I woke up in a small little plastic blue bed. My hands immediately gripped the sides in panic as I scouted the area around me. A blue sheet veiled me from the outside world. I sighed as I let the tension in me slowly relax. That's when I heard the gentle sobs and someone hushing them. I tried to take a peek out before Amalia and the nurse appeared inside my little space. I shrunk back into the sheets, just becoming aware I was only in a paper thin ugly yellow hospital gown. "I- What happened to me?" I asked. Then it hit me like a tidal wave, being taken, being whipped all night... the soldiers... they... "Wha-at happened to me?" I asked, my voice shattering in a million pieces along with my heart.

The nurse wrung her wrists as she avoided eye contact with me. Amalia on the other hand looked me straight in the eye. "I think you know Helena," she said softly. That's when I really fell apart. My privacy had been invaded, my rights had been invaded. I felt violated on so many different levels. They were horrific monsters. How could they do that to me? What rights did they have? I felt like screaming. The nurse spoke up, her voice quiet and timid "We... ran some tests and you look perfectly normal so far. No signs of... impregnation." her voice ended with a wince. A tear of relief slipped from my eye. "But even if it had happened, it's too early to tell. You would have to wait a few weeks at most" Amalia spoke calmly.

I envied her composure in these situations. I had heard stories about her at camp. The Colour Seer that could remain calm even when a patient is dying. She can work amazingly in all sorts of different situations, it's just amazing. I nodded unconsciously. "Alright". I couldn't even recognise my own voice. It was so weak and small. The nurse looked at me, deep sorrow shown on it. "I'm guessing you might want to change into some of your own clothes". I nodded desperately. I needed to feel like myself again. That's when I felt it. That tingling feeling in the palm of my hand, all the blood rushing there. I looked Amalia in the eye.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom real quick." I breathed out, struggling to move, occasionally wincing in pain. Amalia was quick to help me up as I wobbled into the bathroom. Staring me in the eye she placed a scalpel on the bench "Be careful", and she shut the door behind her as she left. I quickly grabbed the scalpel, slicing my palm open. The blood freely flowed upwards in a spiral motion, darkening the room slightly as it sucked in the light like a black hole. "Helena'' Nyx's voice softened as she saw me. "My lady," I whispered in shame of my circumstances. "I... saw what happened. Are you ok?" she asked quietly.

I looked at the cracked mirror in front of me. My hair looked like a rat's nest, with dried blood everywhere. Purple and yellow bruises covered my front area, raw bloody claw marks taking my back. I winced just looking at myself. "I- I'm doing alright." I confirmed, my voice wobbling slightly. At least I sounded better. Nyx scanned me from head to toe, trying to find any sought of giveaway in my face, but I hid it all. "Alright. Just stay safe." she sighed. I heard the door open and close. "Nyx, is that my sister?" a voice carried through the vision. I perked up, Mya. "Yes, come say hello." Nyx offered.

My sister, niece and boyfriend came into view. "Helena!" my sister cried happily, only her smile dampening when she inspected me. "What the hell happened to you?!" she whispered furiously as she handed Caitlyn over to another colour seer in the room. "I... was punished last night" I whispered. Carter came back into frame furious "Where is that little rat that punished you? I'll gut him slowly, taking his organs and putting them in jars then carefully sawing off his head before boiling it in acid and making his skin into a mop to mop up the mess he would have made.". I smiled a tiny bit. This is why I loved him. My heart dropped as I looked to my sister who wore a wistful yet sad expression.

"Carter, could I have a moment with my sister please?" Mya asked quietly. Carter nodded before looking at me once again and leaving. Mya sat as she fiddled with her braid. "Carter really does love you Lena" she said with an exasperated sigh. Did I hear her correctly? I know I did as her eyes glossed over. "Mya-" I started. "It's ok Lena, really. I can see how much you love him, it was obvious before even more now, but," her voice dropped to a mere whisper. "Helena, I'm so sorry" she cried, putting her hands on her face, tears seeping through the cracks, it hurt me to know my little sister was obviously heartbroken.

