation of the cool fabric against his skin, hoping he's not going to have to spend much time outside.

He makes his way to his dresser, and observes his reflection for a long moment. He could get away with some light eyeliner...a coat of lip gloss. His cheeks are flushed enough as is from the heat of the bathroom, and that's not even considering whatever goes on tonight, so he figures he'll pass on the rest of the makeup bag.

The earrings are long and dangly, and tangle up the moment Kaizo lifts them from their perch. He squints and tries to navigate the fine chains, parting them carefully so they don't weave into each other instead. Thankfully, they split obediently, and he brings one to his ear to replace the tiny black studs that usually keep his piercings from closing.

His phone rings - a call from Ramen - and he drops a hand to swipe up, putting the phone on speaker as he tries to poke the thin metal rod through his earlobe.

"Hello, sweetheart," Ramen drawls.

Kaizo almost stabs himself accidentally with the earring.

"Sweetheart?" Kaizo echoes, feeling oddly flustered. "Bit forward there with the pet names, aren't you, loverboy?"

"Speak for yourself." The smile is audible in the blond's voice. "May as well get into our roles, now, shouldn't we, darling?"

Kaizo inhales and exhales quickly, then forces a syrupy smile. "Babe..."

"Yes, honey?"

"When are you coming, anyway?" Kaizo asks, dropping the sentiment.

"I'm outside."

Kaizo nearly drops his other earring in shock, whipping back around to check the time.

"You're here?!" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Answer the door, will you, love?" Ramen goes on in that sappy voice.

Kaizo rushes out of the room, earrings bouncing over his shoulders as he hurries to open the door. Sure enough, his plus-one-for-the-night is waiting for him already, dressed sharply in a dapper suit, hair gelled back precisely.

Ramen takes a knee on the doorstep and extends his hand.

Kaizo blinks at it for a moment in confusion, then thrusts his hand forward in understanding. Ramen takes it and brushes his lips over his knuckles, grinning against the golden ring that Kaizo hasn't taken off since the Claire's incident.

Then he releases his hand and straightens, standing up.

"Are you going to let me in?" he asks.

Kaizo manages to un-freeze himself enough to swiftly step aside, allowing him entry. Ramen passes him by, then stops, turning around to take in Kaizo's form.

Kaizo is hyperaware of Ramen's eyes raking over him, wary of the slight raise of his eyebrow.

"How is it," Kaizo asks, a growing smirk hides the trace of hesitation in his voice. "Am I painful to look at yet?"

"I could go blind just staring at you," Ramen shakes his head. "But it would be a price worth paying just to look at you, my dear."

Kaizo flushes, then remembers this is all just in character. He shakes his head just slightly to clear it, balling his hands into fists to restrain himself, and gestures to the bedroom.

"I'm almost ready," he informs him, and to his slight disappointment, Ramen follows him upstairs.

Kaizo can feel his eyes on him even as he stands behind him in the mirror. He deliberately lowers his eyes and scans the jewellery laid out on the dresser. He picks up a bracelet at random and twists it onto his wrist, then another on the opposite. Ramen snatches up a heavy necklace before he can reach for it.

"Need help with this?" Ramen asks, holding it up.

The words catch in Kaizo's throat, and he nods, turning so Ramen can clasp the necklace behind his neck. He feels the warm brush of Ramen's fingers against his nape, then the cold metal dropping against his skin, heavy. He remembers to breathe.

Ramen steps back for a moment so Kaizo can turn around to face him, and nods appreciatively at the pendant hanging under his collarbone. Kaizo's hands reach up to fiddle with Ramen's tie, even though it barely needs adjustment, and raises his eyes, locking the blond's gaze - perhaps by accident.

What definitely isn't accidental is leaning in, just then, closing his eyes and tilting his head as their lips meet gently, then pull away.

"Everything okay, baby?" Ramen whispers. "You're hesitating."