I lay in my bed, staring up at my ceiling. The tears were all dried up, leaving only stains on my cheeks from the past few hours of crying. I couldn't breath through my nose, due to sniffling, and my eyes felt like they might fall off. I hadn't even managed to get out of this dress Tamaki had me wear. I just didn't have any motivation.

'Well maybe I don't want to be with a murderer!'

The sentence kept going through my head. Every time I closed my eyes, I would be jolted by horrible images. Those of either Kaoru screaming at me, or those of...

I stared at her limp body, lying in front of the car. Blood was everywhere. She wasn't breathing. I killed he-

"(Y/n)?" I heard my dad call, as he knocked lightly on my door. I sat up, taking a deep breath. "Come in."

"Hun, I'm worried about you."

"I'm okay, dad. Just some boy troubles."

"I'll beat up that Hitachiin boy if I need to."

I couldn't help but chuckle lightly. Ever since I moved here, everyday my dad made up for all those years he was gone. I never heard from my mother again, though I did here some one sided arguments from my father while they were on the phone. He really made it up to me, and I truly did love him.

"I love you, dad. I just wanna wallow."

"I love you too." He placed a caring kiss on my forehead, and left the room. I glanced over at my nightstand, seeing my phone light up for the ump-teenth time. I knew who it was. Well, who they were. I took a deep breath, finally opening my messages.

Kaoru💕: omg (Y/n), plz hear me out!

Kaoru💕: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I was angry and I'm sorry.

Koaru💕: please pick up. I'm worried. You won't answer anyone's calls.

I rolled my eyes, and opened the next thread from Hikaru, not wanting to read the other 20 messages Kaoru sent.

Hikaru: (Y/n), my brother is an idiot. I'm here if you need to talk.

Hikaru: but, I'm not gonna force you. Though, I am worried. Please give some indication you're okay?

I smirked slightly, giving him a reply.

Me: I'm okay. I went home. I'll be at school tomorrow.

I noticed I had messages from Tamaki and even Kyoya, so I opened those.

Tamaki: (Y/n)!!! I'm so sorry about what happened! Please be okay! We are all extremely worried!

Tamaki: and don't worry, I'm gonna give that horrible twin what he deserves.

I snickered, it was amazing how fatherly Tamaki really was.

Me: I'm okay.

I sighed, and looked at Kyoya's thread.

Kyoya; I apologize for Kaoru today. The host club is here for you.

Me: thank you

And finally, a message from Haruhi.

Haruhi: Hey, I'm sorry about Kaoru. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

It warmed my heart knowing everyone was there for me. I smiled, but raised my brow as a new message appeared.

Hikaru: okay, good. If you want, I can come pick you up in the morning? Just me, honestly I'm giving Kaoru the cold shoulder. Everyone is.

Me: really?

Hikaru: he had no reason to say that. He knew exactly what would set you off; and went with it. Im honestly so pissed at him right now.

Me: hey uh...I know it's late-

I sighed, shaking my head and deleting the message.

Hikaru: why'd you stop typing?

Me: I was gonna ask a stupid question. Changed my mind.

Hikaru: The only stupid questions are those not asked

Me: that's..oddly wise coming from you.

Hikaru: well?

Me: I...was gonna ask if you wanted to come over, but it's pretty late.

Me: it was dumb, I'm just kind of lonely, lol.

A good five minutes passed. He had read the message, but didn't respond.

Me: yeah, uh, sorry. I've very obviously made thing awkward

I hit send. It only took a second for him to read the message. Sighing, I set my phone down, but heard a knock on my door.

"Dad?"

The door slowly opened, revealing Hikaru. My eyes widened slightly. He looked taken back a bit himself, probably due to my attire.

"My brother really messed this up." He sighed, immediately making his way to my closet. I watched as he searched for a few seconds, then walked out holding some pajama shorts and a baggy shirt. "Come on, I know that dress isn't comfy. I'll turn away until you're done." And just as he said, he turned away so I could change.

I quickly threw off the dress, and replaced it with the plaid shorts and baggy black tee. I did feel a lot better in this. "Okay." I softly spoke, causing him to turn around. He gave me a small smile, walking forward. My body tensed up as his hands suddenly reached behind my neck.

