She knew about Ben.

Sweat dripped off my forehead as I pushed my legs to my limit.

And Nate.

I heard AJ barking behind me but I ignored him and ran say from I didn’t know what.

She knew about them and all this time she was lying to me-

“Woof!” I was jerked back from my thoughts when I heard the screeching of a car.

AJ clutched the back of my black tank top and yanked me back. I lost my balance and in an abrupt motion was on the ground. My eyes squeezed shut, and I winced when my butt hit the concrete ground.

F**k!

That hurt!

“Watch it a**hole!” My eyes snapped open, and I saw the driver cursing as he drove away.

I was in the middle of the road and if it wasn’t for my dog, instead of being on the ground, I would have been in a hospital bed.

“Thanks, AJ.” I rubbed his head, and I got up on my feet and he growled at me. “I’m sorry.”

“WOOF!”

“I know it was dangerous, and I said I’m sorry.”

He whirled his head the other way and began jogging toward our house. Sighing, I followed my dog and glanced up at the sky.

It was a Sunday cloudless morning with the sun shining in the middle of the sky but still; it didn’t do me any good. I couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking about last night’s events.

She knew about them all and never utter a word to me.

She trusted Brittany, who made her early days a living hell, enough to tell her about Tiana but never me, the guy who did nothing but help her.

F**k!

I rubbed my hands over my sweaty face in frustration and heard AJ barking. I looked at him and saw him running towards the guy who was sitting on the porch of my house.

My face turned into a scowl as if it already wasn’t, and I got closer to him.

“You look grown up!” Ben chuckled, scratching AJ’s ear. “I missed you too, buddy.”

AJ grunted in satisfaction but halted when he sensed my sore mood. He walked away from us to his doghouse and Ben stood up from the steps.

“What do you want?” I crossed my arms.

“You’re an A-grade a**hole.” He growled, folding his arms as well.

“Me?” I scoffed.

“Yes, you!” He took a step toward me. “If you weren’t my best friend, I would’ve buried you alive for what you did last night with Lilly.”

“You’ve always been her shining in armor, Nah?” My eyes narrowed at him. “Always there to save her-“

“If I was interested in the opposite, then I would have never let you near her and make her mine-“

Before he could finish it, my fist connected with his jaw and he stumbled back, but I wasn’t done. I launched at him and he fall on his back with me hovering over him.

“F**k!” He groaned, caught in surprise, but he got over it quickly and covered his face as I went on throwing my punches at him.

“You are taking someone else’s anger on her-“

“Am I?!” I barked. “I’ve always been true about myself and my feelings for her. She knew everything about me! But what about her?!”

“The thing she hide from you wasn’t even hers!” He screamed and in a swift move, I was on the grass with him on top of me this time. “You know that still, you are acting like a f**ktard!” He barked, grabbed my shirt, and shook me.

“I love her!” I snapped. “I love her and that’s why it f**king hurts so much to know she never trusted me!”

“It’s not about f**king trust! It’s about your ego!” I clutched his wrists and tried to get him off me, but he pinned me. The friction of my bare skin on the grass made it sting not more than what was going in my heart.

“My ego has nothing to do with it!” I heard AJ barking beside us, but he did nothing.

“Your egotistic self-centered temperament is bruised because you weren’t aware of what was happening!”

“F**k off-“

“No!” He shoved me to the ground, making me groan as he continued. “You always want to be the good friend taking care of everyone, but now you know what was going behind your back and you couldn’t do anything about it, it crushes you!”

Closing my eyes, I laid my head on the ground and gave up, knowing it wasn’t any use. He went silent after that but kept his grip on my shirt. We both heaved as we took deep breaths and the air blew between us. AJ also stopped barking.

“Get a grip on yourself, Drew.” He growled, getting off of me. “You can’t control everything.”

He’s right.

He’s right about everything and I knew what I did with Lillian was wrong.

I got blinded by my ego.