"I- I'm pregnant again.". I swallowed. "And it's Carter's isn't it?" I whisper. The slight nod of her head was all I needed. If she told me last week I would have slapped her, but the break-up and the pregnancy had obviously been crushing her. I sighed. She started to panic word vomit "I'm so sorry, after he said he was going to break up with him, I- I just seduced him into bed, I thought it was going to change his mind!" She now wept openly. My heart broke. I wanted to be upset, but I just couldn't. Upon hearing his ex girlfriend cry Carter ran back into the room worriedly and picked her up cradling her against him. You couldn't deny the feelings he still had for her, I could see it all by the way he looked at her. That really hurt. I have no idea what to do now.

"Um, I'm gonna have to go now, can someone get Nyx?" I was heartbroken. Carter looked up and panicked at my solemn face. "Hel, baby-", "Just get her!" I shouted at him, his face fell further, pulling at my heartstrings, though not enough to apologise. He nodded as he took my sister in his arms, the blue and purple goddess returning. If she felt any sort of emotion now she didn't show it. "Nyx-" I started, knowing the problem. "No Helena, I can't. We can't support another child at the camp, you know this! Ever since Enrico's Fresh Food truck crashed last month, all our stocks have been down. The people on the inside are trying hard to keep their jobs as well as communicate with us. It's not possible!".

"But that's my niece or nephew Nyx!" I fought back. "You already have one!" Nyx shouted back. "A little girl named Caitlyn who asks for you every goddamn day! Everyone at the camp loves her but we just can't afford to have another high maintenance THING here!". I stood agape, "Thing? How dare you call my future family a THING?" I shouted back at her. "The only reason you are upset is because you can't have kids!" I screamed back. Her facade cracked and broke. A tear slipped down her cheek, "How dare you Helena! None of that was my fault! It's not my fault they kidnapped and experimented on me! It's not my fault they removed my freaking ovaries!".

I looked down. Ashamed of what I had done. "I'm sorry Nyx, I truly am.", and I dissolved the view. I sat on my bed, tears streaming down my face. My thoughts crashed when I heard the curtain open, "It's only me, I just need to do a quick check up on you. Ok?" Amalia said quietly swiftly checking all the machines beside my bed. I sat back down as I listened to the steady beating of the heart monitor. "I'm just going to disconnect it quickly so don't let the flatline noise bother you ok?" she instructed. I nodded in reply. She carefully pulled it off and an ear piercing ring flooded the air. Against her warnings I jumped with panic. She put a comforting hand on my shoulder as she disconnected the machine from the power.

"I'm going to keep you here for the day, maybe overnight just to see how you are going. And I want you to come here every few days to see if anything else... might have happened ok?" she commanded softly, her face scanning mine. I confirmed her instructions with a soft yes. A certain brown hair, green eyed boy popped into my head, "Is Ryan ok?". Amalia turned to me, uncertainty staining her face. "He's doing better. I had to remove a piece of glass lodged into his spine. You don't do anything about that do you?" she replied sternly. I shook my head, trying to look innocent and offended. "Ok, just... don't do anything stupid to him, Helena. Ryan's a sweet boy, please be kind!" she said with an exasperated sigh.

I nodded, but somehow, it was like we both knew I was lying. Scanning me once over again, she helped me limp over to Ryan's bed where a teary eyed Jeremiah and Ashley sat. "Oh, did I bother you?" I asked quickly, their eyes popped up to me panicked as if they didn't want to be caught. "Oh, no, don't worry, we were just going anyway. How are you feeling?" Ashley stammered. "Yeah, how are you doing? You really didn't look good this morning." Jeremiah's voice drifted into the wind, his voice was deep and eyes full of never ending pain and sadness. His damaged soul broke whatever was left whole inside of me.

"I... I'm doing better. I think. Ama-, sorry, Doctor Thender says I should be in here for the rest of the day, and to come back every few days to monitor another... problem? Possibility? I don't know." I answered. They nodded as they gathered themselves and left. I sat on the side of Ryan's bed. He was kinda cute.

"If only I could change your mind,

take all your pain and make it mine.

