I wake up to see it's still night time. Remembering that I dozed off in the car, I look around and smile at the scene. I can only see Denver since I'm wrapped in Jordan's arms. He was his mouth slightly open and his hand over mine. His legs are tanged with mine as usual and the moonlight gives him this soft look.

He's beautiful.

I close my eyes again, drifting off to the touch of both of them.

When I wake up, I realize it's still early and head downstairs after moving Denver and Jordan and freshening up. Just like yesterday, I hear Mom and Dave talking and slow my steps so they don't hear me coming this time.

"-weren't there," I manage to hear Dave finishing his sentence.

"I know what you have with your own parents is different but you should know, now that you are part of this group, you have 4 more sets of parents to always call for when needed," Mom's honey like voice replied and I can sense the warmth in it.

I smile at her words.

"Thank you Rianna, that really means a lot to us," Dave replies and I decide I can enter now. So with heavy steps, I get down the remaining stairs and join them on the kitchen island.

"You're up early," I tell Dave, since it's just 8 am. I don't know today's plan yet but if I wasn't informed that means it isn't time bound.

"Yeah, I need to go to Dad's office today," Dave gives me a smile but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Oh," I say as mom hands me a cup of coffee.

"I'll leave you kids for now, me and the girls are going to the farmer's market to get grocery for tonight's dinner. Don't be late and dress nice," Mom says while leaving with her cup of coffee still in hand. I'm pretty sure half of our kitchenware is next door and half of their stuff is here.

"Why don't you do something about this?" I ask Dave once I hear the main door shut.

"About what?" He sips his drink.

"I know none of you like working for your Dad, so why?" I ask, frowning.

He sighs, placing his cup on the counter, "because we are all they have," he says.

"And they are our parents," he continues before I can say anything, "even if they weren't there, they were in their own way and I can't say no to them because I just can't. Maybe one day, but not today," he says and I know there's no room for argument. He won't budge.

We hear footsteps and turn to see Ian heading downstairs. He looks calm, but his eyes are angry and they are looking right at me.

Wait, what did I do?

"Man, you're up, I had to tell you that I won't be joining in on the drive to-"

"We're not going," Ian cuts Dave off rudely who frowns at the cold voice.

"Roya, come with me," Ian motions to the backyard and heads towards it as I get up, looking back at Dave for help who just sits there, confused.

I step out and see Ian pacing in front of the pool.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, his behavior is concerning me now. Ian has always been soft with me. He's angry now and I don't know why.

Ian chuckles at my question and I still. My body tenses at his dark sound. Like he cannot believe I asked him this.

"What's wrong? You're asking me what's wrong?" Ian chuckles again, I swallow and no words come out of my mouth.

"Did I- Did I do something?" I manage to choke out.

"I don't know Roya?" Ian turns and steps towards me, near the doors, "did you?" he asks.

I try to think of anything I did these past few days but nothing comes up. Why is he so mad?

"Let me refresh it for you," he starts, a fake smile on his face, "how about the fact that you're with both, Jordan and Denver?" He's fuming by the end of his sentence.

He knows.

I don't think I'm breathing anymore.

Is he judging me?

Does he not think of me as his sister anymore?

He- he hates me?

The thought alone makes my eyes tear up. I just look at him, trying to come up with something. Anything. An explanation. An excuse. Anything to make him hate me less.

"I- I," I don't know what to say.

"Just tell me Roya, are you with both of them?" Ian asks, his teeth gritted and his voice low.

I look down and just nod, noticing his fists clench.

He scoffs. I look up at him, I'm not sure if I'm crying or not. I can't feel it.

"And I never would've found out if I hadn't heard Dave and Denver talk yesterday," he looks at me, his eyes hard.

"I would've told you," I whisper and he shakes his head.

"Please, I.." he steps away and enters the house, not letting me complete what I wanted to say.

"..love them," I whisper to no one.

There's this ache in my chest. This feeling of emptiness growing. Like I lost someone.

And I did.

I rub under my eyes only to find tears leaking.

I can't be here right now.

Ian hates me. He hates me and it's no one's fault but mine.

I enter the living room again only to see Dave right next to the door. His face tells me he heard every fucking thing and I know he's feeling sorry from his eyes but I can't right now.

"Roya, I'm sorry, I didn't know he heard us," he says the words I expected, his forehead creased.

"It's fine Dave, you didn't know, just.." I clear my throat, "just please don't hate me," I plead.

"I don't Roya, no one hates you-" he steps forward to hug me but I step back, crossing my arms. I can't. I can't burden people with my problems anymore.

"That's all I want, thanks," I nod at him and head towards the main door. Picking the keys to Jordan's car from the bowl, I slip on my shoes.

"Where are you going? Let me drive you," Dave comes up right behind me.

"No," Is all I say before slamming the door. When I reach my car, I hear it opening again.

"At least tell me where you're going Roya," he looks so pained and I curse myself for ruining his day because of something I did.

"I just need space Dave, I have my phone with me," I say and get in the car, driving away.

Once I reach an intersection, I turn on the music system, the silence killing me more. A song from my own playlist continues to play.

Experience by Ludovico Einaudi.

Fucking perfect.

I increase the volume and keep driving. I don't know where I'm going, or where I want to go. When I reach another set of lights, I see a signboard and decide my destination. After another 30 minutes of driving and repeating the same song over and over again I finally reach my destination.

Parking the car and heading towards the view through the path covered in grass and surrounded by trees, I pause when I face the water.

Cudia Park. It gives the perfect view to Scarborough Buffs but is usually empty.

I take a seat on the grass and just look. At the water. At the stones lining the shore. At the slow waves. I notice everything until there's nothing left to notice and my mind clouds with things that I left behind.

Ian hates me.

I was the one who hurt him this time.

My phone Vibrates next to me and I don't move. I don't move for a long time. I don't want to go back only to be hated.

Do I deserve the love they give me? Am I worth all this hurt? All I've done is force my problems on Ian and Anna and Dave and Denver and Jordan. They deserve peace. And Dave and Jordan deserve someone who can love them without baggage.

A tear drops on my thigh and I realize I've been crying. Wiping them away I finally pick up my phone to see texts from everyone except Ian.

Opening the top most text that belonged to Anna asking me where, I reply.

Where are you???

Park.

And I shut my phone after hitting play on my Sept Babies playlist. Tom Odell's Another Love filling up the silence.

A/N:

It's about to end people. Almost there.