Severus was released from the hospital wing a week later, at that time you hadn’t spoken to him. He was released Friday, you didn't see him all weekend, you did your best to avoid it. Now it was monday and thankfully you didn’t have potions today so you wouldn’t have to see him today either.

Honestly you hadn’t talked to anyone since your conversation with Narcissa and Lucius. You and Jane had had a couple brief conversations where you mainly gave one word answers, showing your disinterest. Narcissa had tried talking to you about things like your health since she noticed you’d been skipping meals and if you did eat you went straight to the bathroom afterwards and she knew what that meant. You ignored all your brother's attempts and refused to look at Sirius when you found out this was all his idea. A stupid plot for him to get you to go on a date with him. The only person you really gave the time of day to was Remus. He begged and pleaded for forgiveness telling you had no idea what they were planning and he would never purposely hurt anyone. You assured him that you weren't angry with him and you knew it wasn’t his fault. James’ last plea of you was to not go to the headmaster. He assured you that Remus had no knowledge of their plan.

You went through all your monday classes. Half paying attention, half in your own little world. You didn’t want to be there, you just wanted to go to your room and lay down. The lack of food was making you weaker everyday to the point all you could do was sleep. Of course you still went to classes and quidditch practice but it left you exhausted. By the time practice was over you would go back to your dorm and collapse. You slept for hours but always felt tired. Madam Pomfrey had made a comment about it a few days ago when you went to get your stitches out but you just talked your way around it. Everyone was worried about you. Jane, Narcissa, Lucius, Regulus, your brother Sirius, Remus and even Peter had made comments.

**********************************************

You told everyone you would be skipping lunch to study, that's when Remus found you in the library. You were studying for your charms exam but you kept falling asleep. Your head would lull back until it fell back jolting you awake. You would stay awake for a few minutes before it happened again.

“Y/N, let’s go to lunch. I didn’t see you at breakfast and I want us to eat together. Please.” He took the seat next to you.

“I’m not hungry, I need to study.” You replied, plainly.

“You can’t keep your eyes open long enough to study and that’s from the lack of food in your system. Please.” He begged.

“Remus I don’t want to eat.” You snapped.

“Lack of food causes moodiness, you know. I know the break up with Severus has been hard on you but that isn’t a reason to stop taking care of yourself. Please.” He pushed.

“Fine!” You slammed your book shut. “But I’m only having a little, I’m not hungry.” You forced yourself to your feet and walked with Remus to the great hall. You spotted your brother waving you both over. “I will not sit with them.”

“I understand, we don’t have to.” He took a seat at the end of the bench. No one ever really sat there so it was just the two of you.

********************************************

“Stop looking at her like that. You’re that one who broke up with her.” Narcissa scolded him.

“I’m not looking at her in any particular way.” He shot back, returning his gaze to the plate in front of him.

“That’s a lie my friend. Even I can see the jealousy.” Regulus commented.

“I am not jealous!” He snapped.

“Oh please Severus. We all know you still care for that girl. You worry about her constantly. You’re not over her, if you were you wouldn’t have gone to Madam Pomfrey to ask about her wounds after she got her stitches out.” Lucius nagged him to just admit it already.

“That’s enough. What I feel for her doesn’t matter anymore. We’re done. I messed things up with her just like I did with Lily and I can’t fix it!” He yelled. You got up not even 15 minutes after sitting down and left the great hall which he noticed immediately. “Where is she going?” He asked himself out loud.

“Probably to the bathroom.” Narcissa told him.

“Why?”

“Maybe to pee.” Regulus looked confused as to why he would ask such a question.

“It’s a good thing you're not ugly Reg.” Lucius shook his head.

“She does it after every meal. That is if she actually eats at all. I think she’s forcing herself to throw it up.” Narcissa continued. “Where are you going? Severus!” She yelled after him as he followed you out of the great hall.

“Let him go.” Lucius grabbed her hand. "This could be good for both of them."

You walked as fast as you could to the prefects bathroom. You could feel the little bit of food you had eaten settling which would make it harder for you to get it out. Entering the bathroom you went straight into one of the stalls and dropped to your knees. Taking a hair tie from your wrist you put your hair in a ponytail then tucked the ponytail into the back of your shirt. You took a couple slow and deep breaths before shoving your index and middle finger down your throat past your uvula making you gag. It took a few minutes but eventually you emptied what little food you had consumed into the toilet.

Breathing heavily you held onto the side of the toilet to catch your breath. After your breathing slowed you took a vial of mouthwash from your pocket and swished it around your mouth before spitting it into the toilet. Composing yourself you got to your feet and opened the bathroom stall only to see Severus standing there arms crossed with a very angry look on his face.

“I don’t know if you're lost but this is the girls bathroom.” You said, walking right past him to the sinks.

“It must have escaped your notice but this is a prefects restroom and you are not a prefect.” He countered.

“What do you want, Severus. Why did you follow me here?” You crossed your arms standing nose to nose with him.

“What were you doing in here?”

“I had to pee.” You lied.

“Peeing makes you gag? Tell me how stupid do you think I am?” He scoffed.

