"Because I love you, Cole."

Wow! Did I just really say that? I can't believe that I have finally let those words flow out of my mouth. After my heart having countless days of inner struggle, trying to confront my true feelings, finally, I have gathered the courage in me to admit that to her. I never assumed that I would ever be able to confess my love to her. But I did it, and I am freaking proud of myself. Hell! I never thought that I would be speaking those words to any woman in my life, ever. But Nicole changed it. She made me do it. She made me fall in love with her. And I fucking can't believe it now.

I surely didn't expect it to happen like this. I wanted it to be a special moment where I would be pouring my heart out while declaring my love to her. You know, like how every man dreams about revealing that part to his girl. But unfortunately, that just didn't happen. I don't know what got into me at this moment, but I instantly felt the need to tell her. To tell her that how I genuinely feel about her. I know I had realized that I was falling for her a long way back, but I never dared of voicing my emotions to her.

But today, after watching how patiently she had been bearing with my crazy shit and not letting go of my hand, while still knowing that how bad my mental state could sometimes exceed the levels of insanity, I realized that she is the one for me. No woman has ever done that for me. Not even Sophia. In fact, she was a selfish woman who went out to seek her pleasure in other men while I was going through a tough time. It would be nearly degrading to compare Nicole with Sophia because she is so fucking incomparable. Every single thing about her is amazing. I don't know where and how to start. She is beyond perfection in every possible way and I don't know how I am going to let her know that. Fuck! I guess I love her so fucking much!

The moment I looked into her desperate blue eyes gazing at me with so much love swimming in them, those three words came out easily. I couldn't restrain myself from letting her know it, to let her experience it. I want her to feel my love. I want her to feel it in my every touch. I want her to feel safe whenever I hold her in my arms. I want her to feel my love in every kiss and every moment that we share together. I want her to know now that how much she means to me and how fucking serious I am about her. Hence, I had to admit that to her to make her feel all those things that I am feeling right now.

My heart jumps excitedly and does a mini dance inside my chest as I anticipate Nicole to respond to what I just revealed to her in a way that I have been expecting her to do for a long time. Nothing could be better than a kiss of appreciation. Okay, it might be not the right time to ask for a kiss, but there isn't any harm in trying, right? I know she feels the same for me and she wouldn't shy away from admitting it because she has promised to tag along with me no matter what happens. Fuck! How did I get so lucky?

I gawk at her like an idiot, waiting for her to say something which would reciprocate my feelings. But the happiness sinks from my face as soon as I take in her facial expression. The way Nicole is looking at me right now seems really strange. I know that she was disturbed by the entire thing which happened moments ago, but now it appears like her mood has become even worse after hearing my declaration. Wait! Did I really say I love you or I just blurted something else?

I wonder, questioning myself about that, and blink a few times to see if her expression changes. But nothing happens...it remains the same. The only difference that I notice now is that her face seems to be paler than before, as if she has just seen a ghost. Her eyes turn a darker shade of striking blue as she gazes at me. This appears to be bad. I knew I would be freaking out anyway, even if she had said that she loves me, but this looks different. This looks bad...

Shit! This is fucking bad! Stop it! Stop overthinking Christopher! Okay, calm down, Christopher. Maybe she is just too shocked to give a reaction because of my sudden confession. Yeah, that could be a possible reason for her now bewildered state. Maybe she is thinking that I am trying to pull a joke or prank her to lighten the mood. That could be a possible thought, too. I guess I should repeat what I said to make her believe that I am not playing or joking with her.

With that in my mind, I take a deep breath and start again. "Yes, Nicole...I love you..."

Her high-pitched voice cuts through the room, grabbing my attention as she screams. "No..."

A gasp almost threatens to escape out of my mouth, looking at the terrified look on her face. It would have been the weirdest expression that a man would have got for professing his love to any woman, ever. I don't know if I am the only one experiencing this or it's normal with all the people confessing their love for the first time.

"What?" I question her, confused by her strange response.

"No, you can't love me..." She declares staring blankly at me. Her face is straight with not a single hint of emotion in it, and for a second it appears like she is not looking at me but looking at the wall behind me. What does that mean? Why would she say that? I don't know why, but my heart breaks listening to her stern refusal. She doesn't have a right to say that. She can't have control over my feelings.

"You can never fall in love with me..." She scrambles immediately away from me and repeats, looking almost lost in her own thoughts. It appears more like she is trying to convince herself more than me by repeating it again and again. What happened to her all of a second? Moments ago I thought she was being concerned about me risking my life for her, and then suddenly now I see her fighting with me to justify that my feelings can't be real. Why the fuck she would do that? I think all of this is just too overwhelming for her that it almost became hard for her to believe it.

But why is she not believing me? I thought she trusted me.

I frown and look at her. I always thought that confessing your love to a woman would make her happy. I assumed that not only a woman, but it would make anybody jump with joy when a person for whom you have feelings confesses their love to you. I thought Nicole felt the same about me. But from her face right now, it looks like that's not the case with her. Maybe I was wrong.

