*Chapter 38*

Fire. All I saw was fire. The unbearable heat, the toxic gases. I was scared, coughing, I wanted to run but at the same time I was frozen in place.

"Collin!" Mom called me with a choking voice, trying to grab my hand. But I was hesitating. I don't know why I was hesitating. The crying face of mother, her hand grabbing after me in despair. It scared me. It scared me so much.

"COLLIN!!" This time she screamed after me. I was trembling at the sight of her hand, slightly shimmering from the sweat. Mom! Her expression, she was like me crying and scared. She was feeling the same way I did.

"Mom!" I gasped for air and quickly stood up, reaching after her but just before I could grab it, the book shelve covered with fire crashed right between us, separating us from each other. "MOM!" I screamed when suddenly someone yanked me back. "No let me go! LET GO!!" Why is this happening to me?

"Collin! Look at me. It's me." I immediately turned to him and hugged him when I realized it was Dad. "Don't worry Mom will be fine. I already called for help. We'll have to get you out first."

"But Mom!!" Despite rejecting him, he completely ignored me and forced and dragged me out.

"Collin it's fine, I'm okay," Mom weakly said. I was not believing her one bit. Her words and what I saw didn't match. She was completely surrounded by fire and still managed to utter the words 'fine' and 'okay'?

I wasn't able to see her face anymore once we left the place. "She'll be fine," Dad tried to calm me down. And for the first time I hit him. Not once, not twice but severely. I hit and hit him, tears dropping down my cheeks.

"You liar! Liar! She isn't fine. You are both damn liars!" I was shouting like I was angry at him...

"Collin," he sighed, wanting to embrace me but I pushed him away.

"Leave me alone!" ...but in reality, I was just angry at myself.

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"Collin," a soft voice shook me awake. I abruptly sat up, pushed the person away, or at least tried, but hopelessy failed when their arms wrapped around me. "Collin!" It was Loki. My breathing was still unsteady, as much as my heart beating and my cheeks where wet. "Relax, everything's fine."

"Shut up!" I snapped between my gasps. "Just shut up." I finally caught my breath as I was suffocated in Loki's hug.

"Are you okay now?" He let go of me and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. His face was so close to mine. A bit too close which is why I removed his hands from me and turned away.

"I'm taking a shower," I stood up and left him alone. As soon as I closed the door to the bathroom, I got rid of my clothes and felt relief when the cold water hit me.

"When will these dreams finally stop?" They kept repeating and repeating for the past five years. Disturbing my sleep all the time. I'm tired of it. Mom is not here anymore and I still regretted how I treated my Dad on that day. I knew that already, I've gotten over it. But then why? Why do they keep coming back? Those memories, those dreams and this feeling...

"Fuck!" I let my fist crash against the wall.

"What am I even doing here?" I sighed. I didn't know. But did it really matter?

And without noticing it, it felt like I was spending too much time in the bathroom which is why I quickly got out. "Loki? Could you lend me some clothes?" I asked after getting out the shower. No answer. "Loki?" I tried again. But there was still no response. I gritted my teeth. That damn... He's so doing it on purpose.

I groaned and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around my hips. Still, I hesitated before opening the door. Therefore, I opened it just enough for me to get a glimpse of that guy.

"Where did he go?" I looked around the room, but he was clearly not here. That's why I just went ahead, took advantage of his absence and got something out of his wardrobe, when suddenly the door opened.

I gasped, letting the clothes fall out of my hands and turned around, seeing his amusing smirk. "Why do you have to scare me like that?" I complained.

He rolled his eyes at that and approached me with a smirk. Though as he got closer, I used the time to get back some distance between us.

It escalated to some kind of tag game, and guess who lost. Of course it was me once I felt his annoying strong arms around my bare torso from behind that prevented me from escaping.

"You prick! Let me at least put my clothes on," I groaned. Though he shook his head when he started nibbling on my neck.

I gasped and partially giggled when tickles ran down my skin. "Ugh s-stop!" I pushed him away. "Loki!" More giggles followed. "You shithead, stop." The words didn't even come out half as believable as I wanted them to.

"Let me first-" My finger pointed at the clothes on the floor, but I stopped when Loki tugged on the towel. I gasped at that and tried keeping it in place.

"Don't dare! You'll pay for that, you idiot." I bit my lips, finally managing to free myself from him before grabbing the clothes and disappearing to the bathroom with them. I didn't hesitate, put them on in record time, but still didn't get out the room.

"C'mon, get out," Loki's voice appeared behind the door.

"Why would I? You'll just end up teasing me." Just the way he always did.