“After last week, very. I think you’re very stupid. Now if you’ll excuse me.” You try to walk past him but he grabs your arm.

“This isn’t a joke Y/N. I know what you’re doing. For Merlin's sake look at you. You’ve lost weight, you're pale, you have no energy, you look sick. Worse than sick you may as well be a walking corpse!" He raised his voice in worry.

"We're all walking corpses if you think about it."

"Oh, how clever of you. Do you think sarcasm is going to earn you points? Maybe you think it will defuse the situation. Contrary to your beliefs, sarcasm and attitude do not fix everything Potter!"

“Stop it Severus! You don’t get to do this anymore. You don’t get to worry about me or tell me what I need to do. You left me. You hurt me. You made me lose everything.”

“And you didn’t hurt me?”

“I had nothing to do with what happened to you! I would never hurt you! You are the most important person in the world to me, you idiot! I cut ties with everyone for you. So I could be with you. Then you have the audacity to accuse me of something so foul, so cruel I swear it’s like you never knew me at all! And to top it all off you basically called me a cheat and a whore! I wanted to be with you. That’s all I've wanted since I met you.” You shouted, tears were streaming down your face.

“Can you blame me for thinking such a thing? After the sequence of events that day and the fact they knew exactly where I was, especially when you were the only person who knew where I’d be.”

“It doesn’t matter. I told you I didn’t do it, that should have been enough for you! If you cared about me you would have believed me but you didn’t which shows that you don’t trust me. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. You aren’t capable of trust. I should have seen it before but I guess I cared too much about you to see it. Or maybe I just didn’t want to see it… I was at your bedside all night when you got hurt. I didn’t leave for any reason, I was so scared and so worried about you and I thought the second you woke up I would be able to hold your face and kiss you all over… But instead you decided to blame me for something I didn’t do, you used me as your punching bag and I did not deserve it.” You sniffed back your tears. “I would never hurt you.”

Severus took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I shouldn’t have accused you. I’m sorry but it seemed too coincidental.”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought. If you cared about me you would have believed me, you would have at least asked Remus, or one of the boys. If you wanted to be with me you would have investigated a little bit before accusing me. You would have wanted me to be innocent but you accused me without a second thought, as if you wanted me to be guilty.”

“Of course I didn’t want you to be guilty!” He insisted.

“Yes you did! I know your past Severus. I know that all the people you have cared about have hurt you. You’re mother, your father, Lily. You are so afraid of being hurt again that every time you get close to someone you think they’re going to hurt you. You wait for it and as soon as you think they might hurt you you build up these walls to push them out. I get it, believe me I do. It’s your defense mechanism just like not eating is mine.”

“I can’t help it Y/N, if I could I would. As much as I want to be the trusting man you need me to be, I can't. Maybe in time I’ll learn, but it will take time and patience. And I would need something to fight for. I hurt you which means I lost you just like Lily so I have nothing to fight for. There is no reason to change…. Not anymore.” His head hit the wall behind him. He messed up, just like he did with Lily. He let his pain and insecurities get the best of him and he said something he didn’t mean which hurt you. He knew he was more vulgar to you than he was to Lily. If Lily couldn’t forgive him for uttering one slur there was no way you would forgive him for all the things he accused you of. All the things he said.

“No.” You asserted. “No you didn’t lose me. I promised you I wouldn’t leave like Lily. I haven’t gone back on a promise yet and I won’t stop now. I am not abandoning you Severus, but we aren’t together anymore, maybe one day we’ll find a way back to each other but until then we will always be friends. I’m going to help you learn to trust more, but to do that I need you to trust me. Do you truly believe me when I say I had nothing to do with what happened?”

“I… I want to, I swear every part of me wants to believe you but my mind is telling me that it’s too coincidental.” He shook his head, wishing he could get these negative thoughts out of his head.

“I will prove it to you, Severus. We can go talk to Remus and.” He scoffed at the mention of the lycans name.

“Severus there is nothing going on between me and Remus. You are the only person I have ever been with. Read my…. That’s it. Read my mind Severus.”

“What? You told me never to.”

“I’m giving you permission Severus, read my mind then you’ll know I’m telling the truth… Please, this is important to me.” You pleaded.

“Okay.” He nodded hesitantly. Closing his eyes he focused on your mind, more specifically the memories of last week. He could see your whole day. Your conversation with Jane, then your fight in potions class. Studying with Remus in the library, he focused hard on that he heard the heart to heart where Remus told you he was glad you were friends and that your true feelings were not for Remus but for him. Then he saw lunch, you asking Jane to bring you clothes, going to his dorm. Then he saw that night. You were in bed, you heard him scream and that’s when you left the castle to find him. And most importantly he saw your fight with James. You had nothing to do with what happened and he felt like a fool for ever doubting you.

“I’m sorry.” He breathed, after pulling out of your mind. “I wish I would have thought of this before we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.” He confessed.

“You’re right we wouldn’t be in this mess now, but we would be at some point down the road. You shouldn’t have to look into my mind to believe me. If we were together you should just believe me, you should trust me. I know it’s going to take time for you to start trusting people, I understand that and I will be as patient as possible with you.”

