Anxiety takes over my entire body, and I open my mouth to take my 'I love you' back, but then I close it. I don't want to take it back. This is how I feel and I want him to know that even if he needs more time to tell me he loves me.

"Reid, I-" his mouth is still ajar, but nothing comes out.

My heart aches at that, but part of me knew he wasn't ready to tell me. "It's okay," I tell him honestly. "You don't have to say it back to me right now, but I've felt this for a while. And I just needed to tell you." Then for some dumbass reason, I spill out more. Apparently, not caring that Grayson didn't say it back.

"I've never met someone like you and I don't think I ever will. You make me more confident in myself, you make me a better person. You challenge me and- and support me. No one's ever been able to calm me down like you do. When I feel panicked, just having you hold me relaxes me. You're beautiful inside and out. I'm in love with you, Grayson Clarke. Mind, body, and soul."

After my confession outburst, Grayson looks away from me. I suddenly feel nervous. I said too much and freaked him out! Fuck, why do I always run my mouth when I'm with him?

Grayson slips his hands out of mine and covers his face. Something is wrong. When something goes wrong, I react in one of two ways; panic attack or word vomit. Word vomit seems to be the way to go tonight.

"I freaked you out, didn't I? I- I'm not asking you to marry me," I laugh nervously, "I just have such strong feelings for you that I've never felt before, and- and I don't know how to express them properly, so I- I thought I'd tell you, but maybe it was too much, and I don't want you to feel pressured into saying anything else 'cause I truly don't expect-"

Grayson cuts my flustered, run-on sentence off by pressing his lips to mine, his hands capturing my face. I'm shocked, to say the least, but kiss him back nonetheless. Then I taste something wet and salty between our lips and pull back. Grayson's crying. He rarely cries.

"Grayson-" I begin to say worriedly but am cut off again with the shake of his head.

"My turn," he tells me, so I shut my mouth. "You didn't freak me out." Grayson tells me then chuckles as he wipes his tears away. "I've just never heard someone say something like that to me. Something so honest and raw, I just... Fuck, I'm never this emotional," he mutters while looking up, trying to blink his tears away before looking back at me. "I can't beat your confession, but I need you to know that I feel so strongly for you."

I try not to look too disappointed at that.

Grayson continues, "I'm- I'm sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

"It's okay," I reassure him, placing my hand on his thigh. It is okay, but fuck, does it suck not to hear him say it back to me. My throat feels dry, so I'm grateful when Grayson speaks again.

He shakes his head once more, "it's just... I've- I've said those words to someone before and when it doesn't work out, those words are wasted and I'm scared of me fucking this up and I just want to be a hundred percent certain about my feelings for you because that's what you deserve. So, I'm sorry, I just can't say that to you right now."

I nod, though I'm still trying to wrap my head around what he's saying. I'm not quite sure what to say, but I don't have to because Grayson continues. "Maybe that's stupid and maybe it's not a big deal, but those three words are meaningful to me."

Now I'm the one to shake my head, "It's not stupid. Saying 'I love you' is meaningful to me too, which is why I told you that. And even though you didn't say it back to me, I don't regret it. You don't have to be on my timeframe for what you're feeling. And that's okay," I tell him truthfully.

Grayson pulls me into a hug. My arms are around his waist while his are wrapped around my shoulders. He buries his head to the crook of my neck and exhales a shaken breath. "Thank you for being so patient with me," he whispers into my hair. "You mean a lot to me and I wish I was better at expressing my feelings like you," I chuckle at that even though I'm tearing up.

I pull back from our embrace but we keep our hands on each other. "You could show me," I suggest, just as quietly.

Grayson's eyebrows raise, "You mean...?"

I grab onto his t-shirt, tugging slightly to bring him closer. "If you don't know how to express your feelings through words, then show me how much I mean to you..." I explain, hoping he understands what I'm telling him.

"As in...?" he questions and I nod. "Are you sure because you know I don't mind waiting."

I smile at how considerate he is. "I'm positive. I want you, Grayson. All of you."

His eyebrows rise "oh really?" He questions with a smirk.

I nod, feeling giddy as his hand slides to the back of my neck and he pulls me into a kiss.