I wish I could make it as simple as it was,

back when we were younger and thought we were old.

All I want is your heart to beat with mine,

to hold my hand in the dark, to bring me into the light.

All I want is to hold your hands in mine,

like I did when you were mine."

"That's amazing! Why didn't you sing for us before?" I jumped, caught off-guard. "Ryan?" I asked. "No, it's Aiden." I whipped my head backwards as fast as possible to catch sight of the golden haired boy that broke my sister's heart. Why was he here anyway? My brain whizzed, I was sitting on the answers bed. "Hi," I stammered. Aiden looked at me weirdly "...Hi?". It was silent, "Tell me about her" he decided, "Tell me about my daughter.". I froze, "Caitlyn, Caitlyn Ayden Capriment. She's a gorgeous little girl with chocolatey brown waves and big baby blue eyes, like yours. She's a little spitfire and loves the attention. She somehow knows Carter isn't her father and is always asking where her daddy is. It breaks Mya's heart, but fills it at the same time. She had always said that she was happy that it was your child and that Caitlyn always asks about you because she just wants a way to remember you.". A tear slipped down my eye. Memories flashed before my eyes, Mya telling me she was pregnant, the day after Aiden had left her, the day she found out he was gone, the day she gave birth.... My body shuddered.

I have always tried to be there for her, shielding her of the horrors of what our world has become. Mum used to read us books to us, about the Earth, about how it was 1000 years ago. Mum used to say that our ancestors were scientists and saved journals. They never thought civilization would make it this far. The day mum didn't come home I knew things had to change. Dad was never around, he always worked late in a government position, taking off after Mya was born when he found out mum had colour seers in her line. I was 10, Mya 5 when mum never came home. She cried all evening, I tried to call dad, he left a number in case of dire emergency, but he never picked up.

That's when I knew I had to do everything on my own, I had to take care of my sister. The next few years I started to develop colour within my vision around age 13, hearing whispers across the shadows about a camp, not a bad one, but a good one, run by a seer. The seer was told to be a colour seer of sight. For years I searched until one day she came to me. Nyx Achlys. I was 16 when I met Nyx, she was confident and overall majestic. She offered Mya and I shelter. I couldn't refuse. I worked my ranks up in the years I had been there, Mya still going to normal school, not coming home sometimes, for safety and secrecy of the camp. She said she had a place to stay, a friend who offered her. A friend named Aiden Reynolds. They soon got close, she wasn't spending two nights there anymore, instead it was 5. I only saw her on weekends. Until a few days after her 13th birthday, she came to me in tears.

She said she could no longer stay at Aiden's and she was pregnant. I told her to get rid of it but she begged me to keep it. Nyx agreed to let her keep it, on the condition that she was fully responsible for the child and the child's supplies would be coming out of her own. She agreed. It was another year before Aiden's ex best friend Carter showed up at camp, all battered and bruised. He had been running from the cops and narrowly escaped into the forest near the camp, being intercepted by volunteer soldiers in the camp and brought back here. My sister and him fell madly in love, but sooner than later, so did I. A few months before Nyx had her vision about Ryan, Aiden and I started our secret relationship. Even though still with my sister, it just felt right to me, to him.

"Helena?" I flinched, feeling Aiden's large warm hand on my shoulder. His gaze softened. This wasn't the prideful, arrogant boy I had met, but a soft, lost soul. I stared up at him. "I really hope she meets you one day," I choked out, "Caitlyn that it.". He let out a sad low chuckle "I hope so to, if we ever make it out of here," he gazed upon the sleeping boy, his eyes turning glossy, "He's practically given up all hope Helena, getting beatings, skipping meals, not being allowed to speak his mind is normalised to him! It breaks my heart every damn time, to know I can't help him, nor will it ever change." he sniffed. Realisation hit me in tidal waves, "You love him don't you?".

Aiden stiffened "I love him as a friend, yes of course". I shook my head "No, Aiden, you LOVE love Ryan don't you?". I could practically see the wheels in his head turning. A stiff nod of the head was all I got as I stood up and made my way back to my bed. Feelings could wreck this all.

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28/09/2022