Jerry's POV

We'd been dating for a month — and fucking for much longer than that — so Robert decided to take me on a nice dinner date to celebrate both anniversaries.

It was even better than Red Robin, somehow.

Robert was looking so handsome tonight, in a dark blazer and dress pants. I felt kind of like a pitiful little peasant, sitting next to him in my plaid button down. Especially considering we were in the kind of Italian restaurant that provided cloth napkins that were folded into little cones.

"This place is amazing," I sighed, giving him my best romance eyes. "You totally deserve to fuck me in the ass after this."

Robert was startled into laughter, and then his foot found its way to my ankle. He sent me a wicked smirk. "I should've made you sit through this dinner with a plug in your ass, devil boy."

I gave full, 100% effort into the magnitude of my pout. "But...that would've been mean, because this is my special night."

"Our special night—"

"Oh, no, it's mine!" I argued, holding up my water. "Cheers to me, finding myself in a stable relationship. That's never happened!"

I was met with the reluctant clink of glasses and Robert's bemused smile. "...I'll give you that one. Although I have to say, I'm honored to be your stable boyfriend."

Oh geez, he was giving me his lovey-dovey eyes and the smile that made eyes crinkle in the corner. My heart fluttered, even though I tried my best to stay calm, cool, and not totally cringey.

"Eep," I squeaked, guzzling my water and fanning my face. "Don't say things like that! It's hard to remain badass when you make me blush."

"Badass?! You do not think that you're badass," he snorted, covering his mouth to hide his wide grin.

"Shut up," I pouted, swinging my feet a little. "I am totally freaking badass."

One raised eyebrow had me sitting up straight. "Boy. What did I tell you about telling me to shut up?"

"That it's disrespect disguised as a common phrase?" I peeped out, ducking my head to avoid his eyes. It wasn't that I tried to disrespect him, I just occasionally forgot that he reserved the right to spank me 'till I started screaming about succulents.

"Don't make me remind you again," he said, and ho boy was his stern voice his hottest voice ever. I probably had daddy issues, because when Robert looked at me like I was naughty and threatened me with punishments, nothing turned me on faster.

"I won't, Sir," I said, just as our server walked up. Because life liked to fuck me up the ass, just a little, at times.

The server actively tried to contain his disturbed and frightened expression. "Erm. Hi, my name is Daniel, and I'll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink besides your waters?"

Robert delighted in ordering for both of us, just to freak him out more, and also so he could get away with subtly creep his foot up my leg.

The second the boy was gone I leaned in. "Are you tryna make me pop a boner in this restaurant right now?"

He shrugged, eyes twinkling. "There's a table cloth."

And just when I was about to suggest doing something a little bit more lewd under that table cloth, a real boner-killer walked in.

Adam freaking Lincoln and Jim freaking whatever his last name was.

I immediately turned my head in the opposite direction and stared at a wall. "Why do these things happen to me?" I whined. "What did the previous incarnation of myself do in their life that was so bad?"

"What?" Robert asked, leaning closer. "What's wrong? My foot?"

"No, dum— no, Sir, it's A— holy shit they're coming this way." I took my menu and covered my face, hissing out, "Adamyay and imjay are erehay."

"What does that even mean?" Robert asked, leaning in closer to stare at me.

Luckily, Adam and Jim breezed right past our table without even giving us a second chance. One peek over my shoulder confirmed that, yes, they were holding hands. What the hell?

"The hell monster himself has a boyfriend?" I whispered incredulously. "Psst. Look past me and a little bit to the left, see the guys about to sit down?"

Robert discretely moved his head and nodded. "Sure, I— holy fuck. What is wrong with life? Seriously, first it's those weirdos from our laser tag double-date that one time, now—"

"Hey! Ty and Josh and Paulie and David and Gerald are all very good people," I expressed, annoyed at Robert for judging them for getting some good dick. "Just because they're poly doesn't make them weird; it makes them... advantageous."

