Every physical thing related to him is only a reminder of disaster for Padmavati. His perfume always changes but there is a certain smell that doesn't change, since the day her back crashed into his chest between smoke and fire, his scent made a place for itself in her mind. He smelled like earth after rain, he smelled like death and rebirth, with war cries and victory roars, he sounded alive beyond words and he also sounded like he is the end of the world.

Her thick veil of hate never disappears from her sight when she looks at him, all she sees is a monster. But sometimes, maybe less than for a second, she sees the passion in him. How he loves the things he loves, truly and madly.

All that he is, made Padmavati think. Her mind was always on the edge of a cliff and every move he made was hell of a wind, messing with her balance.

She still doesn't understand the feeling she had this morning, when she saw Khilji hugging Mehrunisa, with that beautiful laughter. Maybe being a father will change him. It's hard to believe this is the first child of his, considering his famous desire for women. She finds herself wondering how many women he had been with, or if he ever loved one truly. Does he love Mehrunisa more, or her?

Padmavati wonders what their castle would look like if Ratan were alive. Would he celebrate the same way Khilji did? She would die to hear the same laugh from Ratan's voice, to see how his smile reaches his beautiful eyes, how happy he would be... She wonders if she would feel the same fear of losing her baby if her husband were there to wrap his arms around her. She never thought she could envy Mehrunisa about anything, especially about Khilji but there she is, thinking how lucky Mehrunisa is because she has someone to celebrate this new life with, while she has to keep it a secret.

If only, she thinks. Ratan, if only you were here.

***

She walks out of her room slowly, looking for the source of the smell that caused her nausea. Harem has a rectangular shape, where women can watch the hall from the balcony, while men has to dare to raise their heads to see them. She looks down to see the preparations still going on.

They started preparing right after breakfast, now the sun is about to set and they are still adding new dishes to the biggest table she had ever seen.

From the glass ceiling of the hall, last rays of the sun illuminates the palace, painting every wall in the colour of fire. It's so bright and living that it almost feels unreal, as light plays cruel games with Padmavati's eyes.

While the height of a chandelier is being adjusted, she sees Ratan's figure behind the candles' light.

The chain of the chandelier gets stuck somehow and between the maids' complaints, she hears Ratan's voice.

"My Queen?"

First she thinks it's a hallucination she would love to experience but then she sees him, her husband, looking at her from the counter balcony.

He is dressed in the same clothes when Padmavati dressed him the last time. He looks good and healthy, very much alive.

Padmavati is already in tears, smiling at the same time. Ratan smiles back, his smile reaching his eyes. Padmavati laughs as her tears keep flowing, feeling her insides bloom like roses with joy.

She gestures her stomach, and then brings her arms together like she's holding a baby. It takes a moment for Ratan to understand, but when he does, he quickly wipes his own tears of joy, chuckling lightly.

She steps away from the railing and proceeds to go near him, but he raises his hand, telling her to stop.

"I am already with you."

She looks at him, not understanding what he meant. He waves her good-bye and before she gets a chance to respond, he disappears into the lights.

Mehrunisa grabs Padmavati by her arm, shaking her back to reality.

"Padmavati!" Mehrunisa whisper yells. "What is wrong? Why are you crying?" She stays still, with her eyes wide open. Tears keep flowing and she whispers her gratefulness to the God.

"A prayer of mine was answered." She says calmly, turning back to Mehrunisa. "I'm happy."

***

Khilji walks in with Mehrunisa on his side, both looking glorious than ever. Mehrunisa is covered with silk and gold clothing, her heavy jewellry tinkling loudly on her every movement. Her hair is braided and hidden by a ruby headpiece. She is nearly carrying twenty kilos on her, yet her small figure carries it nobly.

Alauddin carefully inspects the hall before helping Mehrunisa to sit down and gestures with his hand to people to do the same. On the huge table, there are close and distant relatives, ministers and people of the palace but Padmavati is missing. Khilji wouldn't allow her to even show her shadow to any men but he has no clue where she is now and it bothers him.

"Is Padmavati coming?" He whispers to Mehrunisa, as he looks around the hall one more time.

"She is ill. So, no, she's not coming." She says, her eyes not leaving the food on her plate.