“F**k...” I grumbled and covered my eyes with my arm to block the sun’s rays. “I’m an A-grade a**hole.”

“That you are.” He groaned and spit. “You almost broke my nose.”

I sat up and looked at him sitting in front of me. Blood was running down his nose and his jaw was bruising.

“What you said about Lillian?” I clenched the grass in my fists and narrowed my eyes at him. “If you weren’t gay, you would’ve pursued her?”

“That’s the only thing you hear?” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I said that because I knew you’ll burst-“

“Yes or no?” I cut him off.

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t have gotten her.” He sighed, leaning on the grass as he stare at the sky. “When you’re meant to be with someone, no matter what the situation is, you will always end up together,” I observed my friend, and that’s when I heard my little devil of a sister.

“You both done already?” We turned towards her and saw my parents standing on the porch with her. “I was planning to get popcorn for the live action.” She pouted.

“Good Morning.” Ben got put to his feet, and I followed him.

“Good morning Ben.” Dad nodded and looked at us. “Hope whatever you two were up to was worth it.”

We side glanced at each other and knew it was.

“Come inside. I’ll clean you two.” Mom said, eyeing Ben’s face. “Then we’ll decide how long to ground you two.”

“What? Me?” Ben pointed to himself in disbelief.

“Yes, Benjamin, you too.” She sternly said and walked inside.

“She’s pissed,” Ben mumbled, and I nodded in agreement as we walked inside.

After getting scolded by mom and a week of no outing, I got to my room and quickly took a shower, then changed into my grey sweatshirt and trousers. When I descend the stairs, I saw Ben playing with Abigail.

He said he’ll stay with Abigail so I got my car keys and walked to my Aston Martin. I was thinking of changing but now f**k it.

I drove towards Lillian, thinking of the ways how I should apologize to her. I was such an a**hole to her. Her green eyes shining with the threat of tears came to my mind and my grip tightened around the staring wheel.

I was still perplexed by what’s been happening around my friends and how Lillian got involved in the middle of it.

I hate it.

I hate secrets.

I hate being lied to.

Parking my car outside her house, I knocked on the door and Mr. Smith opened the door.

“Andrew.” He smiled at me and from that, I realized he doesn’t know about last night. “You’re early.”

“Good morning Mr. Smith, but I need to see Lillian.” I jammed my hands in my front pockets. “It’s urgent.”

He nodded and gestured for me to come inside. He told Mrs. Smith was at duty in hospital and then allowed me to go upstairs.

The steps felt heavy as I ascend her stairs and there was still something pinning me. I knocked on the door and a grumpy voice came from inside.

“I’m not hungry Dad-“

“It’s me.” Was enough for her to pause. I tapped my foot, and I stood in front of her door, but she didn’t open it. “Lillian, we need to talk.”

“I know.” She sniffed as she opened the door.

My breathing ceased when I saw her tear-stained face, puffy and swollen with grief. My heart twisted at the sight, knowing I was the reason she was in this state. She stepped aside, and I entered her room. Facing her, I saw as she opened her mouth to say something, but I spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” She looked at me, stunned like she wasn’t expecting this.

“I’m sorry Lillian. For my behavior last night.” I took a deep breath. “I was a** and I shouldn’t have taken someone else’s anger on you.”

“Andrew-“

“I’m not done.” I ran fingers through my hair. “Everything was changing fast and a lot of things were coming out, which took me- us all by surprise and you knew it... It kind of hurt my ego and I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” She shook her head. “It’s not your fault Andrew, but I don’t think...” she trailed off, making me frown.

“What?”

“I...” She gulped, looking into my eyes deeply, and gave me a sad smile that made my heart twitch. “I’m sorry too.”

“Come here.”

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me, but it felt different. We both were standing so close, still, it felt like we were far away from each other.

On Monday, which was Chloe’s actual birthday, all of us went out for lunch. The atmosphere was depressing, and no matter how much Chloe tried to cheer it, nothing worked. Maddie got back to herself, shocking us, and pretended as if nothing happened, but it was hard, especially for Jordan, and he ignored Maddie.