"Yeah, I don't think that's how you use that word," Robert mumbled, eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Anyway!" I said, leaning in. "Why is it that tonight, on our special night, that those boogers have to be here? Just when I was about to lose myself to passion and let you bang me in the bathroom..."

"For real?" he whined, giving me a puppy-dog look. "I mean, we still can."

"No, then they'll notice us when we stand up!"

Robert glowered in Adam's direction. "Another reason to hate that man...would you get mad if I beat him up in the parking lot?"

"Psychopath!"

Even though I was expecting some kind of reaction, I didn't expect Robert to look right past me and drop his jaw. "Holy fuck, look—" was all he managed to say.

So I looked.

To find Adam fucking Lincoln, one-man freak show and Bid Bird impersonating lunatic, down on one knee in the middle of a fancy restaurant, a beautiful ring presented to Jim whatever his last name was.

"Holy fuck," I echoed.

I managed to catch the last words, "—I did this once, horribly, but I really think that I can try again, successfully, with you. John, will you marry me?"

I couldn't help but think that was a little rude to poor Aidan, who wasn't even here to defend himself, but there was something else that was a little more distracting—

I snorted and slapped Robert's arm. "He fucking got his name wrong in a proposal!"

Robert's eyes were still wide and he hadn't managed to close his mouth yet. "This is like watching a car crash. I want to do something to help, but there's nothing to be done."

And then Jim was launching out of his chair, into Adam's arms, and screaming, "Yes! I'll marry you!" and the whole restaurant was standing and applauding, because they didn't know that those two people were beyond reasonably insane.

"Maybe we can sneak to the bathroom now," Robert offered, but I was too busy recording the moment to send to Finn and Aidan.

"This is comedic gold," I snorted.

Thankfully to our own sanity, Adam and Jim were rushed to the bar to get their drinks bought for them. If they noticed us, they didn't act like it.

I was still chuckling a little bit by the time the craziness wore off. Robert was giving me a weird look, though.

"What's the matter?" I asked, trying to decode the expression he was wearing on his face.

"It's just..." He shook his head and sent me a rueful smile. "It's a lot of things. First off, I think they're getting married after two weeks of fucking." I burst into laughter. "Second, you actually had sex with that guy..."

"Don't remind me."

"And I thought that you were going to end up with him," Robert continued mercilessly, because apparently he was in the mood to embarrass me to death. "I really did! I hated him so fucking much...okay, so I actually still hate him a lot. But anyway. I was just so jealous..."

He shook his head and I used the brief silence to defend myself. "Are you crazy? It was one shitty office hook up, partially driven by curiosity and the desire to improve my grade."

"Which is so fucked up." He looked at me very judgmentally, but then the expression warmed into something much sweeter. He grabbed my hand over the table and smiled at me. "Anyway, I guess I'm just thinking about how far we've come."

I felt unexpected squeeze in my chest over that. Because we really had come so far; not only was I actually dating him after months of teasing and flirting, but we'd learned so much together.

I'd learned about BDSM, but also how to trust him. Every scene, and even after every scene, I trusted him to take care of me. And he trusted me to communicate with him and be honest, no matter what.

This kink thing was originally just some freaky taboo subject that I thought would be funny to introduce to Finn...mostly because I wanted to see his vegan reaction to so much real leather.

But it had become so much more.

I leaned across the table to kiss him, all thoughts of my weirdo writing professor banished from my mind. "I'm really glad that I decided to take this seriously," I told him honestly. "I'm getting a pukey feeling in my stomach thinking about if I'd decided to keep banging Adam and ignore you."

Robert physically shivered. "Well thank God you didn't keep banging Adam, for more than just that one reason."

"True!" I giggled. "Well, here's to us. Did you notice that the server is too scared to come back to the table?"

Robert pouted. "Which sucks, 'cause I want my Pepsi. But we can cheers with water again. To us."

"The most perverted duo in all of the state," I added boisterously.

"Here, here."

We clinked our glasses and kissed.

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