"So? Do you hate it?" I bit my lips and sighed. Why was he asking me that? He could just come in if he wanted to, the door wasn't locked. So why is he asking me to come out? I hated it. I hated it when he always does what he wants with me, but when it comes to certain situations, he'll always leaves it to me. "Collin?" He reminded me of his question.

"I don't," I slightly blushed. "But it's annoying. I'm not a toy."

"And never did I think of you that way." His voice was always so soft when he talked to me. He was always making it difficult to stay mad at him. "Not once."

"Then stop playing with me." I opened the door with a stern look. He smiled and grabbed my hand, guiding me to the living room.

"I'm not playing with you."

"Liar," I mumbled which made him stood there in place, turning to me.

"You're an idiot, you know?" He huffed a little upset. I frowned, what was with him now? He rolled his eyes and let go of me.

"H-hey! Why am I the idiot now?" Another thing that I hated. When he was clearly upset about something but I didn't know what. "You have to tell me if I'm doing something wrong. It's not that easy to read your mind. Just say it."

"Kiss me, and I'll say it," he said.

"Stop joking," I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time for that. But his eyes showed that he was not in the mood for any jokes. "You're joking, aren't you?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Do I look like?" He got a step closer to me, this time his voice coming out threatening.

"U-uh," I blushed when his face got closer. Just milimeters until our lips would touch. But they never did. "Loki?" My eyes were awkwardly fixed on his. And still none of us was moving.

"Kiss me," he whispered.

"B-but-" I stuttered, not making a move on him. So, he gave up and let go of me as he was about to leave, when a uncomfortable feeling spread through my stomach. "No wait," I grabbed his hand. "Just one kiss?"

"Just one," he smirked, his eyes litting up.

"Yeah, okay." Woah, this is so awkward. I blushed even more than I did before. "Stop looking at me like that," I nagged and covered his eyes, before I got over it and placed my lips on his cheek.

"Collin." It apparently wasn't what he wanted, but I wasn't willing to give him another kiss. "And then you're calling me annoying. Damn hypocrite."

"Don't be so childish, are you really the older one here?" I question it just right after I let go, making myself comfy on the couch. I was still tired from the lack of sleep, which is why I was hoping for a good nap.

But nope. Loki was not up for that. "Wake up!" He prevented me from sleeping. And then there were people who constantly asked me why I was in a bad mood. How the fuck could I not??

"Shut up, leave me alone!" I waved him off. But sadly he was not like a smart fly because he didn't even budge. "Loki..." I could almost feel every wrinkles on my forehead. "You really want me to get mad, don't you?"

"I didn't receive a proper kiss yet," he insisted. "And I mean a real kiss." He pointed on his lips. I just turned away in annoyance and forcefully closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

Thankfully it didn't take long until sleep took over me.

I couldn't tell when exactly I woke up, but it was certainly not relevant. Especially, after seeing Loki watching me as he was playing with my hair. I sighed and took his hand off of me. "Have you been watching me the whole time?" His hands were back on my hair. He shrugged which I took as a yes. "You creep."

"Collin?"

"What?" I was grumpy as always. At least I finally was able to get enough sleep.

"I like you," he said, again his voice was soft. "A lot."

I frowned at him. "Yeah, I like you, too?" Just most of the times, though. We know each other for six years, you'll just get used to how he is, one way or another.

He sighed. "You dense, idiot." And there again he got slightly upset for God knows what. I pursed my lips in annoyance. He should leave me in peace if he wasn't ready to tell me what was bothering him.

"Go away, Lucas," I rolled my eyes as I used his name. But his eyes was just fixed on me with no emotions. "Go away, you're creeping me out."

"Your words hurt," he sadly smiled, burying his face in my shirt that was technically his. "No, it's not your words. It's the fact that you don't understand anything. And you are not even realizing it."

"Not realizing what?" I frowned and again he didn't answer. Another thing that my impatient self couldn't stand. And he was slowly making me lose my temper. "What? Not realizing what, Lucas? What do you want from me?" I sat up and properly faced him. "I told you, you should just tell me!"

"You wouldn't understand if I told you." Well he can't know unless he finally tried to tell me. "What I'm trying to say is, I love you," he confessed after taking a deep breath.

"Huh? Stop confusing me," I groaned.

"I told you, you wouldn't understand." And that is how he grabbed my collar and kissed me, forcing his way on me that I was too overwhelmed to react. It was already too late when I finally realized in what situation I was in when he tugged on my lips, using his teeth.

He let go of my me with a plopping sound when my lips pulled back. I wanted to complain, wanted to know the reason he was doing that even if I could already guess but his eyes. They were glistening from the upcoming tears he was holding back. So much much grief and suffer.