Days went like that. We sat at the same spot during lunch every day where we used to, but nothing was the same as before. The secrets that were keeping us together once came out pushed us apart. I knew what others were thinking because I was thinking the same thing.

We never trusted each other.

There were still ten days left at prom and the senior year was enthusiastic about it, making me realize we didn’t even have two months before we graduate. We were planning to keep the things same after graduation and stay in touch, but things got turned into a snap before we even graduate.

Thursday was Senior ditch day, and we stood in the parking lot planning where to go. The others went ahead a long time ago while we were still thinking. Lillian, Chloe, and Toby were with us, too.

Things have been unusual between Lillian and me. Since Sunday when I went to her house, it felt weird. The air between us always seemed tense and I couldn’t make of it. We talked a few times but not like before. It was like she wanted to say something but was holding herself back.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, plopping my arm around her shoulder.

“Nothing important.” She shook her head, getting out of her deep thoughts.

“Lillian, you can tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I...” She darted her eyes between mine and licked her lips. But before she could say anything, Louis spoke.

“How about we just go to 40th Street?” He was the only one who looked ecstatic about it and tried to cheer us up with Chloe.

“Perfect!” Maddie said in a honey voice. “I miss the beef burger there. Right, Jo?” she said out of habit.

That’s what she’s been doing trying to get back with Jordan like before, but he looked like he had enough of it.

“I’m going home.” He mumbled and pushed off Ben’s Range Rover, walking towards his.

“What is wrong with you?!” Maddie screamed, running behind him while the remaining of us watched, knowing yet another drama was about to unfold.

“What is wrong with me?!” He growled, spinning to face her. “What is wrong with you Maddie?!”

“Stop being a pu**y Jo-“

“You stop pretending like nothing happened because a lot has changed Maddie!” He threw his hands in the air. “And it’s frustrating, so sorry if I don’t want to listen to your bullsh*t!”

“My bullsh*t?!” She clenched her fists. “You are the one talking nonsense-“

“Loving you is nonsense?” He uttered, making her slam her mouth. “I know already that I don’t have any sense.”

“You don’t love Jordan.” She growled. “You can’t love me.”

“Here we go again.” Brittany groaned beside me, rubbing her forehead.

“Why can’t I?!” Jordan yelled.

“Because I care about you, Jordan,” Maddie screamed back, making no sense. “I care about you. That’s why I want you to be with someone sane, not a mentally retard f**kedup like me!”

“What are you-“

“You want to truth!” She turned towards us. “Since everyone here already has some kind of bullsh*t they were hiding, then here’s mine!” She pulled her sleeves up, showing her arm, and my eyes widened at the sight of cut marks over it. “Guess what, people? None of us are normal and, most of all, me. The mentally unstable Madeleine Lee!”

My eyes on their own darted to Lillian, and I saw nothing on her poker face as she stared at Maddie.

“What the f**k Maddie?!” Brittany stormed towards her but she flipped her a bird and ran towards the high school.

“I’m going to puke.” Tiana covered her face and ran towards the nearby bush. Chloe and Louis got next to her and helped her.

I watched Jordan as he stood there, stunned. Toby, Ben, and Nate walked toward him and I couldn’t take a step towards him as my eyes went to Lillian again and this time, she was watching me.

“You knew about her too.” It came out as a statement.

“I did.” She answered, adjusting her glasses.

“What Lillian? Are you carrying the secrets of our whole high school?” I mocked, and I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t control myself.

“It’s not like that-“

“How many more?” I clenched my fists. “How many more Lillian?”

“No more.” She shook her head, but I just stared at her, waiting for... I don’t know what.

“You couldn’t have told me about Maddie before?” I raised my brows. “You always wait for it to reveal itself.”

