Serena

I don't think I want to be an adult anymore, can I just go back to being a kid? Where life was so simple, and I could nap and just play, and not have to worry about work.

Usually I loved what I do, it just some days, I don't.

Running a bridal boutique was all fun, but it was also hard, because I couldn't ever forget that it was also kind of competitive. I had to make sure my store looked amazing, so people would be attracted enough to come in.

When I worked worked there with my Aunt, she kept the store in a great condition that people - who weren't even getting married - would come in.

That happened when I took over as well, however it'd been a while since I'd given the store a makeover. Whilst my lovely little Bumblebee would still call it a princess store, to me, it was looking a little like the tower the princess would get locked up in.

Both Arya and I had decided we'd have it done up a little more. Not too extreme, not too expensive, but just enough for it to look pretty again.

And so, due to that, Arya and I were constantly trying to get stuff sorted.

Today, I had decided to spend the weekend with Liam and Bea.

Bea was currently at a play date, which was going to end soon and Liam was getting ready to pick her up. I would've gone with him too, but of course, I had gotten a call from Arya and needed to send off some emails.

"Liam!" I yelled out his name, whilst he was in the bathroom.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Do you mind if I use your laptop? I left mine at home and I need to send some emails," I told him.

He then opened the bathroom door. "Yeah, go for it. Password is Rosalind123," he told me.

This had caught me by surprise.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Why?" Liam questioned, looking at me with confusion written across his face.

I just shook my head and smiled. "It's nothing. Thank you," I told him, kissing his cheek and then turning to get his laptop.

My initial surprise wasn't because he'd so quickly given me his password, without me even having to ask for it, but rather because he hadn't brought up us living together.

Whenever I forgot something at my place or mentioned something about needing to get something, Liam would always make a cheeky comment about how it'd be easier if we just lived in the same home.

Of course he knew that I wasn't moving out of my place so soon, but he'd say it anyway. I suspected it was because - and I don't know why - it made me smile.

Sometimes I really couldn't come to terms with it. Liam, the man I loved for so long, wanted me to live with him, and was basically begging for it. I honestly love it and it also made me feel a little smug.

Whilst I settled onto the bed and opened up his laptop, typing in the password, Liam got dressed.

I couldn't help but look at him as he did get dressed.

When Liam turned to look at me once he got dressed, he smirked noticing that I was already staring at him. The cocky idiot, knew that I thought he was way too handsome.

Walking towards me in slow but determined steps, Liam leaned down, and kissed me. And I mean kissed me.

It didn't take long after Liam's confession, to realise that he really wouldn't miss a chance to kiss me. Even if it were just a peck. Whether it was to say hi, or bye, or a thank you. A kiss on my hand, my cheek, my neck, or my lips. I got one everyday, without fail.

Liam continued to kiss me, until I was left dazed and breathless, pulling back, only to rest his head against mine.

"I'll see you in a bit, darling. I need to run," he whispered in a raspy tone.

"Alright. Come back soon," I replied, still a little breathless.

Liam placed a more gentle kiss on my forehead. "Try and stop me," he told me, and with that he left to collect Bea.

It took me a few seconds to realise he'd gone and I had some emails to send off. I wanted to get all my work done before Bea came home and we could then play together.

After having to log into Liam's laptop again and opening up the emails, I noticed he was already signed in. Just as I was about to sign out, my eyes landed on a particular folder.

I've never been one to snoop, but this folder had caught my attention because it was titled 'Hey, Neighbour.'

I was the only that Liam ever said that too. Although he'd had a different neighbours that had moved next to him after I had left before college, and after that, that title was only ever reserved for me. So, seeing a folder in his emails called that, well that was just asking for me to look.

And so I did...

Opening the folder, my eyes immediately widened.

There were so many unsent emails in this folder. I filtered it to show me the oldest email first, and again I was shocked. It was dated from around the time after Liam had proposed to Julie and I hadn't really had any contact with him.

Hey, Neighbour.

You're probably going to see this email and think, why doesn't he just call or text me, and I would, but I'm a little afraid I'd be checking my phone every second to see if you've replied, or if you don't pick up, I'd keep waiting for you to call back.

Where are you, Rena? And also, how are you?

I miss you. I really do. I have no clue where you went, it's like you've vanished. Did something happen? Are you okay? Do I need to beat up someone? Just...be okay. Please.

I really hope you're doing okay and that you're happy and at some point you'll come see me. Come back, Rena.

Miss you a tonne,

Liam.

He missed me. I did feel bad at the time cutting contact, but I knew it had to be done, otherwise I would've been way too deep in his life. Deeper than I had already put myself. I needed that space.

I just never knew how much he missed me.

After that email, I just kept opening each one and reading it all. It probably wasn't right, it was like reading his diary, but after that first one, I couldn't help myself.

