"I wanna love me, the way that you love me. Ooh, for all of my pretty and all of my ugly too, I'd love to see me from your point of view. I wanna trust me, the way that you trust me, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do, I'd love to see me from your point of view." — Ariana Grande.

♡♡

••

Kelly sits in the front seat of her mom's SUV, playing with the button on her jacket while her parent speaks busily into her cellphone. She has been trying so hard to get through to her mom for days now, but Kimmy seems to be a lot more preoccupied than usual. Kelly gets the impression that both parents are trying to stay aloof for whatever reason.

"Yes, I will see you at work then. Sure, Dr. Meyers." Kimmy finishes her conversation and places the phone on her lap, returning her hand to the steering wheel. After a moment of silence, she finally looks over at Kelly.

Her daughter is squinting her eyes from the morning sunlight as she stares out the tinted window, her face seeming dull and dejected.

"So, what has been new lately, honey?"

Kelly averts her gaze to her mother, a little relieved that she is finally giving her the time of day. It has been really hard to get a word out of her these last few days.

"Nothing really..."

Her thoughts return to what happened at Mr. Todd's house on Saturday night. How he touched her places no one else has ever touched her. Places her mom specifically schooled her about.

She knows she is old enough for intimacy, but Kimmy believes she's still too mentally and physically young to be sexually involved.

Truthfully, Kelly doesn't regret her first real touch of a man, but she feels a tad guilty about what happened since she's scared for Nikolai. A part of her regrets asking him to do it since he had specifically told her after she graduates.

"Any boyfriend?" Her mom suddenly asks, and she stiffens, slugging down her guilt.

"W-what?"

She has always been a terrible liar, and Kimmy knows this since she has often been a victim of her sloppy fables. She narrows her eyes in a slightly playful manner. "Why do you look so guilty, Kelly Young?"

Her daughter shakes her head. "It's nothing; I am not guilty. I have no reason to be." Chewing on her lip, she drops her gaze to her pleated skirt.

Kimmy looks at her with concern before focusing back on the road.

Kelly didn't feel this edgy and unrighteousness when they first decided to start whatever it is they are doing, but now that he has sexually explored her in such a foreign way, the reality of what she's doing is finally sinking in.

Nikolai is her teacher, and he's twenty-five—almost twenty-six. Her parents would never approve of them, neither would his parents. She cannot help wondering if all of this makes sense. What exactly is she doing? What is she hoping to achieve? What outcome is she expecting at the end of the day? That they will get married? Somehow, it feels as though this is all some puppy high school affair that will come out to nothing when all is said and done.

"Sweetie, I know your father and I are breaking apart, but...if you'd like to talk or if you need someone, please speak to me...I wouldn't want you to find comfort in..." Kimmy lifts a shoulder, bending her lips, "...boys."

Kelly scrunches her brows a little, shaking her head.

"I don't have a problem with you having a boyfriend...but no sex, alright? Giving yourself to someone is a huge step and you have to make sure you're ready."

"I am not having sex."

"Good."

The memory returns. With Nikolai over here, his fingers inside of her while she begs consistently. Alongside the probing guilt, it stimulates her anew and she clenches her thighs together, reaching for her backpack off the ground.

"Kevin keeps ignoring my calls and he didn't even come home last night. I am worried about him."

"Um, mom." She pulls her hair out of her sweater, and Kimmy looks over at her.

"Yes?"

"Couldn't you guys try counseling? You and dad?" She has a hopeful look in her eyes. "Mr. To—I mean, someone said that it would also be good if you guys at least separate for a while? See if time apart will help to correct things."

Kimmy sighs and tightens her hands on the steering wheel. "Oh-sweetie..." She curves into Homewood's parking lot, finding an available spot between two cars. "Look...me and your father...I think we have grown apart. It's one of the main reasons behind the issues between us. It would be better to—"

"Yeah, I get it, have a good day." Kelly shoves the door open with too much force, and it knocks against the car next to theirs. "Fuck..." She curses under her breath, getting out and slamming the door.