“I’m sorry Andrew. But I promised them I won’t tell anyone.” From the corner of my eyes, I saw everyone walking away from us as if they sensed the air.

“You promised them even if you had to lie?”

“I kept my mouth shut most of the time.” She adjusted her glasses. “And I tried to avoid the truth, but I never lie.”

“You need to learn the difference between a lie and a truth, Lillian.”

“You will never believe me, will you?” She darted her scrutinized gaze at me. “You will never trust me fully.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s not about that-“

“It is.” She firmly said. “You will always think I’m hiding something from you.”

“Don’t blame me for this. You are the one keeping secrets from me.”

“Secrets that weren’t even mine.”

“You could say something, anything.”

“Like what?” She raised her brows at me.

From afar, it will look like we were calmly talking to each other, but there was nothing calm about this situation. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

“This is not working...”

“What?”

“This won’t work between us if we fight every time things go this way. You’ll always think I’m hiding something from me.” She averted her gaze from me. “And I can’t suffer that any longer. I’m tired.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“I knew it from the first moment, but still I gave it a shot.”

“I never said I don’t trust you, but I feel you never trusted me.” I took a step towards her and stood toe to toe.

“I trust you, Andrew, and that’s why I said yes in the first place.” She said, boring her eyes into mine. “But I think it was a wrong decision.”

My heart fell at that, and all my anger and anguish evaporated.

“Lillian.” I grabbed her face in my hands and creased her cheeks. “It’s working just fine... But this month has been full of bombardment and its confusion-“

“For me it’s clear.” She took a step back and my hands fall to my side. “Let’s be real, Andrew. Before this, I would have walked past you in hallways and you wouldn’t have given me a second glance.”

“No, Lillian-“

“You’re a nice guy, Andrew, and I like you.”

F**k I knew where this was going because I was the one who used to do the same thing till the start of this year.

“You’ll never believe me-“

“I believe you.” I stepped closer to her again and put my hands over her shoulder so she wouldn’t run away from me. “I’m sorry for making you feel this way-“

“Don’t be sorry Andrew.” She cut me off and put her hands around my wrist, taking my hands off her. “The way things are going between us, it won’t work.”

“You won’t know until you try it.” I groaned.

“I tried it and this is the result.” She squeezed my wrist before letting it go. “We are not meant for each other.”

“Lillian. Don’t do this.” I almost begged.

Please.

“We are a world apart with different views and no matter how hard we’ll try to be together, we’ll always end up hurting each other.” She shook her head. “We should end this before it goes any further.”

Further?

F**k, it’s beyond further.

I love you!

I didn’t know why I couldn’t say that out loud. Maybe because of the determination on her face. She looked like she thought this through and nothing can change her decision.

“I’m sure one day you’ll meet someone who is meant for you.” She smiled at me and I swear I heard a crack in her voice, but it was gone before I could say anything. “I had fun with you, Andrew. You made me feel things I never felt before and I’m thankful to you, but I think it’s time to go on our separate ways.”

The shattering sound of my heart echoed through my ear. I didn’t even know how was I even able to breathe. I darted my eyes into her dull green ones. The ones which always had a spark in them were gone. Anyone would have thought the girl standing in front of me was heartless, but I knew better.

She had the kindest heart.

We were good together.

But I ruined it.

It’s over.

“I hope you have a wonderful journey ahead.” She gave another smile and looked so real, but I wanted it to be fake.

I wanted her to say she’s joking and in love with me the way I am. Totally and utterly mad, but she wasn’t and I was the one to blame for it.

For once, I had something so good in my life, but my ego crushed it.

She looked at me, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t. For the first time in my life, I was speechless. When I said nothing, she nodded her head.

“Goodbye, Andrew.”

With that, she walked away while I stood like a statue alone in the parking lot, still processing what just happened when my mother’s words rang in my ears.

Someday a girl will break your heart as you do with others...

I used to laugh at this, but nothing about this situation was funny.

F**k!

Karma is a bit*h!