Hey, Neighbour.

Rena! I did it. Remember I told you one day I'm going to work in one of those tall, glass buildings, and be a big shot? Well, look at me now. I got the job I've always wanted, Rena. You said you believed I would always do it and you were right. I wish you were here to celebrate with.

Miss you.

Liam

Hey, Neighbour.

Just a quick one to day thank you. Thank you for everything and thank you for today. I needed to hear your voice. Your words are always like magic, just whoosh and I'm free of all worries and stress. I wish you were here, but just know you were thoroughly missed.

Happy, after hearing your voice,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

It's a girl!!!

Rena, I wish you were here. She's so beautiful, the most adorable little bundle of pure joy. She kind of looks a little wrinkly and a little like ET, but still cute. I love her with all I have.

A new father,

Liam.

P.S. you can be godmother if you come see her.

Hey, Neighbour.

She's gone, Rena. She left us all. She's gone.

Hey, Neighbour.

I miss her. I miss her so much.

Hey, Neighbour.

It's a bit weird writing this one, because you're here, but still, I had to write this.

Thank you so much for coming, Rena. I cannot thank you enough for coming. You're here when I needed you the most, when it felt like my world was darkness. You're my North Star. My guiding light. Thank you for helping me during this time.

Grateful,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You've left now and I cannot tell you how sorry I am. For everything. For all those spiteful words I said to you. They we're in the heat of the moment and whilst I know that's not an excuse, I'm still so very sorry. I regret all that I said to you. It was selfish of me to ask you to stay, when you'd already stayed so long, I was too scared of you leaving and not coming back. I didn't want to lose you too. Not again.

I'm sorry.

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

She walked! Bea walked for the first time! It felt like it was just the other day she only just managed to grasp my finger in her hand and now she's walking. I'm so happy, words can't even express it. My baby walked!

A proud father,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

I don't know why I said it. I don't know. It was the anger talking again, but just seeing you after so long...you'd left yet again and didn't come back. Why don't you ever come back? Why don't you ever stay? I feel like seeing you is temporary, one minute you'll be there and then you're gone. Are you going to leave again, Serena? If so, why did you give my Bea that necklace?

I wish I could figure you out,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

You're engaged. Wow. Of course you are. You're great and amazing and all the good in the world, of course someone else would notice that too. But you didn't say anything. Not a word. I found out by seeing a ring? Would you even send me an invitation? I don't know why it bothered me, but it did. I'm being stupid, I know. I said stupid things again, I know. Being mad at you is the only way I can save myself from being hurt by you leaving again.

Regards,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

It's crazy how attached my Bea is to you. She just wants to by your side. It's dumb that it makes me a little jealous but I just have never seen her click with someone like that before.

I'm sorry you got hurt. It reminded me of that time I got hurt outside your house when we first met. I wonder if you remembered that too?

Reminiscing,

Liam

Hey, Neighbour.

Thank you. You put on such a great birthday party for my little Bea, I think that just made her entire year. She looked so happy and that was everything to me. I'm not sorry for slapping Prince Charming. Bea is my princess and there is no way I'm letting her leave with some stupid Prince, who's not even all that charming. Anyway, thank you for it all.

When Bea asked you to tuck her in, I froze. She's never asked anyone else to do that apart from me, and I know it's dumb, but I felt jealous about that. You're so perfect with her, Rena. Bea loves you and I don't know why, but it makes me scared. What if you leave, Serena? What if you leave and it crushes her and me. I'll try and handle myself but Bea won't.

Everyone at that party assumed you were her mother and I know myself that Bea has many traits are are just like you too, but it was all too much. I heard her ask you about Julie wish for her to be just like you. I don't know how to handle that. I don't know what to even say about that. Will Julie hate me if I let Bea continue to wish that? Will she hate me that I think you're amazing with Bea and you are like a mother to her. I don't know what to feel, Rena. I just don't.

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

I'm awful. I'm the worst there probably is and I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. If you had slapped me tonight, multiple times, I don't even think I would've flinched. I deserved it.

Ever since Bea's birthday, I've just been feeling angry. I don't even know why. I wish Bea had a mother, and it kills me that she doesn't, but then I see you with her and it was just overwhelming. What I said to you was downright horrible and I'm so sorry, you deserved none of it because all you were was a sweet person to my daughter.

I'll never forget your crushed face after I spewed out that venom. I made you cry and I'll never forgive myself for that. My parents were right, I am an idiot. You became my light and guided me out of the darkness, you deserve nothing but the best. I'm so sorry.

Remorseful,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

Being ignored by you hurts, but I deserved it. I know it was a cheap trick to tell you Bea misses you, but I knew you'd never want to see my face.

Also, banana bread is not easy to make. I don't care what anyone else says. It was not easy at all.

