《If》hope
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Khilji arrives to the palace late at night and he doesn't even take his horse inside the walls, he gets off it and the poor animal literally collapses to the floor in exhaustion.
He is exhausted from riding for long hours too, but adrenaline rushes in his veins, he feels nothing but fear of losing her as he climbs up stairs to harem and runs through corridors.
A group of night guards greet him when he reaches his chambers, surprised to see him here. He makes no explanation for his early arrival. As soon as he enters his room he goes to one of his mirrors, carefully examining how he looks.
His eyes are bloodshot, his hair is a mess, his clothes are covered with dust and dirt. His knees are weak, his hands are sore from squeezing his fists for so long while he tried to fight the image of Padmavati's dead body on his mind, holding tightly on the bridles.
"What happened to her?"
He asks to the guards as he wipes the dirt off his face with a towel.
Everybody hesitates before saying a word about Padmavati to Khilji. He is jealous of men saying her name, let alone anyone seeing her or hearing her voice.
"There is no... certain conclusion, Sultan." One of them says as he helps Khilji to remove his armour.
"What does that mean?" He turns to the guards, eyeing them carefully.
They heard the rumours like everyone in the palace did but they don't dare to say a word, looking at him blankly.
When he arrived to the palace, he felt better being close to her but after seeing the expressions of the guards, he couldn't stand one second of those images coming back to his mind.
Khilji pushes the guards out of his way, running to Padmavati's chambers, the fear of losing her runs in his veins, as if it's a fuel, he runs faster.
He pushes the doors wide open, causing them to hit the walls with a sound like thunder.
"Padmavati!" He calls her name, as he gasps for breath.
The silence is deafening for Khilji as his eyes look for her in the room, a thousand fears blocking his vision before he finally recognizes her floral smell in the air. He inhales peacefully, stepping closer to her.
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She is sitting on a chair with her back to him, watching the crescent moon from the wide windows of her room.
A slight breeze moves around the curtains and plays with her long locks of hair. She stays still, unaffected by his presence.
Khilji kneels next to her, looking up to her tired face. She doesn't take her eyes off the moon, doesn't do anything to cover herself as she used to do.
Khilji reaches for her hand, holding it tightly. His eyes never leave hers, waiting for a reaction. He expects her to fight with him, scream her hatred for him or at least move away from his touch, but she stays still, like her spirit left her body.
"Padmavati." He calls her name again, calmer this time.
The tears she kept in for so long, finally starts to appear in her eyes. She stays silent as the hand of her that Khilji holds becomes ice cold.
He rubs her hand, trying to get it warm.
"Tell me what is troubling you and I will burn it to the ground." He says calmly and genuinely.
I know, she thinks.
She quickly wipes the tears that escaped her eyes, not looking at him. The hand of her that Khilji holds, is slightly shaking now.
He loosens his grip, getting closer to her face while he is still on his knees. He dares to move a few strands of hair away from her face. He wants to be close to her as much as this insensible state of hers allows but as if a spark touched Padmavati, she locks her teary eyes with his.
"How much do you love me, Alauddin?" She asks, her voice is a dangerous mixture of emotions that touches a deep spot in Khilji's heart.
He looks at her blankly, his hand hanging in the air. "Do you wish to understand?"
"I do." She says, way too quickly.
He gets up from the floor and moves behind the chair. She feels the warmth of his body on her back. All the things he is capable of doing right now, terrifies her but she stays still. She has to do this. There is no other way.
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"What changed your mind?" He asks curiously, a thousand suspicions raising in his mind.
Someone did, she speaks internally. She's unable to make a sound, fearing that she'll give herself away.
However Khilji senses her fear in the air, like a devil that feeds from it, he smells every weakness. When his mind is about to process, Padmavati turns to him. She looks up to his eyes, as if this is the only way she can make him believe her.
"I need to know." She says, her voice slightly shaking.
He watches her, his mind completely silenced by her ethereal looks.
"All this time I spent alone here..." She intends to make a compliment but she just can't. Her tongue doesn't allow her to say anything close to nice about him.
He grabs one of the lamps from the wall, bringing it between them. When the warm light of the candle illuminates Padmavati's delicate features, he leans closer, as if he is trying to see through her beguiling beauty.
"I'm scared." She blurts out a little loudly. Her eyes are closed and her head is down, like she just lost a battle.
It's difficult for Khilji to decide what is real and what is not, right now. Because after all the time he spent on dreaming the day she would put down her guard for him, this moment is all that he wants to be real, he wants to make it real.
He looks at her eyelashes, slightly furrowed brows and how pale her skin got. It's impossible for him to look for what she's hiding when all he sees is her.
He gently lifts her chin with his finger, looking her in the eyes. "What is Rani Padmavati scared of?"
"I'm no longer a queen." She shakes her head slowly. "The night you left, I suddenly became so ill, as if someone was waiting for you to leave." She says, her suspicions and implications clear on her voice.
Alauddin grabs his beard as he thinks of someone who wouldn't like her.
"Is any poison found?"
"Not all poisons can be indicated." She says sharply, making Alauddin flinch with her unexpected anger.
He gives her a warning glare, reminding her it's still Khilji she is talking to. Padmavati turns her back again, hiding her face. Khilji is instantly filled with regret for putting her down like that but it's too late.
"So many maids were there to take care of me, I can't name someone. I barely remember anything. I got better when everybody left my chambers, including Malika, had no hope for me to see another day." She speaks softly.
Khilji gets distracted with the mention of his wife. "What did Mehrunisa do?"
"What could she do? None of us is as good as you when it comes to sensing enemies."
Khilji nods, finding her reasons of fear legitimate. Lying about this would take her nowhere.
"I promise you the revenge of your pain, Padmavati. I will take the issue in my own hands. Take rest tonight, we will leave tomorrow." He says and when he is about to turn his back and leave, Padmavati stops him.
"Where to?" She asks, confused.
"You are not safe here, without me... I have to go back and you are coming with me."
Padmavati opens her mouth to protest but she is unable to find the right words. "Why?"
He steps closer, not letting her run away from his touch again. Her back hits the wall, leaving her no choice but to bare with his closeness. He lays his head on her chest slowly, closing his eyes. Padmavati hears her own heartbeat in her ears, getting louder as his scent fills her lungs, paralyzing every single muscle in her body.
"If you wish to understand, start from here." He says, pointing her heart with his finger, as Padmavati watches him in a silent state of shock.
Alauddin takes her all her beauty in with one last glance. Before he left, his lips turn into a smile and even though he is unaware, this becomes the first smile of his that Padmavati didn't see evil in it.
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