James and I continued walking for quite a while after, discussing Daniel and we even managed to get round to debating about champagne, don't ask questions. We laughed with each other and never ran out of things to say, that's why these last moments that i had with him, i needed to treasure.

I glanced over at James's pocket watch what came off the top of his waistcoat, and saw that i needed to wait for Daniel now. "Goodness, the time!" I exclaimed reaching for it. "Do you need to be somewhere?" He said, confused. "Yes, yes i'm meant to promenade wth Mr Fitzwilliam." I replied looking around to check if he was anywhere in sight. James let out a quiet sigh at my response, maybe because he'd hoped for something different.

I turned around to face him and looked into his slightly sunken eyes. "This was wonderful your grace." I said, before quickly turning to leave. As i walked away, it felt like his eyes didn't once leave me until i was fully gone, and i could feel his disappointment somewhere within me because i meant what I said. Spending time with him truly was wonderful.

I'd rushed arounf for a bit before seeing him waiting for me by the big fountain, i slowed down and caught my breath a bit before walking over and joining him. I pretended that i'd just spotted him casually instead of rushing around for the past five minutes trying to find him.

"Mr Fitzwilliam, i wondered where i might find you." I beamed at him. "ahh well, i suppose you've found me now." he replied. It was already very awkward as we were standing there in silence for a moment trying to figure out what to say. He held out his arm and i took it trying to smile more. "Wonderful day is it not, Miss Haywood?" He asked looking up at the sky. "Yes i completely agree, my brother and I were admiring it this morning aswell." i replied. "I must say Miss Haywood, you look rather handsome today." He admired with a smile on his face."Thank you, i must return the compliment." I added trying to think of something else to say. "I'm sure you'd look even more ravishing at the ball being hosted tonight by my parents, everyone's coming. i'd love it if you were on my arm and honoured me to the first two dances." He grinned.

Of course i wanted to, but i also didn't want to. This whole thing just felt so forced, i suppose i should give it some more time though.

"What a generous offer Daniel, i'd be happy to be on your arm tonight-" I was interrupted by him shouting. "Mr Penbrooke!" He waved his hand in the air slightly to get his attention and before i knew it James had joined us. "Mr Fitzwilliam, good to see you. Miss Haywood, of course looking wonderful." he greeted. "What brings you here today without a woman such as Miss Haywood on your arm." Daniel asked him and i was dying from embarrassment at this point. The truth is James did have me on his arm, but if he told daniel we'd be ruined.

"i did have a woman on my arm not too long ago actually." he replied looking at me. i could feel the palms of my hand gathering sweat. "well, come on old chap, was she as wonderful as Miss Haywood." Daniel asked being oblivious yet again.

James looked deeper into my eyes and lowered his voice so it seemed he was only talking to me. "yes, yes you could say that." he said before fluttering his eyes a bit and looking away again. "well in any case you must come to our ball this evening aswell, Diana and i were just discussing how she would be on my arm." Daniel told him with a smile on his face. It felt like he was just feeding James pain, as he looked a little bit more sad at every mention of my name in any correspondence with his. I realised that i had to intervene.

"i'm sure Mr Penbrooke will be there, but Daniel we must keep walking. It was nice to see you your grace, enjoy the rest of your afternoon" I lightly pulled Daniel past him and carried on walking not once looking back. I did it because i felt extremely guilty, of course i didn't know if his feelings were mutual or not, but if they were, i wouldn't want someone telling me that they were going to be on James's arm for the evening. I could have been over thinking the whole situation, but then again, it's always good to be mindful. Jesus Christ i am so sappy it's painful.

Once Daniel and I had finished our walk I decided to go home and get ready for the ball, which in all honesty didn't sound like the most exciting evening. However, maybe if i had a positive attitude towards it, some luck might follow behind. Claire helped me into my dress for the evening. She told me it was one of the finest i owned, from the soft white silk to the gold cotton embroidered at the bottom.

My hair was plaited all over and then swirled into one big bun at the back of my head with curled whisps coming out from the edges of my hairline. Claire told me that they made me look effortlessly beautiful, and it definitely gave that impression. That wasn't me being narcassistic by the way, infact it's one of the first times in a while where i've really thought of myself as looking beautiful. I patted my dress down a bit to make sure that it all looked perfect before joining my family in the carriage, who all also seemed to be wearing their finest suits and gowns.

