This week has been so peaceful since Saturday. My parents haven't brought up anything relating to their stance on homophobia. Although, they don't have many chances to. I haven't been at home much- for dinner and to sleep really- so I don't hear my parents hatred on the matter.

Grayson and I talk to Maria and Jessica a lot more. They're actually really cool. I thought they were just two girls that only knew how to gossip and talk about cute boys, but there's more to them than that. Marisa's hilarious and is a huge Marvel buff just like me. Jessica crazy smart and an anime nerd, so Grayson and her talk nonstop about that.

Even though it's nice to have friends outside of my usual group, I still make time for Preston and Alex (not so much Alyssa and McKenna). Us three hung out Sunday and then all this week them and Grayson and I met up at our 'secret hideout' in the basement before school.

It's Thursday now, and Grayson and I are planning another day out of town this weekend. Just the two of us. Being able to show our affection towards each other in public felt amazing, yet surreal all the same, so I'm glad we can do it again.

I blush, thinking about me going down on Grayson and him also giving me head Saturday night. It was so fucking hot. But my body was aching all day Sunday from the intolerable position I was cramped in. I'm glad we didn't have sex in the car.

We haven't had sex yet or done anything sexual since that night. And we're both feeling the extreme sexual tension between us. Every time we look at each other it's like we're mentally undressing the other. I'm hoping this weekend is when we take that next step. I feel antsy and excited just thinking about it.

But this morning has been weird. I'm not too sure what it is, but I have this nauseous feeling in my stomach. Maybe I'm anxious about going all the way with Grayson? I definitely don't want to have another panic attack during it.

I also got barely any sleep last night. So when my alarm goes off, I want to hit snooze, but I've already hit it three times. I really have to get up which I reluctantly do.

I wish I was able to sleep next to Grayson again. That could be a reason why I got horrible sleep; sleeping alone. Nothing beats sleeping in bed with Grayson's warm body up against mine.

Peter texted me he had to go to school early, so he doesn't need a ride. Fine by me; I don't have to waste time trying to get his lazy ass out of bed.

Once, I'm dressed (skinny, ripped jeans, a pale pink t-shirt, and my usual Vans) and have completed my morning routine, I grab me keys and backpack. I head downstairs, quickly grabbing my lunch, that I had pre-packed, from the fridge, and I make my way to my car.

Pulling up to my school, I receive the first text of the day from Grayson. A smile forming on my face... until I read his message. My smile drops.

🥵

Today 7:13 AM

🥵: Don't come

to school.

My eyebrows draw together in confusion. I don't make any attempt at getting out of my car.

What?? Why??

🥵: Something

happened...

My heartbeat speeds up. That nauseous feeling intensifies.

What happened??

🥵Please just dont

come to school. I'll deal with it.

I turn off my car and start walking towards the school. Why is he being so vague?! Did someone get into a fight? Did something happen with our friends?

Deal with what?? You're

scaring me. I'm already

here! I can't just skip

school, my parents would

kill me.

🥵: I'll meet

you at your car.

Don't bother. I'm

already walking

to the front

I put my phone in my pocket. I can already feel the nerves boiling up in my body and the panic attack creeping in. Why shouldn't I come to school? People didn't find out, right? I mean, how could they? I've done everything in my power to keep my relationship with Grayson a secret.

Well, besides that day Jess and Marisa found out. But I know in my gut they would never say anything. My brother is the only other person who knows and he would never betray me like that. Then who?

I don't even realize that I'm two breaths away from a hyperventilating until I look up and see Grayson walking out of the school along with Jess and Marisa. He looks anxious.

Okay, deep breaths Reid. Inhale. One... two... three. Exhale. One... two... three. I follow that pattern until I'm standing next to Grayson and the girls. They're looking at me as if my parents just died. "What's going on? Why are you all staring at me like that?" I ask, nervously.

"They know," Marisa states looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

I stop breathing. "W-who knows? About what?" But I already know what.

"The whole school," Jessica tells me with the same expression as Marisa.

"There are pictures of us... kissing," Grayson finishes cautiously, taking a step towards me.

"What?! What pictures?!" I ask in panic, but I'm already making my way to the front entrance.

"Wait!" Grayson reaches for me, but I dodge his hand and rush inside. I have to see for myself.

I freeze in the middle of the hallway. My body visibly trembling now. My breathing quickens and I can feel the burning sensation of tears threatening to fall. Grayson is by my side in a matter of seconds.

Taped on lockers and scattered around the floor are hundreds of the same picture of Grayson and I. The picture shows us two, not kissing, but full on making out. Me on top of Grayson in the front seat of his car. From Saturday?! My hands, in the photo, are in my boyfriend's hair while his hands are up my shirt. The photo is dark, but it's clearly us and by the looks of it, someone had taken the picture a few feet away from the car.

