I sat on my cot with my head out of the window, looking at the Glade. My mind was blank as I focused on my breathing. I still occasionally let out a cough, but other than that, it was like my asthma attack didn't even happen. None of the boys had found my inhaler, making my worry increase ten times more. Now that I didn't have it, I felt as though the only thing I could do was to sit around all day. No more running with Minho in the early hours of the morning, and now if I had chest pains, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just live in the Med-jack hut for the rest of my miserable life...

Minho and the rest of the Runners had come back a few minutes after Newt and I spoke, and he was called to go the the Council Hall immediately. I'm guessing they filled him in on everything that happened because as soon as the rickety doors opened, Minho sprinted all the way to the Homestead and barged his way into my room, where I was sitting in the exact same position as I was now. He asked me if I was okay, and he gave me a big hug. I told him that I had lost my inhaler, and that we could no longer run around secretly. He told me that maybe it was for the best. We spoke for a little while longer and he informed me on what would happen to Ben.

Banishment. It's such a cruel word. Something nobody deserved no matter how much pain they've caused. Nobody deserved to be pushed into a place so cold under their will. Although Ben was...crazy, I've gotten to know him. Not as well as I knew Alby or Chuck or Newt or Minho, but I still knew Ben. He was a sweet boy. One of the first ones to get up and take a shower every morning. Chuck and I once played a prank on him, and instead of getting mad, he asked to do it with us. He didn't deserve what was coming to him. And for some strange reason, I felt guilty about it.

The knock on the door was the thing to break me out of my thoughts.

"Come in," I muttered. The footsteps of the person became louder as he entered my room and shut the door behind him.

"Mae?" Thomas' voice spoke. I turned around and sent him a lazy smile. He sent one back and took a step closer, "I-I just wanted to come and see how you were doing?"

I shrugged, patting the empty spot on my cot, motioning for him to come and sit down. He obliged and sat, facing away from the window, "I guess I'm okay. How are you?"

He looked into my eyes and shook his head. It was enough for me to understand what he was trying to tell me. I couldn't imagine how he felt... The poor guy still probably didn't know where he was...hell, he only remembered his name last night, and now he get's attacked by a boy who went crazy. Overwhelmed was probably an understatement.

"It'll be okay," I murmured, pursing my lips and nodding.

Thomas nodded and sighed, pointing back to the door, "I just wanted to come tell you that they're about to do it. Have you ever seen a banishment?"

"No," I breathed, looking down at my hands and fumbling with my own fingers, "I've only been here for a month, remember?"

"Right," He blinked and looked at the space in between us, "Do you think it'll hurt him?"

"What?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

Thomas inhaled a long breath and took his time exhaling before he responded, messing with a loose sting on the hem of his dirty blue shirt, "Dying."

I looked back up at his face as soon as he asked the question. But what didn't surprise me was the fact that he verbalized it, but it was the fact that I had been thinking about the same thing for an hour. I remembered what a Griever looked like, the metal claws and the razor sharp teeth. I remembered the way that I screamed as soon I saw it, and the way that everyone constantly told me that nobody had ever survived a night in the Maze. Death has always been a strange concept to me. Where does your soul go? Do crazy people get to be happy in the afterlife?

Against my will, I nodded, answering Thomas' question with every ounce of honesty I had, "Yeah, I do. I think it'll hurt for a little bit, and then...eventually...all of the pain will just go away. Pain is only temporary, Thomas. He's not gonna be hurt forever."

The boy nodded and stood up, "Thank you."

"Of course."

He turned to leave, but then he stopped, "Mae?"

"Yeah?" I replied.

"They're doing it now. Banishing him. They want us to be there..." He whispered. I blinked at him, feeling the same chills I felt in the Deadheads, return. I clenched my jaw and swallowed, but I knew I couldn't avoid this. I was going to have to face Ben one way or another, whether it was seeing him be healed or seeing him accept his fate.

