I thought I knew the true form of frustration.

But I was wrong.

So wrong.

From an outside view, I laid peacefully against the furs in my chambers, my eyes shut and breaths shallow. I looked as though in a deep sleep.

But, nei, inside I felt as though I was thrashing about, unable to break free of the weight upon my chest. A thick, almost suffocating blanket that I cannot move aside, as it spread like a weight along my belly and upward toward my throat. The insides of my throat felt like I stuck a welding brand there and let it scorch my inner flesh. My belly had stopped aching long ago, only a tinge of nausea hit me from time to time. My eyes refused to open, as much as I tried, my body nearly vibrating with the effort to do a task that once seemed so effortless but now a heavy challenge.

I wanted to cry out in frustration. But I remained frozen in this unfamiliar state, my lips unmoving.

My head throbbed with the amount of energy I forced onto my body to show myself that I am alive, to show others that I was ready to wake. I inwardly groaned, wishing so badly that it was aloud. I could not even make my fingertips twitch.

What was happening to me? Why can I not make a simple limb move?

I was trapped, alive, but unresponsive to the world around me.

I could still feel the furs around me, a single comfort as I inwardly struggled to wake up. A warm hand caressed my face, trailing from my hairline down to my chin and up again. I wanted to lean into the touch, knowing exactly who it was. But my head would not move.

A low rumble suddenly pierced my ears, making me flinch at the sudden high volume. The silence was what I was used to and now the new sound made my ears ache.

The rumble ceased immediately, and I relaxed as the silence continued once more. I was not sure how long I stayed in this state of numbing blackness, but I yearned to wake and be released from the paralyzing blanket of black. I wished to open my eyes and move around, not tied down to my bed as I slowly began to acquire my lost senses.

The rumble started again and I did not flinch this time. It began to become clearer and the sounds morphed into softly spoken words as Aderick's low voice gently wavered in the air. He was to my right, I assumed on a chair of some sort next to the bed. He was speaking to a person with a light, melodic tone - one that was familiar and slowly developed into the harsh words of Ingrid.

"'Tis your fault she is in this position, Ade! She stormed in here beyond upset and began downing cups of ale! You know that ale is not something she chugs like a man, but sips on. She rarely drinks it! Whatever you did or said, you need to apologize once she wakes up. If she..." Ingrid trailed off, leaving out the negative possibility in the air.

Aderick growled, his touch on my face vanished as he responded to his younger sibling. "Do not say that. She shall be fine, Ingrid. Our healer said the poisonous herb was out of her system and we simply have to wait for her to wake. Do not say she will not wake up. She has to," His rough tone faltered to a broken whisper.

I wanted to reach out to comfort him, but I did not have control of my body. My hearing was back, thank the gods, yet I wished to open my eyes and be able to respond.

Truth be told, it was partially his fault that I was in this position. 'Twas also my fault to turning to drink away my anger instead of facing the problem itself; him. We were both at fault, yet I was punished for my rash action. What I had thought for us to be taking forward steps in our blooming relationship crashed as I realized there was no trust between us. He did not trust me enough to tell me what was happening with Marit and the stranger from the mountain. His need to protect me was admirable, but I desired to stop being kept in the dark about everything. Perchance he was not used to telling someone like me was what was happening, but I wanted that to change - I wanted us to change.

Aside from love and having a connection, what else was there to build a lasting relationship on? Those qualities only lasted so long, and without trusting one another Aderick and I would fall apart. I knew we would.

And I could not handle it mentally if that happened.

A small sigh escaped my frozen lips, making the others in the room freeze.

"Britta, min kjære, can you hear me? Move your fingers, something to tell me you can understand me," He pleaded, hope lacing itself thickly in his voice.

Soaking in the hope that was clear in Aderick's tone as inner strength, I forced all of my energy on my lips and eyes, pouring all I could into make my lids and mouth open. A low groan left me as I struggled to open my heavy eyes, but finally, after numerous breaths, the hoods covering my eyes cracked open. Lashes fluttering, my gaze focused on the face that hovered over my own. A large relieved smile erupted on his face, that long pale scar of his contorting as he grinned. Leaning down, he pressed a gentle kiss upon my brow as his large calloused hands grasped my cheeks.

His adoring gaze turned sharp as he glanced behind him where Ingrid stood wringing her hands and gnawing on her bottom lip. "Leave us," he barked out.

Her eyes narrowed at his tone but complied with his request. She sent me a smile before quietly exiting our bedchambers.

"How are you feeling?"

