"Are you feeling okay?"

"What? Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I responded too quickly to Grayson and my tone is the opposite of okay. I clear my throat and try again, "I mean, I just... didn't sleep too well last night," I explain, but the reason for my insomnia is something I don't want to tell Grayson about.

I don't know what's giving me more anxiety; not telling my boyfriend another boy kissed me or the fact that said boy is my best friend.

I wish I wasn't standing in the hallway of Austberg High School right now. I want to be laying under the covers of Grayson's comforter.

"Yeah, I noticed. You were tossing and turning all night," Grayson tells me. He's leaning against lockers while I sift through mine. But I'm praying my locker will swallow me whole.

I look at Grayson, "Sorry, did I keep you up?"

He shrugs, "Not really. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," I lie again to him and I feel like vomiting. "I don't know, I just feel anxious." At least that's the truth.

"Have you ever thought about taking something for your anxiety?"

"Eh, I've talked to my parents about it. They're not believers in medicine like that. Said I'd 'become addicted and turn to harder drugs',"

Grayson rolls his eyes, "you're kidding."

I chuckle, "I wish I was."

"Well," Grayson looks me up and down from my Vans, to my ripped jeans, to my Riot Society t-shirt, and then to my face. This action doesn't make me blush as much (key words: as much). But when he smirks and says "I can find a few ways that would be stress relieving for you," and winks, I can feel my face heat up.

"Shut up," I push his shoulder. "You give me more stress," I tease with my eyes rolling, but I'm smiling.

I shut my locker, the faded 'faggot' still haunting the metal, and I spot Preston. He's walking in my direction with Alex, but they aren't looking this way. "Let's go to class early," I tell Grayson, grabbing his hand and turning the corner.

"Why so in a rush?" He questions, but let's me lead the way nonetheless.

My voice in nonchalant as I speak. "We should study for the quiz today." There is a quiz today, so this is a reasonable excuse not to meet up with our friends.

One might think I am avoiding Preston and my problems, but I assure you, I am not.

We enter our psychology classroom and spot Marisa and Jess.

"Hey," Marisa waves us over. Grayson and I sit in our seats and the girls turn around to face us. "We were just talking about spring break!" Marisa tells us excitedly.

"Spring break's not for a month." Grayson points out.

"Duh," says Jess. "That's why we have to start planing early."

"Wait, are you going to California for spring break?" Marisa asks my boyfriend, looking worried.

Sometimes I'm still shocked her and Jess are together. Marisa's always been flirty with people, but I guess Jess doesn't mind. (Jess once said, "She's just the flirty type. At the end of the day, she's loving me and only me").

I don't know how Jessica doesn't get jealous; I get nervous if another guy even checks out my boyfriend. But I see the way Marisa looks at Jess and she is madly in love.

"Nah, I'm not really interested in being a part of my dad's family as much as he wants me to be." Grayson explains. Then to deflect how depressing he sounded, he adds, "Plus, how can I bang my sexy boyfriend every night if I'm states away?"

"Grayson," I say, appalled and flushing from embarrassment. They laugh at my response. "Who says 'bang' anymore?" I mutter. "'Every night'. Yeah right," I scoff.

I'm dreading lunch. Preston says dumb shit all the time, so the paranoia that he'll bring up the kiss, is at an all time high.

Especially when we get into a conversation about my party. I feel nauseous.

Please, Preston, don't say a word.

But he does and I hold my breath. "Man, I drank so much that night, I don't remember anything," he laughs and I exhale.

"Really?" I question with slightly narrowed eyes. "You don't remember anything?"

Shut your mouth, Reid. Preston says he doesn't remember, leave it at that!

Preston shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "No, why? Did I do something stupid?" He chuckles.

He's lying. I know he's lying by the way his eyes looked to the left when he spoke and the when he's fidgeting with his food on the lunch tray. This means he's either embarrassed about me rejecting him or regrets the kiss.

I open my mouth to say 'yes', but remember all my friends are sitting with us including my boyfriend. I shrug and tell him, "nah, nothing stupid."

