Ashley's POV

I was standing in our kitchen chopping vegetables but my mind was somewhere else. I was distracted by the fact that my husband cheated on me and I said it is okay.

One of our neighbor saw him getting cozy with another woman and came home to inform me. I didn't know what to do or how to ask him without making him angry. I waited for days to gain the courage to ask him but every time he would give me a look or a glare, I would surrender and say nothing.

One night I finally did ask. He got extremely angry. He lost all control. Threw curses and names around, blamed me for spying and not trusting but later after he calm down he gripped me tight and said he was sorry. He said it didn't mean anything and I fell for it. I said it's okay.

We vowed each other to be together forever. To be faithful to each other. Never hurt each other but he has held none of those to its words. Is this what my marriage has come to? Lying and living in constant fear as to when he'll snap and lose his mind? Is this what my rest of the life looks like? Because it is nowhere near to as what I dreamt.

"Ashley!" His shrilling voice broke my thoughts. I answered him.

I saw him coming towards me wearing nothing but a towel.

"Are you trying to hurt me?" He asked

"Huh?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

He raised his palm and I saw a little cut on his hand. I had no idea what happened but I knew he was going to freak.

"You left your razor on the sink. I got cut. Why would you do that?"

"I-I. No- I didn't. I must've forgotten. I didn't mean to"

"Are you trying to get back at me? Say it. Why did you do that? Say it. Just say it. SAY" he kept talking steps forward and I kept backing until there was no room to escape. I was stuck with him breathing down my neck.

I didn't know what happened or from where I got the strength but I pushed him and he stumbled before gaining balance.

"YOU CHEATED ON ME" I shouted at the top of my lungs. The first time I've ever shouted. I know I was going to regret this but in that moment the adrenaline was too much.

He kept staring at me. I stared him back but after sometime the adrenaline wore off and the fear started creeping in. I wasn't sure what he was going to do next.

He took steps towards the kitchen counter and took the knife from the chopping board. My eyes widen as I watch him coming towards me with that knife in his hand. I didn't what he was capable of anymore.

He came close me, raise his palm and said "Why can't you just forgive me" he took that knife and deepen his cut.

"What are you doing? Stop. Stop it." I started panicking. I tried stopping him but he kept doing it to himself.

"Don't you think I feel bad enough? I love you so much. You don't believe me. I said I was sorry. You want to hurt me" he made another cut "See, I'm hurting. Are you happy?"

I could see the blood dripping on the floor. The cuts were big and scary. It was painful, I could see but he didn't stop.

"Are you happy? This is what you wanted, didn't you? ARE YOU HAPPY?"

"No. No. Please" I pleaded. Tears flowing down my face. "Please, I love-love you. Please stop. Don't do it. Oh God, please. Stop"

"Can you forgive me?" He asked and I nodded. I couldn't say no. If I had said no, he would've bled out on the kitchen floor. No matter what, I can't let him die.

He came close to me. He held my face with is hands. His bloody hand, all over my face. "I love you, remember that" he said, smudging the blood on my face before walking away.

As soon as he was out of sight I rushed to the sink and started splashing water on my face to get rid of the blood on my face. I didn't realize when that water became my own tears. I sat there on the kitchen floor, with the water flowing, miserably crying and blaming the life I've to live.

I opened my eyes in an instant. It wasn't a dream or a nightmare, it was a memory. I looked around my surroundings. I was safe at my home. I got up and sat there trying to time my breath and get a grip.

My eyes travelled to the person sleeping next to me. He was sleeping in a very careful position, afraid to make me uncomfortable. Even though his entire body was almost at the edge of the bed creating sufficient distance between us, his left hand was falling on my side.

I carefully lift it and positioned it in a more comfortable manner. Even though he looked peaceful sleeping, his worry lines were clearly visible or maybe I can see them now because I'm too close to him.

I think he felt my eyes on him lingering because he opened his and smiled at me. I became conscious all of sudden and got off the bed.

