❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ GUNS❦

|Jealousy or Hatred?|

❦❦

The next couple of days were the same. Wake up. Eat breakfast with Adam. Go to work. See patients. Session with Silas. Complete the day. Go home and be with Adam. Repeat everything with a smile on my face that never wants to go and I don't want the smile to fade. A week has passed and it went by quicker than I can handle. My office is empty and silent and as I sit here in the silence, counting down the minutes until my session with Silas I find myself lost in thoughts.

Just sitting here and staring at nothing with only my own thoughts to keep me company but I don't mind them. They wander about everything and anything in the world that suddenly into my mind. The sun is shining into my office and lighting it up like never before and it brings warmth into my beating heart and a smile on my face. The world works in mysterious ways that not even I can explain and it has me wondering about a lot of things like how the sun can always brighten my day even when feeling down and lost. It's strange and mysterious at the same time.

As if the sun has these happy feelings that is released into the world when shining on it. I'm broken out of my thoughts when the door opens and Silas along with his guards that I've gotten to know better since they are coming here every day with him (except for Wednesdays) and sometimes one of them starts a small conversation with me if they're early which I've noticed are every single day. While the guards take Silas' chains off, Kaden comes to me, he's the guard that likes to talk to me.

"Tomorrow I'm going to have lunch at the same time as you, care to join me for lunch?" He asks me. I smile at him and nod, seeing no reason why I should not. Kaden has become my friend over the days that have passed and I actually enjoy talking to him. "That would be great" I tell him but not once does my smile leave my face. "Great, I will see you then" He says as he begins to walk out of my office and I smile as he leaves and closes the door behind up. When I turn around I jump when I notice that Silas is so close to me and glaring into my skull.

It brings shivers running down my spine because of the way that he's looking at me and it's an angry look. My heart falls when he just stares at me like that. It is as if he's trying to bring me down with his mind. "Silas, are you all right?" I ask him and he looks into my eyes but not once does the glare disappear as he does that and it makes me feel uneasy and frightened for some reason.

"I don't like him" He says. His dark husky voice makes me shiver and my knees start to go jelly. I walk over to my brown leather chair and sit down before my knees would give up. I raise an eyebrow at Silas as my face grows puzzled. "That is understandable, prisoners don't tend to be fond of their guards" I say to him but he sharply shakes his head as he walks over to the window and stands there facing me. Blocking the sunlight from shining on me as he stands there. He rolls his eyes as he looks at me, his eyes however do soften a bit.

"How can you not see what he's trying to do?" He asks me as if he can't even believe this and it only brings me further into confusion. Silas has become more open but there is still something holding him back and he still is defensive about a lot of things but I have noticed that he always wants to know something about me and my life. "He's joining me for lunch, is there a problem in that? Kaden is my co-worker and my best friend will be there so I don't get what he's trying to do" I ask him.

He lightly shakes his head and groans. "You're.... ugh..." He says, not able to from the words that he wanted to say and I'm more confused than I could ever be. "All right, let's just move on. Yesterday we talked about how you feel trapped in your life. Can you explain more about that?" I ask him as I'm ready to write down anything that he says. He did not speak much about it yesterday as he told me that his life and his duty has him trapped and did not go any further.

Silas looks more grumpy than ever now since I brought it up but he does sigh as he starts to pace that pattern that he always walks on. I've not yet figured out what pattern it is or why he does the same pattern over and over again every day but I suppose that will be revealed to me in time. "My world is dangerous and everywhere I go I must keep looking over my shoulder, expecting everything and anyone to attack me. Always be on guard and lookout for myself and my life" He begins and I write down what he says.

My heart feels for him and the way that he speaks, it holds sorrow but also anger. He's angry because he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. "Have you ever tried quitting? Stopping the things that you were doing? Turning your focus on something else that you enjoy?" I ask him. He stops right in his tracks and the stare he gives me brings the blood to my cheeks. "Yes" He answers and then he starts pacing again. "That is why I feel trapped for I tried to leave yet I could not" He says.

His life has been sad and being forced to do things that you don't want to do is worse than anything, it hurts me to know that he is being forced to be the person he is. Now I know the reason behind it. "Do you sometimes feel trapped in here?" He asks me and I know what he is referring to. This is a prison and there are guards everywhere I look. I shake my head. "No, I don't. I've not felt trapped like you do. I want to be here" I tell him with a soft smile on my face.

Some might not understand it but they don't have to understand me nor my choices. "The prisoners I help are the ones that other people have given up on, I want to help them become the ones that they are inside. I do have a purpose here and that doesn't make me feel trapped, quite the opposite actually" I say. Looking at Silas with an interesting look as he looks deep in thoughts, letting the words that I had spoken sink in and allowing them to swirl around in his mind.