She tucks her hair behind her ear as she inspects the small scratch on the matte black Benz. And then the door on the other side opens, the wind delivering a fresh, captivating scent.

The first thing she sees is a head of dark hair, and then a pair of honey-gold eyes. Nikolai. Her cheeks heat up immediately, her shocked eyes unnoticeably enlarging. See, she was not ready to see him.

After he touched her on Saturday night, they fell asleep next to each other and the next morning Kelly quickly grabbed her stuff and left while he was still asleep. She had no idea what to expect after they did that since she had never been in such a position before. The anxiety was too much and she felt like she couldn't face him.

But here he is. Surprise!

He stares at her, pink cheeks, dilated pupils. She squirms a little at the intensity of his gaze. And it feels as though he's sitting over her again with that wicked smirk, his gentle, yet rough fingers entering her repeatedly. She gulps, and his lips twitch a little.

"What happened, is it—" Kimmy comes around to see the damage caused but lightens up the second she sees Nikolai. "Mr. Todd?"

All desire strips from his expression at the sight of Kelly's mother, and he rakes his hair back, offering her a gentle smile. "Good morning, Mrs. Young."

"It's Ms. Campbell soon," Kimmy corrects lightheartedly, and it causes a shift in Kelly's countenance. Nikolai's eyes flash with sympathy.

"I am so sorry. Kelly is just not feeling well today so she wasn't being careful."

"Oh." He looks at his girl then back at her mother. "It's alright; it's just a simple scratch. I'll have my insurance company deal with that, or me. Whichever." His teeth appear as he steps back to open his trunk. His eyes find Kelly's again, a small spark within them as he grabs his duffel bag.

"Thank you so much; you're such a gentleman." Kimmy coos.

Gentle is correct. Man is more than correct. He proved that to her the other night. Kelly feels as though he damaged her mind. She can't stop thinking about the feelings he gave her on his bed. Her eyes drop to his hand as he grips the handle of his bag. Nikolai has nice fingers, the kind that seems to get manicured often. If he hadn't proven the talent they hold, then she would have continued to believe they couldn't 'harm' a fly.

"How is the tutoring coming along, Mr. Todd?" Kimmy mentions, suddenly forgetting that she has an occupation. The awkwardness is eating Kelly alive, and having a wet patch on your undies is not a way to start the day.

"It's good; she's learning fast," Nikolai says, misty pupils drifting to Kelly. She can see the code behind his words as she tightens her grip on her bag straps.

Kimmy, oblivious to the silent exchange, smiles in relief. "Very good."

"She came third place; did she tell you?" He fixes his focus back to Kelly's mom, and she looks a bit flabbergasted, proving that she didn't know.

"Really? Oh my God." She pushes her hair back, looking at her quiet daughter. "That's so good, Kelly. How come you didn't tell me?"

"I tried to." She grumbles, and Nikolai's gaze softens a bit. A small and somewhat awkward silence stretches between them.

"Well, I should get going." He politely injects. "See you in first period, Ms. Young."

"Okay, sir."

Nikolai keeps his head down to conceal his approval as he walks past them, the woody fragrance of him greeting their nostrils.

"He smells good." Her mother quietly mentions before finally turning to Kelly, placing her hands on her hips. "How come you didn't tell me you came third place? That's huge news, Kelly and I can't believe—"

"I was trying to tell you guys the night you mentioned the divorce." She turns away and heads toward the school, not granting Kimmy the chance to say anything else. Not wanting to hear anything else.

She jams her hands into her pockets as she treads down the empty hallway. It is quite early since her mom had to get to the hospital before her usual time. At least that is what she claimed. Kelly concludes that she is only trying to escape their home as fast as possible.

Her cellphone dings from her skirt pocket, and she slips it out to read the message.

A wave of heat makes its way onto her face as she makes a beeline down the hallway, heading straight to Nikolai's quarters. The early morning sun spills down the narrow aisle as she clutches his knob and pushes the door open.