I cleared my throat and flinched at the raw pain that rolled slowly down like knives scraping down my gullet.

"Vann," I croaked out.

Nodding his head quickly, he pulled away and reached to pour a goblet of water from the pitcher beside the bed. After filling the cup and handing it to me, I gingerly sat up and greedily drank the liquid before asking for another.

Once I finished off the second cup, Aderick placed the empty goblet on the ground before sitting on the edge of the bed. He stared hard at me, studying my newly awaken form, silence spreading throughout the room before his rough voice hit my ears.

"I thought I was going to lose you. I do not want to go through that again. I refuse to." His dark eyes almost seemed to glaze over with an overload of emotions.

"How long was I asleep?" I resisted to wince at the dull pain, but the cool liquid helped soothe the fire that was in my throat.

"Almost two sunrises."

My jaw nearly dropped. Nearly two sunrises? What did I digest that made me slip into an unconscious state for so long?

Aderick seemed to read my mind, already a steps ahead of me. "Someone slipped a poisonous herb into the ale that was delivered to our chambers. 'Tis only found in our mountains, in a small cave where it grows abundantly. Few people know where that cave is. Meaning, the person who mixed it knew exactly where to find it and knew what would happen to you. Not only you but the others that were in the chambers at that time. My guess is that you were the intended victim, and they succeeded. If the healer was not in our manor at that time and did not treat you sooner, I could have lost you forever." As he spoke, his palms encompassed my own, warming my chilled flesh, his thumbs rubbing against my knuckles.

My chin trembled and I looked away from his face, a slow gather of wetness on my eyes as I remembered everything that happened before I stormed into our chambers not long ago. "I remember being so angry with you," I whispered.

"Britta, I-"

"No!" I whispered hoarsely, fire suddenly lacing my blood, "You do not trust me! You shut me out when I think we are getting closer. You may believe that you are protecting me, but you are only making it worse keeping me in the dark. Marit is gone and that man is on the loose, and I am scared."

His eyes widened at my vulnerable words, but I was on a roll, and I refused to stop.

"I am scared, Aderick. I am scared that this man who tried to rape me will come and take me away, that I shall never see you again. I am terrified to lose you, Ingrid, and everyone else that I have met here. I do not want to die, for either of us to die like Eir predicted. Not telling me anything only worsens my fears, Aderick," I finished, unable to stop the river of tears leaving my eyes and rolling down my face to splash on the furs pooled around my waist.

A low sob wracked my shift-covered body, making my aching body shake. Aderick curled me deep into his arms, pulling me onto his lap, murmuring soothing words to make me calm down. I clutched onto his tunic like a lifeline, like he was the only one that could save me from drowning in the dark fear within me. And truly he was the only one that could ease my fears - if he would only trust me.

"I am sorry, Britta. I truly am. I am sorry I put you in this position. My foolishness nearly killed you and I shall forever live with that guilt. No more secrets, no more lies. I shall try my best to keep you informed from now on, ja? I shall keep you safe, no matter what. No matter what."

"Promise?"

He pulled me away from his chest to look me in the eye. "Ja, I promise."

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, slowing breathing in his addicting smell of woods and soap. I could lay in his strong comforting arms all day if I were able to, just listening to his heartbeat and keeping my nose buried in his neck, inhaling his manly aroma. I closed my eyes and thanked the gods for giving me a second chance. My body functions were finally back, my senses in full force once more and I was grateful.

He pressed a kiss against my temple and I basked in the presence of the man who held me like I was the most precious thing bestowed to him by the gods. After a time of comfortable silence, Aderick pulled away from me before murmuring, "You need to eat to begin gaining your strength back."

I only nodded. He got off the bed to walk over to the table by the crackling fire and snagged a piece of bread and fruit off of a tray. As he lumbered over back towards the bed, I noticed the purple half-moons under his eyes and the wrinkled clothes that he wore. Pieces of his long black hair had escaped its banded hold against his neck, making him look wild and rugged. But that familiar pool of want curled in my belly as I soaked in the sight of the man who I was falling for. I quickly shoved down the urge to attack him with kisses as my body began to become weary and tired.

He handed the portions to me as he sat back down on the furs. As soon as I consumed the food and another cup of water, my lids were growing heavy much to my reluctance. I fought to stay awake to talk to Aderick, but once he realized how close to sleep I was, he simply tucked me back under the furs before kissing my lips gently.

"Rest, Britta. I shall be right here."

And with that, my lids shut and I fell asleep.

