I woke up on Sunday with Juliette in my arms. Her breahting was tickling my neck and our bodies were so close I could feel her heart beat on my skin. I didn't dare move, too afraid I may wake her up. I knew she had to get up early for her series of matches but I wanted to keep her all to myself not sure when such an opportunity would come up again. She had broken her rule for the night but would she do it again soon ?

When she woke up, she smiled at me, her eyes still closed. I felt her hand carress down my back, over my ass, along my thighs.....and a sigh.

« I have to get ready. » She whispered. « I slept so well in your arms. »

I kissed her forehead but before I had the time to add anything, she was gone to her bedroom. She could have showered here with me I thought. But showering where she could get her softball outfit was probably more practical I concluded.

I joined her a bit later on the field, apologizing that I couldn't stay. I had work to catch up on and I needed to drive back.

.........................

This evening I am supposed to be listening to the ideas pitched by my employees but I can't keep playing Saturday night in my head. Juliette could be surprising and I had witnessed numerous occasions when her actions or words had been unexpeted and a turn on. I was almost drooling remembering how she had topped me when I heard Nathalie clear her throat.

« Mrs Sheffield, we need an anser if you please ? »

Shit....I have not been paying attention.

« I need to think more about it. Can I give it to you tomorrow ? »

« We were just asking whether you prefered a Chinese or an Italian restaurant for your business meeting tomorrow lunch time. »

Fuck. They must all think I'm a freak now.

« Yes, and I don't take my decisons lightly, as you should know by now. » I snap, dashing for the conference room door.

Before exiting, I suddenly stop in my track and turn around to tell them:

« I want to eat French. »

Then I rush to my office to grab my jacket, and leave the building.

I need to see Juliette, now.

I hail a cab and give the driver her address. I enter the building at the same time as a neighbour, I wait imaptiently for the lift, and push repeatedly on the number 10 button. When I finally reach her front door I knock excitedly, a huge grin on my lips, and I finally see the beautiful brunette.

« Sorry I came unannounced, i couldn't stand being away from you. »

I take her head in my hands and kiss her gently. I feel her body tense up and she breaks the kiss.

« Maman, c'est qui la dame ? »

What the fuck ?

« C'est une amie. Viens dire bonjour.»

« Bonjour » the little blonde girl whispers timidly before running away to her bedroom.

I can't prevent my smile from vanishing and I see the hurt in the brunette's eyes.

« So, this is your roormate, I gather ? »

«Yes, Lily is my daughter. Please, eat dinner with us and let me explain once I put her to bed. »

I look into her eyes and see tears coming.

« Please » she repeats. And I nod.

We don't speak to each other while we eat, she doesn't dare look at me. Instead I make conversation with Lily, who is totaly unaware of the tension. Of course what would you expect from such a small kid.

I try to remember the French I took at an early age as I ask her how old she is.

« J'ai 4 ans », she tells me, showing me 4 fingers of her hand.

« You can speak to her in English, she is bilingual. » Juliette explains, coming to my rescue.

« Yes, I speak English and French. » the girl confirms.

She has no French accent when she speaks English, I'm in awe. I just suck at languages..

« Maman taught me French and Mommy English. » She adds.

From the corner of my eyes I see Juliette tense up again and she abruptly leaves the table, the water jug in hand. She goes to tth sink, her back to me, to fill the jug with water but she takes her time before going back to sit with us. I immediately notice her eyes are red. She also brings a bottle of wine.

« I never drink when I am alone with Lily but I thought maybe you'd like some wine. »

I nod, still not looking at her.

We finish dinner and put the dishes in the washing machine as Lily leaves to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Juliette excuses herself as she joins her daughter to check on her teethbrushing and to put her to bed. She explains the routine will take about 20 minutes and suggests I take my glass of wine on the couch while I wait.

I hear her read a bedtime story and sing a lullaby all in French. After the song ends, I see Juliette standing, her shoulder on the doorframe of the living room, hesitating to join me on the couch.

I pat the empty space next to me, and she walks closer to sit.

During the 20 min of bedtime routine I had a thousand questions in my head but the one that pops out of my mouth is definitely the most awkward and I couldn't help it.

« So, where's her English-speaking mom ? »

Juliette raises her head she had kept bent the whole time and she stares at me with glossy eyes.

« She's dead. »

« Oh my god Juliette, I'm so sorry », I whisper, taking her in my arms.

I had not expected this. I feel Juliette struggle not to break down and she sniffles, retreating from my embrace.

« So when you go to softball practice, who takes care of her ? »

« I have a very nice neighbour. An old lady whose family lives far away. She is sort of a grandma to Lily and she has always been willing to help. She takes care of her when I have late meetings or softball practice. »

« And when you were away last weekend ? »

«She was with her grandparents... Kelly's parents. »

« Oh. that's why you stay here in the US and don't go back to your family in France ? »

She sighs, apparently not wanting to give me the details about her relationship with her in-laws, but to my surprise, she goes on.

« It's complicated. Kelly's parents pushed her away when she came out to them. She always hoped they would reconcile...She kept on sending letters to them, asking them to meet me, telling them she was pregnant, inviting them over to meet our daughter. When Kelly got sick I reached out. They only said she got what she deserved. »

I slip my hand in hers and suqeeze lightly, pressing her to go on.

« They never visited her at the hospital and when she died I asked the doctor to notify them. That's when they realized they had lost their only daughter forever. They were heartbroken, begged me to forgive them. I didn't want to see them, I refused them to see Lily and I shut them out of our lives. »

« Understandable. »

« But I am a mother and it would kill me to lose Lily. She is the most precious thing I have. Finally I gave in and allowed them to see her and to spend time with her. They don't have anyone left, only Lily. So I bear them, for Kelly's sake. »

She stops talking and we remain silent for a while.

« You're the first woman I have had feelings for since Kelly passed away, and the first I bring home. I have no idea how to deal with it, with you meeting Lily. I know it must feel so weird for you... I was not what you expected. »

« I have to admit I didn't expect that, but you have always been full of surprises. From the day I met you, I keep being amazed by the little discoveries I make about you, and they have made me like you more ever day. I told you about my previous relationship and how difficult for me it is to trust other women, but I decided to trust you and to give us a chance. »

« And I betrayed your trust. I'm so sorry I lied. »

« Technically, you didn't. »

« I lied by omission and I really am sorry. »

« When did it happen ? I mean, when did Lily's mother die ? »

« She got sick right before her second birthday. It was very quick. »

I squeeze her hand a little stronger and stroke her hair. She looks so broken, so vulnerable, so miserable. I want to comfort her, to hold her in my arms, but I am scared. This is such a shock and I need time to process.

« I am so sorry for your pain Juliette. I can only imagine how aweful it must have been for you, for Lily. How painful it still is. »

She starts sobbing quielty and I feel bad because I already know what I am about to tell her.

« I need time. To process all this. I'm sorry I can't give you an answer right now. »

« No of course I understand, take as much time as you need. »

« We'll talk soon I promise. » I say as I kiss her forehead.

I leave immediately, not looking back. I just hear Juliette starts crying again.