The soft wrinkled fingers tips ran through my hair.The bulb illuminating the large room as the cool wind danced in from the open window.I made invisible patterns on the white neat bedsheet as I lay my head in Daadi Ma's lap.The old woman sat leaned against her bedpost as she stared down as me lovingly, her tasbeeh in her frail hand, yet my eyes were fixed on the large photo frame on the wall across from me.My charcoal orbs lingering on every smile.

Daadi Ma was seated on the large sofa whilst Abbo sat besides her, Uncle Nawaz on the other side with his wife Aunty Neelum.Ammi sat besides Abbo,Uncle Yousuf along with Aunt Meena stood at the back of the sofa, as Asiya and Hira, my elder sisters stood on each side of the couple.Salah, with a boyish grin stood with Imraan and me whilst Shahwar stood among us.A bright smile covering our younger features.Three-year old Zarah was wailing in Imraan's arms as we kids tried to calm her down for the family photo.

I still remember that day very clearly.The Khan mansion buzzed with happiness as everyone prepared for the family photography since morning.As we all kids ran around the house, someone finding shoes, others looking for their hair bands.The parents made sure that their children were dressed properly.Everyone dressed to the most finest of clothing with polished shoes, yet Zarah had to cry at the last moment.

It was the most perfect family picture we had among many others.A mother with her three married sons and her grandchildren.

Fifteen years yet it felt like yesterday.

I sighed deeply, my lips tugging downwards.Averting my eyes I shifted my head in my grandmother's lap looking up her.

"How was Abbo in his childhood,Daadi Ma?"I asked softly closing my eyes as she stroked my forehead.I heard her sigh as she rested her head back.

"Junaid.He was a beautiful boy, loving and caring.He was the light in my house.When he was born, your dada was ecstatic.He loved your father very much.Even Junaid too loved him every much.They were the best of friends.Your father treated your brothers equally, when my boys were small, the didn't have much friends because they themselves were so friendly and united that there was no space for someone else.Junaid was very different from everyone else.He was very different and would recognize true self very early.When I asked for Naheed's hand in marriage he agreed because he didn't want to disobey me.What more can I say .. You are just like him my jaan.. "She lightly kissed my head making me open my eyes on her shaking voice.

Tears shined in her eyes as she looked down at me.The door opened and I sat up as Salah and Imraan walked in.I made some space on the bed as Salah took my position, placing his head on our grandmother's lap.Imraan leaned against me shoulder, nudging me playfully.It looked funny how three large man tried to fix on a bed among their grandmother.A smile spread on her face as she looked over to us with love.

"My bachay.. "She whispered as Imraan held her hand kissing her palm.

"Now you are the light of my house..."She stated.I leaned on the headboard as my brothers looked at the old lady who was happy with all us being here.

"Arsalan, your father and his brothers were just like you three are.The bond you three share even not being real brothers and the love you three have for each other was among them.Same blood ran in their veins as it runs in yours."She looked over at me.Making a small smile to appear on my lips.

"We are brothers for eternity, Daadi Ma."Imraan said, a promise in his words as Salah muttered,

"IN SHAA ALLAH .."

My heart also whispering the words.I glared playfully at Salah as he winked at me.Narrowing my eyes at him, I said,

"Daadi Ma, ask him, why did he bring her home?"The sudden playfulness disappeared from his green eyes as they widened.

My grandma laughed lightly along with Imraan.

"Hm.. I will ask him, but my son has just come back after so many years.. "She leaned forward patting his forehead.Salah made a face at me before saying,

"Yes... Daadi Ma,I missed you so much.. I wish, I was hear four years before.." A sudden silence fell around the room as the atmosphere thickened.I gulped down my bitter throat, casting my eyes downwards.Imraan was also silent as we dwelled between the past and present.Daadi Ma had also stopped any movement and Salah was already frozen.I looked up at Salah, hiding away the demons.A storm forming in my stomach as I recalled the memories.He seemed to be in a daze as his green eyes stared at me.He sat up before his arms wrapped around Daadi Ma.

Four years before.

Four years before.

Four years before.

Four years before.

The words kept playing in my head until Salah called out.

"Arsalan.."He looked at me.Staring right through all the shields.

He leaned forward on the bed, his knees bending on the mattress as his arms went around me, embracing me tightly.In a second my arms were around his shoulder as I clinged to him.

"I am sorry."He kept on repeating again and again.As my heart roared in pain on his shaking voice, breaking me along with him.Daadi Ma's soft cries filled the room as I closed my eyes tightly when Imraan joined us.A brothers hug was all I needed.

And that night we cried silently, breaking together and mending together, reliving all the pain we had ensured together and apart.. Letting our armors down for awhile..

Sand.

Everywhere my eyes travelled only sand welcomed my orbs.Squinting my eyelids I placed a hand on my forehead trying to protect my eyes from the scorching sun.My bare feet's slipping inside the soft sand underneath me.

Where was I ??

It wasn't home or London.Then where?

I moved forward, struggling to move my feet in the hot burning sand.I walked and walked but there was no destination.No place to go.The desert was never ending.Only sand hills and sand with no water and trees, were all I saw.But then-

Then I saw her-

Despite the tiredness, I sat up on my knees seeing the woman dressed in dark blue stand a little farther from me.On a small hill, shielding me from the sun behind her.A cloth remained across her face, only her eyes visible but despite the distance I couldn't see them.Her dark blue clothing was like a mixture of water and wind.Flowy and flying.Her eyes were trained on me as I sat there looking at her.Utterly relieved to see a human soul in a deserted place.

I stood up ready to reach her but the woman turned away to the other side.Her back facing me.I ran, fearing she'll disappear.