*.*.*

The next morning, I was being gently tugged by Aderick within the busy corridor to the main hall of the manor. He kept looking back towards me to make sure I was not tired, even though I slept deeply throughout the night, not moving at all. Aderick once told me I slept like the dead, as I was such a heavy sleeper.

"Why are you taking me to the food hall?"

The smirk that made my insides turn to mush graced his face as he said, "I have to show you something. Come," His pace quickened and a giggle spilled from my lips at the apprehensive excitement on his face.

As we crossed the threshold together, Aderick turned and carefully placed me in front of him, his hands on my covered shoulders with my back facing the large doors. His hands slid down to my hands where he held them to his chest. The caution in his eyes threw me off, he was rarely like this. A frown furrowed my brow as confusion filled me.

What was going on? Why was he acting so odd?

He let out a deep breath, almost fidgeting before me, those black eyes flashing with nerves.

"Aderick? What is going on?"

He swallowed before he opened his mouth. "I know we still have some time before the wedding, but I wanted to give you your gift now. I could not wait any longer. 'Tis not the typical gift a man gives to his bride, but I believed you would treasure this above any other riches or fabrics I could give you."

I shook my head, still confused. "What do you mean? I do not have anything to give back to you, everything I owned was engulfed by the fire that destroyed my home," I said slowly, suddenly saddened at the realization. 'Twas custom for a bride to give arms or something of the like to her future husband, yet I had nothing.

I had not an idea how or where my Papa and brothers had passed in the raid, only knowing that they were dead. To be able to recover their weapons to eventually give to Aderick was impossible. Were there any remains left of my home? I shut that thought down quickly, not wanting to know the complete devastation. I was empty-handed in an age old tradition of the Norse people.

My head fell in sudden embarrassment and shame. I knew 'twas not my fault and was out of my hands, yet the guilt was still blooming in my chest.

Aderick gave a low cough, bringing my eyes upward to his. A glint reached those sable orbs that nearly sucked me into their depths. "Not quite," He whispered quietly, nodding behind me.

Frowning as bewilderment continued unfolding in my gut, I slowly turned around to face whomever it was. A harsh sob left me as I realized 'twas Balder and Ragnar holding three individual swords, their long shiny lengths glistening in the soft candle light. I immediately recognized the intricately designed handles and blades, the familiar inscriptions decorating the sharp blades.

How could this be? I whirled around to look at Aderick with astonishment, a soft smile on his face. Not the trademark smirk that I was accustomed to, but a genuine smile that made his eyes shine and scar twist.

Footsteps descended closer to where we stood and I faced the two men once again.

"Is t-that-" I pointed a shaking hand towards them, barely able to speak over the immense emotions clogging my voice. The two nodded their heads and I covered my mouth with a hand.

I could barely breathe as it dawned on me the swords in Balder and Ragnar's grasp were my Pappa's and brother's. How was this possible? I began crying in earnest as I reached out and grasped the cool metal of my family's handcrafted weapons that was passed down in our family. Taking them from Ragnar and Balder, I carefully set them down, collapsing to my knees next to them as I traced the design on the handle of Kare's broadsword, the sight oddly comforting. I never wanted to let them go, knowing that this was the last thing that they had touched before they passed.

This was all I had left of my family. Three lone weapons that represented everything I have ever known.

A warm hand brushed the damp curls away from my face and lightly cupped my cheek. Small sobs escaped as I continued to lay there on the ground, curled up to the weapons of my deceased family. He did not say a word, knowing how much I needed this moment to reconnect with my lost family.

Tearing my gaze away from the shiny metal, I met his. "How?" My soft whisper was for his ears only.

He shook his head slightly, his eyes never leaving mine. "By chance, kjæreste. I sent a few of my men south to scout out your home and they came back with these. They have been in my care not long, but I wanted to give them to you. I know you needed this," He licked his lips nervously.

Without warning, I jumped up from my position on the ground, careful of the weapons next to me and attacked Aderick, wrapping myself around him. My sudden attack made him fall back, making us end up on the ground, him taking the impact with a low grunt. I grasped his facial hair covered jaw within my small hands as I gazed down at his surprised gaze that morphed into something hot. My hips pinned his down as my legs straddled his waist, my dark skirts a pool around us. As I peered down into his swirling eyes, the overwhelming feeling of love spread throughout my body in such a way that I closed my eyes briefly to absorb the comprehension of my feelings towards this man.

Softly pressing my lips against his, I pulled away just enough to stare deeply into his eyes to whisper the words that replayed in my mind over and over.

"I love you."

🤗😉

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