I stood to my feet slowly and placed my hand on Thomas' shoulder, leading him out of my comforting room and to the melancholy atmosphere of the Glade. As we walked out, I noticed how every boy was standing near the East doors which were about five minutes away from closing. Grunting was heard in the distance, and I turned my head to the right, seeing the strongest boys of the Glade carrying Ben over to the semi-circle of waiting Gladers.

Thomas let out a shaky breath, and we both started towards the group. They all looked at us. Some gazes were filled with disgust and anger, others were looks of sympathy and sorrow. Either way, nobody looked happy. I think everyone was void of that emotion right now. Some didn't exactly know how to feel, and they stood on the outside of the crowd. Thomas and I stood behind everyone, out of the way.

"No, no, no," I heard Ben's sorrowful voice from behind. I folded my arms and turned my head towards him. All of the Keepers walked past Thomas and I, grabbing hold of giant poles that were shaped like T's. Minho was holding Ben's hands behind his neck, keeping them secure by a rope that was tied around his wrists.

The two walked into the middle of the circle. Ben dropped to his knees, mumbling things to himself as he coughed up black drool. He had snot running out of his nostrils, and his eyes held that same crazed look in them. He's not human, I tried to tell myself over and over again.

Minho suddenly pulled a knife out of his back pocket and cut the ropes around his wrists, making him collapse forward, being held up by his arms, "Minho, please! He's bad, bad, bad, bad."

I cringed at the words and placed a comforting hand on Thomas' back. It was painful to hear him say the words as a chant, like it was the only word he knew. But then, Ben turned around and found my eyes through the limbs, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I promise I won't do it again. I never meant to hurt her! Just him! I'm sorry!"

All of the Keepers sucked in sharp breaths as they looked at Thomas and me. I didn't meet their eyes in fear that if I did, I would breakdown. Chuck moved his way over to both of us, and somehow, his presence made things the tiniest bit better. But I pushed the feeling down, feeling as though it was inappropriate for the situation we were in.

"Please, Alby," Ben cried again. Every word felt like a punch in the gut. I couldn't help but feel as though the boy deserved a second chance. Maybe there was something the Med-Jacks could do to make him better. But somehow I knew that this was Ben's fate either way. The second rule in the Glade was to never harm another Glader. And he did. I blinked tears from my eyes as Alby nodded to Minho, who threw a pack of something through the Maze doors, confirming my thoughts that this was actually going to happen.

The leader sighed, but spoke in a stern voice, "Ben of the Runners, you've been sentenced to Banishment for the attempted murder of Thomas, the Newbie, and of Mae," He looked towards the ground, anger suddenly appearing on his face, "Of all the people," He breathed.

I looked to the ground and clenched my jaw as he continued, "The Keepers have spoken, and their word ain't changing. And you ain't coming back. Ever," He took a long pause as if to let the words sink in to the poor boy. Then suddenly, the walls groaned, and the dread of the events finally made their way into my heart.

"Poles!" Alby shouted to all of the Keepers. They all lowered their long weapon-like sticks and pointed them towards Ben. That's when I realized that the boys on the inner circle also had poles of their own. All of them were pointed towards Ben, who heavily breathed and stumbled to his feet. He seemed confused.

"Move in," Alby ordered. Ben's confusion suddenly disappeared and was replaced with pure horror. He looked for a way out, stumbling around the edges of the circle as they slowly enclosed on him.

Stop watching, I thought, just look away. But I couldn't. Ben tried to push the poles out of the way, but it was no use. The boys kept advancing towards him, pushing his crazed body closer to the closing walls of the Maze. Thomas walked around, trying to get a better look, almost like he was going crazy himself. And I just stood there. Keeping my eyes on Ben, who continued to sob and yell for someone to help him. I clenched my fists tighter with every sound he made, and with every step he took closer to the sliding walls.