He is standing at his desk with his back turned in her direction, seemingly organizing his desk. He swings his head around as the door softly clicks behind him, a small smile gracing his pink lips.

"Closed it with the bolt?" He checks, spinning around and leaning his rear against his desk.

So handsome.

She nods meekly as she takes in the sight of him. His black jacket is fitted and steamed to perfection, the seams in his black pants sharp and evident. His eyes now hold the same glint they did when she trembled beneath him on Saturday night.

She is blushing again as he grabs ahold of her hand, pulling her into his arms.

••

♡♡

"Are you okay?" He whispers into my neck, holding me tightly to his warm body. My head moves against his chest as I silently nod, enjoying the gratifying feel of his hard muscles.

I am everything but okay. I haven't been lately.

"Everything will be alright with your parents. Don't worry about that, okay?" He trails his hand down my hair, and I nod my head.

"Okay."

With him, there is always a feeling of shelter and safety. Both physically and emotionally. I don't think he understands how relieved his presence makes me.

I pull away to meet his beautiful eyes, drowning in their compelling capacity.

"Why did you leave on Sunday?" He drops the question, and I immediately redden under his scrutiny. It was not only because I got freaked out at my first intimate touch but also because I didn't know if he regretted it. I asked him to do it, coaxing and persuading him by moving against his groin. I didn't make the decision any easy for him.

And more definitely, I felt slightly insecure about the fact that he saw places I have never shown to anyone else. I was high on adrenaline at the time, so I hadn't thought about that too much. But when the sun rose, shedding a bright light on the memory of the night before, I got so red.

He told me I was perfect, but that doesn't make me any less self-conscious. What if deep down, he didn't like what he saw? But I guess those are just the monsters making small talks in my head.

"I just..." I drop my eyes, unable to finish the unplanned sentence. I don't know what to say, and I don't think I can offer a reply without embarrassing myself.

Nikolai puts his fingers under my chin and lifts my head. "Look me in the eyes."

And I do that. He seems to have a thing for eye-contact. The night he drove me to orbit, he kept staring into my eyes the entire time and would turn my face back to him whenever I tried to look away. His gaze was intense and passionate, and I couldn't bear the overwhelming sensations it gave me. Knowing he could see the pleasure all over my face when I came undone.

Nikolai smiles a little, and I know he's taking notice of the flusters on my face. Presumably, he has picked up that I am in a state of reminiscence.

"Won't give me an answer?" He whispers, pulling me closer between his legs. His erection is pressing against my middle, and my breath hitches in my throat at the feel of it.

"I-I was...just..." My words come out jumbled and breathy, dire proof of the flustered state I am in. And Nikolai stares at my mouth, a strong haziness clouding his irises. Once again, my panties are wet and maybe he can tell.

"You got me sneaking around like a fourteen-year-old, Kelly." He utters. "And I can't say I hate it...to be honest; I don't really care. Because this is worth so much more."

I stare into his eyes, shocked at his satisfying confession. I know Nik loves his job, and for him to admit that I mean more to him than it does...makes my eyes burn.

I think I owe him a reason as to why I left so abruptly on Sunday morning. It's the least I can do when he's risking his family and his occupation for me.

"I-I left because I got scared," I finally reveal, staring at his pant leg, finding solace in the series of threads. "I was scared you'd regret it."

A silence stills the atmosphere, the sound of the clock and cars entering the school compound filling the air. And then his voice comes again, soft and understanding.

"Why would I regret it?"

I allow my shoulders to lift in a shrug. "Because...I felt like I forced you." I look up at him, witnessing the troubling gleam flashing in his eyes.

"You didn't. I touched you because I wanted to." He places his hands on my waist, pulling me even closer so our noses are almost touching. "And I enjoyed touching you. The most beautiful thing in the world...was watching you cum, Kel."

My body burns anew at those unfiltered words, and then my thoughts fill with the ones he uttered on Saturday night.

This is what you wanted? My fingers inside you?