"No, that is not possible. This can't be true." She moves back hurriedly from me as if I've got some contagious disease. She rocks her head in disagreement, attempting to put as much as distance she can between us.

Fuck! What should I do now? This is actually turning bad than I expected. Wait! I have seen in movies that guys tend to give a long-ass explanation to justify their love. I guess that's the secret way to get to a woman's heart. Shit! I should have known to have come prepared for it because I've never done this before in my fucking life. Due to lack of experience, now I regret choosing the wrong place and the wrong time to tell her this. Fuck Christopher! Come on, do something. At this moment I guess my mind has stopped thinking rationally, leaving me with no other option.

At least, I think I need to elaborate on this topic for her to believe my words. Yes, that would be a good idea. I clear my throat and aim to try again. "It is, Cole. It is true. I fell in love with you..."

I close my eyes and keep speaking. "I didn't know I was capable of feeling this kind of love..." Not letting me go any further with my explanation, she yells, making me snap my eyes open.

"Stop!" Nicole lets out in a tortured voice. What the actual fuck? Why is this all turning bizarre?

"Stop saying things like that, Christopher..." She says and I see tears flowing down her cheeks again. Fuck! I would want to be the last person on this earth to make her cry. What have I done? I just wanted her to know that I would be ready to do anything for her because I fucking love her.

"Why are you crying, Cole?" I breathe, being baffled by her response. "I need to talk with you, Cole. Please, I need to tell you this.."

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as if she is trying to calm herself. "I think we should call it a night. I am tired, Christopher...Goodnight." She simply says and begins to walk away.

What? Fuck no? She can't walk out in the middle of a serious conversation like that. I won't let her go.

"Wait, Cole. You can't walk away from me." I dart to reach to her swiftly and stand in front of her way. "You can't keep running from your problems forever." I cross my arms and stare at her. "You always do it. You always run when it comes to your feelings...You just run away and build this kind of wall around you." I sigh bringing my fingers to massage my temple. "You have always done it and it's fucking frustrating to keep up with. You tried to run away when you first kissed me. You tried to run away from me when we were together for the first time. You did it every single time." I move towards her and say. "You try to get away from your problems instead of staying there and confronting them. But you cannot do that today. You have to face it, Cole. We have to talk about this."

"I don't know what you are talking about? I am not running from anything..." She tries to pull the mask of being confident on her face but from her disturbed tone, I know that deep down she is dreading to have this conversation because she knows that I am exactly right with what I am saying about her.

"Then answer me, Nicole. Why are you not confronting it? Why are you not accepting it? Why is it difficult for you to acknowledge my confession? My love for you? Why are you running from this?" I ask her as she slumps her eyes down to the ground avoiding my gaze.

I feel so desperate at this moment to hear her say something. I have never tried so hard to get a woman to talk to me like I am doing right now with Nicole. Because before this I never fucking cared about it nor it was a thing for me. Gaining a woman's affection or falling in love had never been on my agenda. I never let any distraction come in my way. I never let any woman affect me so much. I never let myself weaken so badly. But with Nicole it became different. The moment I saw her everything changed. She isn't like any other woman. She is the one who got my heart and I am not going to let her go so easily. I am gonna try harder no matter what because she is so fucking worth it.

"You are living with me, Cole. You said you trust me. You said you would stick by my side and help me. Then why you don't wanna accept it. Accept what is true...Why you don't want to acknowledge this?" I ask her sounding utterly desperate. "I know that you love me too." The last sentence catches her attention as she snaps her teary eyes at me in shock.

"Then why are you running from this?" I ask her. I know I am pushing her too much but I have to do it. When I don't get an answer from her, I sigh and look down in disappointment.

"No...I can't Christopher." I hear Nicole's soft voice after a moment and I instantly turn my head to look at her. "Because it scares me..." She adds slowly.

"The word love scares me..." Her voice is so faint that it almost feels inaudible.

"Why are you scared of love, Nicole?" I step closer to her so I can hear her properly. "Weren't you the one saying that love makes a person stronger?"

"It's hard to believe.." She whispers, raising her eyes to look into mine. And for the first time, I see the pain lying behind the beauty of those blue orbs.

"How ironic it is that I was the one who claimed months ago that I never believed in love, and yet I became the first one to stand here and confess to you that I have fallen in love with you..." I chuckle lightly looking at her. Then I purse my lips and say. "I was scared too, Nicole. I was skeptical about believing people. I was scared of trusting people because I never let them know me. Know who I was in real. Neither did they ever try to get to know me." I pause, thinking about how different my life was before I met Nicole. "But all of that changed. Everything changed for me after I met you, Cole."

She doesn't say anything and a sudden realization hits me. I furrow my eyebrows as I search for her eyes. "You still don't trust me? I ask in a low tone with my voice almost breaking. After revealing every single piece of my miserable dark life to her, I get to hear this? After all that I have done to gain her trust, she is saying that she doesn't believe me. This is painful for me to know.