And she did-

A sand storm started to form all around us.The wild wind flying all across us.I stumbled back, my voice was muted as I tried to yell out.Closing my eyelids tightly, I rubbed them to get a better vision.

I could not see anything now, as again the sand send a whiplash to me.I didn't give up and I walked against the wild sand-ish wind.I saw the dark blue cloth, the woman was still there- almost unfazed of what was happening around her.Just as I reached her, she slipped away somewhere in the sandstorm.Her form disappearing against the wind.I yelled out as suddenly everything calmed down.No sandstorm, no wild winds.Nothing.I fell down on my knees where I woman once stood.I sand slipping through my fingers as I sat there.Trying to find her.

***

"Arsalan-"Uncle Nawaz's voice made me turn around.My eyes moving away from my phone to the fatherly figure as he walked towards me with Uncle Aziz.

"Yes Uncle?"I asked as he stopped before me.Keeping a hand on my shoulder he said,

"Aziz and I will come with you to the Masjid as Imraan and Salah are already gone."I nodded silently, beckoning the elderly men to walk before me.I trailed silently behind me as Uncle Nawaz kept telling the other man, how nice and polite kid I was.A small smile grazed my lips as Uncle Aziz turned to look at me.

Uncle Aziz was Aunty Meena's brother who lived in America with his family.He was visiting us for holidays and Salah had stayed with him for a long time when he was sent abroad.

Walking out of the double doors, I reversed the car as the two men settled inside.Before driving off in the direction of the masjid.

I waited outside the white building, leaning against the steel railing of the garden opposite to the masjid.My eyes roaming on the dark sky above me with greyish white clouds that moved across with different patterns.I noticed one pattern.It seemed to be like a galloping horse and-

"You are here-"I shifted my gaze to the two men who strolled towards me.Dressed in white shalwar kurta they looked alike.Twins.Unlike them I was dressed in a black pair.

"We were looking for you inside-"Salah stated crossing his arms across his chest.

"Where's the car?"Imraan asked noticing around.

"Um-Actually.I send the elders home with the ride.So we'll have to walk-"I stated as a matter of fact.Salah's eyebrows rose up.

"Great.."He nodded his head.Sarcasm much.

"Arsalan-We'll have to walk so much.Everyone is probably waiting for us at dinner-"Imraan whined childishly as I swung my arms around both the men.

"Aw-My poor babies."I mocked the two men who snickered.

"We are not going to have dinner at home today."I added grinning.Seeing the men grin back like goof.

"Well that great now."Salah stated appreciatively as we started to walk down the road opposite to the white building that shined with lights.

We walked down the streets silently.Each lost in our own thoughts.In our own worlds.

"You guys remember-When we used to steal mangoes from the fruit stall because that man would piss us off."Imraan said making me avert my eyes from the ground to look at him.

I nodded remembering that memory, that was pushed somewhere in the very back of my mind.

"Yeah-I remember too."Salah interjected quietly.

"He almost slapped me once."He added making a chuckle to rip from my lips.My eyes widening at the new information.

"Really?"I asked seeing the man nod.Imraan's laughter boomed on the silent street as Salah narrowed his eyes at us.

"I tried to take back our football from him.But in doing so, I dropped his basket of fruits so he chased me till our gates."Salah replied.

He joined our laughter as we now walked under the lamp posts.The end of the street was drowned in lights as the main market place started.

"Oh.Do you remember..when we first started Uncle Junaid's car and it hit the garage gates.."Imraan said yet again replying all the children memories we had.

"Yeah, the driver took all blame on himself because Abbo was all set on grounding us for a week."We chuckled yet again.

"And when Zarah had vomited on my new school shoes."Salah scrunched up his nose saying that.

"Hm.When we scared Shahwar and she went crying away."I spoke remembering the light scolding I got from Ammi.

"Aw-Arsalan you planned it all."Imraan said chuckling.

We stopped before the old restaurant that served the best chapli kababs in the society.It was an old restaurant, traditionally made that fit perfectly in the pashtun culture.Local people and mostly regular ones visited most.

The smell of frying delicious food wafted past our nostrils.Imraan inhaled deeply from besides me.His hand rubbing his stomach as he said,

"Men, I am so hungry."I chuckled lightly shaking my head at him.We sat on the table placed at the narrow food street filled with men as they sat drinking tea or eating their food.It was a spot mainly for men as families rarely came here at this point.

A young boy came to ask for our order and Imraan didn't hesitate to order for us.

"When did you plan this?"Salah asked, his green eyes trained on the menu card.I leaned back on my seat, folding my arms as I looked at the man who sat across from me.

"When you two crazy babies were looking for me inside the masjid.I was done with Isha Namaz so I came outside and also I had to inform the elders and hand over the keys."

"Hmm"Both men hummed just as the boy returned with the tray of food.As he went keeping the food on our table, I sat up glancing at our table.

Naans, chapli kababs, grilled chicken, butter bread, chicken curry, sauce, salad and yogurt along with sliced onions decorated our table.My stomach growled as the delicious smell filled my nostrils.Salah served our plates as I patted Imraan's back, who sat besides me munching on the sliced cucumbers.

"Shabaash"I praised him as he grinned at me boyishly.

"I was hungry-"He said innocently through a mouth full.

"Sure you were-"Salah teased playfully winking my way as I chuckled agreeing with him.

"Shut up and eat before I finish all."Imraan retorted taking a bite of the naan.

"We'll have coffee too after dinner, right Imraan?"I teased yet again as the muscular man slapped my arm lightly in irritation.And we three laughed all over again.

And we did drink coffee on the way back home.