“Y/N you don’t deserve the way I’ve treated you. You should just go.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Y/N, I don’t deserve this.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“The way I treated you was unexceptable.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“You shouldn’t have to go through this with me.”

“Severus, I am not leaving you!” You seethed, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at you. “I don’t want to leave you and if I don’t want to do something I won’t. You’re stuck with me now.”

“There’s no one I’d rather be stuck with.” He smiled. You smiled at each other and an awkward silence filled the room. "I…"

"What is it?"

"Nothing.." He shook his head looking away from you.

"Tell me Severus."

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"It was comforting. Knowing I could hold you and be held by you. Now I have to force myself to stay away when all I want is to be close to you."

"Severus, we can still be close. If you ever need a hug or just to talk… We were best friends 2 weeks ago. Just think back to then. We were hugging, I would sit on your lap, play with your hair. We can still do those things."

"Yeah.." He couldn't believe what he lost after only having it for 2 days. Things started feeling dark and hopeless again.

“I should get back to Remus, he’s waiting for me.”

“You’ve been seeing him a lot lately.” He said. It wasn’t angry, it was more of an observation.

“He’s still mad at James and the rest and he has every right to be, they used him… Severus I don’t want to tell you what to do because you are the one who was hurt and what you do with the information you know is up to you but… Remus had no knowledge of what the boys were planning. He’s furious with them and they aren’t on speaking terms. All I’m going to say is if you tell anyone he could get in serious trouble. People could tell the ministry and he could get expelled or sent to Azkaban. He feels terrible about hurting you and he wants to apologize more than anything but he’s scared you won’t forgive him.”

“Madam Pomfrey wants me back in her office to fill out a report about what happened.” He told you.

“Why didn’t she have you do that before?”

“She said after a traumatic experience like what I went through, relieving it so soon could cause other issues… You don’t want me to tell her what he did. Do you?”

“Severus, it is your choice. I will never tell you what you should do, especially when it comes to something like this. It’s your body, it’s your trauma, it is your choice. All I’m saying is Remus had no idea what they were planning and he feels terrible for what happened. If you want to tell your story I fully support you and I will be by your side every step of the way.”

“But would you want Remus to get in trouble?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want it’s not my-”

“Do you?” He repeated.

“Of course I don’t. Remus is my friend and he didn’t deserve this just like you didn’t deserve this. You were both wronged by them." You exhaled deeply, not wanting to sound like you were taking Remus’ side.

“Then I’ll tell her I don’t know what kind of animal it was.”

“Severus, I want you to do what you want, not what I want. Please, do what is best for you. What will give you closure.”

“I want you to be happy. If I hurt him I hurt you. You can deny it and insist you want it to be my choice but I know you don’t want him to get in trouble. I’ll tell her I don’t know what kind of animal it was.” He held your hips. Your bodies were close and he was gazing down at you the way he used to. You wanted to kiss him more than anything but you couldn’t give into him this easily. He hurt you and you needed to teach him a lesson. If he didn’t change you couldn’t be together.

"I hurt you once. I will not do it again. Directly or indirectly. I'm going to become the man you deserve because you are worth fighting for. I just need you to be patient and fight with me."

"I am not leaving you. No matter what."

"I believe you." You stood there so close you could feel his breath. The silence, killing both of you.

“I need to get back to Remus… Come with me. He wants to apologize, he's just too afraid to approach you… Would you forgive him if he apologized for everything, the bullying included?”

“If he means it and if he never does anything like it again then I would consider it.” He replied, monotoned.

“Come on, he’s still in the great hall.” You motioned for him to follow you out and he did. You went back to where you were sitting in the great hall, Remus was still there waiting for you.

“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked when you approached the table with Severus right behind you.

“Yes everything’s fine. Remus I know you have some things you want to say to Severus and I think now is the right time to tell him. It’ll just continue to eat you up if you don’t.” He looked from you to Severus back to you.

“Severus… I am so sorry about what happened last week. You have to believe me when I say I had nothing to do with their plan. I had no idea what they were going to do. I feel terrible that you got hurt, I never wanted anyone to get hurt because of me….I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you in the past. I know I never actually participated in the bullying but I could have stopped it and I didn’t. I’m sorry, you never deserved it, any of it.” Remus looked at him the whole time. Making eye contact so Severus knew he was being honest.

“I believe you Lupin. And as much as I want to forgive you, for your sake and mine. I can’t, because even though you are mad at them now you will forgive them and you will continue to watch as they do terrible things to me and others. I can’t forgive you knowing this behavior will continue…. I will not give you that satisfaction until you have proven to me that you will not be a bystander ever again. If you do that you will have my forgiveness.” He spoke very monotone, he seemed to do that with anyone who wasn’t you or his friends.

“I understand. I will get better.” Remus assured him.

Bells chimed and lunch was now over. You and Severus went your separate ways, you to transfiguration him to charms. The rest of the day went pretty smooth for you and you were happy that you and Severus talked things through. He meant the world to you and even though you weren’t together right now you promised yourself that you would help him get better so your relationship could be successful when and if it did happen.

***********************************************

“So what happened?” Lucius asked as he sat in the common room with Severus, Regulus and Narcissa.