How was I suppose to shout on him when I was not even able to open my mouth at the unbearable expression.

So, that was what he meant. All the time when he said he liked me and how much he loved me, it wasn't meant as a joke, it was not meant on a friendship basis. I didn't know he was suffering, just because... just because of me.

His eyes switched from my eyes to my lips when he again decide to connect our lips for another kiss. This time, going a bit further, not neglecting to be gentle each time his tongue slipped in my mouth, each time his hand traced my torso.

Every fricking time, I assumed he was joking, teasing and playing with me, he was actually making hints?

I slowly pushed him away. His eyes even sadder than before. "I'm sorry," he apologized and wanted to leave me alone though I didn't let him.

"For how long?" My grip on him tightened the longer he hesitated. "How long?"

"The day I saw you for the first time." The answer hurt. It really really hurt.

"Y-you were holding yourself back for that long?" I bit my lips in anger.

"All the time. All the time I was teasing you, I wanted to do so much much more." His gaze dropped to the ground. Everything he was saying was making me even more angry.

"THEN WHY?" I hysterically pushed him down before trying to keep my barely contained composure. "Then why didn't you give up on me? Why didn't you look for someone better than me? Why didn't you try harder to tell me sooner?" At this point my tears were uncontrollably flowing, blurring my sight as I hit him on his chest.

"You damn idiot! Why must you get hurt that much? You're such and idiot!" I was shaking when I rested my head against his chest. "I can't believe all this time, how I was acting, what I was saying... I must've hurt you so, so much."

He was not reacting. "This is so frustrating," I pushed myself off and head for the front door. I closed it rather loudly behind me just to sit on the stairs in front of the door and get my head clear.

Even if I wanted to leave, I had no shoes on and my things were still inside. That's why I had decided to settle outside to get some air and calm down.

This is all bullshit! It is one thing getting over the fact that your best friend likes you. But it is definitely something else when you figure out after six years that he likes you even longer than we were actually friends.

Collin and I originally met in high school. I was a a freshman and he was a junior when we first saw each other, but we actually became friends a year later.

How we actually met was nothing special. I just lost my notebook and he was the one who picked it up for me. That's when we first started talking. Then we happen to be in the same club. And I don't know, it just clicked.

A year later, that accident happened. I sighed. We really grew so much closer afterwards since he was the one I relied on the most. And not much later he offered me to join Zaron's gang. There was hardly a time where we were not together. When we were with others, he was usually silent. And as soon as we were alone together, he was back to his usual annoying self.

Thinking back about everything, it just hurts. While he was trying to tell how much he liked me, I never looked at him that way. Never even tried looking past our friendship. "Gosh I'm so stupid," I groaned.

"You know, you're too beautiful to cry," Lucas tried to cheer me up after losing Mom's pendant. A light blush spread through my cheeks when I pushed him away.

"Stop acting so gay, you're making me really uncomfortable," I avoided his eyes.

"I was so so stupid," buried my face in my hands when I remembered that time.

Then suddenly the door opened. I jumped in surprise but was not ready to look in his face. Neither when he took the time to sit next to me. It was uncomfortably silent between us which was so unusual for us. And I didn't like that.

Then he nudged me, trying to get me to look at him. But I didn't want to. Therefore, he tried again and again that I had no choice to eventually raise my gaze at him. He was just smiling at me and kept nudging me so often that I got annoyed and nudged back.

"Stop," I tried to sound serious but failed when I quietly chuckled.

"Don't be sad about me," he nudged me again. I really wanted to tell him to stop but the dear cat got my tongue when he suddently embraced me in a tight hug. "Really, that was the last thing I wanted."

I smiled and returned the hug once a familiar warmth engulfed me. "You never told me properly," I justified myself. "I would have understand if you did." I tightened my arms around him. "I'm sorry."

"I'm just happy." I let go in confusion. "I never properly told you because I was obviously scared. It's not like you made it any easier by reacting like you hated it when I teased you. That's why I felt so relieved when you told me that you didn't."

Again we were engulfed in silence. I didn't want to make it awkward again which is why I grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"I'm so glad you didn't end up hating me." Hating him? Not for something like that.

"There are a lot of things that I really can't stand about you. Regardless, there is still a lot more you'd have to do for me to go as far as to hate you."

He suddenly pulled me in a kiss that I couldn't help the blushing. When he rested his head on my shoulder. "I love you, Collin."

"I guess, I'll somehow have to get used to this," I said and caressed his head. "Don't wait for me to return those words to you, though."

"Don't worry! This is more than I could ask for."

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