"Reid, breathe," Grayson whispers to me. He's in front of me, blocking my view, with his hands on my shoulders like if he were to let go I'd collapse. Jessica and Marisa begin tearing down and gathering all of the photos.

Grayson wipes away tears that I'm unaware have fallen. "You're okay, you're okay," he repeats.

"Everyone knows," I murmur, still in shock.

"It's okay. Who cares what they think?"

I give him a dumbfounded expression. "I care!" I exclaim, knocking his hands off of me. "Who the hell took this picture?!"

"I don't know. But I'm gonna find out," Grayson promises sternly.

Suddenly, Preston and Alex storm up to me, well more so Preston. Alex looks like he's trying to hold my best friend back. Preston's holding a picture in his hand, shaking it in the air as he comes up next to me. "What the fuck is this?" Preston yells causing me to flinch. "You're- you're gay?"

There's obviously no denying it now, so I nod, unable to speak.

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

Before I can muster out a response, Grayson steps in front of me defensively. "Probably because it's none of your damn business, so back the fuck up," Grayson says viciously as he shoves Preston back a step.

"Don't tell me what is or isn't my business!" He pushes Grayson back harder.

Alex grips Preston's arm and yanks him away just as I shout "Stop!" And grab my boyfriend's arm.

Preston ignores me and tries to shake Alex off and gets in Grayson's face, "You're the one who did this to him! You turned my best friend into a faggot!" My best friend spits out with pure disgust in his tone. My heart drops to the bottom of my stomach hearing that word fall out of Preston's mouth.

I think I hear Alex call Preston's name in disbelief and Jessica exclaims something like "you did not just call him that!" and Marisa gasps. I don't know how accurate that is cause the ringing in my ears is louder than my friend's comments.

But I do hear Grayson challenge Preston, "call him that again, I fucking dare you" his tone is dangerous.

"I bet you forced him!" Preston exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at my boyfriend.

Grayson scoffs, "Does it look like I forced him?"

"Both of you shut the fuck up," Alex demands in a low, but firm voice, "Look at him."

Everyone's eyes are on me. There are two types of looks the crowd around us are giving me: a pitied look or an amused look. Both of which suck.

"I'm gonna pass out," I mutter then I slump down against a locker and bury my head in my knees, squeezing my eyes shut. I take deep breaths, but they're shallow and ragged. My mind is foggy and my stomach feels like mush.

I'm vaguely aware of Grayson kneeling down next to me. His hand rubbing up and down the sides of my legs in an attempt to soothe me. "Reid, breathe slower."

I shake my head, not looking up. I can't, I try to tell him, but my mouth is too dry.

I go to grip my hair, but Grayson grabs my hands and rubs his thumbs over the back of them. "Breathe with me, okay?"

"They hate me," I state.

"No, they don't," Grayson tries to reassure me. "Hey. Look at me," he tells me.

I do as told, but when I look up, I glance around the hallway. Most people have left, going into their first period classes. Then I see Preston still standing there, looking at me like I'm an entirely different person. He shakes his head, knocking Alex's hands off of him, and walks way.

Alex mouths an I'm sorry then goes after Preston.

I slip my hands out of my boyfriend's grasp and abruptly stand up. "I'm sorry," I apologize, though I don't know what for. "I just- I can't be here."

"Reid, wait!" Grayson calls to me, but I'm already running out the building and towards my car.

I shouldn't be driving in the condition I'm in, but I don't care at this point. In fact, if I veer off the road and hit a tree, I'd be okay with that.

My hands are trembling so much, I have to grip the leather of the steering wheel till my knuckles lose color. "Fuck!" I wail when I'm stopped at a red light. I bang my hands against the wheel, trying to rid myself of the clenching agony in my chest.

The light turns green and I don't waste a second to hit the gas. I race home, not caring that I can get pulled over. 40 miles an hour reads my speedometer. 45, 50, nearing 60. Tears won't stop pouring down my face. The overwhelming notion of yanking my hair out consumes me, but I can't do that while drive.

I finally arrive at my house, thanking God I didn't get pulled over. Once I'm inside and lock the front door with a shaky hand, I run upstairs to my bedroom. Slamming my door shut, I sob into my pillow for what feels like the up-tenth time today.

Someone saw Grayson and I kissing and photographed it to humiliate and out us. God, how can I go on from this? I can't go to school tomorrow. I can't go back ever!

That's not even the worst part. What sucked more was my best friend calling me a faggot. Preston won't ever speak to me again. He looked so disgusted. All this feels like a nightmare that I can't get out of.

My sobs are messy and turn into hiccups. My nose is clogged, but after a while, the tears cease. I'm left with a raging migraine behind my eyes. I bury myself under my duvet and feel my eyelids grow heavy before falling asleep.

I hope I don't wake up.