My heat beats out of my chest when he lays me down gently. One of his knees moves in between my legs as Grayson moves on top of me. He breaks our kiss, his blue eyes staring into mine then down at my lips. I think Grayson's about to kiss me again when he lowers his head, bringing his lips centimeters away from mine. Then he switches corse and brings his lips to my ear and whispers in a low, husky voice, "I've wanted all of you since the moment we locked eyes for the first time at the party we met."

I blush, thinking about the first time I saw him. I should've known in that moment my world was going to be flipped upside down.

My hand goes to the back of his neck and I press his lips to mine. Grayson's right hand goes to the side of my face while his left holds him up. The kiss is led by Grayson and he's keeping it steady and deliberate like he wants us to be mindful about this kiss. And I am. I focus on the feel of his lips; soft and full. The taste of him; sweet and bitter all the same. I listen to the promising silence around us and how the only sound that consumes the room is our breathing and our lips together. And his smell, I've memorized it, and I've come to the conclusion that it's a rich, clean scent. It's earthy, like stepping outside on a spring day and inhaling fresh air.

Grayson licks my lips from the bottom to the top then glides his tongue along my bottom lip. I'm enticed to open my mouth and his tongue goes in to touch and play with mine.

This kiss picks up pace as his hand slides down my body then back up. I slip my hands underneath his shirt, soaking up his smooth body before my hands move to his ass and press my boyfriend down. Our pulsing erections making contact through our clothes. I moan into his mouth when Grayson begins to grind his member against mine.

I tug the hem of his shirt up and he breaks away from me, straddling my waist, and takes his shirt off. While doing so, my hands go to his jeans and begin unbuttoning then unzipping them. Grayson helps me out and takes his pants off. He does the same to me as he slides my jeans off, and I take the opportunity to take my own shirt off.

His lips are back on mine, and we lay down once more. Grayson's kisses trail down my jawline, down to my neck, and he sucks on my tender skin. I lace my fingers through his curly hair to keep him in place, a moan falling from my lips.

Grayson leaves open-mouthed kisses as he travels down my chest and doesn't stop till he's at my waist. He graciously leaves me another hickey on my hip, licking, sucking, biting. He kisses my waist one more time before kissing my hard member softly through my light blue boxers.

"Grayson," I groan. I love this feeling, but I need his mouth around me. "Grayson" my voice is pleading, hoping he understands my need for him to stop torturing me as he continues to put his lips everywhere except the area I want his mouth to be!

He kisses me one more time then finally pulls my underwear down until they're laying on Grayson's bedroom floor. His hand takes hold of me and my head falls against my pillow with my eyes rolling back as he takes me in his mouth.

"Oh fuck," I moan when his tongue swirls around my tip before he goes deeper. My hands tug on the ends of his hair and I love hearing him groan with my cock in his mouth. Just the vibrating sensation nearly gets me to cum.

Grayson glides his tongue ever-so sensually down to my base then back up before continuing to bob his head up and down in between my legs. My breathing becomes shallow when I look down, making eye contact with him and I know I'm going to cum if he continues to look at me with such desire in his eyes. I lean up, my hands going to his cheeks to stop him and he crawls back on top of me to kiss me.

I manage to flip us over so I can give him the same treatment. I know I've given head before, but I'm still nervous. Though the groans that are falling from his lips gains me the confidence I need while going down on him. Especially when he grips my hair tightly.

"Fuck," he groans. A string of saliva forms from my mouth to the tip of his dick when pull back. "I wanna fuck you so badly," he tells me in a husky voice. I slide my hand down his shaft getting it wet with my spit.

I'm back on top, but not for long as Grayson rolls us, so I'm under his body. He lifts my chin up gently to get my eyes back on his.

"Kiss me," He whispers seriously then presses his mouth onto mine. Grayson's tongue slips into my mouth. I moan and clutch onto his back when our hard members rub together, creating the best kind of friction known to man. Grayson breaks away and reaches into the bottom drawer of his nightstand to grab the necessities. He pours lube on his fingers before returning his lips to mine.

I whimper as a finger is pushed into me and starts moving in and out. It's an odd sensation that my body's never felt before. My heart is beating so fast, I wonder if Grayson can feel it. I'm so nervous thinking about the pain I am going to endure, I almost just want to get my first time over with. But I'm also excited. Excited to take such a huge step forward in mine and Grayson's relationship.

