As poor as a churchmouse.

As thin as a rail.

As sly as a fox.

As fat as a hog.

As cozy as two peas in a pod.

As strong as an ox.

As happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

As hard as a rock.

As hot as h***.

As spry as a cat.

As proud as a peacock.

As ugly as sin.

As stubborn as a mule.

As full as a tick.

As deep as a well.

As strong as a bear.

As red as a beet.

As black as tar.

As neat as a pin.

As smart as a whip.

As bright as a sixpence.

As dead as a door nail.

As slow as a snail.

As fine as a fiddle.

As slow as smoke out of the outhouse.

As white as a sheet.

As flat as a pancake.

As blind as a bat.

As slow as molasses in January.

As sharp as a tack.

As clear as a bell.

As light as a feather.

As mean as a rattlesnake.

As snug as a bug in a rug.

As right as rain.

As slow as Christmas.

As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

As useless as tits on a boar-hog.

As slick as an eel.

As slick as owl s***.

As old as dirt.

As old as the hills.

Bleeding like a stuck pig.

As fast as greased lightning.

As cold as a witch's t**.

Knee high to a grasshopper.

Like a bump on a log.

As rough as a corn cob.

Picture perfect.

As pretty as a picture.

As easy as pie.

As dry as a bone.

Faster than a speeding bullet.

As straight as an arrow.

As pure as the driven snow.

As cool as a cucumber.

As bald as a cue ball.

As high as a kite.

As busy as a bee.

Like a bull in a china shop.

As smooth as silk.

As quiet as a mouse.

As easy as taking candy from a baby.

As tight as a drum.

As white as a ghost.

As wise as an owl.

Growing like a weed.

That was a close shave.

That pales in comparison.

Like a hot knife through butter.

The pick of the litter.

The cream of the crop.

As tough as nails.

Runs like a deer.

As rough as a gale.

As cold as a two dog night.

As fair as a lily.

As clean as a penny.

As fresh as a daisy.

He's a few bricks shy of a full load.

He's not running on all eight cylinders.

More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

A stones throw away.

Like a diamond in the rough.

As drunk as a skunk.

As dumb as a door nail.

Raining like cats and dogs.

As noisy as a jack ass in a tin barn.

As fine as a frog's hair.

He laughs like a jackass eating thistles.

As ugly as a mud fence.

Bottom dollar.

Lined up like ducks in a row.

As jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof.

Like a fart in a whirl-wind.

As dumb as a post.

As smart as a box of rocks.

Busier than a one legged man in a a** kicking contest.

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

Busier than a cat taking a s**t on a marble floor.

Whiter than a well digger's a**.

Slower than pond water.

Cuter than a bug's ear.

He's nine cents short of a dime.

His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

The lights are on but nobody's home.

Longer than a country mile.

Rode hard and put up wet.

I'll slap you naked and hide your clothes.

I'll slap the taste out of your mouth.

I'll knock you into the middle of next week and meet you coming back on Sunday.

I'll jerk a knot in your tail.

I'll knock a knot on your head and dare it to rise.

Older than Sam Hill.

Broker than the Ten Commandments.

As broke as a convict.

Her bread ain't done.

She's so ugly she could snag lightning and run thunder under the bed.

Bridle your tongue.

As hard as woodpecker lips.

Tighter than Dick's hatband.

As ready as a ham sandwich at a church picnic.

You're so ugly, you came out head first and the doctors thought you were breach.

As scarce as hen's teeth.

I'll hit you so hard you'll fold-up like a dollar and a quarter suitcase.

He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Off as fast as a new bride's pajamas.

Off like a prom dress.

Smaller than Carter's little pills.

I have more questions than Carter has pills.

A day late and a dollar short.

That would gag a maggot.

High hog at the trough.

Eyes as big as cow s*** on a flat rock.

Its hotter than a four-balled Tom cat.

Slicker than snot on a door knob.

She is the spitting image of my daughter.

He's not worth a fart in a wind storm.

As soft as a baby's butt.

Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

He's not playing with a full deck.

As handy as a pocket on a shirt.

As slick as a pair of pajamas on a garter snake.

As slick as a wompus cat.