"Morning" his tone was deep, husky, may I say, sexy?

I cleared my throw, definitely bothered by him "you should leave"

"Okay. You're cheery this morning. Can I atleast use your bathroom?"

"No. Use yours. Just go home, okay?"

He got out the bed and stood in front of me.

"You do remember you invited me to stay last night?"

"Yes I know. It was a lapse in judgement." I looked away. I didn't want him to know that I enjoyed his company.

"Is that what you're calling it? Fine, I'll be out of here. Can I please just use your washroom?"

"You've one in your home. Go there"

He didn't listen. He started unbuttoning his pants. That freaked me out "What the hell are you doing?"

"It's an emergency"

"Oh God. Go, just stop undressing."

He gave me a cheeky smile and rushed to the washroom. I picked up my phone from the side table and made my way to the living room.

I unlocked it and saw a text from Jenny.

Jenny: Lunch w me today? Your place?

Ashley: What about your kids and husband?

Jenny: I need a break from them. So what's say?

Ashley: Okay. I'm in

Jenny: See you then. Xx

I was texting Jenny when David returned from the bathroom. He walked right upto my kitchen and started fidgeting with my coffee maker.

"What are you doing?" I asked putting my phone down.

"Making coffee. How does this thing work anyway?"

"Why? I told you to go home."

"Yes, I know but before I do the walk of shame, the least you could do is offer me a cup of coffee."

"It is not a walk of shame. Nothing happened"

He winked at me "that's your story"

I groaned in annoyance "Just go home. Make your own coffee."

"I can't. I just moved, remember? I haven't unpacked everything yet."

"Not my problem."

He smiled "Yes, it is. I'm your neighbor. Now, come on, be a nice neighbor and tell me how this fancy machine of your works."

I crossed my arms and shook my head. I didn't want him anymore around me. I mean I did but I don't want to admit it. Not even to myself.

"Why?"

"Because I don't like you"

He frowned "what are you, twelve?"

I sighed and walked upto him. He wasn't going to leave and it is too early for me to fight with him on something so silly.

I first poured myself a cup before changing the filter and putting in the new coffee beans for him. I pressed the button and ask him to wait a minute before it brews.

I took my coffee and sat by my big window. I didn't have the view that people talk about so much. My view was of the city chaos, the traffic, people yelling and running to catch their subways. In a way I've become accustomed to it. I actually like it now.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked but I didn't reply. He took my silence as a yes and sat beside me.

We were sitting silently having our coffee when he spoke "it's going to be okay. I don't know if you're confused, or conflicted, or hurt, or in immense pain. I just want you to believe that it'll eventually be okay. Because when you look back it won't be the moment when you were lost or unsure that'll you'll remember, it is the moments after that which matter the most."

He meant it. It was sympathy for my breakdown but hope for my peace. He genuinely wanted me to believe that it'll be okay.

"Don't you feel anxious or out of control?" I don't know why I asked him but I wanted him to answer. I wanted to know whether he feels the same anxiety as I feel or he really is as calm as he shows.

"Yeah, I do but I've accepted that I can't be in control. Everyday is a new crap fest and no one has a clue what's it gonna be. All you can do is breath, and take one step at a time. Plans don't work on life. It is unpredictable and confusing. The only comfort you can find is in yourself."

I didn't say anything else. I didn't know what to. He somehow made it all look so simple. I felt I was an idiot living life like it is a punishment when in theory it looks so easy. Every word that came out of his mouth meant something to me. I wanted to have faith in what he was saying even if I've never experienced that calmness in my life.

He got up and put his cup in the sink.

"Letting go is never easy, no matter how many times you've said it yourself. Letting go of the memories and dreams is always going to stink. It doesn't matter if they're good memories or bad one. We hold on to it because we feel something but once you do let go, you may find the peace you're looking." He said and left. I heard the door slam as I let his words sink it.