Look, it's 12am.. i needed content and i had a sudden idea and i threw on here- i thought it was pretty funny..

It was a casual Wednesday. Atleast it was as y/n stood there sipping the fresh morning brew of coffee inhaling the scent before sighing and looking at her friend "hey... do you ever wonder how big the autobots are?"

She tilted her head a bit rubbing her tired eyes "I dont wonder, I'd say they're atleast 25 to 35 feet tall.. about a 2 story building so.. yeah. I gotta worry about getting crushed on a daily basis.." she mumbled

Y/n hummed "that's not what i meant but thanks for the new concern..."

F/n bunched her brows a bit "You're wondering how.. big they are? Like big big?"

"Well yeah.. i cant help but wonder since we use inches.. do they use feet? Like the average man is 4 inches.. so.. are they averaged to 4 feet?"

"I dont know.. it is way too early to be thinking about that stuff i mean seriously.. it's.." she glanced at her watch "4 in the morning." She gave a small glare

"There is no wrong time to be thinking about dick sizes, ok? It's a simple question. Are they big big or little big." She said making gestures with her hands for emphasis

F/n rolled her eyes "oh well, Jeez, if you're so consumed on wondering about it go ask ratchet, he doesnt seem to have a problem with being blunt.." she folded her arms

"Wouldnt that be weird though?" Y/n tilted her head a bit

"All you want is information.."

"So what, i walk over and be like 'so Hey, ratchet how big is your dick, or whatever you guys call it.'? I mean.. that's a little blunt isnt it?" Y/n mumbled

"It's called a spike."

The two both jumped and looked over at Ironhide, he was nearby cleaning his canons

F/n went pale "h-how long have you been there??"

"The whole time.." he shrugged

F/n about fainted but glanced at y/n

Y/n blinked a bit "hm."

"We dont care about privacy as much as humans.." he looked over

"Obviously. Ratchet made it very clear..."

"The average mech... about 5 feet and yes it is bumped up to feet. You wont hear anyone say 'its 60 inches'."

"Makes sense.." y/n murmured "though while we're on the subject.. it is located in same place as humans isnt it?"

Ironhide cocked an optic ridge "even i thought that was a little obvious.." he said setting the rag down and knocking at his crotch plating

"..thought so." Y/n nodded

"What are you telling them?"

The trio looked over at Sideswipe rolling over

"Spikes. Y/n and f/n were wondering about sizes."

"Larger than you humans, that's all i gotta say. Dont hope on ever getting it on with a cybertronian, it just wont happen." Sideswipe chuckled

"Thats not why i asked." Y/n frowned a bit "the species intermixing wouldnt seem... appropriate. If it were even possible but it's not-"

"Actually it is." Ratchet said walking over

Y/n mentally cursed before blinking "wait, what?"

"Holoforms." Ratchet transformed and out popped a human from the driver seat "Human holoforms fit to all the anatomy of a human. Or even.." he shifted into a smaller version of himself, allowing the skin looking material to rip and show off armor "a holoform of ourselves."

"Whoa... i didnt know you could do that." Y/n smiled a bit

"We have no need to use them. It was mostly for blending in with other species while traveling." Ironhide grunted "i hate using them, they're consuming to use."

Ratchet sighed a bit "yes, there is a flaw to them." He said before it disappeared and he transformed back to bot mode

"It's always nice to see the morning commute, what's the subject today?" Lennox came over, smiling a bit. He was so perky it was almost sickening

"Dicks." Y/n said bluntly

Lennox then deadpanned

"Spikes, to be exact. We're learning about the autobots anatomy." Y/n smiled a bit

Lennox pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, he seemed conflicted yet disappointed "There are some things we just don't need to know about them.."

"I think it's interesting, i mean we know a lot of other things about them so why not learn what makes them tick" y/n shrugged "besides, its not like we're saying 'whip it out, here and now'."

Sideswipe gave a shrug "We can give you a visual if you'd like-"

"NO- No. Keep it under all that. It's fine.." lennox waved his hands

Y/n giggled a bit grinning to watch their leader walk away with a red face "whoa, how forward of you."

Sideswipe only hummed "The offer stands."

Y/n chuckled "thanks but i think we're okay just knowing."

"You know, some mechs dont even have spikes." Ironhide said

Y/n blinked "do you guys get neutered?"

"No, it's just simply that they lack the means to create our fluids, so instead they have the means to carry, like a femme. Bumblebee is one of the mechs thats spikeless."

Y/n was a little surprised by this.

"Oh come on!"

They looked over at said bot as he overheard them

"Why not just- scream it at- the rooftop- AHH!" Bumblebee was irritated as he stomped off

Y/n snorted softly "aw, poor bee.."