"Calm down. I wouldn't take advantage of you while you're so vulnerable." He pulled his hands away, the necklace I had on early now in his grasp. I hummed in response, and removed the earrings.

"Better?"

"Yeah." I sighed, sitting on my bed. He took the spot next to me, running his slender fingers through his hair.

"When you ran out, Kaoru went to chase you. All of us pretty much tackled him to the ground. I mean, how do you say that to someone, and expect to be let off so easily?" His words sounded shaky, and even angry. I raised my brow at this, watching him.

"I don't know what's been with him lately. I never took him as the jealous type. He knows what we do in the host club. He knows you can handle yourself. I'm not gonna lie, yes, you're a very beautiful woman, (Y/n)." I felt my cheeks heat up, causing him to slightly chuckle.

"I'm not blind. We all know it. No one but us at the club knows your relationship, so it's expected Guys will try to ask you out. Kaoru knew this, yet..." his anger dissipated, and was replaced with sadness.

"You're not a murderer, (Y/n). I know that what I say won't matter. None of us blame you. I know Kairi doesn't."

"Hey, Hikaru?"

"Hm?" He glanced at me, curiosity in his eyes.

"You know, how I said at the funeral she had a crush on someone in the host club?"

"Yeah.."

"Ever since middle school, Kairi liked you. She never confessed, because I told her of the little play you and Kaoru did on me. But, she never stopped liking you."

He suddenly went from very talkative, to suddenly quiet. He cleared his throat, his cheeks very visibly red. He seemed to be searching for something to say.

"Damn." He sighed, placing his head in his hands. I raised my brow at him.

"We only knew her for a short while, but she still made a big impact on us. Her death hurt us. And your pain hurt us even more."

"Hikaru."

"That's why I'm so mad at Kaoru. The day we brought you home from the hospital, he cried. Watching you break like that, it just sent him into such a deep sadness. I'm not saying that you should forgive him, but I hope you know he does love you."

"I don't doubt it." I frowned. "But, that doesn't mean he can say that to me. I think we need to take a break. Maybe...maybe we weren't as meant to be as I had hoped."

I didn't stop the warm tears from falling down my cheeks. I thought I had cried them all out, but I guess I was wrong. I finally had won the heart of Kaoru Hitachiin, and he just stomped on my own the moment things turned bad.

"You know, I never told you guys how every night, I relive that day. Something changes you when you see the dead body of your best friend, because she saved your life."

"(Y/n)."

"Why wasn't it me?" I softly spoke, but he was able to hear me. I could feel the bed shift, and his long arms wrap around my shoulders. He pulled me into a hug, laying my head into his shoulder. This action caused me to cry out louder, gripping onto the back of his shirt. I was full on screaming into his shoulder, though my cries were muffled. My tears stained his shirt, but his hug only grew tighter.

This is the hardest I've probably ever cried. I would normally cry silently when I was alone, and before I never had someone to cry with, to hold me. Hikaru understood all the pain trapped inside of me, and was willing to let me let it all out on him.

"Why wasn't it me?! Why did she give her life for me?!" I whispered out, biting on my lip.

"She deserved life more than me. She had more to live for. Why?!" I screamed one last time, and felt Hikaru's arms fold under my waist, and his hands rub soothing circles into my back.

My crying came to a slow sob, calming down with his touch. He pulled away slightly, taking his thumbs and wiping them under my eyes.

"Feel a little better?"

I nodded slightly. My heart didn't hurt anymore. I just felt numb. The one feeling I hated most.

"Thank you." I softly spoke. He nodded, and continued to wipe the tears that still fell from my eyes.

"Don't let my idiot brother bother you so much. Just ignore him for a while, and he will come back begging for you. He's already realized what he did wrong, but he shouldn't go unpunished." I nodded, sniffling. He was right. Kaoru wasn't getting by with a simple 'I'm sorry' this time.

"Try to get some sleep."

"W-wait."

What was I doing? Hikaru sent me a curious glance, as my shaking hand gripped his shirt.

"Stay?"