"Hey, August." Sarah said, wavin at me.

"Wazzam, baybeh." I nodded in ha direction, goin ta the front desk. "I gotta appointment with Dr. Ross taday at 12:30."

"Okay, I'll let her know, Mr. Alsina." The receptionist said, ringin the buzzer fa Dr. Ross. "Dr. Ross, your 12:30 is here for his appointment."

"Okay, I'm finishing up with Ms. Neal and I'll be down there to get Mr. Alsina."

"Okay."

"Ima be in the waitin area." I said as she nodded.

I made ma way inta the waitin area, sittin down on the opposite side of Sarah and ha son. Gettin the news that ma baybeh might still be alive had ma mind racin hundred miles per hour. Nobody undastood how much I missed ma baybeh. Fa six years, I been miserable and depressed because I thought I lost anotha important person in ma life. Losin Mel, I lost maself. I wasn't takin care of maself and I was in and out of the hospital fa months back ta back. I was introduced to pain killers and that fucked me up one hundred percent. Then I got into antidepressants and that completely made me lose ma mind, heart, and soul. I lost maself even more as the days went on, but I had a bright light shinin down on me. I knew it was the Lord Jesus when I met ma future wife, Sarah Marshall. Just bein around ha made me want ta be a better nigga fa ha. I was slowly piecing maself back tagether with the help of God and Sarah and fa a little bit, I was straight. The life I was livin with Sarah and Christian, I knew Mel was lookin down on me happy and I felt that. But, it took a turn fa the worse when Sarah went missin. I knew ma life was supposed ta be spent with ha by ma side and it felt like I failed. I was supposed ta protect ha and I didn't. I lost maself again when the news said she died. I'm happy as fuck ta know it's a possibility ta know she alive, but ta now know she was shot three times was fuckin with ma mental heavy. I wanted ta be a different nigga when I moved to Atlanta, but hearin this shit, Mel's crazy ass lil brotha from nola gotta make a quick ass return. Ima find all them niggas involved and dead every single one of them.

"August, are you okay?" Sarah asked, tapping me onna shoulder.

I opened ma eyes, rubbin my lips with ma index and middle finger. I shook ma head, starin at ha. "Nah I'm not, baybeh."

"Wanna talk about it? I feel bad watching you look so sad and depressed." She said, grabbin ma hands. I sighed as she started ta caress them.

Slowly takin ma hands away from ha soft grip, I shook ma head. "Nah. Not right now. I'm still feeling fucked up ova the situation."

She grabbed ma hands again, squeezin them softly. "August, I'm sorry you're going through whatever you're going through and I wish I could do something about it, but I'm happy you're here."

I nodded at ha, acknowledgin what she said, but didn't respond back. I heard ha loud and clear, but I ain't wanna answer. I honestly didn't want ta be hea. I just came because them niggas was still gone charge me fa this session. Might as well get ma money's worth.

"So guess what?" She queried, causin me ta look over at ha.

"What's up?"

Ha and Sarah just alike. Neither one of them know how and when ta shut the fuck up.

"Kevin might be able to get his treatment today." She said excitedly.

"That's what's up. I like hearin shit like that. Kinda makin ma day a bit better." I replied, bouncin ma knee.

"Thats good. I'm glad I could help brighten it, even if it's just a little."

"I 'preciate, ma." I said.

There was no sound bein made inna waitin area, but Sarah's chile makin noise. I took a deep breath before slumpin down in ma chair. My burdens were beginnin ta weigh me down and I felt reality set in.

"Alsina." Dr. Ross called.

"I'a holla at chu lata, ya heard me?" She nodded as I grabbed ma things and followed Dr. Ross.

Entering her office, I sat down in front of ha desk with ma left hand coverin ma mouth.

"How are you feeling today, August?" She asked, grabbing all ma papers and sitting them down in front of ha.

I shrugged. "I'm feelin fucked up right now.

Leanin up against the desk, she eyed me. "Pardon my language, but fucked up how?"

I cleared ma throat, rubbin ma hands together. "You know I been dealin with this broad I met a while ago and she been on some nut shit. Talkin crazy about Sarah, askin who and why I got niggas at ma crib. That shit annoying as fuck. Then some niggas was callin ma sis phone and shit lookin fa me so a couple days ago, I hit them niggas up like who y'all and why y'all callin ma family phone lookin fa me. Some man get on the phone and he tell me Sarah got shot three times." I paused, trying ta gather ma thoughts.

