February 2, 2019

The difference between Jonah and Eliska was that Eliska had come to terms with the distance pushing them apart, and Jonah had not.

He was not ignorant. He was aware of it, he just didn't allow himself to think about it, his reasoning being that acknowledging it would make it true. He couldn't bear that, even though it already was.

Eliska didn't understand how she had been so naive two months before when Jonah returned from tour. She had held an image of their reunion being a new chapter of their relationship as something that would become a reality. She hoped that him being back in the States would make the emptiness go away when they weren't together. She quickly realized, however, that that had been a false expectation.

What void was she expecting to be filled when he got back from tour, anyway? They still couldn't be together. She wouldn't necessarily have to travel with her father, but work at the coffee shop kept her in Indiana. Jonah's passion for his career kept him everywhere else.

***

Eliska let out a sigh as she stepped into her house. When she closed the front door, her brother looked up from his position on the living room floor where he was drawing. He smiled widely, and she mirrored his expression. He waved before returning to his page; he always either had a lot to say, or nothing at all.

In her room, she kicked off her shoes and dropped her car keys on the desk. She changed out of the clothes she worked in, relieved to be in sweats and a t-shirt.

Book and phone in hand, she flopped onto her bed, already caught up on schoolwork and excited to relax without stressing for a while.

Her phone, she discovered, had been littered with text messages from Jonah. She read the most recent one.

Please call me when you get off work.

Her eyebrows furrowed together slightly. She unlocked her phone to see Instagram, the last app she had been on when she turned it off. The page refreshed to display a post from Why Don't We's band account.

Her eyes swept over the picture and her heart sank.

She sat still for a while, until someone knocked lightly on her door. It was her mom.

"Hey, honey. How was work?"

"Uh, it was fine," she said, quieter than she meant to.

Her mother's expression softened, understanding something was wrong immediately. She walked into the room slowly, sitting on the end of the bed with one leg tucked underneath her.

"What happened?" she asked.

Eliska just looked at her for a moment.

"Um...."

She glanced down at her phone, running a hand through her hair to move it out of her face.

"Jonah's... going on another tour."

Her mom didn't say anything for a long time.

"The last one wasn't that long ago," she finally said. Eliska managed to shrug her shoulders a little.

"Three months will have passed when they start the next. They recently came out with a new album and they're more well-known than ever now, so...."

What Eliska appreciated about her mom was that she didn't fall apart when facing trials. No matter the situation, she remained strong and calm, traits that Eliska had aspired to attain since she was old enough to recognize them.

"Well... what does that mean for the two of you?"

Eliska shook her head slightly.

"I don't know."

She could feel her patience with talking about it waning. As much as she loved her mother, she wanted to work through it alone for a while. Her mother was very perceptive, reading her daughter's actions without needing to hear her say a word.

"I'll leave you to think about it," she said. "Talk to him, if you want. And I'll be around too."

She kissed Eliska on the forehead and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.

Eliska felt the urge to cry but she didn't.

Anger welled up inside of her heart. Why was a long distance relationship so difficult for her and Jonah? Why wasn't she able to feel completely normal when they couldn't be together? Why didn't she feel she could continue as others who were in long distance relationships seemed to be able to do? Even though she asked herself those questions, she already knew the answers.

It was the makeup of who she was. She wanted a love that was present, right next to her, not all the time, but close enough that it could be arranged to see that person on any given day. She knew in her heart that Jonah was the exact same way, that he wanted that kind of love.

And, she thought to herself, he deserved that too. He deserved someone who could be at his side at all times.

She made it through the first tour, but had come to realize that the time after it was no different. How much longer could they continue, always waiting for the next time they would see each other in person, always thinking of each other without focusing on what was right in front of them?

She was a senior in highschool. She had a job that she enjoyed at one of her favorite coffee shops. She had a younger brother who needed her to be present in his life and a family that she wanted to spend time with. She had more adventures to go on with her father, new experiences waiting for her in the cities beyond Indiana. She was on track to graduate early and had been looking into colleges for over a year.

She had so much lined up in her future, and she didn't want to hold Jonah back. He needed someone who could be right there for him, not someone who lived on the other side of the country, who was so busy with her own life and responsibilities that something as simple as talking over the phone was difficult to accomplish.

Jonah was the kindest young man she had ever met. His eyes were always gentle, his laugh made excitement well up in her chest, and his hugs made her melt in his arms.

He was single-handedly the best person she had ever had the privilege of meeting, let alone loving, and despite everything that she was feeling, despite all of the thoughts crammed into her head, that made her smile.