Cum all over my fingers.

He made me feel breathtakingly good, and I want him to feel that way too. I want him to feel what I felt. I want to return the favor. Though, I am not sure how to.

I bite my lip with a sigh, and Nik's eyes drop to them. "I want to touch you..." I whisper before I can stop myself.

The lust instantly grows within his eyes, but he looks almost stunned.

Embarrassment and eagerness flame my cheeks, but I don't look away from his magnetic gaze.

"What?" He asks softly, but in a way that doesn't suggest mishearing but speechlessness.

"I...want to see what you look like." The embarrassment has now outgrown the eagerness, and I finally allow my gaze to sink to his tie. If he rejects me, I would be so much more humiliated.

Maybe I should not have asked. What was I thinking?

"A-Although...we're at school. I mean, if you don't want to, I understand..."

Without a word, he takes ahold of my hand and takes me with him toward his chair. He sits on it and leans back, his eyes fixed on me as I am still standing in front of him. His thighs are spread, his dark hair lapping over his forehead.

"Kneel in front of me."

The quietness of his voice, the location, and the fact that we shouldn't be doing this all aids in the heavy pumping of my heart. Without question, I oblige his request.

He lifts his hand and pushes hair away from my eyes, staring down at me with his eyes half-closed. "You're turning me into a bad teacher with no self-control, Kelly."

I lean into his hand, closing my eyes.

"What do you want?" He whispers.

"I want to do to you what you did to me." My voice sounds unfamiliar to me. It is laced with so much desire that I can't recognize it anymore.

He breathes out, then his teeth catch his bottom lip as he takes ahold of my hand, slowly placing it on top of his bulge. I can feel it jerking underneath my hand, and my cheeks bloom red.

"Do you feel that?"

I nod, swallowing thickly.

"You did that..." He finishes, and it grows under my touch at his proclamation. He guides my hand over him so that I am rubbing him over the fabric of his pants. I can see the pleasure changing his pupils as we touch him behind the fences. Once again, he keeps our gazes connected, refusing to look away as if he'll miss something important.

"Have you ever seen it before?" He asks quietly.

I understand what he means and nod my head hesitantly. "Yes, sir."

"When?"

"T-That night...in your bathroom."

His lips tip at the corner. "Do you remember what it looked like?"

I shake my head truthfully. I do remember a bit of it, but the image isn't vivid. I just know it was unnaturally huge, immensely scary.

"Wouldn't want to scare you." He says as though he's reading my mind. But maybe he can see the fear within my eyes.

"You won't..." I mutter.

"Come sit in my lap." He says after a while, and I get up from the ground and climb onto his legs. Now my thighs are on either side of his chair as I straddle him.

He perches his forehead against mine. "I am showing it to you because I saw yours..." His lips form a smirk. "I liked what I saw."

My panties are now terribly soaked, and I am lucky to have brought an extra pair in my bag. Somehow I knew that after my encounter with Nikolai today I would need a dry one.

He stares into my eyes as he unfastens his belt, the buckle sounding loud as it rattles. The vibration of his zipper becoming undone causes my heart to race. He splays the opening of his pants and leans back, his mouth tilting upward.

"Take it out."

"O-okay..." My hands are trembling as I reach forward and begin to fumble with the front of his trousers. He's wearing a pair of black Calvin Klein underpants underneath, his arousal straining against the fabric. When he realizes how much I am shaking, he places his hand over mine and slides us into his boxers.

Heat travels from my neck all the way up to my head when my small fingers touch him. He feels soft but hard at the same time, and I can feel a few bumpy areas on him. Veins. I guess that's what they are. My hand can't cup him, not even halfway, so I settle with using my forefinger to run along his length.

He looks up at me, his eyes boring through mine. "How does it feel?"

"It feels...huge," I mutter, and he laughs slightly. Realizing that I have gotten a bit more comfortable, he takes our hands out of his pants and grabs his erection, pulling it out. My stomach somersaults as my eyes grace it for the second time.