《Stay With Me Always》Twenty Six
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Ashley's POV
The drive back home was more comfortable and peaceful. I was happy and content with the evening. It was also nice to know that this time I knew the destination of this journey.
"You're still scared of heights?" I asked breaking the silence.
"Oh yes. Terrified"
"Then what was the point? You're still scared."
He chuckled "I'll probably always be scared but amidst all the bad memories, there should be couple of good ones. Also, ten years from now when I look back I should know I chose life rather than just settling."
I wanted to ask how he does that. How does he wake up every morning and decide that he would rather live than settle because I don't do that but I didn't ask, I was scared that the answer won't help me.
The rest of the journey was quite. I kept drifting off to sleep but throughout I had a faint smile on my face.
"Goodnight, Ashley" David said as he dropped me off at my doorstep.
It was a good day, something I haven't had in a long time. I wanted to say thank you, mean it with all my heart and be sure he knows.
"David.." I called out softly.
He turned and smiled at me. Her was looking straight into my eyes and I was conscious.
"Thank you" I said looking straight into those intense eyes and letting him know I meant it.
"What did you say?"
He started walking towards me slowly and I frowned not knowing what he was upto. I said the thank pretty loud and audible.
"You heard me. Are you messing with me?"
He smirked "You called me David."
"That is your name"
"That's the first time you said it."
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I scoffed to lessen the tension between us "You shouldn't be surprised since it is your name."
He leaned in "I'm not surprised. I'm amazed as how good it sounds coming out of your mouth." He whispered in my ears and a chill ran through my spine.
I held my door handle for support cause I was scared I might turn into a puddle of mess with him being so close to me.
"You should smile more. I'm starting to like your smile" he winked at me and left for his home.
I stood there all bothered and hot. The level of control he has over me is worrisome to me.
After composing myself from the hot and awkward position I got in. I changed out of my work clothes and put on something more comfortable.
As I laid on my bed I kept thinking how happy and light today felt. Even though I was slammed with work whole day, a few hours with David and all of that stress somehow melt away. I was smiling, a genuine, straight from the heart smile.
I couldn't find help but wonder why certain things are so difficult for me. Why is it that I crave for freedom and happiness yet the first sign of it, I decide to run away? I don't open up to people. I don't like being vulnerable or be misunderstood somehow but with David, I connect. It is the strangest, most scariest thing but he makes me want to explore the unchartered territory.
I wanted a second chance, I fought for it so badly and now that I have it, I'm not making the best of it. I feel the pain in my heart but am I letting the pain control my life?
I have never asked such questions to myself. I never even thought about it. I didn't had to, I had settled in my life but now I'm questioning everything. I'm questioning why did I settle. I'm sure I've a purpose in this world, have I fulfilled it already or I'm just avoiding because my past was a diaster?
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I've been living under this dark cloud ever since my divorce. I've become too comfortable but I don't want that darkness. I crave light, I want happy. I can't be the girl who let every opportunity slip through the cracks because she was too scared. I don't think there will ever be a time where I won't be scared. Life is scary but at some point, shouldn't I stop using it as an excuse?
I opened the drawer on my side table and fletched the picture frame inside it. I didn't take anything from my past life expect that frame. It was happy picture, I don't know, I just wanted some reminder that I was happy once but now I think I'm using it to hide behind so I don't have to take the risk. I love that picture, it reminds me of a simpler time.
I opened the frame and removed the picture. I tore it into little pieces and threw it in the dustbin. It wasn't a big step, some would say it wasn't nothing but it meant something to me. It was my first step towards something, anything that life has ahead of me. It wasn't going to easy, I'm sure but that I can't my past holding me back forever. I may not completely change. There's a chance that I'll screw up something but I'm finally willing to try, atleast try for the sake of happiness that I've been looking in that picture.
I climbed under my comforters and smiled to myself. Big or small step, I didn't care, I felt liberated. In that second, it mattered.
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