Khilji realizes that Mehrunisa is avoiding eye contact and pushes further. "What do you mean she's ill?"

"I mean that she won't be leaving her room." She says, slightly annoyed. "Like you would allow her to step out of harem."

After making sure that everyone is only paying attention to their food, Alauddin grabs Mehrunisa's elbow under the table, pulling her body closer to him. "If you are hiding something, you'll regret it, Malika."

Mehrunisa looks her husband in the eyes, not intimitated by his body language. "I don't want you to think about Padmavati while we are celebrating our first child together." She says, pulling her arm away slowly.

Khilji raises one eyebrow, chuckling lightly. He is truly entertained by her so called jealousy, even though he knows she lost the feeling long time ago, seeing different women going into his room every night. Being with him was exciting only on their newlyweds time, then it became the description of fighting with fears. She could never find comfort in him, because she never knew what's next after a love poem or a kind touch. Sometimes it was ripping her beautiful dresses off, acting like a hungry animal, his actions being ruled blindly by his desires.

Khilji jumps to his feet, causing his big and heavy chair to slide on the floor and create highly disturbing noises. Everybody startles by the sound but Mehrunisa doesn't flinch, patiently waiting for her husband to spill his exaggerated words.

Getting the attention he wanted, Sultan seizes the people with elation, cheering for his empire and his first heir.

"Long live the Khilji's!"

***

Malika waits for Alauddin in his room, removing her heavy jewellry and clothing on her own. After months, she finally feels a bit more peaceful, the excitement of a child removed her memory of unpleasant past. Seeing Alauddin's attention back on her for the rest of the night, she feels almost hopeful about him changing for better. Perhaps she can find a way to send Padmavati back to Singhal too, before she starts showing. Pregnancy is not something a woman can hide for too long and thinking that they only have two or three months, stresses Malika again.

She looks for water in the room but can't find it in the dim light, so she calls for a servant. A girl, still in her fancy clothing for the ongoing feast, comes in with a carafe, places it next to Sultan's bed and serves Malika a glass of water.

"May I leave?" She asks, her head down. Mehrunisa doesn't recognize her, even though she has good memory of faces.

"Raise your head." Malika commands, lightly. The girl looks at her, but she finds no familiarity.

"I haven't seen you before." She comments, taking a closer look. "What is your name?"

The girl hesitates before answering and just when she opens her mouth, Khilji's terrifying voice booms in the palace, freezing both of them in their places.

***

"Open the door, Padmavati!" He yells at the top of his lungs, banging on the door repeatedly.

Right after dinner, Khilji couldn't handle his doubts and went to see Padmavati, to tell if she was really unwell or it was just Mehrunisa being jealous. When he asked her to get ready to meet him, she got up and quickly locked the door from inside, telling him that she won't be showing her face to him tonight.

Khilji was quickly driven over the edge, couldn't take in the fact that Padmavati locked the door to his face, in his palace. He asked why, he tried to be nice as Alauddin Khilji can possibly be but she didn't answer him neither made a noise, which led Khilji to make threats to Padmavati that she knew he could easily put into practice.

"Open the door now or you will regret it forever, Padmavati. This isn't Chittorgarh where you can lock doors and stay away from me. You couldn't defeat me in Mewar either, remember? What makes you think that you can now, in my palace?"

Padmavati lays in her bed, supressing her sobs with a pillow. What she saw today completely erased her neutral approach for Khilji. Seeing Ratan after a long time, her grief came back like it's the first day, raw and unbearable. Everytime he hits the door, he only made it worse by reminding her the day she was seperated from her husband.

"When I break down this door, you will see all the storms I promised to put you through, Padmavati. If I open this door, you will regret not running into the fire faster than you did back in your home, for the rest of your life, you will wish you have never done this to me."

Padmavati already regrets not running faster or not dragging Khilji with her into the fire. She regrets not letting herself starve to death, before they came here. She regrets that she didn't slice his throat when she had the chance. She regrets letting him touch her when she was in fear for her child and she regrets every moment that she chose to stay alive instead of ending this outrageous mess.

Khilji tells everyone to leave after listening to Padmavati's silence for few seconds, getting physically ready to break the door. "If I were you, I would hide, Padmavati."