Grayson's lips kiss down to my neck and a second finger enters. I feel like I should be contributing in some way, but I don't know how. I grip his hair tightly and yank, getting him to groan. I don't know why me pulling his hair is such a turn on for him, but it is. I have a feeling Grayson likes it rough, and he's just being gentle because it's my first time. I would love to do certain things with him if I had more experience.

Grayson leans back up, removing his fingers making me wince. He grabs the packaged condom— that I hadn't noticed laid beside us— and tears the foil package open with his teeth. I watch as he rolls on our 'protection'(which I honestly didn't know what for considering we were both clean... I hope Grayson's clean). I probably should've asked if he's been tested for STDs especially considering he's dated multiple people before me.

He sits up, in between my legs before pulling my body closer to his by my thighs and all I can think is, Fuck, this is going to hurt! When Grayson aligns himself with my entrance, I look away from him, anxiously waiting, and squeeze my eyes shut. My heart loudly pounding against my chest.

"Hey," Grayson says softly, bringing my attention back onto him. "You can tell me to stop whenever. I'll go as fast or as slow as you want me to, but you have to relax. It'll hurt way worse if you're tense."

I nod repeatedly then look away again. I take a deep breath then exhale slowly trying to relax. Grayson leans over me, "Focus on me," he whispers into my ear before sucking on that soft spot right below my ear. I moan in pleasure from his distraction, but it doesn't last long.

As soon as Grayson enters me, I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my mouth with my hand to prevent me from screaming out in pain. Grayson gives me a moment to get adjusted to his size. "Are you okay?"

"You can continue," I tell him with a nod and he pushes himself further into me. "Fuck!" I cry, unable to hold it back. I subconsciously grab onto his wrist in order to stop him. It's not that I actually want him to stop, it was just reflex more than anything.

Grayson takes my hand and intertwine our fingers.

He roughly crashes his lips to mine, slipping his tongue past my teeth as he begins moving out then back into me. Though the pain's still there, I moan in pleasure based on the way he's kissing me.

"Oh Fuck!" I gasp when Grayson thrusts into me hitting a certain spot that sends euphoria throughout my entire body. "Right there. I don't know what you did, but keep doing that," I tell him. At this point, Grayson and I are both sweating and panting.

He hits that amazing spot again and again and the pain subsides as the feeling of bliss takes over. Grayson sits up, grabs onto my waist, and starts to thrust faster.

"Holy shit," I groan. I've never felt this much ecstasy in my life. I am on Cloud Nine.

Grayson's head falls back and he groans with pleasure. Hearing every sound and rough breath that tumbles out of his mouth only brings close to releasing. I start to stroke myself, moving my hand up and down in quick motions.

"Fuck, Reid, you feel so good," Grayson confesses, then moans. That does it for me.

I pump my hand faster as I reach my climax and moan out my boyfriend's name. Grayson must be close as he starts raming more forcefully into me.

"Come for me," I plead breathlessly.

Grayson moans loudly with his head falling back as he releases his load. He moves in and out of me a couple more times, riding out his climax. Grayson collapses on me, both of us out of breath and coming down from our high. He pulls out of me.

My boyfriend rolls over, laying on his side and strokes my hair then pecks me on my nose.

"You're not going anywhere near my ass for about a month." I'm half joking.

Grayson laughs then places a chaste kiss on my lips. He pulls back but only about an inch. "You'll be begging for it by tomorrow."

That actually might be true, but instead of saying that, I just smile, pushing his face away.

Grayson and I shower together afterwards and when we're back to snuggling in bed. I feel light and happy knowing my first time with a boy was with someone I love. This is how it's supposed to feel after having sex with your person; meaningful. Not filled with shame like I felt after Alyssa.

My mind wanders to our conversation earlier. It definitely wasn't a great feeling when Grayson didn't say 'I love you' back to me. I'm surprised I didn't panic like I usually do. But I knew I couldn't be mad; I can't force him to feel what I'm feeling. I just hope it won't be too long for him to be a hundred percent certain about his love for me.

Squeezing his body closer to me, I swallow my anxiety, and try not to think too much on the notion of him never saying those words to me.

🤧😓