"If I were to tell you all that I've done, would you consider me a goner?" He then asks me after a short silence. I shake my head at his question. "Absolutely not. No one is a goner. Sometimes it just takes more effort to bring the inner person out than it does with others but that is what's so good about this. In here, we have as much as we need, there is no need to rush things like this. If say you need more time in therapy than others then that is the most wonderful thing ever, it only means that the person deep inside you just needs a helping hand" I say to with a smile.

Silas had stopped pacing and given me a look that I don't know what means but it's a mixture of confusion and anger for some reason. However, he doesn't say anything after that and we're met with the silence which I don't really enjoy right now. "Silas, just because you may or may not need more time than others doesn't mean that you're any different" I tell him as he looks at me dead in the eyes that makes the familiar shivers run up and down my whole body.

"Tell me, Leanna, how many patients do you have?" He asks me and a look of confusion comes to my face but I'm quick to collect myself. I think about his question for a moment, wondering if I should answer him or not and the fact that I've never truly counted how many patients I do have. It has never come to mind before. "Well, I think with you I have about eleven patients" I tell him as I look at him start walking to the brown leather chair meant for him to sit in.

Seeing the hard look on his face makes me sneaky to see that he is still angry and I'm not sure if that is from the anger that he was feeling when he came in or if this one has appeared out of no where. "That doesn't mean that you aren't special. Because I care for all of my patients, even you. You are all special to me and it is an honor to be helping all of you" I tell him with a smile, completely ignoring the look of anger on his face. I don't want negativity right about now.

"What if I were to tell you that pretty soon there is only going to be one patient that you will be seeing?" He asks with a dark grin on his face that brings shivers running down my spine. I furrow my eyebrows at him and open my mouth to ask him what that means but before I could even utter a single word the door opens and the guards enter and I know our session is over. It seems that every session that I am with Silas always goes by much quicker than any other session.

They start taking him in chains out. "See you Thursday, doc" Silas says, winking and I gulp when his eyes meet mine. Feeling nervous and somehow scared at the same time. Kaden had stayed behind and closes the door to my office. I stand up and put Silas' file on my desk. "Is there something that you need?" I ask him confused since we are going to be eating lunch together tomorrow. He looks at me as he's trying to figure me out. "Doesn't it scare you that he can hurt you at any given time?" He asks me and I let out a small laugh.

"Despite how dangerous everyone thinks he is, he truly isn't. He would never hurt me. Anyone else, I think yes as he does have anger in him as you've taken to notice but once you trust him, I don't believe he would hurt you. At least not intentionally" I tell him with a soft smile on my face, though when I look at Kaden I see that this wasn't the reason that he came in here. "I just don't like it when he's here alone with you. I could not bear watching you get hurt" He says to me.

I walk over to him and take his hand to comfort him. "Trust me, nothing's going to happen to me anytime soon. He nor anyone is going to hurt me in any shape or form. Now what can I do to make you stop worrying like this?" I ask him as I look deep into his eyes to see worry and frightened look in them. I give him a reassuring smile. "I want to be in the session with you and him. Only to keep you protected and safe" He suggests and I gape at him.

"As much as I appreciate that offer but you can't. I need to protect my patient and what we talk about isn't for someone else to know. I'm so sorry but I don't think that will be possible" I tell him with a sad smile. No session that I've ever done has a guard been inside my office and heard everything. I feel like that would be breaking the safety that the patient has as they put their trust in me that what they say never leaves me and they do have a safe place to talk.

"I understand but if you ever change your mind, I will be there" He says as he turns around and starts walking to the door. "I'm excited for tomorrow" I say, trying to lighten the mood since I feel like this hurt him. He turns back around once again and smiles at me which I gladly return. "Me too" He says before he leaves my office and like before I'm met with the silence as I start preparing for the next patient that will be coming in under ten minutes in here for our session together, however somehow I can't stop thinking about Silas.

Our sessions are becoming something that means something to me and I can't let them out of my mind, the words that he speaks, the actions that he commits, the way that he holds himself. It's all part of a larger picture for some reason and I can't understand it or I can't see it right as I'm not looking at it from a further distance but I'm sure that soon everything will align for me and I will be able to see all. As I sit back down on my chair and look outside I notice something rather strange under the window.

Standing up and walking over there, I can't see it anymore. When I'm standing the thing that I saw is invisible to the eye but when I sit back down again I can see it. I stand above it and go on my knees to see what it is and I gasp when I see that it's a note. A note that has been taped on there. Confused as why there is a note there because I'm sure that I never put it there and the only other person that did go to the window was Silas but why would he put a note there? That is the question.

Making sure not to rip the note when I take it off from under the window I examine it for a while. It's neatly folded and then paper is thin and clean and it is pearl white in color. On one side of the folded side is my name written on it. It confuses me even further but it makes the curiosity inside my whole body eager to find out why my name was written on this note and why Silas would want me to have this. After thinking of this for a few moments I open the note and read what it says.