When he finally crossed the threshold, where the grass met the haunted concrete, I clenched my jaw and tensed my fists, feeling the sting as my nails broke skin. The Keepers kept pushing, showing absolutely no mercy and no sympathy for the boy. His cries echoed the farther he stumbled, and at some point, the walls were so close to closing that the only way Ben could go was into the Maze.

I felt my eyes water and a lump develop in my throat as he let out one final sob, turning around and stumbling his way through the doors. The Keepers all raised their poles away from the boy, knowing that he finally belonged to the Maze.

The doors were only a foot from shutting, and I burned holes into Ben's figure as he let out a heart-wrenching scream, only to have it cut off by the walls clashing together. Nobody said a word as the weight of what we all had to watch sunk in. The weight of his scream tearing through all of our hearts, and the weight of his pleads as he begged for mercy.

Something cold trickled down my thumb. I hadn't realized that I still had my fists clenched until I felt the sting of my nails digging into my palms. I furrowed my eyebrows and lowered my eyes to look at my hands. Blood soaked my nailbeds and dripped down my fingers as the crescent moon cuts showed themselves finally. My face dropped and I looked up at the boys, who were now starting to walk away. I did the same, but not towards the Homestead. I made my way to the outhouse.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I slammed the wooden door shut. With my shaky hands, I grabbed a wad of toilet paper from the holder and I wrapped it around my hands. My bottom lip quivered as I tried to catch my breath and stop the tears from flowing, but the sound of Ben's scream was playing in my head like a broken record. My vision became blurry, and I willed myself not to blink, knowing that if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop crying.

But there eventually comes a time where you just have to stop. Stop holding things in, stop worrying about what other people will think. There comes a time in everyone's life where there's pain beyond anything ever imagined. Where you just feel hopeless. That's how I felt as I gripped the sides of the sink as hard as I could. I wished that I could just disappear. Run away from these four walls that have enclosed on me and who I was. I felt useless. I closed my eyes, finally letting a few tears crawl down my face. Ben's haunted eyes made their way into my mind, and that was when I finally let it go. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out as I lowered myself onto the dirty floor of the bathroom. I scooted myself against the wall, and took a shaky breath. My body rocked with every sob, and I threw my fists around, looking for something to hit to release my emotion.

Anger, stress, sadness, guilt. All if it was coming out as I cried—wept even. I didn't care if the boys could hear me. I didn't doubt that some of them were doing the same thing. All the while, I couldn't help but think that it was my fault that Ben got banished. He didn't deserve it. And now he was going to die out there, knowing that his only friends were the ones who sent him to his fate. Maybe it was Thomas' fault. Maybe he asked too many questions, making Newt send him to get the fertilizer. Or maybe it was Newt's fault. But above all, the guilt I felt for myself tore a hole in my heart as I held my head in my hands and cried.

Eventually, I had calmed myself down and gained the strength to stand up. My hands stopped bleeding, but that didn't make me want to take off the toilet paper. When I opened up the door to the Glade, the first thing I noticed was that it was dark. The only light that remained were the ones from the torches and the small flames in the jars. I moved my legs past the hammocks of sleeping boys. I made my way to the Med-Jack hut and rummaged through the drawers of different kind of bandages before I finally found the ones I needed. Without a sound, I ripped some of the gauze off and wrapped it around my palm, tying it in a knot with my right hand. I did the same thing to my other hand, struggling a little more because I was left with my non dominant hand to tie the knot. But I eventually succeeded and made my way back to the Homestead.

I walked up the steps, feeling absolutely numb. I kept my eyes on the floor as I made the short walk to my room, opening my door and almost screaming in surprise.

"Hey," Minho breathed out a laugh at my expression. He held a jar with a flame inside it as I shook my head at him and walked the rest of the way into my room without a word, "Where'd ya go? Newt was looking for you."

"Needed to blow off some steam," I mumbled, grabbing a new shirt out of my dresser, "Are you gonna get out or are you gonna watch me get changed?"