"No, it's not like that, Chris." She responds instantly, reaching to take my hand when I stumble a bit back looking stunned.

"Then tell me why the hell you are scared of falling in love?" I let out loudly in frustration.

Her eyes grow big hearing the intensity of my tone. I didn't want to sound rude, but I guess frustration got better out of me.

But then I see her eyes turning soft. "I am not scared of falling in love, Christopher. I am scared of not being loved back." She admits and I look at sadness taking over her eyes. Her face looks utterly devastated as she says those words to me.

I just stare at her as she continues. "I am scared of unrequited love..."

"I am scared of people changing with time... I am scared of them not sticking to their words, their promises." Her lips quiver in agony as her uneven breathing reaches my ears.

"I am scared of love existing between people which fades away with time..."

"I am afraid of them becoming strangers with time..." She bites her lip trying to gather her emotions and looks away. I keep looking at her, trying to grasp what she has said. What does that all mean? What makes her think so? What happened to her? I remember her saying that she had only one boyfriend back in school and it wasn't even a serious relationship. Then what led to her have a heartbreak like that? What made her lose her belief in love?

I arch an eyebrow at her in confusion and ask. "I don't understand. What is it, Nicole? Tell me?"

I refuse to take her silence for a response as I question her again. "Answer me, why do you think so?"

She steps back and shifts her eyes to the other side of the room. "It's because of my father." She mutters in a low tone.

"Your father? What did your father do?"

"Nicole...please tell me.." She is killing me with her puzzles. Why can't she just tell me everything fucking straight?

I take a deep breath and pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling utterly vexed. "Nicole, I've never tried to intrude into your personal life. I've always respected your privacy, but now...You need to tell, Nicole. I have seen your expression changing whenever there is a reference to your father." I look at her and say. "You have to do this. It's affecting our relationship now."

"Please tell me. What did your father do?"

"He cheated on my mother. He cheated on us....he left us. He left his family for another woman. He is a selfish man." She spats shaking her head and I see angry tears filling her eyes.

I gaze at her in bewilderment. "What? But I thought your father lives with your family. With your mother?"

"Yes, he does." She directs her vision towards me, and I see nothing but pure rage in her eyes. "He came back. But that's only because my mother begged him to."

Her eyes turn heavy as she lets her shoulders slump in dejection. "It always seemed like my dad never cared about my mom. And as far as I saw, it looked like he never even really loved her. I don't know how it was before all these things came to my notice. I started realizing it when I was 6 and at that time my mother was pregnant with Francis and Charlotte." She pauses for a moment and looks at me, clenching her jaw as if she is reliving one of those terrible memories. "I went to sleep hearing their fights every night. He never gave her the time, the respect that she deserved."

I can feel the pain in her voice as she proceeds. "My mom never craved for luxuries. She was never a woman of high maintenance." She lets out a dry chuckle and then her expression turns serious. "She just searched for happiness in simple things. She wanted my dad to spend time with his family, with her. My mother just wanted my dad to sit beside her. To talk to her and ask her how was she. How was her day, but he never did that... He never even tried to pay a glance at her."

She huffs angrily as she tells. "He would just cover up everything with the facade of being a busy police officer. But was that really too much to ask? For a wife to ask her husband to spend some time with her? Wasn't that a husband's responsibility to look after his wife?" She looks at me as if she is throwing that question at me. Just when I think of opening my mouth, she resumes talking. "My mother told me that it was their love marriage. But I never believed it because I never saw that love between them."

Her eyes become darker as she speaks, and I feel sad thinking about how badly all of this has affected her. "All I could see was bitterness growing in their relationship. Later, the distance between them kept increasing." She sighs and shuts her eyes close. "My father wouldn't be back home at night for weeks. We didn't know where he spent his nights as his profession demanded more of his time."

"One day he just left like that. My mother thought that he was out for work like he did every time. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, but he never came back." She sucks in a tormented breath and looks into my eyes. "I have seen my mother cry to sleep every single night because her husband never fucking showed up after leaving for work one day. He fucking never cared about what she was going through." Her eyes are red fuming with anger as she states. I know it's hurting her from inside telling all this to me. I wish I could do something to take away her pain.

"People say love isn't always enough to have happiness in one's life, but sometimes even after having every freaking thing it's just the love which misses out in a relationship." She looks at me and I see her eyes turning bitterly cold. "We had everything. My father had a respectable job, a good status in society. A pleasant house. A car. We were a nice family. The only thing that we missed out on was..." She exhales slowly and a shadow of sorrow crosses her face as she completes her sentence. "Love.."

I don't interrupt her as she keeps saying. "So after having endless nights of waiting, my mother finally decided to go on searching for my father. I don't know how, but my mother got the address of the house where people have seen him stay."

I see that the sadness in her eyes getting replaced with resentment as she looks at me. "After getting the address one day, we went there. When we reached the house, my mother ordered me to stay outside. Maybe she knew what was there in waiting for her and she didn't want me to witness that. But unfortunately, I saw everything..." She exhales slowly and continues.