"Is there a reason for why we're dressed so unbelievably... wealthy?" I asked all of them hoping for an answer. "There a respectable family is all, we must look are finest dear." My mother replied putting her hand on my knee and giving it a small rub before returning it to her own.

When we arrived i realised that their house was the biggest of all the ones we've attended, and looking inside was even more grand. Reminded me of the tardis, which reminded me of how much i miss a bit of Tuesday night Doctor Who...

...anyway

back to what i was saying. They had the biggest hall and the most dancers i'd seen since i'd been here. I was quite proud of myself for catching the eye of their son (i don't think you know how much i wanted to pat myself on the back just then... IN PUBLIC. The worst bit is, i would've done it). i walked through a few conversations on Francis's arm before taking a glass of champagne and sneakily downing the whole thing.

"Good lord Diana." Francis exclaimed, shocked that i could even do such a thing. "Sorry I- I don't look forward to tonight i'm afraid." I stuttered wiping my muth slightly with my glove. "That's a shame, because Daniel certainly is, infact he's coming towards us this very moment." he replied looking dead ahead. I followed his direction of sight before meeting Daniel's. This is where it would begin. "Your Lordship, and of course Miss Haywood, lovely to see you. May i have this dance." he asked.

As much as i tried to make myself feel happier, i couldn't. It felt like i was becoming more saddened every second, and forcing myself to dance with him was only going to make it worse. I felt nothing for him, as much as i wish i did, i didn't.

"Yes, yes you may." I said accepting his hand. Francis looked at me with a 'you don't have to' type look and he hadn't let go of my arm yet showing a more protective side. i smiled sadly at him as an indication that it was ok to let me go, and with that, he released me and i followed Daniel to the dance floor. I would describe how the dance went but there weren't any words to describe it. There was nothing, I COULDNT FEEL ANYTHING.

As soon as we'd finished i excused myself immediately, and because i felt so overwhelmed i left to go outside. A warmth emerged around the area of my eyes and my vision became blurred very suddenly. I was walking fast and far away from the house, and while doing so i was undoing the button Matthew had showed me to allow myself to breathe. I stopped to feel the cold wind all over me, and goosebumps covered my whole body. It was quite dark but light enough so that i could see and i was out of sight from the house. I also couldn't see the house either which made it better. I only heard very faint music and carriages walking past lightly. I saw a big tree and decided to walk over to it and sit underneath.

"Bloody Fitzwilliam, and utterly unavoidable James Penbrooke. Stupid fortune teller and idiotic dances." i muttered to myself while ripping up pieces of grass i'd pulled out of the ground. "Miss Haywood?" I heard a familiar voice from the other side of the tree. I screamed a bit in shock and stood up as quickly as possible. I turned around and saw James also gettign up and facing me. "Jesus James, you scared the life out of me!" I yelled frustrated. "What are you even doing here?!" I added also confused. "I could ask the same about you." He replied. I looked at him and let out a sigh. "I needed to run away James." I told him catching my breath a bit. "From what?" He asked. I decided to be completely truthful with him.

"From feeling nothing, i needed to run away from feeling nothing because surprisingly it's the worst type of pain someone can endure." I blurted my eyes starting to well. "I just... came here to think." he said. "and considering you were completely honest with me, i suppose i will be so with you aswell. I'm afraid, i've lost... i've lost... whatever it is i was supposed to feel for Letitia." He added. I was honestly shocked, i honestly thought that not even all of the forces of evil could stop him from loving her. "I'm so sorry James" i came closer to him and took his hand in mine. He honestly looked broken, i'd never seen him like this before.

"I really am" I added looking directly into his eyes. But all of a sudden i felt soft lips on mine. Nothing special because he immediately pulled away again. I looked at him in complete shock of what had just happened. "Miss Haywood i-" He tried to speak but i came even closer to him. Sliding my hands round his neck, i pulled him even closer so that we were now only centimetres apart. "don't apologise James." I said. I felt his wram breath on my lips and his arms slowly slide around my waist pulling me closer to him. My stomach felt like it was about to burst from the amount of butterflies in it and the small smile on his face only made it more intense. His eyes searched mine and he leant in closer and closer before our lips were only just touching. It was soft and slow before we were finally becoming one with each other. We took a few breaks so that we could treasure each and every kiss.

Passion only built between the two of us because when he had pulled away for the last time, i was pressed up against a tree. I put my hand on his face and pulled it closer to mine so that our foreheads could touch. I stroked his cheek softly, and kissed his him again.

OH GOD. I KISSED JAMES PENBROOKE.