"Breathe." She said.

"Nigga said she was shit three times. One in ha arm, stomach and side and that she might still be alive. I'm askin the nigga why the fuck y'all wait years ta tell me some serious shit like this, I could've been with ma baybeh, helpin ha recover. He say they reached out ta me through ma Instagram, but knowin I'm a known ass nigga, niggas know I rarely check ma messages because they're mostly females tryna get ma attention." I shook ma head.

"August." Dr. Ross called, tryna get ma attention.

Ignoring ha, I continued ta speak out loud. Ventin ta maself. "Three times. She was tryin ta leave them weird ass niggas and they shot ha. Three times and I'm fucked up because I basically let that shit happen. When I proposed ta ha, I promised ta protect ha from that nigga and I failed. They sayin she might be alive and want me to go to Houston and go see ha, but this shit too crazy fa me. How am I supposed ta look ha in ha eyes knowin I failed as a fiancé. I can't go and I ain' goin."

"Hey, August, I need you to pay attention to me, okay. That's a lot of information to take in, Mr. Alsina," she cleared ha throat as I bit inside ma cheek. "What is your heart telling you to do."

"Ma heart tellin me ta go get ma fuckin baybeh, but I don't wanna get down thea and ain' no fuckin Sarah. Ma heart can't take no more heartbreak. Plus, ion know if them people workin fa that weird ass nigga. I ain' tryna touch down at Houston, next thing I know I'm fightin hundreds of niggas."

"Did you feel as if the call was sincere?" She asked.

"I don't fuckin know. But let me hit up Houston and niggas at ma head, ima let ma gun get ta singin. I might be a singin ass nigga, but I'm also a hood nigga."

"Alsina." She said sternly.

"I'm ventin." I said, causin ha ta shake ha head.

"I knew I was going to regret allowing you to use curse words in my office." She sighed. "How did you sleep? Has there been any changes in your sleeping habits since our last visit?"

I cleared ma throat, "Um, not that I can think of. The only thing that occurred from my sleep is these little nightmares."

She nodded, writin down what I told ha on a piece of paper. "What kind of nightmares?"

"The first nightmare I had was me watchin Sarah get beat and killed and I couldn't do anything about it. I tried ta move ma legs ta get ta ha and I couldn't. It's like ma legs were glued ta the concrete. I couldn't even scream fa help or whatever. I just stared at what was goin on. The second nightmare was the same, except I was actually movin, but I was moving in slow motion or some shit. The last dream was me killin Sarah then killin maself."

"Interesting." She sighed, tossin ha lil notepad on ha desk. "For the people who continuously called your sister looking for you with information about your fiancée, I say go to Houston. They might not be lying about anything. I mean from what it sounds like they seem like an older couple, seeing how they didn't know too much about August Alsina, the singer. Find your fiancée and as for the dreams, it's simply just guilt. Guilt from your "broken promises". You're having those dreams because since you feel as if you didn't do a good job at protecting her, it's eating at you and it's gonna always pick at you until you change your mindset and know it wasn't your fault. August, let me be one hundred percent real with you, you did nothing wrong. You did what you could in protecting your future wife. Yes, you made a mistake in taking your eyes off her, but from what you told me in the beginning of our session, this Peter guy plotted on her. He was going to do what he could to get her and that is not your fault."

"But I feel like it is." I mumbled.

"And it's not. It's this song that I listened to by Marvin Sapp called I Believe and at the end of the song he says 'There are going to be times in your life as a believer when you're going to question if God is really on your side. An the reason why you're questioning it is because of the simple fact it seems like the devil is hitting you with everything he can possibly throw at you. But you need to understand something, you need to remember that the only reason why you are in that position now is because God has ordered your steps. And the only reason why the devil is hitting you like he's hitting you is because he has literally peeked into your future. An he sees what God is about to bring you into. That's why you can't depend on nothing but the word of God."

I was speechless listenin ta ha quote that back ta me. I sat back noddin ma head at everything she was sayin. It was speakin ta ma spirit and that was the encouragement I needed ta press forward.

"I didn't mean to turn this into a sermon, but you needed to know none of this is your fault and it's not Sarah's either."

