"Hey mama." I said, kissin Sarah's mama onna cheek.

"How you doin, baby?" She asked, combing through Christian's hair.

"Hi daddy!" He got up and ran ta me.

I chuckled, messing with his hair. "Sup man?"

His hair was gettin too long, I was honestly debatin on gettin that shit cut. Walkin around with hair down ta his damn knees.

"I went to the park today. I seen my friends from school."

"Really? Did y'all have fun?"

He nodded and continued ta tell me about his day. I was happy that I was able ta fill the void of Christian missin his mama, but I know I'm not gone be able ta full it for that long. He needs Sarah. I just entered his life five/six years ago, Sarah been there since day one so I wouldn't be shocked if he starts ta miss ha as the day goes on. And with missin ha, he gon start actin up and I ain' ready fa allat.

"You crazy, lil man." I laughed, mushin him away from me. "Yo uncle hea?"

"Yeah, but he in his room being ugly."

I laughed. "You ruthless, yungin. Aye but do me a favor, go in his room and be ugly with him while I talk to ya gram." I said.

"Okay. I'll be back, granny." He kissed ha onna cheek and walked inta the room whea Simon was. "Uncle Simon, my daddy said I gotta be ugly with you." He yelled.

"You see what you did?" Sierra said, shakin ha head.

I shrugged, sittin down next ta ha.

I was more than grateful that Sarah's mama wasn't on no nut shit like ha crazy ass husband. She came around and tried ta fix this broken relationship between Sarah and haself. Though she didn't succeed in rebuildin their relationship, I see that she hea now and she tryin ta build a relationship with ha grandson and son-in-law.

I cleared ma throat, rubbin ma cold hands tagether . "I seen ma physiatrist bout a week ago."

"Ahh, how was it?" She asked as she repositioned haself ta face me.

I shrugged, "The same. She prescribed me some antidepressants and said it was up ta me ta get the medication."

"And did you?" She asked and I shook ma head. "I see. Did you tell ha about that little, crazy dream you had?"

"Not yet. I just gon wait fa real."

"Until when?"

I sighed out loud, shruggin. "Ion know. I just don't wanna talk about it, ya heard me?"

She eyed me, noddin ha head. "Why not?"

"Because ion like the thought of hurtin ha."

"I hea you, but you gotta tell someone. Don't let this continue ta weigh you down. Everyday that passes, it's only goin ta hurt you. You lived with Sarah and while y'all were shackin up, did you ever hurt her?"

I twisted ma lips, chewin on ma bottom lip. "Not in a physical way. We argu–"

"We not talkin bout arguin, boy" She said wavin me off. "Couples argue all the time. When I was with Simon's father in the beginnin of our relationship, all we did was argue. We truly did love each other, but we argued. That's life, baybeh. You say you didn't hurt my daughter in a physical way, then what's stoppin you from telling the therapist something you know you wouldn't and didn't do?"

I shrugged, sighin. "It felt realistic as fuck. I could feel ma hands grippin ha neck and chokin ha out. I saw ha eyes go completely empty like she ain' have no life. I know tellin ma therapist bout ma dream gon have me relivin that shit and next thang I know, I'm forced ta talk about ha and ha death knowin I'm still hurtin over it. I'm a emotional nigga, but I'm tired of cryin."

"I understand, but you gotta tell someone who can help you. You can't keep doin this to yaself. You have a son now, August. You don't need ta be talking around like a zombie, because of this. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, James chapter 5, verse 16. When's your next appointment?"

I sighed, bitin ma lip. "Thursday."

"Tell that woman how you feel. Let ha help you. That's ha job. As far as those prescriptions, if you feel like you got it and don't need em, don't take em." She shrugged. "But If think you need them, take them. This is your life, August. Christian already lost his mother, he don't need ta lose the man he calls daddy."

"Yeah." I sat there in deep thought.

"We made a promise August, when I first came to visit you and my baybeh in thea. What was it?" She asked.

"That I continue ta live fa ma son and maself." I answered.

"Yes, August. Now live. You only get one life. Cherish it. I remember I was pregnant way back before I had Sarah. When I found out I was pregnant, y'all couldn't tell me nothing. I was so happy because my baybeh wouldn't been a girl. One day I was overly stressing about how to make ends meet. I had rent due, Kevin was always working late, as he would say, I was going through the motions and I was mentally and physically exhausted. I miscarried."

"I'm sorry, ma."

"Yeah," ha voiced cracked a lil and I knew she wasn't over the death of ha babygirl. "I went months of feeling unloved, unhappy, and miserable. I seen first hand how a death could turn someone into a careless person."

She bit ha lips, raisin ha sleeve up. I glanced down at ha wrist and saw light scars.

"I didn't care, to me, I had no reason ta live. You have every reason ta live, Aug. You got this. Tell her how you feel and get your joy back. Christian is counting on you and so is Sarah. She sees you. Don't let her down."

I cleared ma throat, noddin ma head. I knew if I answered she would hear the sadness in ma voice and I ain' want that.

"Simon?"

"What?" He yelled back with an attitude in his voice.

Sierra quickly got off the couch and damn near ran inna room. "Did you just what me? I'll beat yo muthafu–" she started swingin the belt she grabbed, makin contact with half covered skin.

"Ma!" He yelled tryna dodge the belt.

I got up from the couch and stood at the door with a smirk on ma face. "Beat his ass ma."

