CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SEVEN STAGES

Lotus awoke with a start, sliding off the bed and stumbling towards the hallway. Loud noises echoed from the kitchen, she stopped in the living room as Luther groggily got up from the couch. "Could it be one of the brothers?" She whispered, grabbing a closed umbrella from a nearby desk. She wielded it in front of her, as it would hold them off. Luther shook his head and stepped in front of her, "Stay behind me."

They shuffled forward, the sounds getting louder. Luther came to an abrupt stop, she crashed into him with a yelp. "What the hell?"

"Five?" Luther questioned, "You okay?"

Lotus moved around him, tossing the umbrella to the side, eyes landing on Five who chugged a container of water. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna need to be hydrated." He heaved, capping the bottle and putting back in the fridge.

"For what?"

He moved over to the kitchen table and swiped up a tub of baby powder, he shrugged before raising his arms and dumping some down each shirt sleeve. She hadn't realized he wasn't wearing his blazer.

"What's with the baby powder?" Luther watched perplexed.

"It'll help with the itching." He said plainly, moving his arms around before extending the waist of his shorts and pouring some down there too.

"What itching?" Lotus looked to Luther, "What is going on?"

"There's itching? What did you do?"

Five jumped up and down as Luther's eyes widened, "You do have a plan!"

"Well, it's a desperation move, but since our brain-dead siblings are incapable of meeting a single deadline, I got no choice." He took off back into the living room, shucking his blazer off a chair.

"No choice about what?"

Five sighed, "I have to find myself?"

"Huh?"

He slipped out a watch from his pocket and stared, "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago."

Luther and Lotus shared another look, watching as Five bounced on his heels. "Should we be worried about you?"

He shook his head, sliding his blazer on before stretching. "If you recall, I was sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated."

"Oh, so wait— your old self is out there?"

"Precisely." He rolled his neck, "And I'm gonna find him."

Lotus' brows furrowed, "So you just have a different version of yourself wandering around Dallas?"

"Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us home."

Luther's eyes widened, clapping his hands together. "Oh my god, Five! You're a genius."

"However." He cut in, sending them each a glare. "There are two significant problems with this plan. Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself."

Lotus crossed her arms, "And what's the other issue here?"

"You're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous."

He paced back and forth, Lotus wanted to reach out and hold him in place. "Side effects? What sort of side effects?" Luther questioned.

"Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3B, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are—"

"Are you speaking English?"

"Stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage."

Luther pursed his lips, "Homicidal rage?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe this isn't a good idea." Lotus cut in, "Because knowing you, you'll definitely go for homicidal rage first."

"It's a Hail Mary!" He threw his hands up, "But we don't have a choice."

Luther shook his head, "I agree with Lotus. You already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."

"Look, Luther." Five walked over and grabbed his arms, "I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, alright? I-I need a spotter."

"A spotter?"

Five nodded.

"What is that? Like, a wingman?"

"In case the paradox psychosis gets too severe, I need you to help me stay on task, ok. So whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase."

"Okay." He nodded.

Lotus raised her hand, "Um, if it gets to severe do I have permission to hit you?"

Five glanced back at her as he made his way towards the exit, "Why would you need to hit me?"

They followed him down the stairs, she shrugged. "For all that homicidal rage that's stored in your tiny body."

The sun was shining brightly down on the town as they filed onto the street, "So, where are you right now?"

"At a pub on the other side of town. By the route Kennedy's about to take."

"That's today?" Lotus exclaimed, "Why is time going by so fast here?"

Five stopped and grabbed ahold of both herself and Luther, within a blink they were standing on a new street corner. Luther coughed wildly and held his chest, "I remember I don't like that feeling. Warn a guy next time, will you?"

Five shook his head and shouldered open a door to a pub, stopping at the second archway. They rushed after him, "What are we supposed to now if we find him?"

"I don't know. Five—"

Lotus glanced behind her to see him hiding behind a post, he peaked out and nodded at the bar. "Well, there I am."

She joined him, eyes landing on an older looking man scribbling something in a notebook. A briefcase sat lodged between his feet and the bar.

"Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?" Luther questioned, earning another glare from his brother.

"Luther, I would never let that happen. We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives." Five took another look at his older self, "Plus, it's the inherent paradox where it gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself."

"What do you mean?"

Lotus pursed her lips, "He's screwed if we don't get old Five back to where he's supposed to be. They'll both cease to exist."

"You got that from everything he's been saying?"

She looked up at him, "I'm used to his rambling."

Five nodded, "Our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him. He'll understand. Trust me. I know myself better than... I know myself."

Lotus watched Five as he peered around, eyes wide and frantic. It was weird seeing him this way, he raised his hand to his neck and scratched.

"And we're already at stage two!" Lotus clapped her hands, "Great."

"No I didn't. I did not itch my neck."

Luther nudged her shoulder, "Hey, denial is stage one."

"I am fine, alright!" Five seethed, pointing back at the bar. "Let's stay in task, shall we?"

He went to walk but Lotus pulled him back, "Luther goes first. You even said we don't want to spook him."

Luther nodded, shoving his brother in the doorway. Lotus stepped back with him, holding his arms to his side.

"What are you doing?"

"To keep you from itching your arms."

Five looked down at her, "No I'm not."

"And there is the denial again. Classy."

They peaked out, Luther was talking to old Five now, his eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Klaus was wrong." She mumbled.

"About what?"

Lotus glanced at him, "He said you'd grow up hot."

"Excuse me? You're saying I'm not hot?"

She suppressed a laugh, "I mean, fifty eight years is a long life."

"No it's not!"

"I really love the combover." She let go of his hands, "And the wrinkles— gorgeous."

Five shook his head, scratching his nose. "Hey!" She whacked his hand away, he glared down at her.

"I wanna introduce you to somebody." Luther's voice echoed.

Five stepped around her and passed the doorway, eyes wide again as they landed on himself. "Hey there, stranger."

Old Five's mouth fell open, staring at his younger self. Lotus inched out after, the tension in the room thicker than ever. She slung an arm around the Five she knew, "Well, I bet you weren't expecting this, were you?"