The boy wiggled his eyebrows at me as I groaned in annoyance. He laughed but turned around, looking out the window as I rolled my eyes and quickly swapped shirts, "Okay," I muttered, letting him know that he could turn around. I threw the dirty shirt that held so many memories into the corner of my room, reminding myself never to touch it again.

"So..." Minho started, watching as I pulled my hair out of the messy ponytail and grabbing my brush from my dresser, "Are we gonna talk about it?"

I froze, wondering if he really wanted to talk about the horrific thing that we both had to watch, "What?" I asked in disbelief.

He pointed to me, "Are you dumb? Your shucking hands.. What did you do?"

"Oh," I sighed, relieved that we didn't have to talk about Ben. But when I realized what question he had asked, my eyes went wide and my head shot back up to him, "N-Nothing. Leave me alone and go to sleep."

"Won't happen even if I tried," He sighed. I scoffed in understanding as I pulled a giant knot out of my hair. Minho hissed through his teeth and cringed, "Did that hurt?"

"No," I smirked.

He just shook his head like he had gotten the chills, "I could feel that on my scalp. Seriously Greenie, you need to take better care of yourself."

"What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes at Minho, who pursed is lips and looked at me like he knew I was hiding something. When I gave him the same look back, he groaned and stood up, making his way over to me. I moved my hands behind my back casually, hoping that he wouldn't notice.

But Minho notices everything.

He gave me a fake smile before taking my wrists in his and jerking my hands up for him to see, "I saw the way you were being all weird and clenching your fists," He mumbled, untying the knot on the gauze I had made twenty minutes ago, "Also noticed how you tried to shucking hide it from everyone else. Not cool, Mae."

I decided to let him do his thing and unwrap the bandage I had put around my hands. He threw it onto my dresser and looked up at me in annoyance when my hand was in a lazy fist again. I let out a huff and slowly opened it up, wincing at the slight sting that was caused. He scrunched his face up and examined the crescent sized cuts.

"You really need to trim your nails," He muttered to me, "But putting all the humor aside for a moment...why?"

Looking at the cuts myself, I shrugged, "Don't know. I didn't even realize I was doing it until it started to hurt..."

The Runner rolled his eyes and gave me a deadpanned look on his face, "That is probably the stupidest excuse I think I've ever heard in my entire shucking life."

I scoffed, tearing my hand away and grabbing the gauze to wrap it up again, "Well what the hell do you want me to say? That I feel guilty that Ben was shucking banished? That when he screamed I felt like I should be the one being pushed into that Maze? That I feel stupid for not fighting back when he attacked Thomas and I? Please tell me that I'm supposed to say, Minho, because I honestly have no idea what the hell I'm feeling right now."

He went silent for a few moments while I tied the bandage around my hand again. When I looked back up at him, he had a smirk on his face. A smirk.

"That's exactly what you're supposed to say," He raised his eyebrows, "Look at how good I am at this therapy stuff. You're an open book, Maisy!"

"Only Newt get's to call me that."

He threw his hands up into the air in defense, "Sorry. I apologize that I'm not your boyfriend."

"Oh my god," I groaned, feeling beyond annoyed with the boy, "He's not my boyfriend, Minho. Now will you shut up and get out?"

He pursed his lips and moved towards my door with one long stride, "You keep tellin' yourself that, Mae," He opened the door to leave, but turned around to face me, "Oh, and I might know a thing or two about defending yourself."

My head perked up, and I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, "What?"

Minho smirked again and turned around, walking out of my room. I was left beyond confused, wondering why he would tell me something like that and then just leave me. I shook my head of the thought, ready for a night filled with nightmares when my door creaked open, and the same person popped his head in once more.

"See when I left, you were supposed to follow me, shank. You ruined the moment."

I gave him a confused look, and he threw his head back in frustration, "Just come on, slinthead. I wanna show you a few things about fighting."