"Yeah?"

"Positive." She glared down at ha watch and closed ha notepad, slidin it in ha drawer. "And that's the end of our session. I will again advise you to get the medication I prescribe. It will help you with your sleeping habits and lessen some of those crazy dreams you're having."

I stood up, lickin ma lips. "I'a think about it."

Leaving the bulidin, I sat inside ma car, thinkin about everything that was said. I was honestly in a lost for words. I still felt like Sarah being takin was ma fault. From jump already seeing how abusive that nigga was ta ha. He waited until she got alone and away from me then did his dirt. I know he got a lot of connections out in the world so I know the police ain' the only ones rockin with his sick ass. That's why I gotta keep my eyes on that couple.

Pullin off from the therapist office, I drove down the street passin all types of stores. I sighed as rain began ta pour down out of nowhea. Shakin ma head as I made a turn into this plaza. Pullin inta a parkin space, I sat in the car thinkin.

Did I really need this shit?

All the trouble I went through ta rid this shit from ma body, why was I back hea again?

Was I backtrackin?

Will I lose myself again from doing this?

I don't know.

I just need help.

"Fuck it." I turned the car off, lookin in ma glove compartment ta get the paper I needed. I quickly exited ma car, adjustin ma hat so it partially covered ma face. I slowly walked inta the buildin. Sluggishly walkin ta the back, I stood at the counter waitin ta be helped.

"Hello, picking up or dropping off?" A lil white lady said while smilin at me.

"Droppin off." I said, slidin the paper ta ha.

"Okay. This will take at least fifteen minutes. Did you want to wait or did you want us to give you a call when your pickup is ready?"

"I'll just wait hea." I said, avoidin eye contact.

"That's no problem." She walked away ta get this shit tagether.

I walked away from the counter, roamin the isle of CVS. I wasn't proud of the shit I was doin, but I needed extra help. I wasn't okay with anything. I kept pretendin ta be good fa the sake and health of ma son, but all this pretendin startin ta catch up ta a nigga. Everyday that has gone by, I felt even more depressed than the last day. Shit was takin a toll on me. I don't think I've had a happy day since. Everyday I wake up, I feel like saying fuck ma life and offing maself.

I thought I was gone be good, but I guess not.

"Excuse me." I heard a voice behind me.

"Ma bad." I turned around ta see this looney tunes ass broad. "What man?"

"First off, you're dead in the aisle blocking what I need. So again excuse you." She said with a hint of an attitude.

"Listen bit–" I took a deep breath, calmin maself down. "Asia, watch out man. Ima skinny ass nigga, you can walk around me. I ain' no big, fat ass nigga."

"Whatever." She rolled ha eyes, brushing past me ta grab ha shit. "What are you doing here anyways? I don't think I've even seen you shop at CVS."

"I'm mindin ma business." I replied.

"August."

"What muthafucka? Fuck you want me ta say?" I was startin ta get a lil mad. Ion know why she grillin a nigga like she ain' just cussed a nigga out some days ago.

And yeah, a nigga still hot on what this dumb bitch said bout ma lady. I should whoop ha ass in the middle of this aisle.

"I see you're still mad. Look, I'm sorry for what I said. I was in the heat of the moment and I got mad. I apologize."

"That's nice ta know."

"August Alsina to the pharmacy." The voice announced ova the intercom.

Not saying nothin else ta ha, I walked away headin ta get this shit so I can dip.

"Okay. Prozac, for 60 days, once a day and also Temazepam or could be called Restoril, that's for your sleeping and that's once a day for 60 days as well."

"Thanks." I mumbled grabbin my thangs.

"Have a bless day, August."

"You too." I walked away from the counter and bumped inta Asia again. I threw ma head back silently cussin in ma head.

"August."

"Bro what do you want?"

"Why are you acting like this? Like you don't even want to see me?"

"You sat thea and disrespected ma fiancée in presence. Did you think this shit was gone be sweet? You knew exactly how a nigga felt about ha and you gone say some slick shit so nah, I don't wanna be bothered with you."

"August," she called out as I walked away from ha. "I'm glad you're getting the help you need."

I almost turned around ta cuss ha out but I soon realize we was in public.

I chuckled, shakin ma head. "Have a bless day, bruh."