You indifference was hard to bare, especially when the whole day I was trying to apologise. Seeing you with Bea today just reminded me how amazing you really are. You never complained or said anything, just patiently there for her. But this made me feel worse about my behaviour.

Hearing Bea call you mummy, I should've expected it. You have all the qualities of a great Mum and I'm happy that my daughter has someone like you there for her. I may never be able to give her a mother's love, no matter how hard I try, but there's you. Always there.

You could never take anyone's place, because you have your own. Your own place in my daughters' heart and I'm sorry that I ever thought any different.

You said 'Liam, breathe' today and I swear that itself nearly took my breath away. I've missed you so much, Rena. I don't think I even realised how much till you said those two words.

We kind of had that awkward moment too. I don't think I'm sorry for that, but I think you were, so I won't bring it up ever.

I'm just happy to be forgiven,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

So, something weird happened today. I never tell you that you're beautiful, that's probably why you don't believe me when I try to say it - when I can actually say it. You really are, Serena. You're beautiful.

Chris told me something today. Apparently everyone always thought that we'd end up together. That I'd fall for you.

You really wore that bracelet and had that elephant with you all the time?

You confuse me, Rena. Not you actually but just when I'm around you. You're always there, even when you're not.

I look at cake, and think of you and your love for red velvets. I see hot chocolate and think of you. I see mugs, I think of you. I see anything Harry Potter, and think of you. Elephants, I think of you. Reusable straws, fluffy hot water bags, carrot cake, banana bread, all of it and I think of you.

You make me smile, even when I'm at my worst.

This is dumb, because I know that you'll probably never think about me, other than being your idiot friend, especially since you're with someone else. (Will is a great guy by the way).

I'll try to always make you smile, Rena. I can't do much, but I'll at least try to be a better friend to you. I wish I wasn't stupid before and didn't push you always like I always do. It's probably why you never stay. But I'll be better. I swear I'll try.

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

You feel like home, Serena. That hug, it felt like home. Like a completed feeling, that stopped that other feeling of something missing.

I shouldn't feel like this. It's not wrong to feel, but wrong because you're engaged and I know you'll never feel like this for me. But you feel like home and I can't get that out of my mind.

Confused,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

I think I have feelings for you.

I'm not sure. Actually, no. I'm sure. I'm just not sure on what to do about it. You're not engaged anymore, but I'm not going to say about it, because I think it'll just make things awkward between us. And we've finally got to a place when you can be around me and I don't want to wreck that.

Bringing you back to our town, it was a weird experience. But in a good way. I'm glad it made you happy and I got to see that beautiful smile of yours.

You're eyes have always been expressive. I've always thought that, I just don't think I looked into them long enough to realise that I could just get lost in them.

How sad is it that I want you, but can't have you. I can't tell you how I feel because I'm scared of how you'd react.

You've always been the one to wave your wand and bring magic into my life, Serena. I just wish there was some kind of magic that would make you mine.

Yours,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

You're avoiding me. I don't know why, I don't know what I've done, but you're not talking to me. The way you ran out that morning, did I say something? Did I do something?

I'm scared I told you about my feelings whilst drunk. Is that what made you run? I hope not.

I dreamt that I had this amazing kiss with you Serena. You were so close to me and I held you. You didn't pull away and I didn't let you go. I wish I could make it come true somehow. But right now, I wish you'd stop running. Yell at me, hit me, throw your shoe, but just say something.

Don't run again, please. Don't leave.

Yours,

Liam.

Hey, Neighbour.

You love me!

I don't think I could be any happier. You love me.

Hearing your confession broke my heart. I caused you so much pain and never knew. I hurt you in the worst way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish you would've told me. Just once. I was so selfish. I made you a part of all my memories, not knowing that was what caused you the most pain. I'm awful and I don't know how you still love me, but I'm glad you do.

I swear to you, Serena. I'll never hurt you again. I will spend the rest of my life making sure your smile remains on your lips. I'll try and make so many good memories with you, it'll hopefully erase some of the bad ones.

I won't ever make you feel like a second choice, never again. Never intentionally. Julie will always remain a beautiful part of my past, but you'll will forever be a part of my present and my future (unless I fuck things up, which I hope not).

You, me and Bea. This is my world now and I could not be happier.

Yours, always and forever.

Liam.

Now, I was a sobbing mess.

There was no email after the last one, but all the ones that I had read, it was...what the hell do I even say?

Just then I heard noises, I could tell that Liam and Bea were back, especially from the loud voice of my little girl.

I wiped my tears quickly, in case Bea came into the room, but when the door opened, there was Liam.

"Hi, darling," he smiled at me, and that was all it took for me to tear up again. "Serena?" He asked, instantly moving to be by my side and holding me.

He cupped my face, gently turning me to face him.