"Pedophiles."

We all turn when we hear a guy "cough" while calling McKenna and Alyssa- who were walking by- pedophiles.

Alex stands up, "fuck off!" He yells to the guy. I think he's a junior.

The junior laughs and walks to his table. Alyssa turns around and walks out of the cafeteria. McKenna gives a thankful smile to Alex before following Alyssa out.

Alex sits back down. "I wish everyone in this school would shut the fuck up," he grumbles. I know he misses McKenna, but I know he won't forgive her.

When the last bell signals the end of school, students rush out to get to their cars and buses.

My brother meets up with Grayson and I.

"Hey," he greets us and we return the greeting before he pulls out a blue envelope from his backpack. He extends his hand out to me.

I take it while I say, "are we giving each other birthday cards now?" I tease and rip the envelope open.

"It's from mom," he states. I look up at him as if to see if he's lying. His expression is dead serious.

Grayson's hand rubs my back comfortingly as he watches from over my shoulder as I open the card. The front of the card is a picture of a cartoon romaine lettuce with its hands up. The head of lettuce says "Romaine Calm!"

I chuckle. She always gets me cards with cheesy food puns on them.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

I take a deep breath and open the card. Inside, big printed letters reads, "It's your birthday!" And there's different cartoon lettuces dancing.

The bottom of the card says, "happy 18th birthday, baby. -mom"

My heart sinks. That's it? No "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I realized my love for my son is stronger than my love for religion so please come home, I support you!"

Just a lousy "happy 18th birthday, baby."

"What does it say?" Asks Peter with hopeful eyes.

"Not enough," Grayson mutters discouraged- his blue eyes disappointed for my sake- and he wraps an arm around me to walk us to the parking lot.

"Oh," Petter's voice is dejected from behind us. A pause before he shouts "hey!" He catches up to us. "Mom asked me to ask you to come over."

"Really?" I question as we walk out a side door that leads to the pavement filled with dispersing cars. We wait for a truck with big wheels to drive past before crossing to Grayson's car.

"Yeah. I can drive you home then to Grayson's later," my brother offers. His face is begging me and I know he misses me. I miss him too.

I hesitate, looking at Grayson to make the decision for me. He doesn't of course and shrugs, "If you feel that you want to see her and you want to go back home, then that's your choice. But don't go for your brother's sake or your mother's. Go for you."

I smile, placing my hand on his cheek and press my lips to his.

Now I'm waiting for my brother to unlock the front door of my previous home, anxiously.

I text Grayson: AHHH why am I so nervous to see my mother??!!

He doesn't respond but he reads it which I think is odd. He always responds.

My thoughts of Grayson are pulled away when the front door swings open and I follow Peter inside.

My mother, who I haven't seen or spoken to in two weeks, sits anxiously on the couch when I walk in. She stands up when she sees me.

"Reeeeid!" my little sister exclaims before I could speak to my mother.

I scoop her up into my arms and hug her tight. "Hey Ang."

"You're back! Where were youuu?"

"Uh," I set her down, but squat to be at her eye level. I glance at mom for a second before saying to Angie, "I've just been... away." And I keep it at that. "But I'm going to talk to mom about," I whisper the next part. "Grown up stuff," I tell her like it's the most boring topic.

"Eeew," she scrunches up her nose in disgust.

"Honey, could you go upstairs so I can talk to your brother," says our mom.

"Can we watch a movie tonight?" Angie asks with those big Bambi eyes of hers.

"Clean up all your toys in your room and we can."

Angies races to her room.

After a pause, my mom and I face each other. "Hey mom," I greet softly and walk towards her.

"Hey, sweetheart," she pulls me into a hug. I wonder if she can feel my heart racing.

My mom doesn't look as put together like she normally does. She looks stressed and like she hasn't slept. The thought that me leaving is the cause of her insomnia kind of makes me feel good. My mother kicked me out of the house, she should feel guilty.

But I also hate when my mom's upset, so now I feel guilty. Ugh, emotions.