"I am. Say what ta me again and ima knock yo head off. I'm not yo fatha, yo friend and I'm damn sho not August. Watch yo mouth when you talkin ta me." She left the room.

"What I gotta go with this?" I laughed.

"I don't know, man." Christian said laughin.

"Why you laughin, nigga?" Simon asked.

"GrannyMa gave you a whooping." He threw his head back and let out a loud ass laugh.

"That nigga yo son fareal." Simon shook his head.

"I know. He tryna be like me."

"No." He smiled shakin his head.

"Yeah, aight. Come on, we gotta get home. I'm ti'ed."

"Okay, bye Uncle Ugly, bye GrannyMa. I love you." Christian said, huggin Sierra.

"Bye my baybehs. Make it home safe, okay and August, I'm not gone say it, but you know. Call me when y'all make it home."

"Aight, bye mama."

Sierra watched us as we pulled off, wavin at us.

"Why did you do it?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said, bitin my bottom lip.

"Start from the beginning, what happened?"

"He came to me about some type of proposition and like a idiot, I followed. It was originally a small operation. Sell his product and that's it."

"But that wasn't it, so what else happened?" She interrupted.

"I met her." I started but was cut off again by her partner.

"Did you know that she was a minor when you met her?" He asked

"I-" I sighed heavily, nodding my head, "yeah, I did."

"First mistake. Proceed." He said.

I nodded, "I met her than I fell fa ha. In the beginnin, we was smooth, solid. She knew nothing of the type of shit I had going on.I should've left ha alone, but he told me to keep ha around because she was clean and so many people knew her they knew she wouldn't be hanging with drug dealers, let alone date one. She made me look clean by association while I sold his shit. But, I begin ta become an addict to the shit I was supposed to sell and it was showin through ma actions. We got into a argument about some stupid shit and she threatened me saying she'd go to the police about the shit I had going on. And if she brought me down, he was going down too. He found out and told me ta bring ha ta ma crib."

"And you did, correct?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"And that was another mistake which led you to prison?"

I nodded again. "Correct. The charges were illegal possession of drugs, sexual assault, and attempted murder."

"Where does he come up in all of this? I'm confused on why he bought her into this." She questioned.

"He plotted on ha. Once he first saw ha, he wanted ha. He stalked ha and made sure ha life was a livin hell so once she met him, she would fall in love with him because he provided everything she needed."

She wrote down what I said on ha lil notepad. "So my question again is what made you come back after years and knock on her door?"

I was slow ta answer. I bit ma lip, sighin. "I wanted ta be free."

"Free from what, exactly?"

I could feel the tears formin in ma eyes as I held my hand ta my lips. "Everything. I was hurtin and I was unhappy. While I was gone, I was sawry fa what I did ta her. I wanted ta apologize."

"Why did you follow him again after knowing the type of man he was? I'm not understanding."

I could feel the heat from the lights beamin hard on me and it began ta cause problems for me. I wasn't supposed ta be hea, but I couldn't stand the fact that he was free and I wasn't.

"I followed because I knew it would lead ta her. I had to see ha." I finally said, wipin my tears.

"And did it?" She looked up from ha notepad, awaitin ma answer.

I nodded, clasping ma hands together. "Yes, he led me ta ha. When I first saw ha, I wanted forgiveness. I wasn't right inna head. He fucked me up. He gave me that push and pushed me too far. His crew introduced me ta some crazy thing."

"Like what?"

"Drugs. Hard drugs."

"What type of drugs? Marijuana?"

"No. I was gone on LSD, crack/cocaine, Xanax, Percocets, allat."

"I'm shocked you're not dead yet, but proceed."

"Yeah, he told me ta go see ha. He knew that she didn't know I was there. Once I was released from the prison, he flew me out ta Atlanta and made it seem like she knew about me. She didn't. He plotted on ha fa years. Before I knew I had a kid with her, he plotted. He wanted her to himself and when August came along, it destroyed his operation. She was neva supposed ta fall fa him." I said, scratchin my wrist under the handcuffs.

"But it happened. Why do you think he was infuriated by Sarah falling for August?"

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"One more question and you'll be heading back to your cell."

I took a deep breath and prepared maself fa the last question. "What is it?"

"Where is Peter Jones?" She asked, leanin forward in ha chair.

I licked ma lips, not ready ta fess up. Truth be told, I was scared. I wasn't ready ta die yet. I still had a life ahead of me. Taking the plea deal, I would be out of prison in five years.

"I asked you a question. I need answers if you want to get out of here."

"There's no telling if I leave hea, I'a be alive. In five years, once I leave this bitch, the doors ta hell open up fa me. That nigga got niggas all around this bitch. Rather I leave in ten years or stay hea, I'm still a dead nigga walkin. Look at what the fuck I'm doin?! I'm sittin hea like a pussy ass opp, snitchin tryna save my own ass. Ima be dead in the next year or two."

"Calm down. We got you covered. You just need to give me what I need and you'll still be alive."

"Y'all don't got me covered. Look at all them niggas that just died from some nigga walkin up shankin them. I'm fuckin next. I was already a hated nigga steppin in this bitch, I'm bout ta be one despised ass nigga."

"You're not next. Listen ta me, if you give us all the information we need, I'll get you out of here earlier than five years, try me, I got you." Her partner said after listening to everything we said.

I sighed, takin ha words into consideration. "Okay, what do you need ta know."