as soon as she finished singing, i left.

i left without turning back because if i will then they'll see the tears that threatens to spill down my eyes. and so i let them. i let the tears fall as i ran away, going anywhere but near her.

i didn't know where the courage came from, maybe because i'm intoxicated and got easily swayed by my emotions that lead me into this fucking state. i couldn't control my mouth. anyways it's too late, i've already been suffocating for the past hours because of her.

i descended down the stairs and went out of the door whilst harshly wiping the tears away. haven't i cried enough? i'm too tough to cry for her. heck, she doesn't even deserve these tears. after a few moments my breathing became regular yet my heart has been shattered to pieces. again.

it shattered so much that it felt like an arrow passed through it, stepped on and punched and squeezed tightly, just like the last time. and soon the memories came rushing back in an instant. my knees begin to wobble, my palms started sweating and my breathing became ragged again. i counted. oh no please make this stop.

i am very concentrated in stopping my panic attack not noticing a figure behind me.

"one, two, three, four, five..." i chanted inside my head. "six, seven, eight.."

"jenjen–jennie?"

i stopped the counting and opened my eyes. the familiar voice uttering my familiar name rang through my ears.

i feel her getting closer.

i wanted to run, get out from here. this feeling...her. but my feet has its own mind, not begging to move howbeit i cry to let it sprang to my senses. i couldn't escape.

she still has this huge effect on me, i despise myself for this.

and so i faced her. i mustered all my confidence and acted tough in front of her. meeting my cold, piercing eyes to her warm, soft ones. her eyes were watery, god, is she going to cry?

"what's wrong?" she asked with concern evident laced in her tone and expression whilst getting nearer. i reflexively moved back then released a bitter laugh. why acting like a victim all of a sudden?

"it's none of your business." arctic and pungent was fully evident in my mood. the audacity to ask about my situation, clearly having no idea she's the fucking cause of it? unbelievable.

"jenjen, i'm sorry if i did anything wr–" she pulled my wrist softly but i swat her away, cackling.

"dammit rośe, you don't get to do that," i deadpan.

"y–you don't get to touch me n-nor talk to m-me. you don't deserve my t–" i got cut off when she hugged me. my heart sank and tears pooled in my eyes again. i want to wrap my arms around her too, melt in her embrace but so many things has happened and it reminded me to why i'm in this state. why i'm broken and unstable in the first place. because of her.

because of her. because of her. it's all because of rośe.

i carried all my might to push her away. "stop touching me!" i yelled. i'm in the brink of letting my tears fall. then it happened, right after seeing tears cascading down her porcelain cheeks.

i wanted to laugh at her, shout at her, telling her that she doesn't deserve to fucking cry, that it's all her fault why we became who we are. but i didn't. instead i forced a tight smile on my face.

"it's all your damn fault. you don't get to do that to me."

and then i left, again.

it's been half an hour since jennie left, and twenty-nine minutes since chaeyoung went after her. is it just me or there's something going on that i have no clue of. i looked at jisoo beside me, about to ask questions about what's bothering me but when i saw the look of amusement on her face while watching a disney movie, i shrugged it off and just snuggled the plushie beside me.

and then i heard a shout. i was about to stand up but jisoo shoved me the empty bowl. "what?"

"get more popcorn," she ordered and i groaned.

"park chaeyoung! your girlfriend wants some popcorn!" i shouted at the top of my lungs while kicking my feet in annoyance. all she do is order me like i'm her slave and insult my iconic jokes.

since i'm a lazy person, i didn't obey what she ordered me and didn't get kicked out because she's so engrossed on watching the movie. i focused my attention at the tv screen. oh, mulan!

i've watched mulan a couple of times alike tangled. but the difference is that i never got sick of tangled because, she looks like me! my blonde hair like before and our eyes, we look alike. but since i'm real, i'm the prettier one.

i shrug off my cocky thoughts feeling exhausted from all the running and games we had. my eyes drooped and i snuggled onto the plushie even more, getting in dreamland.

i opened my eyes, slightly dizzy while i sat myself. i'm still on the couch where i drifted to sleep and no one even bothered to take me to the bed.

where's jennie?

i stood up and did some stretching, afterwards took my things with me, ready to leave chaeyoung's house but before that i have to get jennie first.

i walked around to see the two sleeping on the bed, a smirk crawling up to my face. chaeyoung spooning jisoo while they are still peacefully sleeping, covered in white sheets.

i took a sticky note from chaeyoung's table and wrote then stuck it at the back of the door where the both of them could see.

i went out of her room then headed towards the guest room.

no jennie.

i looked in the kitchen, the bathroom, everywhere, but no jennie was found. i frowned. maybe she left early.

i went home immediately. not being able to see jennie first thing in the morning or knowing she's not around when i wake up makes me feel sad and uncomfortable. what can i say, she'd be the one i'm looking forward to see everyday instead of the sun. i swiftly removed my bag on my shoulder. i heard noises from jennie's room indicating she must be in there.

jennie's room was dark, but there was enough sunlight to see the place, to see her.

and that was the most awful state i've ever seen.

"jennie?"

/