When I don't hug her back, she pulls away from me. Her eyes look sad but she gives me a small smile. "How have you been, sweetheart?"

How have I been? What a dumb-fuck question. "Probably as well as you. Are you not sleeping?"

Peter is watching our exchange, cautiously.

She folds some hair behind her ear that had fell loose from her messy bun. She looks a little embarrassed as she tugs down her shirt. "I've just... I'm worried about you, baby." Her hand is gently on my chin, "have you been eating?"

I step out of her touch, no longer nervous. Instead, anger spreads through my body like a plague. But when I'm angry I cry and I can already feel the tears welling up. "Why haven't you called if you're so worried? Not even a text message?"

"I know, baby, I'm sorry. This- this has been really hard for me, I'm trying."

"Trying? What, with the blank happy birthday card? And do you know how hard these past few weeks have been for me? Do you even know what happened at school?! I was humiliated! In front of the whole fucking school! And I come home, wanting- needing the comfort of my mother and you kick me out."

I'm crying now. And mom's crying. And Peter is looking away, swiping a hand under his eyes.

"Don't tell me it's been hard for you when it's been excruciating for me!"

My mother's arms are around me once more "I'm sorry," she keeps repeating through tears.

I exhale, feeling weightless as I hug her back. I don't want to hug her, she doesn't deserve it, but I need her. I need my mother and hugging her right now lessens the pain I've been drowning in for weeks.

We both calm down and release each other. Her thumbs wipe my tears. I step back from her. The hug is all she gets for now. "Where's dad?" I ask, walking towards the tv room.

My mom follows and we sit down on the couch. "He's at work. I... I didn't tell him you were coming over. He's just not ready."

I don't respond.

"Where have you been staying?" She asks.

"Grayson's house."

"Oh." Her expression is uncomfortable. "That... friend of yours."

I scoff and shake my head. She knows damn well who Grayson is to me. "I'm leaving," I stand up.

"No," Peter rushes out.

My mother's hand is on my wrist, "No," she says with just as much panic in her voice as Peter's. "I'm sorry. He's your... boyfriend." She has to swallow her pride to say that word. "I- I know that. I'm sorry."

I sigh and sit back down. Grayson would be disappointed in me because I sat for Peter and my mother's sake. I want to leave.

"How... how is that going?" She asks. She doesn't want an actual answer, I'm sure.

"Good," I tell her and that's all I'm going to speak on that subject with her.

"That's good," she swallows more pride. "And school?"

I shrug, "good, I guess."

"Come back home."

I'm caught off guard by her words, but I shake my head. "Not until dad can actually talk to me and let's face it, that'll never happen."

"I'm sorry, I'll talk to him," my mother insists, but that won't do anything.

I sigh. "Thank you for the card," I tell her and stand up.

"Reid-"

"I'll come over tomorrow or something," I say. "I just wanna go home."

"This is your home."

I don't don't say anything to that, instead, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay," her and Peter follow me to the door. "Um, have a good night," she tells me as I walk out.

But she doesn't say 'I love you.'

"Mom will talk to dad, and so will I," Peter tells me from the window of the driver's seat that once belonged to me. We're parked outside of my boyfriend's home.

"Sure," I say, trying not to roll me eyes. Peter's just trying to help and I'm grateful, but I also know it's useless. "I'll see you at school. Tell Angie 'goodnight' for me."

He nods and says "see ya'" before driving away.

I sigh and head to the house. Grayson gave me a copy of the house key last week, so I don't have to text or call him to open the door for me.

Inside, I set my backpack down on the ground before heading upstairs. I just want to be in Grayson's arms and watch a movie or anything that'll take my mind off my family.

I open the door, thinking about all the ways Grayson could distract me.

"It didn't go horrible," I start to say as I walk into the room. "but also not gre-" I cut myself off when I see Grayson standing in the middle of the room with a guy standing in front of him.

The boy looks familiar, but I can't pinpoint it. But he has his hands on my boyfriend's waist.

"What the fuck?"

🎃👻

😘