When we got out of the carriage, i knew that James wanted me to walk in on his arm to make us even more noticeable. Even though i thought it was a bit over the top i still went along with it, so when my family went inside, i waited outside.

It was probably bad for a lady to be waiting outside for a man, but nobody really seemed to care so i carried on waiting.

and waiting

...and waiting

Until eventually i gave up and decided to go inside on my own, but before i could enter the house i heard laughter coming from the side of it. Knowing me, not thinking and just doing, i followed the noise and went round the corner. I'm glad i did though because it turned out to be James and...

...ahhh - this must be the woman im 'covering' for.

They both immediately stopped and turned to face in my direction, and it felt like i could see the relief that left their bodies when they realised that it was me.

"You must be Diana Haywood! Lovely to meet you, i'm Letitia. I'd just like to say thank you for doing this, we both really appreciate it." she said extending her hand to me, standing in James's arms. I'm not going to lie to you, i felt like a bit of a charity case but i didn't tell her that of course. "Yes, yes i am and you're welcome. Though i do have my reasons for doing it so i should be thanking James aswell really." I replies shaking her hand gently. My anger filled eyes met James and it seemed just by looking at me he's remembered the time.

"Diana, my most sincerest apologies i hadn't realised the time and-" he sighed letting go of Letitia and walking over to me. "All is forgiven James, after all, we are doing this so you and Letitia can be together. Its my fault, i shouldn't have waited outside for thirty minutes" I started that sentence with a smile on my face, but towards the end when i looked James in the eye trying to find some form of guilt, it faded away during the last few words.

James tried to say something else but before any words came out of his mouth i interrupted him. "How about we go in now though, you're lucky it was me who caught you rather than anyone else." i told them.

Letitia left and i tried to follow but James put his hand around my waist and pulled me towards him backwards to try and stop me. I took a sharp breath and butterflies flew around in my stomach as i felt his breath in my ear when he whispered "Letitia always goes first, we follow. If anyone had seen you just then, let alone with me, our attachment would be ruined and so would our families reputations. Remember that." he let me go slowly almost as if he didnt want to.

A few minutes later i held onto his arm and we walked into the ballroom. All eyes were diverted to meet ours and i took advantage of it by laughing into his shoulder as if he'd made a joke so it would seem i was engaged with only James and didn't want to dance with anyone else.

He tried to very obviously sign my dance card with i found quite amusing, so i couldnt help but let out a small laugh. He laughed in reply but turned stone - faced again when he lifted his head back up again.

He extened his hand and i took it as he led me to the dance floor. We stood opposite each other and bowed of course before we taking a step closer. He softly moved his hand around my waist and i positioned my arm over his should and my palm lay on his shoulder blade. He guided me around the floor. His leading was strong but not forceful, so it felt like we were floating around the ring. Not once did his eyes tear away from mine, nor mine his.

We didn't talk to each other because it felt like we were communicating through the music. At times i guided him and then he would guide me. We would turn elegantly, our bodies in sync with the slow music and the warmth between us grew more powerful by the second. As the music got faster so did my heart rate.

"It seems we've managed to get the attention of everyone in Kent." I whispered still swaying with him. James squeezed my hand slightly and smiled. "Really?" he chuckled softly "I hadn't noticed." He added in a slightly more serious tone, still looking directly at me.

I was taken back by his words confused, as i wasn't sure whether he'd meant them or maybe someone specific was behind us that he didn't want to dance with. The dance ending brought me back to reality though and put an end to my thoughts.

We bowed to each other again but as we walked away Mr Lewis approached James and I. "Miss Haywood, it i-is a pleasure to see you again. May i have a dance?" He asked wiping his sweaty hands down his waistcoat before extening one out to me. I saw that his eyes had diverted to the most revealed area of my chest as he took pleasure in watching me breathe.

Suddenly felt exposed and bare which made me feel very uncomfortable. I didn't want to dance with Mr Lewis, nor did i wanted him looking at me.

James's POV:

Geoffrey Lewis was one of the most disgraceful human beings known to man. His previous wife had died of old age and as soon as she did he got straight back into his old habits of luring women into his grasp.

When i'd noticed him staring at Diana's chest straight after he'd politely asked her to dance, my fists clenched with rage and anger. I wanted to hurt him badly there and then, but i kept my composure.

Although Diana and I weren't really in love with each other, i felt a sudden protectiveness over her. Like no man should ever look at her that way, and she should never have to feel as uncomfortable as i realised she was feeling in that moment.

"Mr Lewis, im sure Miss Haywood would like nothing more than to dance with you tonight, but unfortunately she was telling me during our most recent dance that she feels worn out and exhausted. Surely you wouldn't want to push someone as kind and devoted as her to yet another dance" I interrupted before she could agree to dance with him.

I let out a long breath that i realised i'd been holding in for a while. I was so glad he answered for me because i was really about to say some stupid shit along the lines of 'yes'. i know right. ugh.

"uhhh... o-of course" Mr Lewis replied finally looking back up at me. When he left i looked up at James from his side. "Thank you" i smiled softly and took his hand in mine as a sign of gratitude to him. He held onto it for a moment and let go soon after so that it wouldn't be too obvious. "You're most welcome Diana." he reassured me looking forward stone-faced clearly reflecting on something. "Well if you will excuse me Mr Penbrooke i must be getting back to my mother." I told him in hope of a more respected answer this time. I'd brought him out of his daydream because he quickly turned to look back at me. "Yes, you should." he added before looking up again.

I walked away not bothering to try and talk to him anymore because he clearly had something else going on, and i couldn't be bothered to try and get it out of him. I stormed over to my mother rather frustrated actually and stood next to her.

Before i knew it i'd realised both James and Letitia were no longer present, so i assumed that was the reason he was so distant literally five seconds ago.

"I wish to go home mother." I told her slightly sadenned that James had abandoned me. What was the point of me being here otherwise, and what was the point of our attachment if he was going to repetitively pick me up and drop me again. It was embarrassing for me and probably confusing for everyone else.

We arrived home later that evening and wondered straight to bed. I put on my night gown and plaited my hair. Lying on my bed and thinkng to myself had made me realise many things.

I knew i had been brought here for a reason. There is something or somethings for me here that aren't in the 21st century, and the only way to get back there was for something to be there for me in return.

 I wanted there to be something. I wanted there to be something more than i'd wanted anything in the world. 

I closed my eyes and imagined my dad coming in and asking me whether i wanted indian or chinese for dinner, i'd say 'i'm not hungry' in reply but hearing the door bell ring and smelling the food from my room made me want to go downstairs and join them.

I imagined my mum brushing my hair while telling me how much she wished she had thick golden locks like mine, and how i should cherish them forever. 

I took comfort in recounting the details of getting frustrated at Emily when she would steal my jumpers but ultimately looked cute in them so i'd give in and let her keep them.

I missed Friday movie nights when dad would pretend to be hosting a grand opening for his new cinema and Emily would think it was real so mum and i went along with it too and we pretended to be waiters serving drinks and ice creams.

Thinking about what i was now going to admit to myself made my eyes well up with tears until eventually i felt one roll down my cheek. My bottom lip quivered as another tear fell down the other.

If i so desperately needed to come to this time and place that the universe created a portal for me to walk through. No reminicing or lingering thoughts of my family were ever going to take me back to them. No memories or reasons were going create a blue light in the corner of my room to take me back home. So now i say...

"Goodbye Dad"

pause

"Goodbye Mum"

pause

I trembled from sadness.

pause

"And goodbye little Emily" I repeated back to myself.

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author's note:

lol not me crying at the last bit + outlander soundtrack.